Sunday, January 11, 2015

Spent all day sleeping in this cave.....

What's up Gringos?

Today has been.... oh man, incredibly unproductive, no motivation to to sh*t. Likely because I got super drunk with my roommate last night on that big thing of Svedka my dad purchased me the other day and think I blacked out for the first time. Like I didn't remember saying goodnight or anything. What's weirder is that I woke up with a blanket on half naked! Which is course scared the hell out of me, like "What the hell did I do last night?" My shorts and underwear were thrown across the floor because it appeared I had spilt water all over myself. Of course I texted Veronica this morning kind of freaked out thinking, "Good freaking god please don't say I did this before you went to bed..."

Luckily no, thank God. She just put the blanket on me when I fell asleep and went to bed. I probably had woke up to drink the water, spilt it, took off my shorts when I was under the blanket, and went back to sleep. Still though. Holy cow. I think I had a lot of social anxiety hanging out with my roommate for the first time which is what led me to taking many-a-shot with orange juice. Veronica is totally cool though, she said not to worry about it, lol. I'm hoping at least she got a buzz and had some fun.

I remember being pretty blunt talking about my pot addiction and how hard it's been to quit. That's probably another reason I really wanted to get drunk last night, it was an "itchy" day for me because I had gotten everything I needed to done and I was really bored. Obviously alcohol is something I don't need to be making a habit of either but hey, what I did on a Saturday night is over and now I've got a whole week of being productive and cognitive at school this upcoming week. I'm excited to be able to learn and remember more the first time I hear it.

Uhm, god let's see anything else... I mean like I said today was completely useless. I had my head in a bowl first thing this morning. My limbs were twitching out and I'm pretty sure I slammed my head on something last night because I woke up with something that appears to becoming a bruise. Yea I was bad.

Did I tell you guys the other day my Dad came up and really helped me out? He took my entire stash with him in a safe, essentially preventing me from smoking entirely.. aside from this tiny bag of scrap I know is floating around here somewhere from the move that I might as well throw away but for some reason don't want to. Like it's on an "emergency needed" basis if I have a major panic attack at school or something. I don't see that happening anytime soon though, for the most part I've been happy since I moved here.

I just need to think whenever I want to smoke how much of a better person I feel now that I'm not doing this anymore. And really how much more productive I've become. I feel I have more motivation to keep a clean environment than I had before. Granted it's not perfect yet in here. I've still been trying to find a place for everything so I can post some pics online. Better do that this week.

Watching an Anna Nicole documentary might've triggered thoughts of dead blonde bimbos. 

Getting drunk sometimes gives me crazy, vivid and sometimes frightening dreams but I've never had one as bad as this.

Last night I had morbid dreams about death and killing. In my dream I remember confiding in someone my desire to stab and choke my nemesis in highschool then later had flashes of a man in an eye-less skii mask ripping apart her flesh with piano wire and just standing there not doing anything to help her like I didn't care. There was caked blood all over her blonde hair like she'd been stabbed. I had no idea my sub-conscious could carry such horrific, gruesome images. When I woke up I started puking again and didn't want to do anything today. It honestly kind of scared myself. 

I just think my brain was dealing with this pot detox, plus my anti-depressants, then throw a bunch of Svedka on top and you've got a good recipe for the perfect night terror. I mean I'm sure deep down I still hate that bitch but I'd never kill anyone or order someone to be killed. Freaky.


No comments:

Post a Comment

Let's avoid being rude and nasty, thanks