Sunday, November 17, 2013

Want to punch a hole through a wall

God I've felt so unmotivated on the guitar lately.

It's like I'm dying to play but I can't because I have no idea what I'm going to play. There's so much out there but I have zero inspiration coming from anywhere because I have to find something that will adequately showcase my skills but also be appropriate for what I need to do with it. I've got a Christmas recital coming up in four weeks.. Something I was really looking forward to until just recently because I'm doubting what the Hell I'm doing. After months of practicing Master of puppets, no questions asked, and having been suggested to learn this for the recital... here it is late November and Jake tells me that won't work because everyone is playing Christmas songs and it'd be kind of inappropriate for me to "metal out" the Christmas concert.

That makes sense... But now I'm so angry with myself because I feel like I've wasted time learning this... Granted no time practiced on the guitar is wasted time but I really wanted to do something awesome for this recital and at this point the plan is that I'm going to play the solo from master of puppets-- which I know about half of right now and barely even want to practice it because I feel so pissed about the circumstances and still don't know exactly how it should sound. I've had issues getting instruction on this via skype so maybe I should look on Youtube. The solo is only like a minute long.. I'm afraid that I'm going to get nervous and speed through it.

I need to figure something out fast or I'm not going to be able to play in the Christmas recital. I feel like the guitar was once so important to me but now I feel like crying because I've lost my motivation and direction....

It's 6:13 pm. In two days I have a test in managerial but I've still did a couple hours of studying for my other classes today as well. This weekend I've probably done a total of about six hours and redid my resume which was a plus. However I still haven't started anything on my policy analysis and that's starting to put a lot of stress on my shoulders because I keep on putting it off and putting it off.

So tonight to make myself happier then what I'm feeling right now I'm going to do the following:

-Study managerial for 2 more hours at my kitchen table-- Chapters 4 and 13.

-WORK ON POLICY ANALYSIS... Just start the damn thing, ugh! Why has this been so hard for me to start? Why do I dread writing papers so much?

-Practice my guitar for a solid hour. I don't care on what.. Hopefully Jake will get back to me soon and help me figure out what I'm going to do with myself because right now I just feel like quitting. I don't want to play master of puppets and everything else that I've got printed out and downloaded is shit. What am I going to play, what am I going to play.... 

I just feel like I'm going crazy right now and want to punch something... There's so much I need to do before it's too late. 


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