you don't even know crazy!! ..Recital in TWO days.

"You're soo crazy but at least you have a good attitude about when people tell it to you...." -Jake. 

Pfft whatever, I've been watching Intervention for days, you don't even know crazy until you've seen people on Crystal meth. This is from one of my favorite episodes, Christy. I'll talk more about intervention another time. Honestly it's my favorite thing to watch when I'm practicing.

Good lesson today. Jacob told me that I need to work on pages 2 and 3 of Invention tonight until the concert and strive to hit 15 hours as a goal before that point. That's five hours a day. I'm going to take the challenge because to be honest the recital is all I've had my mind on in days and if that's how long he thinks it'll take to get perfect I'll trust him. Can't remember the last time I played three hours a day, let alone 5.......

It's not about the time necessarily as much as it is perfection. Perfection is absolutely necessary -- you need to be fully confident in what you're playing because in order to have any sort of showmanship you must appear relaxed and play it effortlessly and flawlessly. 

Right now I'd say Invention is 90% completed.... And I have only the rest of this evening, tomorrow between when I wake up and 4:30 pm, and then Saturday from the time I wake up to 2 pm....

I've thought about who sent me the flowers yesterday and I think I now have a solid idea... just because of the anonymity, the fact that the note didn't say "Sorry" or anything in particular (the person I'm thinking of isn't that expressive of his feelings), the fact that it was sent to 9th street and not my house.... Damn if that is true and it is who I think it is I'd be pretty surprised because it doesn't seem like him at all-- which is why I'm keeping an open mind that it could be some completely unexpected person that out of the blue wanted to show their affection toward me, ha ha ha ha.... Yeah that's a slightly nerve wrecking thought.

peace. 

sonic screwdriver

This is what I want right now.

Shut up, I know, it's awful. 

Tomorrow I'm going to see Jake and I've been practicing really hard but building up speed and memorizing that second page has been such a challenge. I'm a little stressed that I want to have this piece 100% by the 31st and if I don't I will be very disappointed in myself. Today I practiced 1 hour 40 minutes on just invention... driving myself a little nuts with this piece. 

peace.

August is here, time to get to work.

"Put it to Rest machine"

Goodmorning to any of my readers.

Today is one of those slow type days, the type where I have nothing really planned, will usually sit around and play guitar all day, and probably not write unless I get it done early. I feel like writing so here goes, the rare morning blog.

I had to be up around 9 this morning because I had a dentist appointment at 10:30. It was my Dentist's 40th birthday today and he got my filling done painlessly in about 20 minutes. They put so much anesthesia in my mouth it moved up to my right nostril. Right now I'm making chicken with rice. My mom is talking on the phone in the next room and it pains me to see her this hurt.... I love her so much, she works so hard and she doesn't deserve to done wrong by anyone. I'm planning on staying close to home here today and tomorrow because I'm trying to be there for her and bring her up as much as I can.


I have been feeling really broke lately. I'm trying not to spend into my last $100 before my paycheck and that can be hard when temptation is everywhere obviously. Man I have somehow not done a great job saving this summer. If I'm lucky they'll be able to transfer my job up to Yakima and I can continue making some minor form of income while going to school. Ha ha livin' the dream, poor person college life. I don't even think I make enough money or have good enough credit to apply for a JCP credit card more than likely, ha ha ha. I think this is one of the many reasons people drop out of college to find better jobs. Of course a lot of people do work more than me during the summer, shh..

Jay was really surprised that my parents still help me out with money. He said his parents stopped giving him allowance when he was about 14 (although he says he's been working for his Dad since he was 8). Honestly I don't even earn allowance, I just help out around the house somewhat and my parents give me money if I ask for it for the most part. I'm pretty lucky to have this option once and awhile in order to save more of the money I earn but I'm pretty sure Jay thinks I'm spoiled.

It's now 1 and I've eaten. Today should be productive. Oh I thought of a new goal coming home last night. This has been hanging over my head for weeks on end... After the Music Stopped is a book about the financial crisis that I plan to read for Sipic's class assignment. Okay that makes me happy and excited that it's August because I need to move out soon. I need to get ahold of the school about finding a roommate.

From this day forward I plan to read at least 10 pages of After the Music stopped every day to have accomplished reading a book this summer. 

Alrighty well I'll ttyl!

peace. 

plans fell through. nothing new today.

Yo, good afternoon...

I'm feeling pretty good regardless of the fact that I think I got flaked on today. Jay was texting me last night asking what I was up to today and said we should go check out the boat races tomorrow (today). But yeah, it's 3:30 and we haven't talked yet today. He told me that he was working at 6 am, which is crazy if he's still working.. Maybe he's just super tired, or working way overtime. Or he's actually not feeling up to doing this. lol

I'm not gonna let this stop my day. I just feel lame because I put on makeup and don't have anywhere to really go. 

I'm not going to text him first though, seriously. He made these plans with me last night and he needs to follow up on it one way or another. I'm not gonna be like "Uhh hello??" f*******^%....... 

I practiced invention for a solid 40 minutes but I should really be using guitar pro instead of watching netflix. I've been trying to be more cautious about picking patterns as well as counting. 

Grr, this is lame though I was stoked. I should just continue to be productive.. Maybe I'll read my book or something. 

peace.

sitting home alone on a saturday?

I wish I was at the club dancing... kind of, though this would mean I'd feel nauseous tomorrow which wouldn't be worth it. Maybe tomorrow I will go out because I do not have work the day after tomorrow. I have work tomorrow so I won't drink tonight.

I am observing Ramadan by abstaining from both negative thoughts and drinking before work the next day.  Drinking does get more tempting during the summer when there's not as much to do.

I practiced guitar for about 80 minutes today. Could have done better but had sort of a sluggish day because I didn't feel like going anywhere or doing anything. The day started out with a text from my aunt trying to schedule family pictures around my sister and I's (plus my four cousin's) schedules. She had planned for July 17th which at the time was waaaay ahead of the date. Apparently my sister didn't get it off. Neither did I even if I requested it but I had just requested my thursdays to be off so beggers can't be choosers. I did get that so I'm happy, I have lessons on Thursdays and need that day to practice and hang out with no distractions.

I also put a bunch of guitar songs on a few lists. I'm trying to organize my tabs. Auuugh having some back pain, going to bed, goodnight guys.

peace. 

The ups and downs of being home. And Goodbye Abe.

Hello everyone.

Wow, a lot has happened. I haven't had my computer because it broke down, and currently it's sitting fixed in the K Valley shop in Ellensburg. Right now I'm sitting at the kitchen table on my Mom's laptop eating microwaved peaches with sugar, it's delicious-- tastes just like a peach cobbler filling. I haven't eaten much good food since I got here, which is one of the major downsides of coming home. For dinner I had to practically beg my sister to give me some of the fried chicken and rice she was making. It was good, but extremely rich.

I did buy a loaf of black bread that I can make french toast with in the morning. I hate cooking anything here because cleanup is certainly NOT a breeze. The lack of organzation and abundance of dishes in our kitchen makes preparing food a challenge for me. I definately miss my kitchen in my apartment already as well as eating my normal diet.

I might be on break but I've still got a lot to think about. Tomorrow is Saturday and it's extremely important for me to get up early tomorrow to start doing laundry. I'm going to do laundry, play guitar and stay here in Benton city tomorrow unless Allie contacts me about partying. If so I will pack up my stuff again and go to Ellensburg.

I need to buy some stuff tomorrow, get stoked up for Spring quarter. My mom is going to buy me some of that Russian Rhodiolla stuff from Jimmy. I also got my prozac perscription renewed on  Wednesday.

So I had my party! I really want to talk all about it with you guys but I don't have a way of getting the pictures right now. I'm using my Mom's computer and I saved the pictures on my sister's harddrive.

 

Hey look!! It's 2011 Weeaboo Emily, hello!!

Finds on my Mom's computer....

Me and Eddie Schmann. Needless to say I did not upload his on facebook. Taken the weekend of Kuro Neko con at Golden Corral.

 

 

 

There's a lot of stuff on this computer that I've saved as far back as 2008 that I'd like to get rid of. Thanks to facebook there's about 6 of this same picture with slightly different smirks on my face. 

So I will talk about the party another time, maybe tomorrow, who knows. I don't have anything going on tonight and I'm sure there's raging parties all over Ellensburg. I bet Abe is having a GRANDDDD time. Blugh, so frustrating. We're done, he wants nothing to do with me. I probably did freak out on him a little bit after not seeing him for four weeks but all of my friends say it was reasonable.

I'm not looking back. I know that Abe is attracted to me physically but he doesn't want what I want.  He has other things on his mind being 20 years old than having a girlfriend. I wasn't expecting him to be my boyfriend but I like consistancy. My love life is very interesting because I don't seem to ever consistantly interact withone person. Guys tend to like me initially for one reason or another but the circumstances in our  lives are always wrong.

Maybe if I went after guys that had more similar backgrounds as I do I would have better luck. I don't really understand why my choice in men has always not gotten me very far dating wise. I am aware that I have a very strong personality that not many people can fully understand or cope with on a day to day basis, I believe. It's not that I turn people off, actually people tend to gravitate toward me because my problems with relationships are relateable and not many are willing to vocalize on it.

But my own relationships don't go very well. Granted, 2012 was much better than 2011, in every way shape and form and it all boils down to having a higher self esteem thanks to the guitar and having something to funnel my time and energy into. I'm now in my twelveth month playing and I will now be able to tell people I've been playing "1 year ___ months" etc instead of just "5 months" or whatever. I can say that my life has gotten a lot better over the past year, including in my dating life because I've stopped settling for garbage.

However not settling for what I'm not totally attracted to has left me sort of lonely this last year. Of course we're now coming to the end of the first quarter of 2013. 2012 ended hard with stress and anxiety but most of that has alleviated itself by now. That alone is all I can ask for. Prayer has helped me a lot over the past few months too. I've also been trying to meditate more often which can be very challenging.

I need to play more guitar. Jacob gave me an entire hour and a half lesson yesterday which was awesome because he was really able to help me with Invention. It's a brilliant piece, I'm super excited to have it learned. Jake told me that if I get this down my playing will improve immensely. He's such an incredible teacher I really hope give my own students the same quality Jake has given me.

peace.