Dark Brown Contacts.What my Mom/Sister find Beautiful vs. What I think is Beautiful.

THIS IS GOING TO HAVE A LOT OF PICTURES, SORRY ABOUT THE PAGE STRETCHING.

Okay, so as I've told a few people, I've always wanted dark brown eyes. So now, I'm considering getting dark brown contacts. I am going to make an appointment at the eye doctor for Wednesday, and I already have my perscription so it shouldn't take long at all. Unfortunately, because my perscription is really weird, I might not get the exact color that I want.

My eyes are hazel, which is a rare color, and a lot of people think my eyes are really pretty. I love my eyes--they're my favorite part of my face. They're huge, and I love their shape and I like how they're not too close together or two far apart. I however, have deep rooted issues about the color.

This story may sound a little silly, but I'll tell you anyway...

When I was a kid, so many times when I was with my mom and sister and my mom would talk to someone she knows, my sister's eyes would be brought up. As many of my friends know, my sister has really pretty light blue eyes. She has an extremely rare color.

Like this.

They would always be like, "Oh!! Avery's eyes are so pretty! Wow, that color is incredible!" And, not wanting to hurt my feelings, they would say "Oh, and yours are nice too..." I always knew they were just humoring me because my eye color is nothing special at all.

The main reason why I want to get brown eye contacts is to have my eye color appear to be the polar opposite of my sisters.

What I find beautiful: Brunette, pale skin, dark eyes.

The next reason is that Magibon, who I think is the most gorgeous person in the world, has brown eyes. Therefore I want brown eyes too. I think my face would look a lot better with brown eyes, personally.

Needless to say, like most fashion and beauty things that I like to do, my mom totally disagrees. She said that by having brown eyes, I will inevitably suck all the color out of my face "like I did with the black ones". The black ones were COSTUME contacts. Those aren't meant to be worn on a daily basis. I think brown ones would look way more natural. It was obvious that the black ones aren't real, but it wouldn't be so much with the brown ones.

What my mom thinks is beautiful is basically this, which is everything I like to contradict in the way that I look.

What my Mom Finds Beautiful.

blonde: My mom and sister are super-blonde, and my Mom always tells me that I look better with blonde hair. I couldn't disagree more.

I think I look ugly as shit with blonde hair. My hair looks unhealthy and fried. The only times in my life that I've EVER dyed my hair blonde was when, sadly enough, I thought it would be attractive to guys. I've always HATED how I looked blonde. And they fact that I did it thinking that OTHER people would like it more makes me even more sick. Getting brown contacts has NOTHING to do with other people, it's about me, and only me.

Tan: My sister always goes tanning, where she'll either get a spray tan or do a tanning bed. My mom used to scorch her skin every summer in California. Because my mom and sister have the same skin, the tan actually improves the way their skin looks..
But not me.

This is me last summer after a sunburn. Notice how rutty and nasty my skin looks. I like myself pale. Though my mom and sister might disagree, I think it makes me look a lot prettier because it's more doll-like, which is what I go for.  

But for me back in middle school, these spray tans were the reason I got ridiculed because people called me Orange. My mom thought it would be a good idea. Spray tanning always looks super streaky on me because I've got my dad's mormon side skin, where it's super white and nearly freckle free when I'm not exposed to much sun. All the sun does for me, naturally tanning, makes my skin look ruttier and ugly.

You get the point...

My mom and sister will never understand WHY I like to look a certain way, and why I will never conform to the American steriotype of "hottness" with tan skin, blonde hair and blue eyes. I actually like how I look as the polar opposite, and I think I look prettier this way.

Just had to get this off my chest.



Yours,

Emily

I'M DOING IT, I'M DOING ITTTTT!!! :D [My pescatarian grocery list...]

OKAY it's officially been a week and I've done a pretty damn good with this vegetarian thing.

I've only messed up once on thursday when my sister brought home pizza. I ate a piece of it and after I got done with it I realized that... omg, that had pepperoni on it. You really have to think about what you're doing. I don't know why but it didn't cross my mind once that that pepporoni has meat in it.

I like spinach, but it has a funny texture if you pack it in your lunch and it gets all soggy.

I've run out of fresh produce over this last week though and my mom said I could take her debt card tomorrow to buy more at Fred Meyer. I have been really satisfied with the groceries that I got there last time.

My grocery list for tomorrow is:

-2 Loafs Dave's Killer Bread
-Whole wheat english muffins
-Vegetarian burgers

-Bean soup

-Spinach

-Romaine lettuce

-Black beans

-Kidney beans

-Tomatos
-Cucumber
-Whole wheat cheerios
-Green apples
-Fat free milk
-Grapefruit

-Hummus
-Vermicelli noodles

...And whatever fish that I come across that looks good.

My mom needs:
-Regular milk
-Chocolate cheerios
-Raisen Bran Crunch

Yep!! Anyway, I need to get going with my day.

yours,

Emily

Officially May, my favorite month of the year!

Yet at this point it's the most intimidating month because of my classes this quarter.

 If I can just get through Japanese this quarter, I'll have the whole summer to brush up on my skills as well as learn the last chapters in the book that we didn't get to. The reason being is, I don't know if I'll be at CBC next fall. My parents want me out of the house after the summer, but I really want to get my AA. I'm just so freakin close. Plus, if I DO take japanese next fall, I'll be officially ready for University level 2nd year Japanese. In most colleges, they use the Genki books as well, however they do four chapters a quarter instead of three. However, because sensee felt she was rushed when doing it this way, she decided to do only three chapters per quarter. So if I were to transfer, I'd probably have to do Japanese III all over again... no thanks.

I surprisingly woke up early this morning, at around 9'. I got up and ate some whole wheat cheerios, drank my coffee, and now I'm wondering how I can make the most of my day today. Though I don't have as much homework as I usually do, if I do a lot of studying and work ahead a bit, I'll set the stage for a better week.

I'm going to try to be a pescatarian!

I know it sounds crazy, and very unlike me, but I'm going to do it for a week and see how I feel. Above you actually see the Okinawa food pyramid, which is almost identical to what I'll be doing. I want to go on a diet that can help my skin and hair, as well as help me lose weight. I really don't *like* chicken and beef, but cutting ham is going to be a bit more difficult.

My diet will include milk, because most vegetarians consume milk because it doesn't harm the cow particularily. I really don't care much about animal rights, to be honest, but if I do go along with this, it'll be part of the package. If I continue to buy fresh produce on a weekly basis, I should be able to consume as much as this food pyramid calls for. Leafy greens are fantastic for the skin and hair, and I really like spinach so that shouldn't be too hard for me.

We'll just see how this works out.

Today for breakfast I had:

-Whole wheat cheerios

-1% milk
-Coffee

For Lunch I'll have:
-Spinach salad with tomatos, carrots, and crutons
-Buttered toast
-Hot tea

For dinner I'll have:
-Salmon onigiri and miso soup
-Diet coke

Snack: Almonds

Lets see how well I can do this. :) I scored a bunch of frozen salmon at Fred Meyer yesterday. I did a bunch of grocery shopping and scored lots of delcious goodies. I managed to keep it under $100, and got everything I'll need for at least a week and a half.

My goals for today are:
-Do my laundry
-Study Japanese for two hours (1 hour with book, 1 hour with DS game)
-Run a couple miles
-Do math homework
-Read chapter for drugs and health.
-Eat everything that I said I would eat on the list above.

yours,

Emily

GETTIN DOWN ON FRI-DAY. xD Chris's party, car problems, shlepping

If you didn't get the "getting down on Fri-day" reference, it's to that horrific song by Rebecca Black. Katelynn showed me it on Wednesday, and it's about as clique and attrocious as the above picture that me and Brenna took as a joke.

This weekend to this point has been pretty eventful. I went to Chris's anime night on Thursday with my new friend Josh, and it was pretty legit. Chris is a pretty good host. We actually only had a few animes playing in the background, and didn't actually watch it. There was this one that Brad brought that he had just gotten from Netflix that was like a tacky-1980's-Anime-Cinemax-porno. It was hilarious because every time I looked up there was some random sex scene.

This picture was taken very shortly after I tried to go out and start my car at about 1:30 AM and it wouldn't run. The chinese guy standing behind me was really nice and came out to jump start it, and Chris tried poking around at it too. It didn't seem to work, and we (me and Josh) ended up having to stay at Chris's house. That was fine, Chris was really freaking nice about it. : ) and had an extra room... Brad stayed over night too. That night I got really sick. No, not from drinking-- I don't drink and even if I did no minors were drinking anyways. To be honest I don't know what made me sick.

Josh couldn't sleep either, because every five minutes I was getting out of bed to go to the bathroom that was a few steps away to try to puke, or.. yeah. Not good. So Josh saw me sick, cursing because my car wouldn't start, and in the MORNING-- which is when I'm not looking fabulous. He still seems to like me though, so that's a plus. The only this is, is that he doesn't drive, which is hard for me.

I've kind of become notorious for taking pictures at my friend's events.

Today i'm going to a Korean banquet thing at my friend Hannah's church at about 4'. Should be pretty fun. Josh wants to go with him to his party that his friend is throwing him over in Waitsburg, but honestly I think spending the night with some guy I met on... Wednesday twice in one weekend would be a little much. Well, a lot much. I wasn't intending on spending the night with him in the first place on Thursday but with the circumstances involved I didn't have much of a choice. There's nothing wrong with him or anything, but we like-- just barely met. My parents probably wouldn't be to keen on me spending the night somewhere random again, but we'll see.

On Friday, I took a bath and realized that I had an outbreak of Schonlein purpura, which if you look up online is not NEARLY as bad as what the extreme case pictures are. Basically, there are little red spots that showed up over night because I stayed up all night and was really sick, and though there hasn't been on outbreak of it since middle school, suddenly decided to show up again. It's a viral disease, and seems to already be going away because I took a really, really long nap after being up all night yesterday, and then went to bed at a pretty regular time last night.So it's all good.

The thing is with purpura is it makes your joints really sore and achey. It's been hard to get motivated to run lately, but after I finish writing this I intend to do so because if I don't I won't get a chance to later. It also makes you want to sleep, constantly.

It's started to go away already though, and should be completely gone in a couple days.

A tank dress was on my wish list. :)

I got paid $250 for ebay sales!! yay! today I'm going to bid on a couple things on e-bay, like shirts and junk, and I'll have enough money to pay Sean for the ticket. I'm going to continue to list, and hopefully earn up some more money for the concert.



yours,

Emily

HURRAY FOR PROLONGED SHITTY WEATHER, Karma is a bitch.

So today was the first day that has been really nice almost all spring. It's warm, with just a cool breeze outside. It was nice to walk to the S building today without powerwalking to get out of the cold. But seriously, this is the FIRST day this Spring that has been like this. There's either been cold, wind or lots and lots of rain. Which is fantastic, and such a blessing to me.



Why? Because cherry season this year is going to be horrendous!! My horrible uncle that has forced my dad out of the picture is going to have a grand time sorting through damaged fruit, and a completely deteriorated profit because of the weather this year. Plus, he's going to make it worse himself because he's so damn lazy that he's been HIRING people to do the most simple tasks that my dad used to do-- like PRUNING. If you don't know what pruning is, it's when you removed damaged branches and thin the top of the trees so that the lower branches can get more nutrients, overall making the tree healthier. It's sort of like cutting off dead ends of hair. This is a very simple, however tedious task that my dad used to do on a near daily basis for therapudic purposes, but because he's been kicked off my uncle is now hiring some Hispanic people to do it... Which costs money. I can imagine he'll be hiring more employees too to sort and do the work that me and Yolvani Maya did last year.

He'll probably hire all mormons to do the sorting and swamping because that's what my Grandma would want. SO, I made a point to tell Amy Campbell NOT to return because of what has happened. She probably wasn't intending too in the first place considering she's graduating this year, but I wanted to tell her anyways so that news might spread around to the mormon kids that they'd be dealing with complete bullshit. Unfortunately, money is money and people are going to go back there regardless... some might even be relieved that my dad is gone. But with my uncle as a ticket person and NOBODY on the crew that speaks Spanish, it's going to be a mess! And I can't wait to see it happen!!

So yesterday I got my hair cut by fabulous Nathan at the salon in Wal Mart and my hair looks super nice today. He told me that by getting a little trim every month can help my hair grow faster and stronger, so I'm going to do so. I really want my hair to grow out healthy.

Yesterday was my first haircut of my length since last February. That's one year, two months, since I've had my length cut because of paranoia due to having so many awful haircuts. Last time I went in and asked for some of the "Dead stuff" to be taken off, the girl cut my hair to shoulder length-- which is an AWFUL look for me. I HATE how I look with shoulder length hair, which is why I'm going to start getting these monthly trims to avoid having to get a ton of split ends removed down the line and getting it back to... that...

FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU

I hated this haircut so so so much!! Too short, supposed to be an A-line bob but looked like a damn dutchboy, and bangs that were an inch long. I am never trusting female hairstylists again, because I am convinced that most of them don't want to make other girls look prettier than them. Kim would NEVER cut her own damn bangs this short.

I am back into Japanese things again. As Andrew said, people tend to fall back into their old interests.. I am still excited to continue learning Japanese, even if it's intimidating as hell at times. But honestly, what's the rush. If I continue to study hard, I'll get better and better at it and eventually will be able to speak it to an extent. I've come this far, and I now have a good foundation of how their grammar works, so I'm going to continue to build on that. I'm going to have to review a lot this summer in order to maintain it though.

Nothing particularily interesting happened today, though I AM going to buy the tickets from Sean, who no longer wants to be anywhere near me. Not a problem, really, as long as he isn't rude to me. I just need to get that ticket soon, probably out of my ebay funds. Me and my dad have now racked up $500, which we'll be splitting. :) I'm happy my listings have done well.

Yours,

Emily

ハッピーイースター~EASTER

ハッピーイースターたまごを食べましょう

Goodmorning.

Because this weekend has sucked royally I'm planning on getting some work done today just to feel better about it. Today my goals are:

-Study Japanese for three hours, all for the final. Also make flash cards for the new chapter vocab. [3 hours]
-Read chapter 5 in drugs and health book-- do the assignment tomorrow. [1 hr]
-Get jogging assignment done. [45 min-1 hour]

Already got math done...

This means that 4 hours and 45 min today are dedicated to just getting homework done. So if I get started now, I can get it all done before Katharine comes over for dinner and things get loud. This next week of school, as all of the weeks have, intimidates me. This one especially because I have a chapter test in 日本語 that I have to study for.... I know that I can do it though. I just have to keep trying, and I know that I can continue this A streak. ＼（＾ ＾）／

The other day I watched a video on youtube that inspired me once again to teach English in Japan. I don't feel like digging up the video, but he made it seem pretty cool to me once again. I mean, I'm learning the language, and i'm going to continue to do so, so I need to get more enthused about it. I lost the interest in learning German, which I consider a good thing... it became distracting.

LOL could you imagine if I woke up one day and suddenly had the urge to continue learning Spanish? NEVER gonna happen, as much as my mom would love to see that. I don't care how much more employable it could make me, I don't want to learn it. I'm pretty sure after taking it with Schmick it'd give me PTSD.

yours,
E m i l y



Just when I thought this fiasco was over.

My mom whips out fucking Netflix.

This morning I had to call customer service, AGAIN, for the third time. This morning, thinking everything was going to work, I ran "Bon Voyage" and it told me to INSERT FUN WITH PETS. Fuck!!! Because of course Fun with Pets doesn't work. I call customer service, again, explain to them my situation, and they tell me to delete Fun with Pets and they'll give me a free download of it... which means another lovely 6 hour long download depending on how my computer's internet bandwidth is feeling today. They ended up transfering me to a guy that says that they don't have Fun with Pets in their system because it's so old, but they do have apartment life that they could send me. So I deleted fun with pets, good ridance, and decided to have apartment life and have the game running would be JUST FINE with me-- and if I ever get a new disc drive I'll download the other two expansions later.

Regardless, I was HAPPY the problem seemed to be almost solved. I am very convinced that when this is finished loading, it will work.

BUT IT'S NOT LOADING.

Because my mom is using fucking NETFLIX IN THE LIVING ROOM TO FALL ASLEEP. I was SO FUCKING CLOSE to getting this thing to work, and she's like "I don't care, i'm so tired of hearing about you bitch about this game! I can't believe how over dramatic you're getting about a game!" Well I had to jump though about 12 flaming hoops and NOW I finally have it figured out and this thing would only take an hour to load if I had the proper bandwidth. But no, now shes in there with a movie that she's not even watching, and it's hogging the entire bandwidth.

Why the fuck is it that my computer doesn't have first priority with the bandwidth and her computer can run snail pace ass slow?! Because my computer is a stupid Dell desktop computer that has only caused me issues and frustration since I bought it.

This game says it has 9 hours left to download. I can't leave the computer because once it becomes idle it stops downloading. So I'm going to try to sit here, and study, and not obsess on how long the game is taking to load. When my mom falls asleep i'm going to go out in the living room and turn it off.

Today, my dad threatend to kick me out of the house because of my anger problems.

It's so funny that my dad has chronic anger problems and continually screams at everyone, then yells at me and acts like he never does it. Because of the amount of anger and depression that i've been going through I've started to scratch my own arm with my now long nails. I scratch into it like a cat would do if it scratched you. Fast, hard, and digs into the skin enough that it leaves a mark. I would never be able to take a razor blade to my arm, and to tell you the truth I don't know why I do this. When they asked about it I said it was a dog attack, but it's actually from me trying to calm myself down. Because for some reason, when I'm extremely angry or frustrated or depressed and feel like screaming at everyone, when I scratch into my arm it calms me down, and I now understand why people cut themselves.

I wish I didn't have anger problems. I wish I didn't have a personality disorder. I wish I didn't have to put my family through this, and I wish the tension would get better. This has been a domino effect. My dad's family abandoned him, my dad is going stir crazy, therefore my dad screams at us on a regular basis, creating tension in the house. This tension leads to me feeling angry, thus yelling at my mom and sister. This then leads to isolation, thus going stir crazy myself and causing self mutilation.

I need to stop this before it gets out of hand.

Yours,

Emily