Monday, March 4, 2013

I finally realize what I'd want.

Ha ha, okay there's a first for everything.

Jessie, the girl that I sit next to in my economics class, and I have have not talked for over a month. I don't think she particularly likes me. I deleted her from my friends on facebook. I don't think her and my personalities really click. I'm too nice to people, ha ha ha. I'm sorry but jeez, you should have seen these nasty looks her friend was giving me when I was at this party. Her friend Alan who's apparently competed in American idol with an accent and Jessie's roommate sat with us and spent most of their time talking smack about other girls. I really had nothing to say, and found myself quiet the majority of the time. I didn't imagine I'd be hanging out with them again from that point on and I didn't realize Jessie disliked me until the night of that party.

Actually I think she'd been sort of giving me the cold shoulder for a couple weeks prior to that. Ha ha, she discovered our personalities didn't click very well before I did. I decided after that night to stop talking to her. We haven't talked ever since.

Around the same time my roommate and I stopped talking. I'm not too worried about it.

I've been watching Daria a lot on Hulu. Did I tell you guys that I've got Hulu premium? For a month or so anyway. I plan to cancel it when I'm done watching all the episodes and get sick of it. Like king of the hill, this is best taken in little chunks here and there and not watch them all back to back because they can get boring. I find this show really humorous but a little less enjoyable for me than King of the Hill for some reasons.

There's something really nostalgic feeling about Daria because it used to be on in the background at times when I was a kid but I was too young to get the humor so it never caught my attention for very long. The first episode came out in 1997, when I was six. The dull, grungy colors are very 90's feeling.

This is Trent Lane from the show Daria. Want  to hear something kind of funny? The first thing I'd really recalled from the show when I was reminded that I wanted to watch it is that I thought Trent was hot. From the one or two times I probably watched it at Katharine's house when I was 9 or 10. My tastes in men have not changed what so ever, hahaha. Grungy musician types with dark hair.

No, I'm just kidding. To be honest I have no idea what my type is physically, an attractive guy is an attractive guy. I more go for good "Types." I'm not trying to stereotype  but there are definitely different "Types." Like I've been attracted to cowboy types (not my thing what-so-ever but I have liked a couple), skateboarders (in my younger years), musicians, snowboarders, artists,... Idk, just as long as a guy has something that he's up too so that he's not bugging me all the time. He's got to have something going on. I used to perceive types inaccurately when I was younger.

Creative abilities are always a plus but not necessarily guitarists I've found. As I've dealt with guitarists I've learned that I don't want to date one because it's a very competitive game, ha ha ha. Okay it doesn't HAVE to be but it's what really inspires us to progress. It does not bother me that Abe doesn't practice all the time like I do.

I don't think I could ever be with someone just like me, but there are some qualities in my personality that I like a guy to have. Like I like him to be able to not humiliate himself in a large group of people. It is very important that a guy has enough composure to be around other people and not make me feel awkward. Now I am much, much less picky about this with people in general. In fact I'm an extremely tolerant person. But when it comes to someone I'm dating, having composure is an absolute plus.

I think that's one of the reasons I liked Jed quite a bit initially (I swear to God I do not still like this guy. I just have few references of guys I've really liked since I've discovered that I am qualified as a person to not settle for someone I'm not attracted too). He told me that his appearance and how he acts around people is something worth paying attention too. I understand what he means completely. Even if I don't try to second guess what I say and do in my everyday life when I do say stupid things because that's pointless (and I used to do a lot of that when I was younger) I try to say what's appropriate for a given time/who I'm talking too. We all do it. And I'm not saying you're two faced. Or have multiple personalities. But you wouldn't talk to your best friend the same way you talk to your grandmother.

It really has taken me years to manage having any kind of confidence and composure. I can look back on my old blog entries from years ago on facebook and think of this. I think life is just what you make it. How you perceive it. It's unfortunate to say that some people are born into very, very hard circumstances and find it hard to live successful, fulfilling lives because they are immobilized by the obstacles of their upbringing. Though everyone is born with a certain nature (whether or not this is inherented from your parents in some way is questionable), the things that happen in your life sculpt who you are.

When I think of people that started out with a messed up life I often think of the stories of those on Intervention. This is one of the more memorable ones, Christy. 

It seems like almost all of these drug addicted women on Intervention were molested when they were younger. I would say this has a higher frequency of leading to drug dependancy than other disasters in a child's life.


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