Monday, August 19, 2013

Mind won't let this go yet apparently....

People at work keep talking about the fair that starts tomorrow....

Looks like there's no fair for me again this year. Originally I thought I was but because Jay's stopped talking to me, well...... Kinbri S. (who's ironically friends with Jay) invited me to go with her group. In any other time I'd be happy to go but in this case I can't because it'll remind me too much of my disappointing situation this month. Kinbri's boyfriend is also friends with a lot of Jay's friends. I just don't want anything to remind me of what has happened, it's really hurt me and has left me waiting for some sort of answer.

But do I really need one? I texted him yesterday like "Okay I feel like I'm the only one making effort to communicate..." and this was right after he'd basically accused me of being passive toward him for hanging out with another girl. Well after not talking for 4 days what do you expect? He doesn't even have the respect for me to say "Hey Emily sorry I'm not really interested..." or whatever is going through his head about me. By the looks of it he's choosing to handle this by just ignoring me.

So yeah it's been hard. I've just been trying to put it out of my head as much as possible. Jay was just someone I always really liked-- like he's the only person that I could say has held my interest as long as Jack did.. so being treated like this by him when Jack did the same thing earlier this summer.... ughh it's just gross. Anti-depressents keep me from getting too sad about this kind of thing but anytime this thought crosses my mind it makes me feel down.


Tonight I'm going to practice a lot, sew on the rest of that metallica patch, and probably sleep early. Tomorrow I've got a stupid shift from 3-11-- which originally I thought was 6-11.... nope! I feel there's really nothing for me to look forward to this summer aside from work and loneliness and I'd rather just start school again. My job continues to be really annoying and doesn't change much from a day to day basis and I want to begin really enriching my brain again. 


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