Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Last regular week, I can barely believe it.

Evening everyone, it's 10:52 pm, last Tuesday of the last week of regular class this quarter.

Next week of course is finals week but because I won't have class while I'm studying for the ETS exam and doing my forecasting project, this week feels like the last. I've written out my plan of action to finish this quarter strong and I'm feeling confident in my ability to do so if I stay strong and don't let burnout take control.

That shouldn't be a problem this quarter. Regardless of the fact that I've worked extremely hard, these past few weeks have been probably more fun than what I'd normally be having in the summer. Hanging out with  Joel and his friends has made schoolwork and my weekends much more enjoyable. I still like him as much as when we started hanging out but I really have to continually remind myself that it's temporary.

This isn't even something I have to worry about when I'm sober, either... When I'm sober our "relationship" is clear-- That he's not my boyfriend, we're just spending time together in college (thus should not try to hold hands in public, etc) and there's probably little to no chance we'll see eachother this summer, if ever again. But when I've been drinking and we're hanging out for hours and hours on end things get kind of fuzzy.

Sunday night we'd both had a couple beers and met up at his place. The plan was to come back to my place and study. Honestly when I'd got to his house I was feeling pretty goofy, enough so to have got my yoga pants caught in my bike chain about four times on the way there. When we were walking back together through campus I grabbed his hand (which I figured was fine, considering we'd held hands before when we go out but then again he was probably drunk...) and he sort of shook it off. Like, 'no, not cool.'

We walked back together most of the way but when we got to Brooklane I kind of bolted ahead of him. Like I started speedwalking and he didn't keep up so I kept going. When we got back he thought I was mad at him. I think part of me was.

One morning I'd made a comment that my study habits have gotten worse "since we started dating.." and he said "I wouldn't say we're dating."

So there you go, nevermind. Apparently spending almost every day of the last three weeks together still wouldn't constitute as "dating." It's fine, I've still really enjoyed his company and will hopefully continue to until school is over. We work really well together and he's extremely complimentary of me so it's been nice having him around but we've obviously spent too much time together lately and I was starting to get the wrong ideas.

Today I did a solid 3 hours of econ studying for my midterm the day after tomorrow. I also had an AWESOME grocery shopping trip today. I was able to get all of this at Bargain market for only $46:

If I'm able to cook and eat as I have the past week-- innovative to run down my actual stock of food, this could be enough to last me until I move out. I'm not sure the exact date of that but I know I really need to start job hunting. I can't have another summer where I'm unemployed for the first four weeks of being back, that sucked last year. 

Man, I'd honestly love to go work on the farm this year. I know that's kind of fucked up to say with what happened to my Dad and never really getting an apology from Grandma about it but I need the money and me and Ty really don't have beef with eachother anymore. I mean trust me, I hate what Ty did to my Dad kicking him off the farm. Ty owns the farm completely now and it would be really hard for me to deal if he got mad and started yelling at me or something... Though somehow I couldn't picture him doing that if my Dad wasn't around to rile him up. 

I'm going to message my aunt and see if Graham's planning on working this summer.


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