Things are never quite clear between us

This is usually how I look on "sloppy sunday." No makeup, giving my hair a day to rest from washing.... Lol notice the noise cancelling headphones. 

Technically today's Monday, Memorial Day. God Bless America

 I did two hours of statistics studying which made me feel really accomplished.. though I did so while watching TV so I don't know how much information I picked up.

 I guess lately I've been using schoolwork to mind off of other things. This morning I woke up with black eye makeup all over my face because I went to bed with my liner on *just in case* Terry ended up actually following through with the plans we had made earlier. Is that pathetic? Probably. Don't worry I washed off the rest of my makeup. After all of it I was just so exhausted from dealing with him.

Terry texted me last night around 6:30 pm when I was on the phone with my mom. He was asking what I was up too and if I had any plans that night. Well no, I didn't, but I said I was having a really nice night anyway. Because I was, I was playing my guitar and minding my own damn business like always. But I did take the time to get ready, though... Which as all you girls know is a PAIN IN THE ASS. And because it was Terry of course I looked my best. 

Throughout the night we kept eachother posted on what we were doing. Of course he's out somewhere making drinks and having fun with his buddies and every time he texts me I'm just doing the exact same thing. Lol playing guitar, studying, cleaning, reading, cooking, facebook.. Seems like that's all I do lately. And any time Terry texts me it's usually the same sequence of messages. Same old what are doing, etc etc... If I try to go into in depth conversation and don't finish with a question there's about a 50/50 chance he won't reply. Even if he was the first one to text me.

It's really odd, he's just not very conversational with me.... I sometimes think his brain is so absorbed in sports like mine is in the guitar that it's hard for him to really think about anything else. He's been sucked into this for so many years though that he doesn't know much other life I think. I've only been into the guitar for a year so I definitely have a wide spectrum of things to talk about aside from that.

But yeah Terry ended up going to some party at a lake and invited me but I wasn't sure what the deal was or even if he wanted me to go. I didn't end up going out there until around 12:30 am... I put "Reecer Creek" on my GPS and it took me about 10 minutes outside of town.

I turned down into a downhill dirt road where my GPS took me and I could hear a river. It was really creepy because there were no cars. I did not get out of my own car but I did crack the window and hear water. I pulled down closer and saw that there was a fence opening but I could not tell if it led to a dark road or the river. I didn't want to go down any closer to the river or get out of my car and check, it was all just too sketchy. I set my gps and drove back.

Terry texted me when I was 5 minutes away from home saying he was outside and didn't know where I was. I'm like alllrighty then. Of course when I was at the creek itself I tried calling him and he didn't pick up, and I knew he was pretty drunk at this point.

So yeah no fun! Came home and slept. He apologized for getting drunk too quickly. I'm like Dude you think this is about that?? It's YOUR BAD for not being clear on plans earlier, get your shit straight.

I'm so exhausted, I'm going to go to bed. Roommate was acting like a snag today but I already talked about it on facebook so I don't want to talk about it on here. night all

peace

Let's try an experiment. 40.

Last night ended up being fantastic. I went over to Heather's after dealing with Lindy's lack of knowing what the plan was for three hours+. I was done with it and Heather said it didn't seem like there were any actual plans, so we hung out there instead. We made some really tasty rice pilaf from rice they purchased in Jamaica.

It's unfortunate that it's already 2:30 because I have a lot of work to get done, but if I play my cards right this will be a very productive Sunday and I will be very ready for the following week. I have an idea, I'm gonna try to plan this exactly down to the hour and see if I'm more likely to get it all done.

Everything on this list MUST be done in order to do this:

1. One SOLID hour of studying Japanese. This means no half assed, doing something else in the background shit. 3:00-4:00 PM. I will get this done and out of the way to warm up for other studying.

2. Guitar for an hour. By the time I'm done with studying Japanese I might want a little break so this will give me that time. I've been improving a lot because the past couple days I've "removed the training wheels," so to speak. Originally I was playing with my hands positioned TOTALLY WRONG. I realized this after reading an article about it, and how the position of your thumb can greatly dictate the amount of space your fingers can make. It's incredible. Anyway that helps, still needs a lot of work, still kind of hurts to play in the proper position, but I'm working on it. 4:10-5:10.

3. Accounting homework from 5:15-6. Get done with what I can, then start getting dinner ready. Make something small for myself, maybe take some caffiene, and keep going.

4. Do something for exercise. I'm intending on doing some pilates right now before 3' but do some other exercise during this hour.

5. Visual Basic project after 7' PM. Read over Chapters 1 and 2 one more time to try to get a better idea of the material. I feel myself slipping behind in there and I can't let myself. This should take until 8:30 or so.

I wonder if planning a day to this degree will make it unenjoyable, or super productive. We will see right now.

peace.