I don't want to be afraid anymore.

Today was a little better because of the following video

MyOwnStickFigure has been one of my favorite inspirational youtubers for awhile now. Though he's not necessarily trying to be an inspiration for anyone he makes these videos where he speaks out living with anorexia as well as tons of helpful advice that he's learned from years of therapy. These videos can be very helpful for me because I do deal with my own food anxiety. 

He's stopped making videos. Many people assume he passed away but did not close the channel to continue to help those in need. I originally thought this might be true as well until I looked at his channel activity and saw that he'd editted a playlist only three months ago (his most recent video was six months ago). I think he's still alive, but he's really found his faith and has many videos with his favorite.... I believe it's called "proverbs?" so I think today he's been dedicating all of his power to getting healthy and his spirituality. I hope so... Johnny's a really good person. He's been through so much with anorexia and he's finally found strength through his faith. I feel the same way about my anxiety and I hope I can get the same results. 

So yes, with the anxiety today was better than yesterday. Yesterday was pretty bad because I didn't take Lorazapam all day and really felt nervous and anxious. I ended up taking a whole pill instead of just a half in the evening when I felt like I just couldn't take it anymore and felt calm for the first time all day. I'm beginning to realize that when I run out of my perscription of Lorazapam there is a possibility that I will need to return to my doctor to seek other anti-anxiety medication options. 

Today I took two halves of Lorazapam. That and studying more about God has made today both relaxed and slightly emotional. Like I said before, whenever I read or talk about Christianity it has a way of making me cry because it's something that I know I need to find in my life again but I've been scared to face it and have pushed it under the rug time and time again until I felt I was ready.

Well, I feel now would be a better time than ever. People often turn to religion when they're going through hardship in their life and though many people who see my life from the exterior might think my life seems nearly perfect do not understand what I go through internally. This anxiety during this very transitional period of my life has made if difficult to live and makes it harder and harder to enjoy... anything! I've gotten so much great advice and support from friends and relatives yet I seem to slip back into these feelings of fear, tension and anxiety. I think it's time for me to finally ask God for help. 

Another big inspiration for me is IchBinKeinberliner, or Kristin. She has schizophrenia and makes many videos about mental illness, including depression and anxiety. I discovered this evening that she has a website: 

http://kristinbell.org/2007/07/25/tips-and-tricks-for-surviving-a-mental-illness-1/ 

I'm going to start reading these pages this evening. Though the mental illness that I've had to deal with throughout my life isn't I guess as... radical as what she's been through, I can still relate to many of her videos and get good advice from them. YouTube has been so helpful for me to better understand such a wide variety of incredible people and in exchange better understand myself. 

That's really all I had to say today. Quite honestly I spent my entire day in my room. I got up at about 8' this morning, took a shower, lightly blowdried then hoped on the Sims. I've actually gotten quite a bit of enjoyment out of the Sims 3 expansion where you can make your sim a celebrity. Later when I get my computer back onto the internet I'll post a few screenshots of my character's rise to stardom, haha. 

I played guitar for a little less than three hours today. Brendan and I didn't text that much but I'm really excited to see him tomorrow. Tomorrow is New Years eve after all! Which means I will begin packing tomorrow morning, excellent. I've had a pretty good Christmas break overall, and it's going to feel nice to get back into the old grind.

But it's actually not the OLD grind! With this New Year I have many resolutions to help improve my quality of life from where it is now. I will tell you guys those tomorrow. 

peace. 

Finally saying No.. after four years of this nonsense.

Fillip S. posted this earlier. Sometimes I wonder if what this says is true. People that have faith seem to be a lot more calm about their life, including Brendan who has witnessed a number of my panic attacks. He tells me to pray and meditate and it helps, but meditation often seems unappealing when getting into my own thoughts is often what leads me to feeling the panic. 

Any time I think about religion I start to cry because I'm scared of it. That's why I get so nervous to talk about anyone about it because I'm embarrassed. Being in churches tends to make me feel like I'm going to cry, too. I remember walking around the catholic church with my great Grandma and saw some of the alters and cried.. Going to a place to study what happens in the unknown scares the Hell out of me. But maybe it could help me improve my life and help my anxiety.

I haven't taken Brokaid in a few days which I'm pretty sure is why I've felt an increased amount of panic. Today hasn't been particularly bad, but it has worsened as the evening has progressed. I think I was nervous about the party that I thought I was going to with Josie because it snowed today and the roads are probably bad. I don't like driving on icey roads, especially not at night.

Josie was actually the first one to text me about it. She's at work and said she might not feel like going because of the weather. I told her I totally understood. 

I feel as though I might be getting sick, anyway. I have a runny nose and my throat is a little sore but not too bad. Probably would be better for me to get a good night sleep if this is the case. I'll be really happy to see Brendan again on the 31st.

That's Brendan on the left. : )

I can honestly call him my boyfriend now, even if we're not "facebook official" and probably won't be for a few weeks. The reason I can say this without a doubt is because yesterday I made one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in a long time because of my feelings for Brendan. 

Jack is the first person I've ever had very strong feelings for. They started out when I was about a sophomore in highschool and over the past few years he's kept these feelings alive by texting me off and on, acting like he's going to make plans and then never following through with them. Everything is 100% on Jack's time, he texts me when he's alone-- which is incredibly rare because he's always around bros. He also texts me when he's drunk. It's like, that's the only time he allows himself to actually think of me and that alone is an insult that I've grown to realize about him.

He always texts me out of the blue around the holidays, or when we've got some break from school. I always delete his contact from my phone because what will happen is we'll talk a little bit, then he'll abruptly stop talking and my feelings get hurt and I delete the contact again. It's been something I've been dealing with for years. On numerous occasions I told him to just stop doing this, told him I couldn't stand him anymore, the whole bit... But it's almost like he knew that no matter what I said it didn't make a difference because I'd forgave him in the past.

Jack texted me shortly before school ended asking when I was going home. I told him and he responded that he wasn't coming back to the tri cities for a couple weeks. This was shortly after (before I met Brendan) I'd out of the blue invited Jack to come over one evening when I was stoned, lonely, and didn't even care anymore about my dignity in the situation. Not anymore.

Jack texted me yesterday morning that he wanted to start spending time together again. It all just sounded like bait, he's done this crap before. He's been in the tri cities hanging out with his bros all week, I'm sure... Even when I was living in Ellensburg he never made any effort to talk to or visit with me, and we live a f*cking block from eachother! I would never be a priority to him, I would always be something of convenience... 

So of course I know I had to tell him no, I can't. I'm seeing someone. Period. Brendan makes me a priority in his life, he and I get along so well and he doesn't cause me any stress. In fact he helps my anxiety because he's a very spiritual, intellectual person that has the patience to actually listen to me. I would not want to give up what I have with Brendan to put myself in the almost inevitable disappointment with dealing with Jack again. 

I feel weight lifted from my shoulders having been able to finally tell Jack "No" but it's one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in this respect. Not because I don't have feelings for Brendan, but because of the feelings I once had for Jack and somehow over the years my mind built him up to be something so great... So that's been stressful but talking about it here makes me feel a lot better. 

My family's all hanging out in the living room. I should really make some tea and join them for a bit. Josie might be coming over later this evening. Originally we were planning on going to a party that her coworkers are holding but the snow on the roads and potential for worse weather later tonight deterred both of us from wanting to go. 

peace. 

Eating fast, some anxiety with food.

Last night Brendan drove over... for the THIRD time this break, ha ha we can't seem to stay away from eachother for that long. No word from him yet this morning, he's probably just doing chores or hanging out with his brother or something.

We're going to see eachother in a few days on New Years eve. I'm really happy to start my year with him. I'm wearing the socks he got me right now. I've got some laundry to do and if Sam gets ahold of me I'm going to go into Richland to make a deposit then hang out with her. I texted her earlier but haven't gotten a response yet.

Brendan and I went into town to do a couple returns and we went out to a late lunch at Stone soup. I accidentally ordered a turkey sandwich even if I've been eating turkey for the past few days. I was craving vegetables more than anything but couldn't think of what meat I wanted so just got turkey. It was good though, I really like Stone soup. I got their delicious enchilada soup with the crushed chips on top, too. I ate too fast... Brendan makes me realize this because he eats his food at a really slow, controlled pace. I'm envious...

I think the main reason that I eat fast is because I don't enjoy most food that much. A lot of food I eat very quickly because I'm afraid that if I slow down and really taste what I'm eating I won't want to keep eating it and I won't get the nutrients that I need. Not enjoying food started when I was working at Rite Aid, taking two Bronkaid a day and barely felt like I needed food at all. Now I only take a half Bronkaid every couple days when I feel I need it and it doesn't seem to have a dramatic effect on my eating habits.

I think I will start purchasing cookbooks or cooking magazines to get more inspiration and recipes.. A lot of the food I cook for myself is more about substance and nutrients to feel full and not get sick. 

I think my fast eating cause a lot of my chest pains too. I've still been dealing with that. I'm going to buy some tums and antacids and hopefully that will absolve the problem and I won't have to see the doctor again. Brendan told me one free doctor visit is part of my tuition so I'm going to take advantage of that if these chest pains don't go away.

Brendan told me my personality is like a tornado. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I think my eyes make my emotions very obvious.

I want more than anything to just believe there's nothing wrong with me. That I have nothing to worry about... We live in this country of fear and I try to live my life as happily and safely as possible. I feel like God and my ancestors gave me this incredible gift of intelligence, beauty and musical talent. I feel so lucky yet I often go through fear and anxiety that there's something wrong with my health and everything will be pulled out from under me. In the new year I want to improve this.

peace. 

Started fingerpicking. Found some inspiration.

The guitar is funny. It can make you feel like a well-rounded player and then find a major hurdle and feel like a beginner again.

Fingerpicking has always been something I've stayed away from because for the first few months or so I was so focused on getting my fingers in the right position to hit notes that taking on the burden of focusing where my individual fingers on my right hand were going sounded impossible. I didn't touch fingerpicking for the past nine months or so that I've been really playing until a few days ago.

I know little bits and pieces of knowledge about World of Warcraft from spending time with Tyler and Jack. I looked up "Lions Pride World of Warcraft" on google image search and got this. Apparently someone built a lodge and called it "Lions Pride Inn." Or maybe that's part of the game and that's where the song I'm learning plays... I have no idea. 

I'm working on a couple "easy" songs from Songsterr just for finger picking-- Lions Pride from World of Warcraft and Wind Scene from Chrono Crusade. I've found one finger picking exercise that will get me into the habit of picking with the right fingers but it's much, much easier said than done. I have a lot more respect for a number of guitarists that I know that predominantly finger pick because I believe getting the hang of it will take just as much time as alternate picking did.

I posted a status today about learning to fingerpick just so that Jacob gets the memo and might send me something on Thursday for it if I remind him tomorrow. I haven't been on facebook all day aside from that. Maybe that's why it feels like a good day to me. I practiced a whole whopping 160 minutes. Just like back in the summer... I really spread that time among a lot of different skills so I feel I'm better managing my practice time lately, too.

Of course that's bound to change when school starts and things are a little more complicated time management wise. I'm going to have to be aware of how much time I'm spending with Brendan. I'm just so happy that he's there though, it makes things a lot less stressful going back because he's a really good listener and I know he can help me with a lot of things-- he's already taken Finite math and english 102. I haven't taken any English in forever.. it's weird to think that's the class I'm most concerned about but economics is supposedly extremely difficult too.

Shawn G. was going to have a sledding thing today and I was debating going this morning. I had plenty of time to think about it because the actual event wasn't until 3. Well since then the snow has melted for the most part, so sledding was a no go.

I don't have much planned for the next couple days (27th and 28th). I'd like to see Katelynn again before I go. She got the new Final Fantasy game for Christmas so I'd like to see the graphics. Speaking of games I think I might play the sims again this evening... I'm hoping my Mom made dinner because I haven't really eaten since 12 and I'm getting hungry and don't feel like cooking again.

peace.

Memory foam will improve my quality of life

So it was Christmas today!

I'm feeling fine, just locked the doors up, did one workout... not really feeling like doing another one. Holiday food has taken a tole on me. I know it sounds lame because it's Christmas but I've gotten sort of out of shape since I've gotten home so I wanted to make sure to do a couple workouts tonight. Today I played a little over an hour.

Christmas festivities were good! Woke up early this morning to take a shower and get my makeup on because I had plans to deliver some of the baked goods my sister made to my Grandma's house. I went over there at around 11:30 after we were finished unwrapping presents.

I got a lot of awesome stuff for Christmas this year. I made a pretty specific list and my parents really did buy everything I wanted.

My Dad got me a guitar calendar, some deodorant, razors, and a Rite Aid gift card for $50 which will come in handy. Better Rite Aid than Fred Meyer, the couple options my Dad had for gift card shopping. Gift cards are such a nice gesture because it sort of allows some impulse spending. If someone gives the reasonable person cash they won't blow it all on junk they don't necessarily need.

My Mom got me shampoo, conditioner, a Mac slant brush (wow!), a new Mac eyeliner (I still have a lot left of my other eyeliner so I'm good for awhile in case it takes me awhile to find a job in the summer or something), paid for next month's guitar lessons, an excellent straightening iron that I really needed, a Mac foundation which I'm going to exchange, and a memory foam mattress pad.

Wow, Christmas makes me feel pretty luxurious, haha. I'm very excited to have all these nice things, but I try to stay humble at the same time. I need to remember that I'm extremely blessed to be given all of these nice things and to be grateful to my family for the tenacious amount of money they're spending on our education and now Christmas. They really do hold it together well considering how my Dad has always behaved about spending. He's probably just accepted there's no way around it.

Brendan got me those striped socks in the right corner. I've been wearing them all day, including when I went out to my Grandma's house and sat and talked for awhile. Traci was there with Wyatt, who already has a Wilson stocking. My Grandma gets on those things, haha. Traci is doing well, she's got her own apartment now so she'll be living there with Wyatt. Anthony lives with my Grandma and I'm pretty sure his bedroom is that whole left upstairs so I wouldn't see why he'd want to leave. I'm sure he's got tons of video games up there. Grandma has told me about how much he plays X-Box.

The way I see it there's a lot worse things a 14 year old guy could be doing than video games... I figure if Anthony's playing video games he's not causing any issues for Grandma. My Grandma is getting lap band surgery in about a month. It's a relatively safe surgery but I'm still worried about her health going into it. Her hair is looking good, she actually looked pretty healthy today and I'm hoping the lap band surgery will help her lose the weight she needs to lose to maintain a healthier lifestyle. It's different to think she's in her 70's now. She seems the same to me as she always has.

Grandma gave my sister and I $50 each so that'll be some nice extra money to put in the bank too. So this has been a pretty excellent Christmas to go with a nice couple weeks off. I have one week left of staying home. I'm getting to the point where I'm a little more ready to go back. I'm sure by New years Day I'll be packing things up ready to go... or hung over at Katelynn's. Both.

Aww, Miranda looks so sweet on my bed right now. She's been awake almost all day, running around and being mischievous. She had a good Christmas too.

peace. 

Happy Chrimbus Eve!

I hope everyone is of course having an excellent Christmas eve, it is 12:44 PM. Mom's planning on making ham for dinner tonight, we have a pretty massive amount of gifts under the tree, I have all day to practice... All is right in my world.

I even have my sister's chair today because she's going to be with Jimmy over in... I can't remember. Some town far away hanging out with his family. I woke up in a nasty mood again and started yelling about stupid things. I can't even remember what it was I was yelling about, I've honestly been a snit in the morning lately. Oh, I was trying to pack up most of my computer software and my POD. That's kind of a delicate job. Honestly I shouldn't have brought any of that stuff here, haven't used it! 

Mizu last night was interesting. The weather was extremely bad driving to Pasco. Lots and lots of hard rain, which luckily didn't freeze but it felt as though it was on the verge to. I picked up Hannah at about 5:45, right on time. We talked all about the current affairs in Korea. Hannah knows all about how Chinese are using North Korea as a tourist destination. She was shocked at how interested I was in East Asian politics, and she had just taken a class in it the previous quarter so we had plenty to talk about.

I mean we talked about college and stuff too. She's going to a school in... I want to say Massachusetts, where it's extremely cold and snowy all the time. She was actually optimistic about it because she said it snows a lot in Seoul too and it's just as cold. Washington is significantly warmer, thank God. I really like the weather here. Maybe everyone likes the weather from where they come from. 

I kind of miss playing the Sims. Technically I could set up my computer again to play it but I need to get some practice done so that's priority number 1. My goal is to get 120 minutes in today, between the scales and my temporary renewed Songster membership it shouldn't be too hard. 

Last year I went to the Johanson Christmas eve party and saw a ton of people that I hadn't seen in a year. I didn't get invited this year, maybe they're just keeping it more of a family thing. Last year it was really fun, though. We took a ton of pictures that night... I remember looking a lot pastier and feeling more insecure back then. 

I feel like my looks and my self esteem have significantly improved since last December, 2012 has been good to me. There's a picture from that night. I'm wearing the gray tanktop in the corner. Most of the pictures I ended up in were candid and I looked horrible, haha. 

Late December was just about when I started picking up the guitar again. It's about my 1 year anniversary with the guitar. Had it not been for Brendan January would be my 2 year anniversary of not being with anyone, but I honestly don't consider myself "single" right now even if my facebook says otherwise. Me and Brendan are pretty close... like it's gotten passed the point where I would feel right spending time alone with another guy that I might have potential interest in without feeling like I'm doing something wrong.

I feel like actual interest in someone should feel that way. Brendan is an incredibly intelligent human being, he's mature and sets high standards in his quality of life like I do. We can talk for hours, he listens to what I say. He's tall, pretty good looking. I think this has pretty good potential... I can't ever say anything in the long run because you just never know how life changes but for now I look forward to spending time with him. 

peace. 

Date #2... I curse too much

I can honestly say I curse too much, and it gets a lot worse when I'm home because my Dad curses all the time and I pick up on it. My mom told me, "You can control what you say, why are you blaming this on us?" I've admittedly been in a hell of a mood this morning. I've been high strung and driving my Mom nuts like I sometimes do in the morning. I just took a chill pill so now I'm realizing how temperamental I was acting this morning and feel bad.... I'm going to stay in my room the next few hours and not talk to anyone for this reason. Give everyone a break from... me!

Last night Brendan drove alllll the way here. I didn't even meet him in Prosser. We didn't hang out for very long before we went into town to buy some Christmas gifts with money that's sitting in my checking account that I thought was to pay for my classes next quarter but my Mom said I could spend. I'm going to double check with my Dad on this. I hadn't used that debit card in awhile because I was waiting for that $2500 to get out of there. In actuality, that money IS mine... it's just supposed to be for living on my own and the expenses that come with it. Not on just whatever the Hell I want. I do have $400 or so in there that is technically mine from working at Rite Aid.

So that's obviously very good news. I'm going to talk to my Dad about it... When he told me about the money I thoughthe said specifically, "But you CAN'T spend it..." maybe he'd just meant on alcohol, clothes, makeup and other fun stuff.... I should try to buy my books online today. Books are stupid expensive. Last quarter wasn't terrible for me because my pre-calc book AND my accounting book sold back.

Anyway about my date. I lost track of what I was talking about. Brendan and I went to Sushi Ya and bought some of the best Korean BBQ I've had in the Tri cities. Brendan told me, "Emily you're so cultured and classy but you cuss a lot!" He's right, I felt really embarrassed and then my cursing got 10x worse throughout the night. so bad. He doesn't seem to mind it but it makes me feel gross.

I'm thinking of cancelling my Yelp account and re-doing a lot of my reviews. I'm pretty sure my last review didn't give it justice. Brendan and I were on a mission to get my Dad a grey shirt for Christmas to go with something Mom bought him. Technically I bought it so that'll be the present to my Dad, haha. We picked it up at Target where I saw Samantha!

She looked great working there, she told me seasonal is ending soon so a bunch of people are going to be laid off. I'm hoping she's not one of them, again. I'm sure I've mentioned this a couple times on here.

I'm going to play a better amount of guitar today than I have in the last three days. I do plan to go to Mizu sushi later this evening after I pick up Hannah. It's already almost 12' and I'm meeting Hannah at 5' so I better get on practicing.

peace.

My first bar experience.

Was actually a pretty good time...

Having been 21 for the past few months I almost dreaded going to bars. It's a whole new social experience, I guess you could say I was just nervous for it and didn't feel particularly ready. That and there was never a good driving situation in place if Katelynn and I both wanted to drink.

We did drink quite a bit. I went to her apartment after guitar lessons at 6:30 or so. We pre-gamed by drinking a little rum before we left. I think I had about 1 and 1/4 shot of rum and diet coke and Katelynn had two. We hung out for a bit. Katelynn and Al were playing call of duty while I was twiddling around on my mom's phone trying to locate Brendan's number on facebook mobile.



We went to the Uptown first at like 9:15. It was pretty slow. I told Katelynn I was going to drink rum all night to try and not get too bad of a hangover. The first rum and coke that I ordered had barely any coke, full of ice and the alcohol itself tasted like Whiskey. We drank it anyway. I had a feeling I'd see someone I know there, including Josh K., his sister, sister's boyfriend (or husband, who knows) and a couple other guys. We had a quick chat. Katelynn wanted to go to Rays to do kareoke and hang out with Clint so we left the Uptown.

Rays looks almost exactly the same as what I remembered from those few local band concerts that I saw there when I was 16. The place looks like it needs a facelift, but the dark and dinginess of it almost makes it more rock-and-roll. I did order some pretty good drinks there. The son of the owner called one of his drinks "Sam's Asshole" which is extremely vulgar for how unbelievably delicious this drink is.

He made me two of those, only charged me half price for one of them and the first one was free. I was very flattered. I think I went into the bars last night with $14 cash which I spent on drinks and tips. I told Katelynn at the beginning of the night that I wanted to make sure with my first bar experience that I try a white russian.

White Russians are made with Kahlua, Vodka and creme. 

Made famous by "The Dude" who drank them throughout the Big Lebowski.

It was a $7 drink, that was the most I'd spent all night. I shared it with Katelynn and Clint. I probably got about a half a shot from it, by this time I was pretty intoxicated, a little nauseous, and ready to go back. It was about 12:30 by this point. Most of the night was spent listening to people sing Kareoke. Katelynn and Clint did that a couple times and it was fun to watch and dance around a little bit... from my chair of course. You'd have to get me completely hammered before I'll actually get up and dance or sing Kareoke. I've never been that drunk but that's what I assume. I can never decide what song I'd sing in those, too.

You know what I realized? Now that I'm 21 Radcon will be a blast this year, hahaha. I do plan to dress up for it. 

peace.

Well, goodbye phone you've dealt with a lot..

Well  today started out pretty rocky but ended up very good overall.

I got up pretty early to take a shower. I had my phone with me in my robe and texted Brendan at like... I don't know, eight. I had just talked to him last night that I needed to take better care of my electronics. I wear makeup so sometimes I notice big smudges on the screen. I usually hastily clean it off with water and a towel, my shirt, honestly whatever I can find around. I didn't have a case on my phone. I dropped it on numerous occasions on the floor of my place in Ellensburg and of course the wood floors of my bedroom. I feel strangely sorry for my phone.

But by a complete fluke accident my phone flew, and separated, in the toilet. I was like OH NO.... of course I had to take the pieces out, wash my hands of course, put the wet phone on dry rice.... I was a little sad but I felt like I'd kind of taken my important piece of equipment for granted. I've decided that when I get a new phone I'm going to get it a case and take better care of it.

I had a pretty good talk to Brendan on facebook. I was going to call him tonight but I'm thinking maybe I'll just call it an early tonight. Tomorrow I've got my lesson. I feel like I've made progress on the pentatonic scale this week but I haven't worked with improvising on the backing track what so ever because I haven't had my computer available to me. I'll get back to working with that in January.

I've worked at the scale all week... I'm just hoping it's enough to not make it seem like I've been slacking because in all honesty I occasionally feel I'm slacking myself... Even if I play over an hour every single day. I wish I could still do three hour marathons but I haven't had much material to work with. I should really print a couple songs tomorrow. The problem for me is choosing the songs to play.

Brendan is coming here on Saturday! I think. I kind of doubt I'll be going to his house. His family is pretty strict Christians and I figure I'll just wait on that until later. My family is just laid back and we have more freedom here. My parents don't really give me grief about anything anymore. I mean obviously, I'm 21 now why would they unless I was being extremely stupid and disrespectful.

Now that my phone is broken it's going to be a little more of a challenge communicating with people. Shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Katelynn came over and we sat around watching intervention and bullshitting for a few hours. We have so much fun just hanging out with eachother and talking, just laughing at everything...

I'm so tired, gonna hit it guys.

peace. 

Phil Demmel PDX-2 contest, electronic snobs and MORE! haha

"Guitar Hermit" would be descriptive enough to tell you about my day today. I practiced a lot as well as texted Josie a little. I have not talked to Josie in a long time, and at the same time I'm really trying to better memorize the pentatonic A minor scale by Thursday so I haven't hardly texted Brendan. He told me he was hanging out with his friend all day today anyway, figured we'd give the texting with him a little rest and see what Josie's been up too.

She's working at Best Buy. I could see that, I'm sure she's having fun there. There's always a lot of cool yet sort of snobby electronics people in that store. It's sort of like when you go into a music store or a car dealership. You're kind of at the will of the dealer because they specialize in the product that you're searching for. Of course, any intelligent person that's making a major purchase should really put a little extra time and effort into researching about the large purchase they're making.

Personally I've trusted the judgement of Best Buy people in the past and haven't had too much grief with it... except for that laptop that I treated quite badly and had overheating problems. I'm pretty sure all the dropping of the machine was what caused it to have that damage. That was back in about 2008, that laptop served it's purpose.

We had an insane wind storm last night that actually caused school delays this morning. Isn't that crazy, a delay for the wind! I can honestly say I slept through most of it last night, I'd gotten home at 12' and I was pretty swamped after that long day. Today's been a lot less eventful because I've felt a need to rest to avoid getting sick.

Christmas eve is in a week! Woohoo how fun! You know what would really make me EXTRA happy this holiday?!

If I won this flying V neck guitar, autographed by Phil Demmel lead guitarist of MACHINE HEAD. I entered this today, lol.

It would be sick as hell to have this baby in my collection. I love my Ibanez and I don't necessarily need another metal guitar but if I won this contest I would be quite excited. You can't ever have too many guitars. Every 1,000 hours I plan to purchase a new guitar, I'm sure one of them will be Jackson down the line.. I probably can't imagine how I will evolve as a player in the next 9,500 hours to mastery.

peace.

Wow, tonight was pretty perfect

I'm so stoked you guys.

I had no idea today was going to be awesome. This morning I woke up thinking I wasn't doing anything really when I'd joked that Brendan should drive her today. I didn't think he was coming until Saturday the 22nd so I didn't think it'd be likely that he'd take up the offer but he's like "okay I have to get my tail light fixed but I'll see what I can do..: )" or something like that. It was like schweeet, this is actually happening today.

I told him we'd meet in Prosser in our original plans, so I asked him to meet me at the McDonalds at 3:30. He'd originally suggested we see the movie IN prosser but I was like "Naah, I think I'll just pick you up..." like no, we can go back to Benton City than go to Kennewick or wherever.

He apparently didn't fully get the plan so when I was waiting for him in Prosser at 3:30 he was MIA. He called saying he was at the McDonalds but apparently he was at the one in Zillah thinking I was going to pick him up there. A little embarrassed, he ended up driving to Prosser in about 20 minutes. In the meantime I had taco bell in the parking lot. It made me feel really sick. In all honesty I've been eating junk food all day, between the popcorn at the movies to that taco bell burrito that was loaded with nastiness I feel pretty gross. Like if you don't eat fast food for a long time, it's almost unbearable to eat. I scarfed it quickly but when I was finished I felt like I would have gotten more nutritional substance going to the truck stop gas station and getting a chicken sandwich.

Brendan got there pretty quickly, got into my car, and we drove back to my place. I gave him a tour of my town, and he was laughing at all the similarities our my town and Zillah. He said he appreciates that I'm from a small town because he feels like he can't relate to people that aren't. I understand what he means.

Anyway we left here around 6:45 (to buy the ticket for the 7:30 show... once I could get my ass out the door). Brendan actually thought it'd be sold out, but I thought by now it won't be nearly as much of a full house for it. Regal Cinemas is a quiet theater anyway.

We saw the Hobbit, which was of course extremely neat. I love the dwarves, they remind me of prog metal artists. There was one in particular that was really hot named Kili.

Bah, he's beautiful! 

The movie itself was great, really followed the book perfectly from what I remembered. Brendan gave it an "A-", I couldn't find anything about it that could have been particularly better.

Brendan and I agreed that the date was awesome and I'm sad I'm probably not going to see him again until New years eve. Tomorrow I'm going to meet up with Hannah S.! i'm very surprised that she's actually back in the tri cities for Christmas holiday! I mean granted I didn't expect she'd fly to Korea. She's living with basically a host family here in the US but they are friends of her family's and they are also Korean. 

I hope maybe tomorrow Hannah and I could hang out at her place for a little while so I can see it. 

peace. 

Feeling some joy this holiday season.

I really am enjoying this month.

Being home has really started to feel like what it did when I lived here, though knowing I'm not stuck here makes it even nicer. This week has honestly been great, I've done so much and seen so many of the people I really should care about seeing. I don't know why I was so initially determined to spend time with people that I haven't spent time with before. I mean, I feel like certain people come into our lives for a reason, and going out of your way to search for new people in an area that you hardly inhabit anymore sounds pointless. Though I am open to spending time with new people, I've decided to let that happen if someone I haven't seen in awhile tries to get ahold of me first here in the next couple weeks. In which case, yeah, I'd totally be down to hang out with and catch up with anyone...

I guess what I'm saying is that one month is not enough time to do some of the things I'd initially planned but there are still other things that I do hope still happen... depending on how the roads are of course. There's also been NEW plans setting in motion for the next couple weeks so that's exciting too!

I still plan to..
-Go out with Samantha, either on Tuesday or Wednesday, 18th or 19th. I'm planning on saving this $40 in my wallet for said time. My car is full on gas, too, which is nice.

-See Brad on that same day that I go out to see Sam. They live in the same town so I'll be able to swing by before or after I see Samantha, hopefully.

Other things that have come up:

-Brendan is coming here sometime next week, probably the 21st or the 22nd. He's waiting to know what's happening with some jury duty before he knows if he can so I'm crossing my fingers, honestly.

-"Japanese club" (oh, the good old days) party at Taylor's house on the 23rd. These parties are always fun, and it'll be extremely interesting to see what everyone's been up too for the last year.

So yeah today was good! My mom gave me some money for doing the computer organizing and I did some Christmas shopping with my amazing bff Michael Z. I say BFF because he's another one of my very close friends. It's funny even if I don't mention him very often I do consider him one of my best friends because he's the first friend I made in college. Literally I met him in FYI at CBC. The first thing I asked him was, "Are we supposed to put our last names on these name tags?" and he's like "I don't know but I totally did on accident!" It's so funny for us to look back on that for some reason. He's a senior at UW right now studying biology, I'm very proud of him to be taking these rigorous courses but what else would you expect.. he's Chinese, ha ha.

Michael actually helped me pick this out. Check out this BEAUTIFUL gift set that I'm going to get my sister for Christmas. I mean this is primo Bath and Body Works. It's so hard to pick a decent smell because there's so many to choose from. I kept on picking up samples but nothing stood out to me as being the best. When I saw the gift boxes I knew immediately that's what I wanted to buy. They're really nice, my sister loves shower gel and B&B products. 

I always post what I get my family on my blog the day I buy it because I know I can never remember after I wrap it or even on Christmas day. It gets mixed into the pile of stuff. My sister doesn't read my blog, I know that... And to any of you mystery readers out there, don't be snitches! ha ha. I trust you. 

I also got a jacket for my Mom at Old Navy, one that looks remarkably similar to the many jackets I've borrowed from her and LOST because I know for a fact I don't return things very well. It's like, my sister gets mad when I use her shower gel so I buy her this... My mom gets mad when I lose her stuff so I buy her this to make up for it! It honestly hasn't happened in quite awhile, though... mainly because I don't live at home anymore, haha.

We have so much stuff in this house it'd be hard to tell if some things went missing. Most of the leftover junk in my room I could care less about, but feel some weird sense of nostalgic relief that it's still here. It's just stuff that makes me feel more at home.

I should probably call Brendan. It's almost midnight. We told eachother we liked eachother a lot yesterday. This is definitely a step in the right direction. I'm so surprised how much we have in common. We seem to have so many of the same philosophical views on things... yet at the same time we're different in things we do and music we listen too, but that's good I'm glad we're not completely the same! He likes sort of folky, acoustic music which hasn't even appealed to me for some reason. He's open and has an appreciation for many kinds of music, which is what's important to me.

He's so cool. We've been talking pretty much non-stop for the last week in some sense. Like I'm pretty sure we've talked on the phone every night this week except for a couple nights when I was tired. He's never the one to initiate getting off the phone. That's always me and it's because I'm normally tired. He's really good at texting but appreciates the fact that it takes me awhile to reply. Things are just going well with him and because there's not any emotional dramatic incidents I haven't had this need to come on here and go on and on about him. I do have a good feeling about something working out from this though.

peace. 

Another old friend starts his new family..

Caleb O. is going to be Dad. I just got done working out and pulled up facebook and this was the first picture that came on. There are a lot of people that I know that are deciding to become parents. I hope the best for them.

I haven't seen or spoken to Caleb in a long time. We were pretty good friends during my sophomore year of highschool back when he was pretty into the "scene" and dating Arwen M. Arwen used to hang around our tennis practices at times. I think she now has a child as well. Again, I just wish them the best. I just thought that was interesting because I really enjoyed talking to Caleb back in the day.

I worked out after I drank some wine. Counterproductive, I know. But it can't hurt to work out some energy. My skin has cleared up a lot since I got home, probably because of this great dry weather. I had an excellent guitar lesson with Jacob today even if I was really shy because it was the first time I'd seen him in person in awhile. It's actually easier for me to play well via skype then in person... In person I feel my hands tense up and feel rigid in my playing even if I've been practicing something all week.

Like the pentatonic scale in A minor!! I have been working SO hard at getting it all week... played almost two hours prior to lessons... Still couldn't play very well in front of him today. I know he knows I can play and that I've been working at it. He wrote up an entire packet for me just to learn these scales. Based on how large this packet is, it looks like he put a great deal of time and effort into it so I'm going to really, really work hard on that this week. I'm sure he'll use the packet for future students as well.

I'm going to get to bed here shortly. I did everything I wanted to do today. Tomorrow, well... Hmm, depends on if my Mom pays me for the organizing or not. If she does I intend to go into town, pick up Samantha and maybe do a little Christmas shopping. I'd like to get something for my sister. My parents told me not to get them anything but if I find a couple little things that they might like I'm going to get them. Even if it's something silly and inexpensive I'll make sure to make it thoughtful.

The rest of the money will probably go right back into my gas tank. Gas is an important luxury when I'm visiting home because I want to go see my friends as much as possible but it can take so much driving living out here. 

peace. 

Learning the art of brownies.

I have not posted in a very long time...

For me anyway. Maybe it's because lately I've been really happy and busy and haven't felt a need to post every day. Not saying that I only write when I'm feeling tension but I guess I don't really feel a "need" to write. It's always healthy to write your thoughts down so here we go.

Right now I'm on my Dad's lame ass computer that freezes up when I try to add pictures. I have no idea what's wrong with this thing but I've been using it since I got home because my desktop computer can't hookup to the internet without this little port that I left in Ellensburg. So bringing my whole computer home was a very big waste of effort but how was I supposed to know that.

Katelynn got a new apartment! I visited Katelynn at the old apartment the second day I was back and we drank beer and watched movies. I drank a beer called "Sapporo" that was pretty light and delicious. Didn't get hungover, either. Sometimes drinking a little is nice, I've also drank a couple glasses of wine this week. One before bed the other night and another when I figured out my grades.

I did pretty well this quarter! I mean it wasn't fantastic because I got straight B's but as long as I'm in the 3-point range I can't complain. I got a 3.0 in accounting, 3.0 in pre-calc, and a 3.3 in my Legal class. I was really pumped that I pulled a B in probably the highest level math class I will ever have to take again. I considered it my "last math class" even if I'm still having to take Finite math next quarter. From what people have told me, it's mainly algebra so easier than pre-calc. Might as well get it over with this winter.

Next quarter I'm taking finite math, economics and english 102. I'm really hoping that my English skills will bring me an A, and having this last quarter of pre-calc will get me an A in Finite so I'll be able to raise my GPA from an overall 3.1 like I currently have. I'm still thinking about my grades because I'm already considering future plans after Central. I like to have at least a general idea of what I'd like to be doing in a couple years and have always been this way.

Now that I'm studying at a university I could look at this as my final academic frontier but I don't. My goal now is to work a couple years in the field, find a company that will pay for my schooling, and do my Masters degree before I settle down. Someday I do want kids and a family but I'd like to be completely accomplished with my academics before I take that step. My Mom says I should wait until I'm done with Central and see how I feel. I told her I can't imagine myself being completely satisfied with my college experience after this. I feel like this is just another bridge.

I told you guys my plan for this quarter was to catch up with some people I don't normally see and I feel like I've already partially accomplished that goal! I hung out with Taylor H. a couple evenings ago. She's doing very well, she's one of the head honchos of Amazon customer service reps (...like, she doesn't get laid off seasonally, and people go to her for questions) and she's living with her boyfriend who also works at Amazon in a really nice apartment. She's still baking a lot, as you can see she's making brownies in this picture. She taught me how to make chocolate chip brownies without destroying the chips-- "Add the chips last!" 

I love learning from people, especially about things that I don't normally do. That way in the future if say I wanted to make some double chocolate brownies.... well now I know!! lol. 

So yeah, just hanging out with Katelynn, practicing quite a bit of guitar, watching netflix, hanging out with family, talking to Brendan (a LOT)... It's been a pretty fulfilling break as well because I haven't JUST been doing what I want to do. Like I've also been helping my mom clean and went to her office a couple days ago to organize her computer files. It's been like a very convenient mini job for me. I will get a couple more hours in today and earn a few bucks for Christmas shopping.

It's the 13th and I've done NO Christmas shopping because as you guys know my parents are supporting me and it'd pretty much be there money that I'm spending. I don't even want to check how much money is in my account right now because $2,500 loan money got transferred in there for some reason and it should be coming out for my next school payment so I don't want to see how much money is in there and feel depressed of how much money I really have.

So yeah, no Christmas shopping for me this year. My Mom already has my Christmas list. This is what I want this year:

1. Mac Studio Fix pressed powder

2. Mac Mascara

3. Mac black eyeliner

4. Mac slanted liner brush 

(Those all together will be about $80, it's the bulk of what I want for Christmas and what's most important to me because it's stuff I would inevitably have to buy anyway. Mac just works better than everything else and it's healthier on your skin...)

5. Ashtray

6. Music stand similar to the ones they use in the middle school. Literally I want a cast iron music stand, not those crappy fold up ones that are prone to tip over.

7. Pay for January's guitar lessons. ($80)

Again, I feel like such a mooch for having my parents pay for those lessons. It feels awful to me every time I think about it but I'd feel much guiltier if I lived an exciting life in Ellensburg. My parents are saving a ton of money by me going to school there instead of Western, UW, etc.. I would like to go to UW for my Masters degree someday, but my Mom said that's a Hell of a lot more expensive than regular university classes and I probably would not want to be doing that there. 

Okay it's almost 11:00. I should really get off and eat a leftover enchilada before I get into some practicing. I'm going to go to Mom's office again at 12:30 or so to work for a couple hours, then I'll come home and practice again, then I've got my lesson at 5:30!! 

peace. 

Excited!! My big list of plans to do

Oh god, this picture is embarrassing. I guess you could say with the challenge there really wasn't a second pick, Brendan and I took a bunch of pictures but we both looked like total derps until I just happen to get a good one. I've been using my Muscle Milk containers as tripods that I can use anywhere and actually provide a much more stable surface than any tripod I've used previously. Thriftiness!

We look pretty wacky in this photo. That's why I didn't choose it.

Anyway, that's Brendan! From my legal class! Ha ha, I mentioned him before and here he is!

I briefly talked to him before our final. I noticed he was wearing a "state" track sweater and I asked where he was from. He said he's from Zillah. I told him I played tennis for Ki-Be and he said, "Ohh you probably know some people I know. You know Rossetti C." I'm like, yeah, we had quite the rivalry Junior year and kind of cracked up. That seems like such a long time ago now. 

I'll leave it at that. Ha ha.

I rewarded myself with a nice long workout tonight. I sometimes don't work out even if I'd like too because I don't want to over exert my body and potentially lose too much weight. I've been snacking a little more lately. I just don't want to over exert by taking two bikerides back and forth between my apartments and Shaw then somewhere else.. yadda yadda, I'd rather not have a biking body. Too skinny. It's difficult to maintain the weight you want, I have to trust that my body appreciates what I'm putting in it and will let me know if I'm lacking any nutrients...

I just want what I'm eating to be the last of my concerns. I'd like to take a small grocery shopping trip when I get home to make sure I get what I need. I've managed it to where I've got about a weekly to a week and a half amount of time that I go between shopping trips. Sometimes I have to take in between trips, but they're usually smaller trips at around $25-30.

Usually grocery shopping costs $70-$100. I'll make two stops-- one at Fred Meyer to get frozen fruits and vegetables. The second stop is at Grocery outlet where I get most of my groceries now. I'm going to write out a rough list so I can know what to buy when I get home. 

Things I usually need:

-Beef, I'll get the small steaks that I can freeze. I eat one small steak 4-5 days out of the week, usually topped with sauted onion-pepper blend. Topped with rooster sauce, delicious over...

-Rice. I make rice about 3-4 times a week. Sometimes I will have the steak on it's own. Other times on white rice. I have to be careful with white rice because I have a tendency to bloat when I eat too much of it.

-Whole wheat bread.

-Lunch meat of some kind.

-Eggs

-Bacon. I tried buying bacon this last week but it was a complete fail because it was the cheap stuff and was DISGUSTING quality. All fat. I could barely choke it down even mixed in my eggs and mixed with cheese/salsa.

-Tortillas.

-Cheddar cheese. Right now I've got some of this in my fridge that will last me a good while.

-Frozen chicken. Have to make sure they don't already have some at home, they probably do, my sister loves her chicken salads.

-Sesame oil. I'm gonna try and score some to bring home. I intend to hit the Saigon Market when I'm back. One more thing I want to do...

-Bag of frozen peaches, bag of frozen green vegetable. 

-1% milk.

Okay now you guys want to hear the list of all the awesome things I want to do this Christmas break?? (in no particular order.)

1. Go shopping with Gardenia.

2. Hang out with Seth.

3. Call and catch up with Stephanie.

4. Visit Brenden tomorrow in Zillah.

5. Get coffee with Dani before my guitar lesson.

6. Check out Taylor's apartment in Kennewick.

7. Go out with Samantha.

8. See Brad after one of my lessons.

...And of course hang out with Katelynn. I wish I could catch up with everyone. I'd like to plan this so that I can figure out which people I'd like to see in Richland, then hit up those people in that day, of course dedicate one day to shopping with Gardenia which would be a trip and back from Kennewick. Hanging out with Seth and seeing Taylor's apartment will be in the same trip. Whenever I'm in Kennewick I plan to see Katelynn or be with Katelynn throughout the day as well. 

We'll see how this goes, I'm really going to make an effort this break to see new people, really enjoy catching up... Many people I do keep caught up with on Facebook. 

Gosh I'm getting a little drunk as I write this, I'm drinking wine mixed with some of the last of that orange juice in the fridge. Man, as I'm letting my groceries deplete to the bare essentials I'm starting to realize how scary it must have been as a North Koreans and Soviet Russians during food shortages. I literally feel so much sympathy for these people... especially the North Koreans that are putting up with this even today. 

peace. 

I lied I'm stuck here, haha.

Second choice to my "Black and White" pic for Day 4 of the photo challenge.

This one is significantly not as cute as the one I took on my desk today. 

I kind of feel like a photo whore but it's become a somewhat enjoyable part of my day... and has been forcing me to wear makeup instead of being a lazy slob like I could have this past week.

This certainly hasn't been a lazy week though, I've really made an effort to study at least a half hour-an hour of math each day and I've also managed to look over my legal material every day as well. To be honest I haven't even cracked the book. I've just been looking at old tests. I might be overly confident about my knowledge of contract laws, but I'm going into that exam confident tomorrow. And hey, if I get really stumped on a few problems, it IS open book... And I even ghetto tabbed the book so that I can locate the chapters that I need more quickly.

Today I went to a math review in a different classroom. Again, I've got a decent feel for it. I got an 83 on my 4th test which means my grade is currently sitting pretty still at a B+. I'm pretty happy about that.

I can't go to UW next year. I got a call from the business adviser and she basically told me in order to get into their competitive business program I would to have had to take calculus AGAIN there as well as a legal class AGAIN... Going to UW would make this quarter basically pointless. Hardly any of my credits would transfer there, and I wouldn't even be able to get into the business program itself until SPRING.... Not, not, not worth it. That councilor told me straight up that it's not advised to come in as a senior.

So that's it! I am definitely getting my business degree here, there's no doubt about that. I'm not too depressed about it, like it's not that bad here.. It's just better than living at home, having to driiiiive all over the place, dealing with the chaos of my house, etc.

Who knows though, if I get good grades here there's no reason why I couldn't go for my master's degree at UW. I could try getting a job over in Seattle in my field after graduation and start working on that degree if I really wanted to... Get it all done early while my brain is still this spongy and active, lol.

I just wish the campus life here was a little better. I also wish I could meet some normal girls to go out with. I'm planning on having a lot of fun and spending lots of time with people in the Tri-cities, as I've said before. I think once I meet some girls to hang out with things will get a lot better.

Jared J. bailed on the plans we'd made this weekend. He told me he's gotta get ready for finals. Uh, on a Friday? And why haven't you been getting prepared earlier? Ugh, guess most people aren't as proactive as I am. I don't care. It's starting to feel like forever since I've crushed on anyone, which can make time seem even slower here sometimes. Maybe I just wanted Jared to feel like I was crushing on someone... those feelings I once had for him are more than likely not there anymore.

I'm so much like my Dad. I bitch when I'm alone but I'm the happiest when I'm alone when I'm getting stuff done.

I'm getting so much better at the guitar, good God Jacob is a good teacher. The other day I felt like I had a "click" of some kind when I was working on improvisation. Like I had a good feeling that yes, I am really improving, keep going to see more incredible things unfold from your very fingers.... I'm really excited to have a couple lessons with Jacob when I come home.

peace.

Thoughts of transferring my senior year, and people I want to see!

This was my second choice to my December photo-a-day of "something you held." Sorta blurry.

 I've held onto my tennis racket for a couple years even if I no longer use it. I plan to play again someday... Just not nearly as competitively as I did at one time. I also of course have kept a couple band t-shirts from that time. 

Talked to my mamma on the phone today.

She was in a meeting but happened to just be on break. I told her that I have been extremely bored the past few days because I've been waiting for my finals on Thursday and Friday. She said with sort of a saddened tone, "I know I've been hearing that a lot about Central lately whenever I bring it up..." I told her I didn't know what to do. I knew in my mind that transferring probably wouldn't be the best option, especially now. I'm going to give Central at least a year, I know that much. But to find another college that is both A) On the quarter system and B) has a business program that at least equal to Central's, and of course C) won't have out of state tuition is hard.

University of Washington is really my only option. If I work really hard to keep my grades up this year, and make sure to take credits that are transferable to their business program without problems, I should have a great shot of going to UW my senior year. It would be more expensive, but I definitely think it would be worth it. 

Now that I have experienced university classes this year I realize now what I'm up against. These level classes are more difficult but I know that I can do it. I would of course be living on campus there so I really wouldn't have to venture too much into the Seattle area, though the option will be there and it will be an incredible experience!

Central is just too quiet, I need more than this. I will take full advantage of Central every day of my Junior year here. I will work hard, still try to meet people and have a good time here, but after this year I now have a new goal to get out. Being at Central is survivable because I am close enough to home that I can drive home on practically any weekend if I'm feeling lonely or isolated to the point that I can't take it anymore.

While I'm here I'm also going to of course really focus on the guitar. In Seattle there are tons of brilliant musicians and I always want to be able to hold my ground next to them as a REAL guitarist. I think there is a lot Seattle can offer for me, even if the traffic aspect scares me. Alberto S.'s sister came from Benton City and she was fine, I think I can handle it too. I bet Qiuzi can help me figure out the bus system as well.

My heart is telling me this right. My heart is also telling me to definitely stay here for a year and focus extremely hard on my studies. Knowing I don't have to stay here for two years will make my experience at Central much more pleasant, I think. I'll want to take more advantage of activities here now that I know I won't be here for two years like I'd originally planned. So that will be one of my new years resolutions-- to really make the most of the rest of my time here, even if it can get deadly quiet and I haven't met too many people I've connected with enough to want to hang out with instead of play guitar.

Because that's the thing, any time that I'm spending with someone I don't truly want to be spending time with, I feel like I'm wasting my time and really should be practicing guitar or using my time more constructively. That's why I am at least somewhat selective about who I spend time outside of school with, I suppose. Even if I enjoy having tons of acquaintances and keeping up with their lives. I care about them as well.

Some people that I'd really like to see over Christmas break, to name a few...
-Katelynn, of course.

-Samantha, of course (which means I'll also see Shawn, Kevran, Aaron.. Always nice to see as well)

-Jacob and Andrew!!! Getting guitar lessons back at the studio again so you know I'm so excited.

-Seth F.

-Gardenia S. (this is new, she's awesome!)

-Josie D., haven't seen her in ages, it'll be interesting as Hell to catch up with her if I can get a day she's not working

-Danni M., again, very interesting to catch up with...

-Jordan G., another great old friend of mine who I'd like to get ahold of.

-Brad P. probably on a Thursday when I'm in Richland for guitar. See his kids, bullshit with Brad, same ole same ol

peace. 

Flash from the past

Ha, day 2 of the photo challenge, titled "peace." 

Doing a picture flashing the peace sign made me think of 2010-11, when I was super inspired by Magibon and Japanese style and was still trying to draw anime. I did my best impression of myself at that era in today's picture. This is not the picture I chose, but now that I look at it, I think this is actually the better picture. Oh well, the picture that I posted was a better impression at least. 

Tomorrow my picture will be of something I've held. I'm going to meditate on this tonight. I can't think of anything aside from the picture Samantha painted for me. But that's a gift so of course I'd hold that. My Grandpa's guitar is something I've held, even if I've only started treating it with respect the last year or so. 

Today was just another day of the norm. I got an hour of guitar playing done so far, studied math for a little bit this morning. I could probably do more. I also studied by legal material. It's like I just lightly touch on the material every day before I really cram it the day before the best. Today's Monday, though. Thursday isn't that far away, I should probably begin a little of the re-reading process tomorrow for my legal material. If anything just reading over the terminology for each Chapter. 

Last night I had an interesting party experience. Bradley invited me over to watch a movie with his friends. I was down, I had just finished studying some math. We all were drinking a little bit, this pretty cool girl fixed me up a really delicious Pucker drink. It probably contained two shots or so, but I had also smoked so I was already feeling pretty good to just chill. Drinking doesn't help me chill out much, actually it makes me feel more anxious as I watch people act more and more idiotic. 

I actually went from Bradley's house to another party going on at the top floor of another apartment. The apartment was crowded with drunk people, I just sorta mixed in. I get attention from guys at parties but usually they think I'm not having a good time because I'm never really loud or anything. I just act friendly and talk to people. Sometimes I just stare at people acting drunk. Drink a little here or there. 

Anyway, did see one cute guy, flashed a smile at him and talked to him for about 30 seconds before he bailed with some people. I'm pretty sure he was wasted when we got there. I don't know, most of them there were freshman so they acted so wacky. It's so funny, maybe that's how I would have acted if I went straight out of highschool to college without gaining that maturity of conduct around adults in a classroom that I got in community college. So many freshman just act stupid, though. They're the only ones I really see partying, lots of girls get really slutty in college, lol. 

Not much more to say than that. I think I'll go eat a bowl of cereal. Afterward I would like to play more guitar, maybe even hit two hours tonight. Woo. Jeez I really need to work on scales, I haven't at all yet this week. 

peace. 

Another quiet day.

I did this December photo a day and came up with two pictures I found decent. This is the second one that I didn't upload to facebook. Lol coffee is of the Gods.

Hello everyone. 

Today was a little better than yesterday productivity wise. Even if today I'm a little down I'm not out, I will still make sure to do a half hour of my legal study guide and a half hour of my math tonight as difficult as it is to not get lazy these afternoons. 

I am QUITE happy to say that I got an 83% on my 4th math test, my third was 83% as well, I think the second was a low 73 and the first was like a 95% or something so I'm averaging in the class at an 87%! Now all I have to do is get some studying done for the final by re-doing some old exams, try and relearn the old material, then hopefully pull a good grade on the final rather easily.

As for the legal final, that's certainly going to be more of a challenge. I can't just blow this off until the last minute just because I've done well in the class. I should really try and get a solid hour in tonight. 

Guitar I did about 90 minutes today. Pretty good practice session because I did incorporate some of the new material Jake gave me but I didn't use an amp. I should really try to use my pod as often as possible, at least once a day.

My roommate still isn't back yet. I need to go unlock the deadbolt chain so it's not a pain for her to get in later. We haven't talked hardly at all the past few weeks. 

So it's 6:00 and here's what I'd like to get done:

-Eat some dinner of some kind when I start feeling hungry...

-Legal study 30 minutes

-Calculus study 30 minutes.

-Play more guitar (until I have a solid 2 hours)

peace.