Friday, June 7, 2013

Running on absolute E....

I'm so f**king tired... of everything.

 I am considering just moving out tomorrow instead of waiting the rest of the weekend. There's just been nothing going on since I finished finals, Terry hasn't talked to me since. Maybe the fact that I told him that I liked him threw him off. Again I don't really fing care at this point, I waited all quarter for his ass to be up front with me but he just can't. He pretty much used me as a study tool all quarter. We spent maybe three evenings together that didn't include preparing for some test... So that's 3 out of the probably more than 10 times I've spent time with him just us this quarter. It was a very confusing situation indeed.

Kristin is with her parents and they GUTTED this apartment... I mean spotlessly clean. I have no idea why when I'm not even moving out yet, but of course she wouldn't know that because we don't talk. I just want her to get out of here so I can get on with my day but I haven't been able to take a shower or anything because they've been occupying the place.

I hate getting my guitar worked on, especially in the tri cities because I have to drive all the way to the ugly part of Kennewick twice (so that's  about $12 gasoline right there) and almost always have to spend around $30.... it's just annoying, somewhat routine and expensive. 

So I'm grubby and really hungry right now... I haven't even played my guitar because Jake commented last night about how bad the tone sounds on my instrument right now (which means I'm going to switch to acoustic for awhile again, damn it). The bridge needs to get re-set or something-- I don't really know, some work that probably costs $30 which I don't have right now. I feel really useless not having anything to study. I haven't even drank coffee this morning. My routines have been completely f'ed up and I'm feeling very panicky and weird. Haven't felt that way in awhile.

Uhhh let's see, most of the foreign exchanged students are leaving today, there goes about half the people I've met here if not more and I'll probably never see them again. That's hard.

I don't know, I think transitional periods are hard for me in general... Like when I finished my classes there was a part of me that was kind of sad that I'm done with my third year of college. Yet at the same time I've still got a year and a half to go.. then probably grad school to get a law degree to be able to move up in big corporations. So I've got a lot to do, it's not like I've reached this giant milestone.

Still... I look around at this place that I've lived in for the past eight months and think about how much I've changed this year and what next year will hold. I feel like my social life sort of lacked this year in a lot of ways because it had to be because I worked extremely hard and knew that my body-mind couldn't juggle partying and going to school very well. Maybe I should have tried harder to make friends here and get to know people.

I didn't really do anything in the actual town of ellensburg, aside from go to the bars a few times when I got invited with a group of people. I didn't bother going to any of the shops in this town because they're kind of boutique-y and that's never been my thing. I'm usually more about convenience then leisure shopping so I really only shopped at Fred Meyer and when I'd go home on the weekends.

I got way better at the guitar these past eight months, even if my hours don't compare to what they were last summer I can feel myself becoming much more free and confident with my playing ability.

Okay I stopped hearing voices.... I think my roommate and her family might be gone. I'm going to take a shower and clean up, maybe put on a little makeup just to make myself feel more alive. Then I'll just continue packing until something comes up (if it does). If not I will be leaving first thing tomorrow morning.


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