Today was alright.
I have felt kind of down the past couple of days because I feel like Jay and I are totally done. The fact that he has made zero communication with me for the last four days and two facebook statuses about impressing girls and getting their numbers... I feel like I haven't been on his mind lately and I should give this up by just backing away instead of asking questions. Last night I sent him a text-- totally casual: hope work is going well, goodnight. No response from him what so ever today.
So there you go. Thought things were going well there but it seems like he's changed his mind and is just biting his time to tell me. I've decided to not ask questions anymore. If he's decided that he doesn't want to talk anymore then it's just back to square one again. Lol I've been on square one for years and this shit seems to happen to me over and over again, even as I've matured and better understand myself as a person now more than ever.
Granted Jay has made no direct indication that he is no longer interested in communicating with me, so there is still that. But still, four days is a long time... and the last time I did get a response from him wasn't good. I really don't want to think about this which is why I'm talking about it here.
You guys might not realize this but Shavo Odadjian is a camwhore.
Thank God for metal, that's all I'm going to say.
Jacob and I had a really good today because he's making me realize that I need to approach practicing differently. I need to be taking smaller sections of measures and practicing it over and over and over again until it's spot on instead of trying to blow through a whole page. I want to know this piece by the 31st soo bad and time is running out quickly.
Tomorrow I have a day off which I imagine I will spend mostly practicing. I also have to run a few errands-- you know, payday. Tomorrow Jenee H. is also having a going away pool party so I'm excited for that. I'm just going to try not to be depressed about this because I'm so tired of feeling this way. My heart is just an empty hole that becomes more numb the more obsessed I become with music and the harder I work. The only time I ever open myself up to anyone I've been treated like shit so what would you expect.