Thursday, December 5, 2013

6 hours is LONG enough, and I'm tired of this game we play

I'm COMPLETELY drained.... Today I had to sacrifice going to my classes for an all day study session for money and banking, which turned into a practically all night section that I'm just finishing (it's 1:28 am).

It's taken me six hours to get where I'm at now and I still feel like I've barely got a hold on the material. This class is so dry and difficult, but I know that if I do good on the test tomorrow it might make it easier to raise my grade with the final. I know that right now I'm sitting on a C in that class, which pisses me off and I've been doing everything I can to raise it (clearly...) but at times it can get so confusing. We've been learning all about the Federal reserve and how it controls the money supply using different tools, mainly open market operations and discount loans to banks. Having to try to figure out why the interest rates are the way they are and how it affects bank lending is SUPER interesting too! Not. God this class has been icky.

I had a quiz in managerial yesterday that I think I did reasonably well on. Terry was driving me nuts yesterday. I showed up wearing earplugs because I wanted to focus. He asked me why I was wearing them and I said that it keeps my ears warm when I'm biking (also true). "You know you can get earmuffs for that." Okkkkay Terry you're so smart.

Then he goes on to tell me how "high" I seemed. "You're so high... Oh my God your eyes are all bloodshot. How much did you smoke? Like four bowls?" Honestly I hadn't smoked any more than usual and my eyes were NOT bloodshot, but I was tired and didn't feel like talking or even making eye contact with him. I'd been studying for the test for the last two hours and felt a reasonably confident but Terry has a way of making me feel insecure and sick when taunts me before a test like he tends to do.

He says that he does this because he enjoys messing with me and I shouldn't take what he says so seriously. AND granted I do this to him a lot too but he's so full of himself that almost everything that I say is automatically shut down as invalid then he just goes on about my faults. Granted yes, Terry is athletic, attractive, smart, his family's rich, he can get with pretty much any girl he wants.. He was dealt a good card in life and hasn't had much to worry about. But he's not perfect and life eventually slaps everyone in the face.

.... I guess what I'm saying is I've come to realize he's become more of a burden than someone that helps me at this point. I know I'm going to be in his class next quarter in maybe even two  of my classes but I've decided to not sit by him this time if it comes to that. I'm going to sit in the front row (out of sight out of mind), probably have to deal with jealously that will come with the fact that he'll sit next to another girl. We will probably still text eachother our test scores which can keep some of that competitive aspect, but sitting by him has made it increasingly difficult to concentrate and I know I need to do this for my own sake....

This might help me also meet some new people in my classes. It's sucked not having a crush here for this long.


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