I hate money. . . God, what am I going to do.

My dad just accused me of overdrawing my account by $300, which is complete bullshit because I've been keeping really good track of my finances and he acts like I'm out spending money on whatever the fuck I want every day. Like I'm "taking advantage" of the card and PURPOSEFULLY going out of my way to go into the credit line. You know, just to piss him off.

Let me tell you a little about my money situation....

I earn a little money from ebay each month. I don't know how much I am going to make from month to month so I just put in practically all money that I get so I have a little income and can buy what I want/need every so often as well as save. I am cheap as FUCK. I haven't bought clothes for myself in over a year. My Dad told me last night "You have money, why don't you go buy yourself some shorts?" Wow, contradictory much? I didn't. I have two pairs of shorts, both of which are from Value Village last year. I really would like to buy some NEW shorts but I don't because I don't want my dad to get mad at me for spending too much money and I'm trying so hard to save. Honestly, the only spending that I do that is actually for enjoying myself is when me and Katelynn go out to sushi once every couple weeks, which usually costs me about $10-$13.

Most of my money goes to gasoline.  My parents think they've been the only ones spending money on gasoline but I continually have to buy it going back and forth to pasco every day. This adds up. I spend about $20 on it a week since the gas price inflation.

I am cheap. I am one of the cheapest people you will ever know because I DREAD getting lectured by my dad on money. It gives me panic attacks because he and my mom were always fighting when I was a kid about my mom cutting into the credit line. When he came in with his papers and starts telling me that I "not only" spent the money that he paid me back for the tuition but ALSO cut into the credit line $200, I literally began going into hysterics and told him to get the fuck out.

I've put away about $300... so my dad said I have $350 in the bank right now. That transaction for the costume probably didn't go through yet so I have about $300. I'm not planning on spending any money, if possible, this next week unless it's on gasoline. I'm planning on also avoiding driving or having a social life because that costs money too.

That being said, this is going to be a really lame week. I'm going to spend a lot of time playing the bass and messing with sculpty clay. Probably get together with Katelynn a couple times, but I'm not going to smoke weed because that costs money, too (I bought $10 worth recently and felt a little sick that I did it...).

There are things that I would like to buy, such as:

- A new computer that won't overheat on me that I can actually rely on not dying on me in the middle of my work.

-Some new summer clothes. Not that much, just some shorts and a skirt or something. I really just don't have anything and have just been wearing a lot of athletic clothes..

-Some new foundation. Unfortunately, this probably isn't going to happen anytime soon. I want to buy MAC because it's really the only one that works for me with my oily skin... but they're foundation are about $19 a bottle and the trip over there costs money so it ends up being a $40-$50 trip into town.

My dad doesn't understand my major problems with money because of what I went through when I was a kid. My mom used to be afraid of my dad yelling at her so she'd hide things, and then when my dad would see the credit statement he would freak out and scream for hours on end. It makes me feel so sick inside.

 I wish I could get a job but I always spend too much time with school and it'd be really hard for me to find a job right now with unemployment being so high. I refuse to work fast food... and it still pisses me off that my sister has a job at the pizza place in town because my mom recommended HER instead of me even though my sister doesn't even have to pay for gas or anything and I am constantly having to bug my parents about it because my life is so fucking expensive lately.

It makes me sick. I'm so excited to move out of here and SOMEDAY hopefully be able to put some money away. Probably won't be better at all at a university when I'm racking up lovely student loans.

That's another thing. I'm at CBC to save my parents a shit pot of money, and promissed myself and them that I would get my AA before transfering. Now that I'm almost done with this, I have been talking to my parents about potential colleges and they're set on Central because it's the cheapest and closest to home. I, personally, was considering Humboldt but my mom basically said "You won't go there" because of the out of state tuition..... I am hesitant about Central because in Ellensburg it's so depressing, there doesn't seem to be anything going on. I'd rather go someplace closer to Seattle. I really want it to be the first time in my life that I'm happy. But I have been telling myself this practically every year of my life... Things will be better next year. I admit, they have been significantly better now that I'm out of highschool, but my home life is a constant burden-- I just don't feel like I "connect" with my mom anymore, can't stand my sister most of the time, and I just feel like my Dad thinks I think of him as an ATM. I appreciate them not kicking me out, even though they probably rightfully should with the way that I've been acting around here.

yours,

Emily

Drop C tuning and oral exams.

guess what I figured out?!?!

Shavo's tuning. Finally. I figured out how to tune my bass to drop C... carefully. I've been playing bass like a madman because I'm so stoked to finally be able to try playing Shavo's basslines. It's exciting. Right now I'm learning Darts. Not really my favorite song, but the bass is relatively simple, but really fast so it is good practice. My goal is to be good enough to play with Robert Mosley at some point. AND to be able to play along with the songs at normal speed. Right now, with this song that I'm learning, I'm at 75% speed that I can play along with, but it's that extra 25% that makes it so difficult. I'll get it if I keep trying.

Tomorrow are the Japanese oral exams, which is one of my two finals. Leah and Michael got 100%, Marisa and Andrew got 100%, there's no reason in hell that me and Hannah won't get 100% too. Tomorrow I'm going to go into school extra early to practice. Once that is over, I will have successfully completed my first year of Japanese! Be proud of me. hahaha. I'm proud of me... I've learned so much this year.

The only real concern for me right now is my jogging class... My teacher hasn't posted my grades for any of the assignments I've submitted except for like... a few, not even enough to get me a 1.0 in there. I've submitted everything to stupid Angel. I swear to god if I get an F on my report card on some stupid 2 credit P.E. class I'm going to strangle someone. I hate the stupid Angel software, it makes it such a guessing game. I messaged the teacher yesterday, and I've got no response to this point. I have read that syllabus a bunch of times to make sure I was doing everything correctly. I put a lot of work into it and there's no reason why I should fail it. Like, only one of my running logs that I've submitted has entered the gradebook. It freaks me the hell out. One fail on my report card could mean a whole extra quarter at CBC... over this? Nitemare. Hopefully not, lets hope for the best and that this teacher simply hasn't posted the grades yet for some reason. Fuck, but he better respond to me soon, it's starting to stress me out hella bad.

Speaking of jogging, I'm going to go take a jog and try and clear my head. Then maybe I'll study, or play more bass, who knows. I went over to Shavonne's today and she made me a canadian bacon pizza (we split it, one of those little ones), which I know has trans fat in it so I have to run. Maybe Lindy would want to take a walk with me.

yours,

Emily



たのしかた.

I started talking to Jack again. This time it was for four hours last night, as he's coming home for summer break soon. Well, sort of summer break. I guess his is going to be equivilant to mine because he's going to be in school as well. It was really nice talking to him again but I'm not sure if we're going to talk again because I was so ranty on the phone that I think it might of scared him off, hahaha. Seriously I went off on a rant that was 20 minutes long about the stupid Casey Anthony trails because he brought it up and I went nuts on it. Casey Anthony plays in my house all day long! I can't believe that we can talk on the phone for three hours though, that's pretty incredible. I've never talked to anyone for that long.

I feel so strange right now. I just feel weird being here for some reason. Like I want to be home right now but because my stupid car is being a piece of crap I can't. I really hope it starts again when I get home. I don't know why it's suddenly having battery problems again. I have done everything I'm supposed to do to avoid battery drainage. But apparently that's not enough. Maybe it's the tape thing being used WHILE I drive the car that's causing these problems. Who knows. I love my tape thing, but maybe it's time to invest in maybe getting a regular little radio thing that my mp3 player can plug into? I don't know much about cars or any accessories but SOMETHING that I can use to plug in my mp3 player but not drain my battery.

I made up with Tyler Davenport... almost about a year and a half since we'd last spoke (we stopped talking in the fall of my senior year). And the ironic thing is, when we sat down and talked about it, neither one of us could really remember what it was that killed it. We think it was shortly after me and Tyler "made up" in a sense, since we never technically dated but for about 6 months+ played cat and mouse until I couldn't take his dickish attitude anymore and I ended up finding another boyfriend, James Rasmussen. Shortly after this happened, Tyler injured himself skiing and messed up his leg and had to start taking pain medication. According to Tyler THIS is why he was such a dick to everyone (not just me) and started ditching all of his friends. I tried to get ahold of him, but he didn't answer my texts so apparently I just gave up. He went through depression with his leg, and acted like he hated everyone. I had later heard from Robert that Tyler had said that he "never thought I was attractive" and that I was "white," (as in pale as paste white) I got mad and didn't want to even make an attempt to talk to him again.

Quickest week. So anxious today. (o_o)

Happy weekend!

This week flew by slightly too fast... As much as I like being able to do whatever I want during the weekends, I am stressed out because I know that my big math final is coming up and I need to study. But, I've got fantastic news... THE JAPANESE FINAL IS TAKE HOME!! This is the greatest news ever for me because it makes things a lot easier, obviously. Last quarter I probably spent 6-8 hours studying for the final, but this quarter I'll just have to answer the questions using my notes and make sure everything is perfect. I think I might get Hannah to work with me.

Today in class I gave sensee the photo album, and she loved it. I'm sure she'll love it more once she gets a chance to look at it... It was passed around about half of the class, and the other half didn't get to see it or sign it, so hopefully sensee will bring back the album so everyone gets a chance too. It makes me laugh because I noticed one person, who was one of the first people to look at it, made this HUGEEE drawn out note to sensee and took up about an 8th of the signature page. I am happy she likes it, and it was so worth the time and effort I put into it. I told her it was from the whole class, but Chris and Brad sort of pinned it on me by saying "Emily spent a LOT of time on that..." I wasn't even intending on saying anything about the fact that I made it, I really wanted it to look like it was from contributions of the entire class.. because in a way, it was. Without the class cooperating with me taking photos of them constantly, and also stealing photos from people's facebooks, it would of never worked.

Brad is having another movie night.

I am most likely going to go, and there are 10 other people that are planning on going so it's going to be funnn. last time I showed up late and didn't understand what was going on in the movie at all. Today probably won't be different. Why am I always so late to things? I think I might just be really bad at timing stuff outside of school.. or maybe I take too long to get ready. Who knows.

I have really been craving to play the sims today for some reason, so I think I'm going to play when I get home. Or maybe I'll make a video... But I don't really know what I'd talk about in this one. Seems like every one of my videos are pointless, scriptless,and yet I get views. So it shouldn't be too hard to come up with something.

I ordered my costume!!

Look at how cute this is! This is going to be my Day 1 costume for Kuro Neko con. I'm intending on buying another. I bought this on ebay for like $30... Incredible deal, and I've been working out a lot to make sure it fits, even though my measurements are technically a Japanese large and this should fit. We will see.

This outfit comes with:

-The skirt (apparently this is two pieces...)

-Apron

-Headwear

-Gloves

-Stockings (these are SO cute)

It says in the listing that you get everything shown in the picture, so I'm assuming instead of skirt she meant dress. Lets just hope so. It's obvious that this person is esl, and the listing comes from China so the shipping should take a little while. Good thing I ordered it early. I'm planning on ordering the other maid outfit when I get paid for some stuff that I'm selling on ebay. Some of the stuff that I currently have listed are going to do very well.

According to the listing, it should take 7-10 shipping days. I doubt this but we will see. Apparently the payment through paypal is still processing, and because I used my mom's debit card (with permission, of course) I am nervous that the payment won't go through because her paypal account hasn't been touched in a long time and the number on her card could of changed since she last purchased anything on ebay.

We'll see.

I'm currently anxiously awaiting something. I will not tell you what it is. : )

yours,

Emily



Sacrifices for Summer Quarter

As I get closer to the end of this quarter (only about fifteen days left), I feel strange because for the first time ever I'm not going to get a summer vacation. Nope, this is my 4th quarter in a row. This is going to be really shitty to not have a summer vacation but it's going to be very worth it in the end.
I haven't done this for awhile. I'm going to look at my credit standings at CBC as of now and see if I do need to take a full schedule this summer or not. I'm going to count the classes that I'm taking this quarter as passed because I'm pretty sure I'm acing all of them.

Requirements to get my AA

Communications- 13 Cred- DONEEngl. 101- 5 cred

Technical Writing- 5 cred
Speech Essentials 3 cred

Math Proficiency:
Took Math 96 this summer to prepare for Math 95, which I'm gonna be taking this summer.

Quantitative/Symbolic Reasoning: 0/5

Gonna be taking an introductory C++ class in the Fall, which will cover this stupid category.

Humanities 15/15 DONE

Intro to Literature: 5 cred
Music Appreciation: 5 cred
Survey of Asian American Cultures: 5 cred

Social/Behavioral Sciences 15/15 DONE

General Psychology: 5 cred
Survey of Anthropology: 5 cred
Intro to Sociology: 5 cred

Mathematical and Natural Sciences 10/15

Intro to Environmental Science w/ Lab: 5 cred
Nutrition: 5 cred
Going to be taking biology this summer to finish this up.

Health/Physical Education: 3/3

Fitness Center 1: 1 cred

Fitness Center 2: 2 cred

Electives 20/24

Japanese I: 5 cred
Japanese II: 5 cred
Japanese III: 5 cred

Jogging: 2 cred

Drugs and Health: 3 cred

Basically, then... All I need is math 95, 5 elective credits (which will be Japanese IV next quarter) and stupid C++. Then I'll be DONE DONE DONE DONE, yayyy!!!

The only thing that concerns me is this. On the bottom of AA requirements, it says "A maximum of fifteen credits from a restricted section can be applied." Does this mean that I won't get credit under my electives for Japanese IV? It says to go see a councilor but it's nearly impossible to get an appointment. oi.
I talked to a guy in the computer lab and he said it shouldn't be a problem. So, that being said, I'm so close to being done I can almost taste it. Registration for what I need has already been taken care of, but I wanted to know if I needed to take a full schedule this summer or just do the two classes that are potentially time consuming anyway: Biology and Math 95. I'm just sad I can't take any art classes for the hell of it. Drawing I is in the morning... so is my math class, and there are no other math classes with Zhang that work with my schedule. Probably for the best though, this summer I'm going to need to dedicate about three hours a day to math, according to the people that have taken it.


So yeah, summer is going to be not so fun. Summer quarter begins June 27, just one week after my finals. So I do get a week vacation to do NOTHING (I'm planning on reallllly enjoying this week, since I'm not going to get much of a break with FIVE DAYS A WEEK schedule). The last week of summer quarter is August 19... yep, whole summer. But then I get a break until September 19.

During the summer I don't typically do much though, so I'm not missing out on anything...

Except for a trip to California to see my family, more than likely-- which is HUGE because I haven't seen them in two years now. Because the week is five days a week instead of 4, I no longer get three day weekends and the trip would cause me to lose 2-3 class days. This can make a HUGE difference in a math class, especially one that is rapid paced but even more so because the quarter is 9 weeks instead of 11. I have no choice, I have to do it. As sad as it is. I just wish my family could come up here instead, but with my aunt's business she wouldn't be able to leave it either. That's just how things go I guess. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I can take a driving trip with someone to go see Humboldt university and go and see my family. Probably won't happen though, I'm too poor ass and I can't trust my car for that lonnnnnnng trip.

Anyway, Better get going, gonna go home

yours,
Emily

all over the place.

My eyes feel dry. It's 9:26 pm.

 I feel alone.

Alone because my friend has my phone, probably still over in Kennewick with her boyfriend. She has made no effort to get ahold of me what so ever in regards to my phone, and it makes me mad that I've had to not have it all day. I can't help but wonder who has texted me. Is this cell phone addiction? probably. I want to talk to Jacob but I know that I'll probably be talking to him a lot in the next week or so, so it doesn't matter. I wish Katelynn was here. She's still at wal mart. I hate wal mart.

Time seems like it's going by extremely slowly. I look around me and realize that this is the same place that I've been spending most of my time my entire life. That dining room is the exact same dining room where I had a birthday party in Kindergarden and everyone was running around wearing paper cat ears. The same dining room where my family all had Thanksgiving dinner shortly before my grandpa died. That ugly chandaleer has always been the same. There's one light that is noticeably brighter than the others. Under it is all of my scrapbooking stuff. I hope to get my scrapbook done by the end of the night.

But I doubt I will....

Tonight I'm going to do some pilates. Try to simultaniously exercise and relax. I hate exercising. Seriously, I can't help but wonder if other people are as obsessed with exercise as I am. Like I have to do some a day or I get depressed or irritated. I almost feel anxious. Like if I've been laying in one spot for a long time, doing some homework or studying.. my body will seem to tell me that I need to go do something

.


This video has inspired me to maybe start making clay charms to sell. They're really adorable. I don't know if I would have the skill/patience to do so though. Still, could be a fun thing to do.

I don't want to write anymore...

yours
Emily

Kuro Neko Con Costume Plan

This blog entry is probably going to take more than an hour to make because I am going to have to search all over for the sites that I need to buy from. But now that I realize it's almost june, I need to figure out where and when I'm going to buy things so that I don't wait until it's too late.

Potential Dresses:

Neko Maid cosplay.

I personally think this one is super adorable, though I don't know about the neko thing. I wasn't intending on doing the cat ears, as it sort of creeps me out for some reason, but I really like this dress and it comes from a good brand (for American cosplay, so the sizes are built to American bodies. I'd rather avoid what happened last year when I got that school girl outfit in the mail). With this brand, you enter in your height and weight and they size it accordingly.

$85

Not a bad price, what I'd expect to pay for the main part of my outfit...

http://cosplaysky.com/gothic-lolita-cat-maid-cosplay-costume-sissy-dress.html Link to where to buy it.

Lolita Dress.

This is not the most maid like, but if I wanted to take it in the maid direction this is sooo cute. I like the pleats. The only thing that concerns me about this is that my bulky forarms will show. I have been working out a lot and my body looks great, but my forarms don't seem to slim down, I hate it. Also, because I'm going to be volunteering in the maid cafe, if something spills on me the trip is ruined. Better pray it doesn't happen. Better also have a backup plan in the car....

$69.99

http://cosplaysky.com/gothic-lolita/gothic-lolita-sleeveless-pink-and-white-dress-gl061.html

Shoes:

These are super cute but I don't really want to spend $60 on them. At least you guys kind of know what I'm going for, but some black Mary Janes that aren't heals like this would be sufficient.

That's pretty much it... that didn't take that long.

I'm going to order the outfit next time I get paid for Ebay. Better list more things today.

yours,

Emily