Last difficult steps.

Hi!

I am speaking to you from probably the pinnacle of difficulty in the quarter. The few days before my final tests that I'm like ugh, hang on to your grade for dear life. This quarter one of my finals has particular importance to me, and that's my finite quiz that is happening on Thursday. I'm planning on studying for it another solid hour tonight. I've already done one and made little progress on where I feel I should be, but every time I sit down and look at it I'm making improvements. Youtube videos help, too, if I'm not getting a concept. The last hour I basically spent just trying to figure out what the assigned section he's having us work on now is talking about. I missed class today because I felt I'd be better off just coming back and cramming than trying to sit through an hour of lecture where I have no idea where he's talking about.

Matthew is very sweet, he brought by the final midterm review which is basically an introduction to statistics and it is HARD you guys... I'm not gonna lie, I'm having a hell of a time with this and I know other kids in class must be too. The girl that I sit next to in class with the blonde hair got the same low score on the half-credit quiz last Friday so I know this isn't just really difficult for me. Actually I know it's not. The reason that I want to get a good grade on this last test is just to finish the quarter well, and bump my grade back up to an A-. Right now I have an 89.5% or something like that because of the last quiz, and my last grade will be this Friday's midterm so it's really that or B. I know that he does drop a couple of the lowest scores, but I'd assume his gradesheet that he passes around reflects that.

I've worked pretty hard in that class but I don't know if I deserve an A, ha ha ha. I really didn't get most of it. Statistics is going to be so hard. Spring quarter is going to be one of the hardest I've ever taken I think. Then I've heard that the management classes aren't that hard.

Still I'm excited because there's only two more days, really. I'm done with Finite and Econ on Thursday-- which means tomorrow is going to be another day of epic studying and the more I study tonight the easier I'll make it on myself tomorrow. I've also got my English research paper due on Friday, which I started the first two paragraphs of my final draft today.

Do you guys like my studying set up?

I dragged the ikea table in from the living room to be able to sit on the floor. My heels have been hurting because I've been sitting on the floor a lot lately. I've got my econ stuff on my bed so that I switch back and forth between putting strain on my lower back and thighs, ha ha ha. Blah, it's a lot of work. I'm doing good, though, it's only 7:45 and I've spent a total of four hours studying today, played on guitar pro for 20 minutes (It's sad to say that's all the practicing I can ask for on a day like this), did some crunches and a little exercise, cooked a good dinner... It's been a relatively good day.

Aside from the fact that I'm pretty sure I've f'ed everything up with Abe with my own wackiness. I don't really know. I haven't talked to him since I pretty much flipped out on him last night for having not hung out in three weeks. I really shouldn't have done that. I know he's just as busy with his classes that I am. But I guess my own needs more more important to me yesterday. I don't really know. I hope I get to spend time with him again but I don't know if it's happening. 

I'm honestly too tired to stress out too much about that now. Granted I miss him a bit, and I have for the few weeks that we haven't spent time together and I only see him for about 3 minutes between classes. I'll update you all on how that plays out later. 

And to be honest with you guys I don't know if I'm super excited to move back home in a little while. I'm excited to see Katelynn and take a guitar lesson from Jake but I might not spend my whole time there. I just realized that I didn't sign up for any scholarships and I know my mom is going to ask me about that. Maybe I'm ungrateful for not taking the time to do stuff like that. Or maybe I'm just very exhausted.

peace. 

Didn't want to just go to bed

This blog is going to be short. It's 1 am. The fact that I've only practiced my guitar for an hour today and it's a Saturday is a little bit tragic, but I had a good day today.

I've felt a little icky looking the past couple days. I'm going to go to the salon and get a bang trim tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to find one open early on a Sunday. Tomorrow I also have a quick English assignment to do. Maybe start looking at economics chapter 11. That's my last chapter and there will be a last test on Thursday. I've done very well in that class. I don't think I'm going to show up on Friday just so see how I did on the test and make sure I passed the class. I know I passed. My last finite test will also be on Thursday, which will be about the statistics stuff that I told you about yesterday. 

English... I have to write that research paper on exotic animal ownership. The english assignment that I'm doing tomorrow requires using the sources (that I already found in the quick lab day, mind you. There was a "seminar" by some librarians that actually proved to be very helpful. I was able to find some articles on Ebscohost that I'm going to read and use in my research paper. I asked my professor for clarity on everything. She just nodded her head, like yes, yes, that's all fine. It was kind of funny. 

I will also get this started tomorrow if I'm not already seeing Abe. Oh wait.. I already did start it! I've been working very hard this past three weeks. I haven't had much... I guess distraction. But I have had a sense of longing. I like Abe, and I've had to wait for him for 3 weeks now. Originally we made plans on Thursday. Reina wanted to have lunch with me on Thursday. 

Well, I thought to myself, going to lunch with Reina would be a better option because she's my friend and she's only going to be here for a little while longer. Even if I really badly wanted to see Abe, I held off. He said "tomorrow". I.e. Friday, yesterday. He told me he was getting off of work at 6. I was busy enough on Friday. I did get some practicing done, gave a guitar lesson to Hassan, etc.. But I didn't get a chance to see Abe like I'd anticipated. He texted me saying he had a bloody nose. That he got hit in the face or something and it was going to take him awhile to get out the door. I didn't hear from him for an hour and a half or so. By about 8:30 I was like okay, what's going on here... I need to get ready. 

This girl named Emily invited to go to with her to a party. Well, she actually needed a ride to this party. No problem, I never know where these things are at so I wasn't too worried about it. I picked Emily up after getting Allie and we drove to this party. Emily had convinced us that instead of going to the barbeque we should go this place because there are going to be "way more people" and "way cooler." I didn't really care either way. I liked the idea of the party in town because it used less gas. I pushed the idea on Allie a bit for said reason and she said she was cool with doing whatever. We went to this party and it was packed full of people. 

I mean packed wall to wall. I have no idea who any of them were. I don't think Emily knew either but I guess that's just how these shindigs are. People get dolled up and get drunk with college kids in these houses that are pretty much used exclusively for partying. Blegh, what a life. 

Neither Allie or I were feeling it. I was feeling depressed because I wanted to see Abe that evening. I took this picture because I had told Allie earlier that I was talking my camera. She told me that I'm not allowed to tag her in photos because she could get in trouble. Fair enough. I just laugh because nothing about this picture would make her look like she's doing anything too devious. We were totally sober in that picture. I just wanted to get out of there. 

Right now, I'm quite frustrated because I haven't seen Abe and he might be out partying tonight, who knows. It's 1 in the morning on a... technically Sunday now. Ugh, my makeup feels gross with this much eye product on. I put on my makeup and this is one of those icky nights where I have to take it all off because nothing happened. I thought for sure after this hospital nonsense Abe would want to see me but apparently he's doing his own thing. Goodnight. 

peace. 

Look I'm Becky Katsopolis, hahaha

Check out my 90's Full House look today. 

Just kidding. I actually didn't intend to style my hair this way. Surprise surprise! It's actually due to barely straightening it this morning, then pulling my bangs out of my eyes continually while I work on homework.

All day I've been munching out. I'm planning on working out tonight because of it. Like literally there's no excuse for all the crap I ate. Belgian waffles, steak, mashed potatos, teddy grahams, cereal, a freaking bacon sandwich this morning... I don't eat as little as I might look. I try to eat as healthy as I can, but when I go grocery shopping and there's lots of accessible food a few steps away from my bedroom it's almost hard to resist. Right now I'm drinking a protein shake. It's been about four hours since I ate dinner and had a big sugar spike when I had those Belgian waffles for dessert. Those were a whopping 400 calories, not to mention the fact that I put peanut butter on top. I've unintentionally had a TON of protein today, I'm pumped to work out and burn some of this off once I finish this entry.

Uh let's see. Today was Monday. We're down to the last two weeks of classes, not counting finals week. That makes me giddy, I'm always excited for the quarter to be over. I feel like 4 more weeks of this I wouln't be able to maintain the grades I have. Or maybe I would... I would just be very, very burnt out to the point of no return. I love the quarter system.

I got an 8 on my finite math quiz. I'm very happy about this because I thought I'd done poorly. I think he might have cut me some slack because I came to his office and got help. That or the rest of the class did more poorly than I thought and mine was significantly better for getting the probability distributions what so ever. I was having an off day, too. The girl that sits next to me that's also one of the top students in class has been pretty entertaining to chit chat with every so often. She's very quiet but I can tell she gets sarcasm so I can joke around with her and not feel like she thinks I'm weird. 

I talked to Jessie briefly today when I mentioned how long until our next test in Econ. It's so weird, we don't talk at all anymore. I don't care, she's so normal, she's boring to me. 

I texted Abe last night after he didn't respond to one of my texts like, what is this? If you don't want to talk to me anymore just tell me. Something along those lines. He told me he's just not very proactive about checking or writing text messages. I'm not going to lie and say this hasn't been frustrating for me over the past two weeks because we practically never text anymore. We would only text a few messages back and forth in the past but now unless I instigate it we do not text. That is annoying. 

I think he got the memo though that it bothers me. He still wants to spend time together. When and if that will actually happen here in the next week or so I have no clue. 

Alrighty then, time to work out.

peace.

By the skin of my teeth, I got a class.

I've had a pretty great day. Surprisingly enough, here we are toward the end of the quarter and this is usually when I'm the most stressed. I'm not that worried about this quarter because of my current circumstances. I've done pretty well on almost all of my tests and assignments in my three classes this quarter-- with the exception of the quiz I took today in English that I forgot to read for. BUT. I got 135/150 on my critique paper!! That's an A-. I'm so happy about that.

I got an 85% on my economics test. Another score. How well I've done in my classes was definitely because of how hard I worked this last week. This week I've been keeping up for the most part but because of this "double-Monday" (as my professor calls it, the day after a three day weekend and everybody feels like they're playing catch up. It's the truth) I've felt like this week is flying by.

Starbucks coffee cake. 

I had my regular coffee and coffee cake with Reina today at Starbucks. She told me for a second time today (I had forgot) that she's leaving after finals. I've had a nice time meeting with her every week. It's been a treat to learn even more about the Japanese culture; but more than anything it really did make life more tolerable when I first moved here and had nobody to talk too. I cooked myself my favorite lunch today as well.

Alright I've really got to get some more work done tonight. I studied with Matthew in the library from 3-5 today like I was assigned (even if the professor isn't making us prove that we're continuing to have these study groups or not) at the beginning of the quarter. It was good to get that done.

 I also lucked out today. I'm #1 on a wait list for a professional speaking class that I'm taking next quarter. Originally I was pretty sure I was taking technical writing but now I'm actually happy that I'm in that speech class. Reason being it will almost definitely take less time to do assignments for that class than for my technical writing class and I need all the time I can get with how difficult statistics is going to be. I think next quarter could potentially be my hardest quarter to date.

I'm not saying professional speaking is a class I'm super excited for, but I am just happy that I'm going to be taking a class to inch me closer to my goal of graduation. I have to take a full credit load in order to continue receiving my student loans, which means if I had not gotten this class I would have had to take a class I didn't need. Could you imagine how hard it would be to study for a class that meant nothing?

With my CBC classes I used to always make a check-list of my current progress and with Winter quarter coming to a close I'll show you guys where I'm at:

Business Degree, total 100 credits. 

Pre-Requisite Requirements (pre-admission)
Done:
-Accounting 251 (Winter 2012), 3.4, 5 cred
-Accounting 252 (Fall 2012), 3.0, 5 cred
-Legal Environment of Business (Fall 2012), 3.3, 5 cred
-Pre-Calculus (Fall 2012), 3.0, 5 cred

Total: 20 credits

Current: 
-Econ 201 (Winter 2013)
-Finite Math (Winter 2013)
-English 102 (Winter 2013)

Marginal credits: 15
Total: 35 credits

Spring 2013:
-Econ 202
-Bus 241. Introductory Business Statistics
-Com 345, Professional Speaking

Total: 50 credits

Thus completing half of my total 100 credits at the end of my Junior year. 

This would not have happened had I not done some research today. I actually realized I had made some dumb mistakes while using safari and kept on thinking all the classes were completely closed and full when I would accidently look at "Winter 2013"s stuff. Why would that be the automatic option on the drop down list? It bogs the whole system up.

Oh well, it all worked out. 

Being #1 on a wait list is pretty much a guarantee that you're going to be in the class. Someone always drops and most professors are willing to squeeze in just one more person in an already full class.

Okay talk to you later guys.

peace.

Forgot about Valentines day.

Felt it was necessary to write. I had a minor panic attack a minute ago. On the bright side that was the first one I'd taken all month because of the Prozac. Tomorrow I have to run to Rite aid and get a refill on that. I think the panic attack was brought on by starting to do research for my English paper. It makes me feel panicked because I've somehow started to dread English papers.

Tonight my goal is to get a good start on it though. I studied economics for 45 min as well as my finite but I barely got a dent in the homework. I'm always a day behind in that class. I've figured out what I needed to know in yesterday's class but have really no clue what I'm doing with today's homework. Finite is a somewhat annoying subject. I've been working hard in that class to keep up but over the past couple weeks I've found it more difficult. I think it just gets that way at the end of the quarter, I'm very fortunate that I don't have to take the final.

I got registered for my classes today! I'm taking Carbaugh again for macroeconomics. Why try to change what's not broken, I'm doing really well in his class and his lecture, notes and tests are very straightforward. There's no surprises which are the kind of classes I try to register for. For statistics I'm taking a high rated professor named Sipic. I'm lucky this professor is highly rated because there was only one option... My classes are from 9-10, then an hour break, then 12-12:50. That's all I'm currently signed up for because I am  still a pre-business major and cannot sign up for 300 level classes.

The way things are going, and if I don't choose to take classes in Summer 2014, I will graduate after Fall 2014. That is seven quarters total here in order to get my degree, and after Spring quarter I will be a senior and will have all of my pre-requisites done. I'm really proud of myself for working this hard up to this point. It's taken daily study to get the grades that I want and with the struggle that I went through at the beginning of the year with depression and anxiety I'm satisfied with what I've done so far.

Oh! By the way, you guys might think this is funny. I forgot about valentines day.

Chocolate ganache looks like this. 

I mean I knew it was this week because of RadCon-- which I'm driving home for Saturday morning. But I didn't even take the time to check the calendar to see what day it was on. My friend Reina gave me a valentines chocolate today and I didn't even realize it was tomorrow. It was very sweet of Reina to do this by the way.


Anyway just now I checked the calendar and Valentines day is indeed tomorrow. Woops. I'm not doing anything that I know of. I do have an English paper draft that's due on Friday that I'm going to get started on tonight. I ate dinner at 4:30 so I'm getting hungry again. Waiting for Kristin to get out of the kitchen so I can go fix something. We haven't talked in about four days.

I'm pretty content with how things are going lately. I haven't talked to Jessie in my econ class either and our relationship has like... reverted back to being strangers, excuse my friend but it's pretty bizarre. I don't really care though, just like with Kristin I'm not going to push it. If she wants to talk to me, cool, I don't care. If she doesn't want to I don't care. I've actually made some friends so I'm feeling a lot less isolated here which has taken the edge off overall.

So yeah. No plans for valentines day, but I think I'll probably see Abe at some point tomorrow-- maybe. He suggested we hang out before he goes to work. We only recently met eachother so doing something for valentines day would be awkward. I don't know what direction anything is going with us but I enjoy his company and I think he's cute.

peace. 

Should be easy to sleep tonight

Ha ha, this is a picture Reina took yesterday and posted today. 

The last couple days have been exhausting for me so this picture already feels like it was taken a week ago. I finally got that horrible critique paper done-- which I had to pretty much entirely re-do from scratch because my first attempt at it was an absolute fail. Good thing we did peer reviews otherwise I would have been in for a rude awakening. Granted I don't think my paper that I wrote is outstanding by any means but it at least follows the assignment guidelines. 

Today I also had an econ quiz which was a little stressful because I haven't been keeping up with my econ studying as well as the first part of the quarter. I'm happy to say that I did barely pull a B on that quiz (I got 4 wrong, so 81%). Tomorrow I've got a finite quiz that I'm pretty prepared for and spent a solid hour studying for tonight. 

I haven't been playing guitar as much as I'd like too... Now that I know the precise day of the recital however and will be starting a new week tomorrow I'm feeling good about using guitar pro this week. That's basically what Jacob told me at our lesson tonight. He's like, "You've got the right piece now, it matches the one on guitar pro, break it up into little chunks and keep working on it." This week I didn't get nearly as much time to practice as I would have liked too but that's how it goes when it gets to this point in the quarter.  It starts getting more difficult. After tomorrow I'm pretty sure there'll be four more weeks of class. 

At least I'm done with accounting, ha ha. Any time I complain about this quarter I think of how much MORE stressful last quarter was. Last quarter that accounting homework would take me at least an hour and a half a day. I'm thinking statistics is going to be just as hard. Maybe I'll pick up the text early and start looking it over during spring break.. whatever it takes to make this class easier on myself. I also of course have to make sure I register early to get a decent professor. 

I had to do some reading for english tonight, too, but after spending hours on that paper my brain feels completely fried. I'm back to drinking coffee again, by the way. Wasn't doing that for a couple weeks but I'm back to drinking it again. I've been kind of getting back to feeling "Normal" again regardless of the fact that I'm here. For a long time I didn't feel like myself because I was so pessimistic about this place but things have been improving. 

Getting the hell out of my apartment has helped a lot. I don't have a job, though, and I'm kind of nervous to check my balance because I've been eating away my student loan money. Surc food is so f'ing expensive but I've really liked hanging out with Bruce and Trent this week and have met a lot of new people just by hanging around there. Just having two people that I feel comfortable around has made a world of difference for me. I was trying to make friends with girls when I first got here but I've gradually given up. I just feel more comfortable around guys generally; or at least they're easier to hang out with. 

My roommate and I still don't talk, really. I'm sure it's predominantly my fault. I haven't been as friendly as I could have but I still have difficulty talking to her for some reason. My friend Abe has come over a couple nights and he usually talks to her but I can't get into the brief conversations. 

Jessy and I have stopped talking. We don't walk to finite together because I've been walking to Abe instead. Honestly he's more entertaining to talk too, Jessy and I don't really click and since we saw eachother at that party it's been kind of awkward. She's started sitting next to this guy she knows in our finite class. This guy always wears really trendy looking clothes, blegh. Not my thing. I don't know why, I can't take a person seriously if they seem to take way too much time coordinating their outfits. Maybe because it's something that doesn't concern me what so ever. 

I like the way I dress though, honestly. I feel like when I'm ready and have more time I'll incorporate more into my look but for now it's so comfortable just being simple. 

peace.  

Round 8... START.

today marks the beginning of...
Week 8

ROUND 8

I have a CRAZY amount of shit to get done today, which is why I'm skipping my math class again. 

I've skipped it once a week for the past few weeks and it hasn't effected my grade or understanding at all. It'll probably benefit me a lot more to get a couple solid hours of study in for math and figure out everything we're going to need to do on the upcoming test. In order for me to skip a class and relax about it I have to study extensively in said subject... I of course haven't skipped my accounting or legal class once this quarter because they take role. Montgomery doesn't take roll, and I know today we're just going to do review problems. 

Without my bike it exhausts me go to my math class first thing in the morning.. I'm picking up my bike today after an appointment I have to go to at 10:45. Okay lemme just run through the stuff I gotta do today. Note that this is a pretty normal Tuesday...

1. Pick up bike from shop.

2. Go to appointment

3. Study math for 2 hours

4. Legal Quiz, chapter 11, 12, 13

5. F*ing accounting chapter read and 1/2 of that homework

6. Write up a new weekly plan

7. Vacuum

8. Laundry

So yeah it's gonna be a hell of a day. I've actually gotta pick up some important things that I'm out of at the store too, like milk and yogurt. Maybe I'll stop at the store after my appointment... Well I have to get the bike home first and I can't leave milk in the car DURING my appointment. Damn it, I'm just gonna have to run to the store later. 

Note to self, never buy a half gallon jug of milk. I can go through that in four days... 

I will feel so good and prepared for the upcoming week if I get everything done today. Week 7 was a lot of work getting prepared for that accounting test and I'm proud of myself for being done with that but now it's time to move forward again on a new page of Week 8. Another week of challenges

I feel bad because I might only be taking 10 credits next quarter... But as I look at my administration requirements I'm wondering if that's the right choice for me. 

Finite math for me is going to be difficult because it's a logic class.. And I would be taking economics with that which is an entirely new class for me. I don't know if I want to load Statistics on top of that and potentially overload myself. 

If I did only take 10 credits this quarter, I would be taking Statistics, Econ 202 and Intro to Financial management in the spring. That's Finance 370, my first real University level class. Just taking one will give me a taste of what's to come the following year. 

Hmm... There appears to be some communication classes that I could possibly take this quarter, including English 310, technical writing. I liked my technical writing class at CBC. I don't know if I'll have to take English 102 in order to get into that class though so I need to call the admissions office about that today. I'm hoping to God my Technical writing class at CBC can override that credit or I might be stuck taking English 102 this quarter. 

Of course I don't have that much problem taking an English class. They're not the most frightening classes to me because I'm a good enough writer, I'm opinionated and I know how to get my thoughts down on paper. I just hate all the reading and time consuming papers English 102 often demands of you. 

Yep, now that I'm looking at this it appears I'm going to be stuck taking 102... I better find a decent professor and put it in my shopping cart. It's going to be another really tough quarter but if I can get good professors everything will be okay.

Wow, there's no reviews for any of the English professors that are teaching this quarter. I'm going in blind with that professor... Here's my final list for Winter:

-English 102 with Fleming, Mo-Wed-Friday from 8:00-8:50 AM
Gah, another 8:00 class, damn it, it's what I have to do...

-Econ 201 with Carbaugh, Mon-Friday 9:00-9:50

-Math 130 (Finite Math) with Width, Mon-Friday 10:00-10:50

So no more 2 hour classes, which is nice, which means every day I'll get done at 11 and have the rest of the day to study or do whatever needs to get done. I think I can handle this class load, it's a good divide of math, business and reading. I say reading because I know English 102 will require a lot of it, just like my Legal class did this quarter. 

Shit, there's something shoved behind my drawer that is making it so I can't close the damn thing and its driving me crazy. I need to call a maintenance guy to get that fixed. He's actually going to have to unscrew and remove the entire drawer to recover whatever got shoved back there. Annoying.

Alright anyway I gotta go, better get started with that list... blegh

peace.