Marshall you are such a freaking bully

Who raised you?? ....oh yea.

I took this picture minutes ago. Marshall was being super stir crazy tonight and meowing to get in and out over and over again so I let Kiki in to uh... play with him. Marshall does quiet down when Kiki is there but I realized it's because he's tormenting him.

Kiki is not a fighter like Sully or Marlow. He won't attack back at all so it's pathetic when I see my cat jump on top of him and bite his neck when he's trying to make his way to Marshall's food dish. And he'll do it over and over until finally he goes into my room and hides out. Its even sadder because Kiki isn't even aiming for the food in the bowl anymore. He eats the food dropped outside of the bowl just to not piss Marshall off. Simply put my cat can be quite an asshole.

I'm trying to blog this from my phone right now. Today wasnt a bad day, just had a lot on my mind. I realize that regardless of the fact that I am extremely diligent and hardworking at school my ability to seek out opportunities for myself and network around for jobs is pitiful. Its almost like I have to be told to do something, either from someone in authority or my mind telling me if I dont practice guitar I wont ever get better to actually do it. Drawing is something I do more out of pleasure at this point but still part of me makes it a job to keep my page updated with new pictures..

Then I think of all the time I waste on Facebook. I need to start making finding a job a priority over everything. This Thursday I plan to update and turn in my resume to a couple places around ellensburg and this weekend I plan to revise some of my old assignments to upload onto LinkedIn. At least even with my lack of work experience if I can have something to show for how hard of a worker I am aside from my grades than that's something.

Uhm let's see, this week is my last official week of classes. Next week is finals and like always I've got a shit ton of work to do including a case study for my finance class. If I do well on that, that'll be something else I can post to my LinkedIn. Yup fun stuff ....

Peace.

Breaking up sucks. Independence.

I've had to make some rather difficult decisions the passed couple days.

First of all, I need to find a job. If I can help it I'd like to live in this apartment as long as possible and that's not gonna happen if I don't find work. I'm going to do everything I can to not have to move back in with my parents after I graduate. I need to continue to apply for career opportunities (or start again, haven't done much of anything since late January because I've been preoccupied) but also try to find a part time job in town to make some extra cash. That way I won't have to ask my parents anymore and it'll be my first step toward real independence.

Secondly, in order to face my emotions head on, I had to break up with Travis. I had to stop using him as a crutch whenever I feel stressed or overwhelmed. I will always love him for being there for me and making me realize I can be loved. He found me at a time my life was spiraling out of control and my depression had reached an all time high for 2014. He helped me recover and find strength again, even while I quit marijuana cold turkey which was extremely difficult.

I have to learn to be strong on my own, even while abstaining from alcohol and not smoking completely. It still sucks not being able to smoke but I know it's for the best, especially considering I'm starting my job hunt tomorrow.

Third, I need to start taking better care of myself. Try to go to the gym every weekday that I'm not swamped with homework. I need to start getting a better night sleep which will help my stress a lot because I will not feel tempted to nap during the day. Napping makes me depressed because I feel like I've wasted a chunk of my day that I could be studying or bettering myself at the guitar. I need to make more time for the guitar again. I haven't uploaded any videos of me playing in such a long time and that bothers me because it makes me feel like anyone from an outside perspective would think I gave it up when I've continued to get better. Granted I don't practice nearly as much as I used to but every day that I do practice is a step in the right direction. Every day that I don't drink is also a step in the right direction because even if it's a depressant and makes you feel better temporarily it brings your inhibitions to an all time low and just creates more work for the next day.

I just need to be strong. Focus on what I'm doing here and pursue every opportunity I can. There's no reason that I carry a certain amount of uncertainty and depression at this point when I've made so many strides in the right direction so far this year. I want to make 2015 my most successful year yet.

Suicide Note pt 1 by Pantera. I listened to the Pantera collection at the gym today and it reminded me how much I love them. I've got a new friend named Brian who is going to send me a list of progressive bands he recommends so I'm hoping to expand my damn good metal list soon. 

peace.

Partied like it's 2008

Hello.

It's 10:14 pm and as I sit here writing this I'm being swarmed by fruit flies for who knows what reason. They're probably attracted to the smell of my diet coke or the M&Ms that I'm having for dessert after an awesome tamale dinner that my sister made. Tonight I ate dinner before and after my 3 mile run... lol it's a little progress day in that respect.

I went to a pretty fun party the other day over at Justin's mom's place again. This time it was a pretty different crowd, many of which I hadn't met before. It was a going away party for Lexi who's moving up to Olympia for school soon. She seems like a pretty cool girl-- her girl friends she invited were really pretty; but had all left by the time this picture was taken. The party dragged on really late. I wasn't paying attention to the time and I swear I wasn't in a bed on the floor until 6 am-- crazy!! 

One of Lexi's pretty girl friends was dating a guy named Khai K., a guy I remember being friends with on MySpace and commenting a picture he had posted of Dimebag thinking it was Claudio Sanchez.... As you can imagine it was a roast in response, even stupid bitches that probably couldn't name two songs by Pantera were like "wow ur stupid, its dimebag RIP". Of course I didn't mention the extent that I remembered that interaction on MySpace probably more than 6 years ago.

Today I went into town and delivered a resume to Rue 21 in Kennewick that seemed pretty booked for employees so having Tiffany as a reference wasn't going to help me much. This would have been really discouraging had I not gotten awesome news from Kayla that her boss is considering hiring me if I come to meet him and he likes me. I submitted an application to the Subway she works at earlier and I have a good feeling about it. Tomorrow I am going to meet her manager "Jr" face to face.

Yesterday I was really irritated and depressed when I'd gone to work and asked Brianna if we were getting paid soon and she said that we weren't for another week. I'm almost sure she's wrong.. Like I don't recall getting my check on August 31, but unfortunately because I rarely wrote that month I can't use my blog to recall what I did that day.

I was tempted to call Caesar's today to ask if the checks were there but decided not too. Regardless of being flat out broke cash wise and having no idea how much is in my bank account (it can't be much) I've got enough gas to get me into town tomorrow and to my next shift. I'm hoping Brianna is wrong and I'm stressed out over nothing but if not I'm going to be forced to ask my Dad for money again in the next few days which I'd really like to avoid.

Today I tried again to get a good recording of Aerials but it still sounded muddy. My mom helped me tweak with the amp settings to see which ones sounded best on camera while I was playing and she ended up really liking the "Tweed" sound because it sounds the cleanest-- though seems too twangy sounding for what I'm trying to perform.

I'll show you the attempt I made today that's still not up to my uploading standards as far as sound quality goes. I'm considering trying to dig up the POD out of our shed and try hooking it up to a speaker tomorrow instead of even bothering with the amp anymore because it's clearly not working as well as I want it too:

I have a new crush. I actually thought I might see him today because it was his first day off in awhile but he ended up too exhausted.

peace. 

You gotta get off your ass and work, b.....

Today was alright.

I was super amped when I came to class this morning. Terry, Kevin and I discussed what classes we are all taking and we're going to be together in two. They are taking Public finance next quarter which I already took with Sipic. They're taking it with Ghosh. Taking that class with Sipic was super beneficial because it required us to write a professional paper that could be uploaded on LinkedIn. I've been able to improve my profile on there and it's made applying for jobs easier.

One of the North Korean women sent to stage a picnic date for the Danish performers. 

She looks about my age though has undoubtedly experienced tragedy, fear and starvation like I could never imagine. Because this documentary was made fairly recently (2009) I'd assume she's still alive, but things have gotten so much worse over in the DPRK they're sending practically anyone to the gulags so you don't know. 

After class I spent my afternoon watching Netflix documentaries, one of which being the North Korean documentary "The Red Chapel" that I hadn't seen in awhile (yes, I've seen it on numerous occasions...). It's about two Danish-Korean comedians that team up with a journalist and enter North Korea to learn more about the forbidden state. Like any other foreigner to enter the DPRK they were taken on an over the top tour of the showcase capital city and met with a number of North Koreans in staged situations, one of them being a picnic in the park with about 25 "beautiful ladies" (okay I'm not saying they're not pretty, I'm just saying that's how the North Koreans staged it to the tourists..). 

And that barely even scratches the surface of what bizarre things occur in this country. It's again, a complete tragedy and I still pray for democracy and justice in North Korea. 

Anyway.... 

I just need to stop thinking about my own issues and think about finding a way to make money. 

I applied for a few jobs around campus and plan to do more tomorrow. I couldn't find much on Craigslist or monster.com aside from caregiving jobs, which I did apply for but I'm assuming they'd prefer someone with a CNA certification. I'm a caring, patient person that could handle an assistant living job. Plus Hell my aunt Traci's been doing it for years. 

Tomorrow's thursday which means no class.. I'm planning to play a lot of guitar, study, go the gym, guitar lesson, clean bathroom, apply for more jobs....

Night.

peace. 

You must be hovering over yourself

Look at these BEAUTIFUL nails....

Ha ha, remembered to buy some sparkly nailpolish the last time I went to Fred Meyer I believe. This is just cheap Sinful Colors brand but a few coats and it's just as sparkly and gaudy as any other brand. This nail polish chips differently than other colors, though, in a way that instead of coming off in tiny specks it peels off all at once. So you have these weird sparkle chips the size of your nail bed that come off randomly when you're wearing this, it's unlike many other nail polishes I've tried.

Today was quite a normal Tuesday. I'll probably move that chair in from the living room to do some studying. Carefully, that is... that bamboo chair Kristin has that I've been continually moving has been coming apart a little bit in the middle and it makes me slightly concerned. Figure I've got a month left living with her, the last thing I'd want to do is break her favorite chair.. It's just so nice to study in and I don't want to take up her domain in the living room.

Skipped speech today. For a good reason, too. Had to drop off a resume to another hostess position which I'm really crossing my fingers to get a call back on. The employees there seemed pretty bored at 2:30 so it was a good time to come in. I met a guy named Tyler who seemed to be getting some on the job training when I got there so clearly they've been hiring new people.

I also picked up a couple applications. This whole thing was a big hassle because I had to go back and forth to print things in the library twice, and it was ridiculously cold out. There was a fierce gust out there and the weather seemed to be down in the low 40's.

I did really well on an economics quiz that I did yesterday, got a 91% because Carbaugh added a point to everyone's scale (yesterday I thought I got an 88%). Terry didn't do very well and we haven't talked much this week, probably because he doesn't want me asking what I got on it like he always asks me... Nope not this time. We've got an economics test on Friday or monday on fiscal policy, government spending, and a bunch of stimulus/retraction junk that I'm planning on studying tonight. Sipic just barely posted the homework and the lecture today was super repetitive.

I have to find some stupid seminar to attend for my speech class one of these days so I can finish that review. Then all I have to do is my persuasive speech and that's it for assignments this quarter for that class I believe. I've loved this quarter so far, really. Last spring I was working at Rite aid and taking my last quarter of Japanese at CBC... a lot less stimulating then life is now.

I have been looking into lucid dreaming and meditating on a daily basis lately and I think it's improved my thought clarity. It's a bizarre feeling to meditate, it's a completely altered state of consciousness that cannot be explained unless you experience it for yourself. And once you do meditation becomes a daily ritual because it feels GOOD... like you're floating over your body. 

peace.

School tomorrow. My summer is over already? D:

Wow, I guess you can say I had a pretty damn good summer.

Because it's over. My break where I do whatever I want is over tonight, and I'm slightly relieved. School is tomorrow and I am going to start summer quarter full force.

..Because it's serious business now. I GOT INTO CENTRAL. Yes, I got a message from them, and I was ACCEPTED without them even getting my transcripts. I mean, I doubt they did, considering I sent it to them only a few days before I got the message in the mail saying I got in. Regardless, I'm very happy. And the best part is, my mom is going to let me study abroad for my Japanese minor. I'm probably going to major in Public Relations (well, this is new) and everything is going as planned. It's so exciting.

But in order for this all to work I HAVE TO PASS MATH 95. There is no choice now, I have to do it. I know how Zhang teaches now, and I know that I can do this if I try my hardest. It's going to be a lot of work, and I need to prove to myself that I can do this. It's going to be hard, but I've got a LOT of time to study and put all the work I can into it.

I am going to periodically apply for jobs, like tomorrow I'm going to apply at Sally's, but I don't know if I'm going to get it or not. My hours available are pretty good, but I have never been in beauty school. But I DO know hair products, very well. It'd be a great place to work, I love retail, hair products and makeup. If I don't get it I am going to continue to apply to small retail stores and hopefully get one eventually. If not, more time to study.

I miss Guy a bit, I hope I see him soon. We still talk periodically via texts but stupid Cory's house has hardly any service so he'll get my txts like hours late, it's frustrating. Eh, I'm sure I'll see him this next week.


OH AND MY HAIR IS BEAUTIFULLY BROWN NOW! my mom did it, I love her.

yours,
Emily