Tonight I got together with Katharine and the subject of my sleeping problem when I'm with a guy (where I feel like I'm going to barf) came up. Because we realised that I've never thrown up when it's just me and Katelynn, or me and her.. But for some odd reason, in the times that I've slept (as in physically slept) next to a guy since the beginning of 2011, I've almost always thrown up either before, or during spending time with him when I'm trying to sleep. We then came to a realization. What happened at the beginning of 2011.
Michael Kaminski. And ever since then, I have literally had post traumatic stress disorder about sleeping with guys! Even if the mood is totally relaxed, ever since then I've had such awful feelings about it because of the week long saga of my family being mad at me and having to deal with an extremely loud, obnoxious and rude man. Just talking about it with Katharine tonight made me sick. The same gut renching feeling that I got when I was with Guy last.
It's so messed up, but at least I know what the feeling is from now. I now know that I won't have this problem when I have to move out or sleep elsewhere if it's just with friends or something. So that's a bit relieving. Still, I really wish this would stop.. I know I will grow out of it in time.
Something has been bothering me, but I am not going to talk about it on here. I don't know if it will make me calmer getting my words out here or not; I think it will probably just make the feeling worse.
Today was my first day of classes and all I can say is WOW, math 95 is a WHOLE different ballpark than 96. I think I can do it though if I try very hard. It's in reach, ya know? I just need to focus on school, get my work done, etc etc... Tomorrow I'm only going to have one class, yippee.
yours,
Emily
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