Sunday, February 24, 2013

Learning more about the system.

Haven't much felt like writing.

Today I didn't have the best luck. I woke up with no plans and ended the day with no plans, which is never a good day on a Saturday. I did get some studying done and practiced for about an hour. Not great but my hands needed a break today.

Allie told me she wanted to come with me grocery shopping today when I told her what I had planned. Not particularly exciting. She told me she'd let me know when she was done at the gym and we'd go. Well around 6:00 she got back and took a shower and didn't feel like going. Ha ha I'm not surprised, who the hell would want to walk around a grocery store in circles with me when they just worked out for two hours? I was flattered that she wanted to go in the first place, so I used it as an excuse to sit around and watch documentaries about drugs all day.

That sort of creeped me out. I learned about some really scary drugs in Russia and Columbia. Heroin, meth, crack cocaine, painkillers, broken families... All things I'm going to avoid thinking about for the next few days. Drugs create such a horrible reality for people and destroy everything. I made a promiss to myself early on that those types of drugs are completely out of the question. I would never, ever try any of them. I am fortunate enough that I don't have any need to escape reality. I look at the horrible circumstances these poor people involved with drug using families go through and I can see how they turn to drugs themselves. It's a horrible cycle in the predominantly lower castes of society but alcoholism and drug use certainly destroys middle and upper class people's lives too.

I don't know. I live my life with thought, caution and discipline to keep myself safe. I would never think to use a substance that could potentially jeopardize my wellbeing. Loving your life and yourself means using restraint and discipline to become the best person you can be. Now I'm not saying people should work 24/7 to be better than everyone around them but work their best to fulfill whatever it is they feel a need to do in life. Nobody aspires to be a junky. It's sad to say not everyone starts life with a realistic goal and end up falling into the wrong crowd of people.

I'm so lucky to have the parents that I did. So many of these poor people on Intervention had such awful upbringing. You cannot be a meth head and raise a child, there's just no way. Even if a parent cares about the children the constant pursuit of drugs doesn't leave much room for the love, attention and care their child needs. These children often get molested because of the inattentiveness of parents or end up using drugs themselves at ages as young as 12. Babies in drug addicted communities born addicted to crack or opiates. It's disgusting and sad.

But yeah I'm going to work out and go to bed. It's getting late. I really hope I get the opportunity to see a friend tomorrow because I felt really lonely today. I did call Katelynn today which was nice! I had a lot to talk about and just went on and on.

I really shouldn't complain because I've had a good last couple of days though. This was taken at a party that Allie invited me to come too. I've met Allie's roommates as well as her some of her close friends at CWU now. This picture might be taken of me and Allie but for most of the party I was standing around drinking my hard apple cider with those 3 rednecks standing behind us. Nah, they weren't bad rednecks, they were actually pretty funny and interesting to talk too.
I can remember one of them's name was Taylor and I was talking to him for longer than the others. I wasn't particularly interested in any of the guys there. I just like to drink my beer and get into conversations, get to know people, and watch the interesting bullshit unfold around me as people get more drunk. 

The few minutes that I did walk away from these guys I stood over by the sink and briefly talked to Allie's roommate's.... I want to say boyfriend, though it's not facebook official so I do not know if they just party together or what. It seems like that's kind of what college "relationships" are like. Nobody actually wants to tie down with anyone unless they find someone absolutely perfect because they want to keep their options open in case they DO find that person. So instead of actually dating people just find their favorite person to hook up, drink and party with. I get it now. 

And I guess some people just hook up with someone new every week at parties. That to me is kind of gross.  Last night there was one girl who was completely out of control. She was so wasted and actually grabbed the tall guy standing directly behind me's crotch. It was so bad, one of the guys paid this girl $5 to do it. After she did she kept following him around the room trying to grind on him. Note that she was kind of big, with skin tight clothes and f**ked up makeup. Just a complete trainwreck. 
It makes me sad to imagine how people get this way. So hopeless that they have to make themselves completely wasted to feel comfortable in their own skin. That's what it comes down too. Ugh, here I go talking about substance abuse again. I feel bad for poor Abe, he texts me today and we're making light conversation about the party and then all of a sudden I go into talking about how drugs are so terrible and blah dee blah.

Anyway Allie's roommate cut between this guy and I, and kept on eyeballing me all night. I mean I can understand why. She doesn't know me, I could be a complete bitch who likes to ruin things for people. There's a lot of girls that would take advantage of a situation if they're given the chance to snatch a guy from someone else. I just don't feel right about that. I just like meeting and talking to people; I was not interested in her boyfriend what so ever. But feeling as though I had intimidated someone made me feel a little empowered. It's become very effortless for me to talk to strangers, which will benefit me immensely in my professional life.


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