Sims Downloading Nightmare.

I recently got a new computer, sort of. It's the Dell computer that was downstairs, that is currently making up for my lack of a laptop. Yep, my laptop finally took a shit and I lost my music, my custom sims town called Woodland with all of it's amazing characters, and GuitarPro. It sucks, but life goes on, I figured it would happen eventually.

Pretty much my entire day has been consumed by trying to understand why my Sims expansions have been having so much trouble downloading to my practically new Dell computer.

Originally, at about 8 pm last night... I thought it would be easy to download the sims games. Practically new computer, virgin of practically any downloading, six sims games that all downloaded perfectly onto my old laptop, and all of the serial codes. No problem, right? WRONG.

Last night I tried inserting the Double Deluxe disc, the base sims game. The disc drive didn't seem to read it, or recognize the information on the disc at all. Originally, me and my mom thought it was a broken or dirty disc drive, but then we inserted Sims Bon Voyage and it loaded fine. Okay, faulty disc. So then, I decided, Hell, might as well buy one from EA games.

I bought Double Deluxe and had to go through the process of creating a stupid EA games account as well as download the Sims download manager software, which is chock full of advertisements and other garbage. I proceeded to download it, and thought it would go fine.... I was very patient, as the game loaded about 0.01% every minute... sometimes it sped up, sometimes it would halt entirely and actually set BACK the percentage. This drove me crazy, yet I waited patiently until about 12 am when I had to go to sleep. By the next morning, it was at 98.05%, and stops.

I called customer service, and the woman on the line said there was nothing I could do, aside from get a direct internet connection. My mom and I MOVED my desktop computer to the floor, nearly breaking the screen, to do so. The download sped up a bit, then slowed down once more. I then moved my computer up to my desk again and somehow I picked up a good connection and downloaded.. in about four hours. Woo. But then I had the problem with my expansion packs...

Open for Business, Bon Voyage, and Freetime downloaded no problem because they are two disc games, but for some reason my computer would not read the other 1-disc expansions. So at this point my sims have the option to start a shitty business, spend their time at a pottery wheel, and go on vacation... but can't go to college, have pets or stay at hotels/apartments. I had to get ahold of customer service once more, and the woman told me I needed to contact my Dell provider instead because of the faulty disc drive. Right, like they're going to help me with this incredibly specific problem. I didn't lose hope though. I asked the woman if there was any way I could transfer the disc information from the sims game from one computer to the other-- because for some reason the 1-disc games work on my mom's computer. I know this is my Dell's fault.

So here I am, it's already 10:11 pm and I'm trying to transfer over my other sims games using my dad's thumbdrive-- which if it breaks I'm in deep shit. It's taking ages, because not only do I have to wait for the information from the sim disc to transfer to the thumb drive, but I also have to wait for it to transfer from the thumb drive onto my computer, THEN wait for the game to load. Thus far, my efforts have been futile. The stupid "Sims 3" advertisement software imbedded into the game has been screwing up my download. I'm trying really hard to make it work, but this is going to be my last attempt.. because at this point I don't know what to do. I could always buy another disc drive that could hook up to this one, but maybe it's the COMPUTER that doesn't read it... and then I'd waste money that I don't have.

So that's the story. It's a mess. I am really disappointed with not only the Maxis software, but how my computer has been acting.. I just wish it would of been simple like it was on my laptop and not an all day ordeal. Well hey, the Lord givith and the Lord takith away. Right now I've been working on getting University life downloaded, and honestly if this one works and the other two don't I'll be happy anyways. Apartment life is really nice, but I can still build hotels with Bon Voyage, I believe. Most of the features that I would want in Apartment life are available with Bon Voyage and Open for Business... however, when all of the expansions are working together, the game is fantastic and leaves a lovely campus for the greatest escape and creativity. I'm going to start sharing my creations online if I can get this damn game to run smoothly.

Today I ran, and shortly after me and my dad went out to dinner. So I guess the calories that I burned running didn't make much of a difference. I got a small hamburger at the Bears Den place, and it tasted really bomb. The menu options were kind of limited, so the hamburger was the only thing that looked good. It came with fries too, but I didn't eat them because I was already pretty full and didn't really want them because they're so bad for me.

Alright, gotta go, gonna mess around on mall world. Here I am, in my room, a computer next to me downloading a video game and a computer in front of me writing a blog. Wow, the internet changes people.

yours,

Emily

what... am... I... going to do this weekend. o_o

Hey, Hey!
If it was up to me
I would've figured you out
Way before the year clocked out
Oh, I hope you're waiting

Hey, Hey!
If it was up to me
I would've never walked out
So until the sun burns out
Oh, I hope you're waiting

-The Suffering, Coheed and Cambria

Today was a lot better of a day then yesterday, partially because it's Thursday, and also because I didn't make an ass of myself in Japanese class today. i'm happy because I got a 19/20 on my math test, though the question that I did miss was stupid and I overthought it, thinking it was a trick question. Sometimes, that math class is so simple that it does that too you. Luckily now, we can use calculators.

Me and Katelynn are getting together on Saturday, and we're probably going to eat sushi and celebrate a recent holiday, haha. I'm really happy that things with her and Jon are turning around. At least one of us is in love and happy with the person they're with.

I really don't know what I'm doing today, to be honest... or tomorrow. Here is is 3:00 pm, its the weekend, and I have no plan what so ever. I would love to get a removable hard drive and download the sims to it so I can play the sims on my mom's computer. Honestly... that would partially solve the problem of my computer breaking down. Because I could put my music and sims on a seperate hard drive, thus solving this weekend boredom problem, haha. i'm still debating if I want to take on Sims 3 though. It's so over the top, and I've yet to finish a completely custom city on Sims 2.

I'm gonna go, really don't have much to say today that's of interest. I'd rather keep what's on my mind to myself today, to be honest.

yours,

Emily

The worst 4/20 ever. I regret what I eat every day.

Wow, I'm having a horrible fucking day.

It's been shitty since the time I woke up and continues to be shitty. It's another one of those days when I look in the mirror and go, "You're ugly, worthless, lazy and I fucking hate you and you should really just go kill yourself."

My computer is broken, which is expected because that picture is a piece of shit and has been breaking since day one. This is bad though because it has all of my old college documents, as well as my music on it. It also had my giagantic completely custom made sims town that never got uploaded anywhere so that entire work of art that I've put hundreds of hours into is gone. I won't be able to charge my Zune without completely clearing the software, and don't have CDs for most of it.

I brought up the computer being broken to my mom, and she said that she has seen NO EFFORT in going out and finding a job. Well, after turning in about 25 applications and not getting a call back, you can't blame me. Ebay is not making any money for me because my dad doesn't know how to transfer money to my credit card and wants to get me a stupid paypal card with the money I make... I don't WANT  a paypal card. Nothing I ever buy takes paypal. I buy gasoline, and nessesities, and occasionally coffee. Period. Haven't bought any clothes in months because I'm frugal and know that I won't have a job for a long time.

So I have to submit more applications... And probably not get any calls back again. It's all luck. I have no luck, at all. I have no confidence and social anxiety so picking up the phone and actually calling a hiring manager is about as hard as swallowing wet dog food. My mom doesn't understand how hard this is for me, at all.

I need to go run, I ate two piece of pizza and did some pilates but I know that didn't even scrape the amount of calories I consumed. I get so fucking scared any time I eat anything that's bad for me and I know it is. Because I know that I might have thyroid problems which leaves me no leeway and that if I eat bad I'll gain weight really fucking fast. Today I ate a snickers bar at school because I forgot to pack a lunch and then ate PIZZA, I ATE SNICKERS AND PIZZA. WHY THE HELL WOULD I EAT THAT?! DO I WANT TO BECOME A COMPLETE FAT FUCK?

I'm going to go run after I finish this entry. I'm not going to eat anything else tonight. I don't deserve to eat.

yours,
Emily

HEY WHERE YOU AT, ON THE SIDE OF THE FREEWAY IN YOUR CAR [25 more days]

It's cold in here. I always get this way after I go on a run, my body feels chilly. It could partially be because I think I'm getting sick. My nose has been running, and I've been coughing a lot and I just don't feel well. Luckily, I still had enough energy today to study my kanji, and will study for another 2 hours tonight to be extra prepared. Chapter test is next thursday, and I'm going to have to do a lot of studying for that shit too.

System of a Down is coming up. Friday, May 13th bitches!!

I'm so excited, it's coming so quickly, in less than a month I'm going to get to see the band that helped me survive highschool in person. It's going to be incredible.

Problem is, I don't know who I'm going with. Currently, I'm pretty sure katelynn and john might be going because it's a birthday present for John. The problem is though, with the lack of contact with Sean I doubt he still wants to go with me. I am probably going to ask him if I can buy the ticket from him, and just give it to my friend Frodo who wants to go. He lives up in Bonney Lake which is 20 minutes off of seattle, so we'd even have a place to stay (he lives on his own). Though I only recently met him, he seems really cool and would probably be fun to go with. I'm sure Sean would sell me the ticket. He didn't seem to stoked to go in the first place.

We'll have to see. Either way is fine, but if Sean goes with us we're probably going to need to get a hotel because driving home at 2 am from Seattle is a bit different from Spokane. Way longer of a drive, and way more intimidating. I really just hate hotels though. They now remind me of the last time we were in Seattle... ugh. Gross. Throwing up. Paranoia. Fuck no. But if that's how it's supposed to be, I'm sure it'd be a lot different. Still, that'd be pretty awkward too... yea. ><

Today I ran a couple miles, and it felt so good out there. This weather is fantastic. I left at 6:30 pm and it was still light out when I got home and was so nice and warm. My mom said it was a long run, and it did seem longer than usual. I ran pretty hard, but I can't seem to jog/run the whole route yet by a long shot. I hope by the end of this quarter I can get through the whole route with only one stop. It's a lot harder to not stop when you're alone then when you're running with someone else though.

Katelynn might be coming to live with me some time next week. I'm not going to post anything else about it, but it'd be fun if she did.

yours,

emily

This whole thing has reached such insanity. I hate them all.

Already almost 9:00 pm? Really? The day has flown by. I feel like I've gotten most of what I've needed to get done... done, besides sending in my running log for this week because the computer in my room is busted. It's been on the start up loading screen for 4 hours now. I need to try to get it working though because I think it's due at 11'. I'm really bad with these online classes, haha.


So tonight we had hamburgers for dinner because I was craving it for some reason. I very rarely crave anything red meat, but I felt like I wanted something with some substance I guess. As you guys know, I eat a LOT of fruit, a lot of asian food, and a ton of cereal-- raisin bran to be more specific.

I love Raisin bran. Why? Because it's healthy, has a lot of whole grain, and I can eat a LOT of it without consuming too many unhealthy calories. Really the only fattening thing about Raisin bran is the 2% milk that I have with it, but I think the good in this stuff completely outweighs the bad. I mean it keeps me full for a longer period of time than any other food I can think of. It's sweet, too. So sweet and delicious.

More fucked up family issues....

Speaking of fat, my uncle Ty struck again today. My Dad hasn't been eating at all today because he's been sickened by what he said. Essentially, my uncle got the paperwork to buy the farm. He came up to my Dad, who was talking to this guy Sean today, and right in front of my Dad's friend says: "I got the paperwork to buy the farm, so you need to get all your shit off this property." He's basically saying he has the legal rights to make my dad get his stuff out of his barn, and burn it down.

The barn is my Dad's life. It's been his escape for years. He's got so much stuff in that barn that he's accumulated over the years.. tools, antiques, wood.. probably thousands of dollars worth of stuff in there. But now where are we going to put it? We'll have to sell it, probably have a massive yard sale and sell all my dad's stuff for next to nothing.. and then the barn will get burnt down. All just because of my selfish, horrible uncle and the rest of his family just sitting around watching this unfold. Ty is a fucking idiot, a fucking MENTAL CASE. I hate him so much,  I figure eventually his paranoid schizophrenia and obesity will catch up with him eventually. For twenty damn years my dad was out on the farm doing hard labor to keep it maintained, when Ty was up in his room smoking pot and sleeping all day.

My Grandma is even dumber. Without my Dad, the farm is now run by an alcoholic (my uncle Todd) and my mental case uncle. Neither of which can be trusted. Todd has his own farm adjacent to ours, and has for the most part stayed out of this until recently. My dad went to him looking to get HELP, and Todd said that he didn't have to worry about anything. Few weeks later, Ty and Todd are all buddy-buddy and essentially have ganged up against my Dad to get him off the property. My grandma, who could of stopped all this in the beginning, has not said anything. She hasn't stood up for my dad once. MY DAD HAS DONE ALL THE WORK AT THAT FARM AND MAINTAINED IT FOR 20 YEARS, YET MY GRANDMA IS TOO DUMB TO SEE THAT. Or maybe she does. She knows that if Ty doesn't get what he wants, there is potential that he could leave, and Ty takes care of Grandma. Recently she couldn't get all the way up the stairs so she needs someone's assistance. Maybe after this is over she'll move to Utah with her sisters or something.

But honestly, I think my Grandma, my aunt Teri and whoever claims to be mormon in this situation is kidding themselves. Family and God is basically what the mormons base their religion around, from what I've heard from Mormon people themselves. If they're such good Mormons how could they allow my Dad and my family to be completely shut out. A long time ago, Teri told me that I don't understand the situation. Oh yes, it's so complicated isn't it? Selfish, stupid people aren't that complicated. My dad is miserable, and if my Mom left him he would be completely alone in the world. My whole family is hurt by this.

____________________________________________________________________________

To anyone that reads my blog, I'm sorry that most of my entries lately have lead to talking about this situation. I just feel like I have to put it somewhere.

Someday, I hope to confront them and tell them how much I sincerely hate them, and that they are no longer a part of my family. Because it's true, they aren't. I might have their genes, but I will never consider them people I can trust or... even make direct eye contact again. They make me that disgusted. They will never step foot on my wedding, or get to hold my future baby, or even meet my future children for that matter. Doesn't really make a difference though, I don't think. I mean, I've never really met or talked to my Grandma/Grandpa's brothers and sisters (on my Dad's side anyway), and it hasn't effected my life, and it probably won't effect my kid's lives. My wedding is probably going to be in California so that my mom's side (which is pretty small) can attend.

OH! Lastest news! My family "took a vote" and my Dad was "voted out!" WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!

I told Amy Campbell not to work for them this summer, and I hope she spreads the news to the other LDS kids that I know they're going to ask to work there.

yours,

Emily

Damn salty asian food is addictive.

I'm really hoping I don't get a sunburn or tanned from running out in overcast today. The weather was beautiful this morning, but because I've been busy didn't get a chance to run until an hour or so ago. The weather was still nice, though it was windy. It was like a creepily warm wind. I think there's going to be a storm tonight.

Yesterday me and Katelynn hung out, had tilapia, and enjoyed ourselves for a few hours. She went home around 2'. Me and Scott talked while he was at his friend's house, and I'm a little bit nervous to go back and read what I wrote to him. hopefully it made sense. I just remember me and Katelynn were laughing our asses off while we were writing things, yet at the same time... yeah, people sometimes get *confused* about what other people write if they don't hear the tone of what they say. My dad brought home costco groceries last night and my family has somehow consumed almost two loaves of pound cake. o_o My dad has an insane sweet tooth and love of carbs, yet he isn't obese. He's probably technically overweight because he's slightly short. I'm honestly glad I'm not as big of a junk food junkie as my dad and my sister are, but I still have my unhealthy perks...

..My biggest one being a very high consumption of salt and caffiene. I eat cup noodles for snacks pretty frequently, usually after school or around this time before dinner on the weekends (if we even have a sit down dinner at all on the weekend). Though these little bastards are incredibly high in salt, they are hot and tasty and eating hot food prevents me from snacking. When I eat something hot I usually feel much more satisfied than if I just eat processed snack foods.

I was going to make one of them but it looks like we're gonna have this pf changs thing. No, not really PF Changs, one of those entrees you buy in the frozen section at wal mart. They look pretty delicious and it beats eating ramen for dinner. I just love rice. too much haa. AHHHH this is so delicious!! PF Changs frozen entries are so goooood!!!

I think I'm gonna spend the rest of the evening just enjoying myself. Saturday night. :)

yours,
Emily

私はかんじをだいきらい... And a spontanious confession.

No phone, damn.

Tonight, right after I get done with this blog entry, I am going to spend two hours studying kanji. Because I need it, so bad. I realized this today when I had to look up practically every kanji... even 飲む, one that I knew a couple months ago but forgot it. My vocab skills and grammar is top notch from studying it so much  because thus far that's whats been prodominantly graded.

...But I am really trying to learn this language, and I've studied my ass off, but if I go to Japan kanji is everywhere and I at least want to know enough kanji to get around. My speaking skills at this point overall is pretty limited, yet the more I listen to Japanese the more I seem to understand and put two and two together based on what i've learned. It's exciting. Going to tutoring center every day has helped a lot.

Kanji is just piling on every single day, and I need to crack down more on it or I am going to be in a world of hurt when Sensee starts grading based on kanji use that we should know on homework and tests.

It's 8:00 pm, and today I basically went to school, went to japanese tutoring, drew in the Atrium, and came home. Then I ran a couple miles... Then I ate some microwave burritos for dinner.

Wouldn't it just suck if that's how lame my blog entries were every day? Ha ha. Usually this is why I just rant or talk about my feelings in my blog instead of talking specifically about my day, because oftentimes it's quite boring-- or not. I often experience things that I think "Man, I should blog about this.." but then forget.

rock is usually my first choice.

Today we actually tried playing rock paper sissors in japanese. Hannah was a champ, immediately, because she has a game just like it in korea. I didn't really get the game (it's not much like the one we have here in the United States), so I didn't really play. Hannah played with Gladys and sensee, though most people in the class were so confused.

Speaking of people in there, the system of a down concert is coming up and Sean said he thinks he should be able to go... but he's not making any promisses. If he can't, I'm going to buy the ticket from him and bring another friend. I can't go alone, but I have to go. and somebody might get to go to the concert free if Sean bails. Still, it'd be really cool if Sean could go, and then Katelynn/Jon could go to seattle with us for Jon's bday. They're not intending on going to the concert though because tickets are sold out...

In other news...

My transition between wellbutrin and paxil is nearly completed, though recently i've been feeling panicy and stressed. But there really is no point to it. I don't know why these thoughts haunt me and catch me off guard at times. My fears, my worries, my anxieties. But worrying is pointless. I just want to relax. It's so hard for me to relax. I think they've gotten worse though because of this transitional period. God forbid, I took paxil for 5 years, it's gonna take time to get it out of my system. Writing helps me though, I love this blog...

Someone in my family is very depressed, and it's very depressing to see him sad.

I really truly hate my dad's side of the family now. I do. Some say you can never hate your own family, but I'd beg to differ at this point. What they've done is disgusting. And I never want to see them again. Ever. Whats been done is done, and I can never forgive them for it. I will never be able to look my uncle Ty in the eyes. He's a dillusional puke, and I honestly think he's dangerous because he's mental. They are all acting like what has happened is normal, and it's as if they're trying to just put it out of their heads now and move on with their senseless lives. The most hilarious thing about this is that they're mormon, who are supposed to make family one of their highest priorities. But we're not mormon, so we've always been sort of outcasts in the family anyways.

My Grandma was never too interested in what me and Avery were doing, but would go on and on about my cousins about how fantastic they are. My aunt is simply playing along with this cherade because she doesn't want to take care of my Grandma. Because she knows that if Ty looses his "power" in taking over the farm, he's going to have a complete meltdown and could potentially stop taking care of my Grandma. So then my aunt would have to step in. She tells me that I don't understand what is going on, but I do. My dad was cut from the farm because Grandma and Ty wanted a bigger chunk of the money, though neither of them particularily deserved it because my dad does all the work. However, my Dad was HAPPY to break it into thirds. My grandma and uncle accused my parents of stealing, and Ty has essentially told my dad to get his stuff off the property because he's no longer "welcome there" and my grandma just sat through it, acting like she couldn't even hear it. Disgusting.

I no longer wanted to be associated with them, so I deleted all of them from my list of relatives and blocked them. I kept Traci up though (and has been the only person I've been in contact with since the fiasco) because she was not involved in this situation, and can actually admit to the fact that this is bullshit. Yes, she has her problems. I have my problems too, everyone has problems. But in living with Ty who told her to "Go kill yourself, we're all waiting for you to do it," I'm just happy she's not living there anymore.

These sick people I no longer consider family (excluding Traci). The only people that I consider family is my mom's side, and someday I hope to live closer to them. I haven't seen them in two years, and my cousins Aiden and Zoe look so much older now, and we've never even gotten to spend time with them. The only reason that my parents started living in Washington in the first place is because of this farm, and now that we're still living in Benton city my family feels extremely isolated because my dad's entire life has completely turned upside down. But I wouldn't want to leave Washington, obviously, it's my home. And if I didn't grow up here I wouldn't know Katelynn and Katharine. And I think my shitty overall experience in benton city has made me a stronger and more intelligent person in the long run.

Shit, where did that come from.

yours,
Emily