When your first crush gets married..

Talk about a weird feeling. .

I mean it's not like I didnt expect it because he's Mormon. It seems like all the Mormons I graduated with are getting married recently; which is cool, I am I guess you could say "in love with love." I love the idea of a "happily ever after."

It's just when I got an invitation to his wedding something hit me. Not jealousy nessasarily because I haven't talked to him in years. It was something different. A weird combination of sadness, happiness, nostalgia and enlightenment is the best way I can describe it. 

I'm happy he's happy but seeing the picture of him and his fiance in loving embrace made me feel envious and sad for some reason. Like why haven't I felt that, I want to feel the sense that who I'm with is right for me.. both emotionally and physically. For years I wanted him more than anything but because he's LDS knew it was impossible and by the time I hit highschool gave up and forgot about it. I guess the rush of emotions seeing that made me tell my mom while we were watching some crime documentary. .

"Yea.. I don't think I can make that...."

And she responded "yea, Mormon weddings can be long. I'll make them a pillow as a gift." And that was the last we talked about it. And this is the last i'll talk about it on this blog.

Im happy for those people that are truly happy at my age. Really I am. I'll just keep praying its on my own road someday.

Peace.

私の ともだち と 結婚....

It's hard to believe really. How many people that I've known for my whole life, or at least went to school in the same class with me or a year or so older are getting engaged and married... or have plans to be. Then there's the mass amounts of pregnancies everywhere.
My two best friends, Katelynn and Katharine, are both probably going to be married in the next couple years.

Katelynn and Jon

My friend's boyfriend Jon proposed to her a couple days ago before bed, and it was probably the cutest story I've heard in awhile. He apparently grabbed her hand by the side of the bed after they got done watching a movie, and told her that on the day that he went to wish her Dad a merry Christmas he asked his permission to marry Katelynn. I am so incredibly happy for her. Ever since she's started dating Jon she's been a lot happier and has been making better decisions. For awhile there, she was hanging out with this gross, drug using, gay guy* that would just put her in terrible situations. Now that she is with Jon, and has a job, she has turned her life around dramatically and is now almost completely independent from her weird family problems. Plus they are going to go to school together soon.
Though they are young, I feel that it is the right decision because of how much they really do love eachother, as well as benifit from eachother. They aren't going to get married until Katelynn is 21, which I think is a smart decision too. Rushing into things is always a bad idea..

Katharine and Brian

My other best friend, Katharine, is with this guy named Brian who she is intending on getting married too as well. The situation with them is a little bit different then Katelynn and Jon though because Brian is 27. They went to school together and now he's living down in LA. She visits him for really, really extended periods of time (like 2 weeks) and doesn't get sick of him so that's always a good sign. Personally, I don't think I could be with anyone for 2 weeks that I could think of without needing some time alone-- oi. She doesn't seem to want to be away from him though, and really loves him too. So me and my mom are pretty sure that they are going to get married too-- plus she's told me this, it's not just an assumption on my part.

Me and Brian didn't have a very good encounter and I don't want to have anything to do with him, but if he makes Katharine happy then I'm happy for her regardless.

So I felt that I needed to make a blog entry about this. I just think it's pretty incredible. I'm not saying it's a bad thing at all, it's just surprising. Lots of life changes for my best friends right now. And they're not the only ones. Nathan is moving in with his boyfriend, Christine is pregnant (along with a few other people), Kami is getting married... I could name a bunch of others. Crazy isn't it?



Yours,

Emily

*NOTE: I have NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING against gay people! In fact a lot of my best guy friends are gay. Though, this guy is the kind of flamboyant, elitest gay that I can't stand.