Well today started out pretty rocky but ended up very good overall.
I got up pretty early to take a shower. I had my phone with me in my robe and texted Brendan at like... I don't know, eight. I had just talked to him last night that I needed to take better care of my electronics. I wear makeup so sometimes I notice big smudges on the screen. I usually hastily clean it off with water and a towel, my shirt, honestly whatever I can find around. I didn't have a case on my phone. I dropped it on numerous occasions on the floor of my place in Ellensburg and of course the wood floors of my bedroom. I feel strangely sorry for my phone.
But by a complete fluke accident my phone flew, and separated, in the toilet. I was like OH NO.... of course I had to take the pieces out, wash my hands of course, put the wet phone on dry rice.... I was a little sad but I felt like I'd kind of taken my important piece of equipment for granted. I've decided that when I get a new phone I'm going to get it a case and take better care of it.
I had a pretty good talk to Brendan on facebook. I was going to call him tonight but I'm thinking maybe I'll just call it an early tonight. Tomorrow I've got my lesson. I feel like I've made progress on the pentatonic scale this week but I haven't worked with improvising on the backing track what so ever because I haven't had my computer available to me. I'll get back to working with that in January.
I've worked at the scale all week... I'm just hoping it's enough to not make it seem like I've been slacking because in all honesty I occasionally feel I'm slacking myself... Even if I play over an hour every single day. I wish I could still do three hour marathons but I haven't had much material to work with. I should really print a couple songs tomorrow. The problem for me is choosing the songs to play.
Brendan is coming here on Saturday! I think. I kind of doubt I'll be going to his house. His family is pretty strict Christians and I figure I'll just wait on that until later. My family is just laid back and we have more freedom here. My parents don't really give me grief about anything anymore. I mean obviously, I'm 21 now why would they unless I was being extremely stupid and disrespectful.
Now that my phone is broken it's going to be a little more of a challenge communicating with people. Shouldn't be too much of a problem.
Katelynn came over and we sat around watching intervention and bullshitting for a few hours. We have so much fun just hanging out with eachother and talking, just laughing at everything...
"Guitar Hermit" would be descriptive enough to tell you about my day today. I practiced a lot as well as texted Josie a little. I have not talked to Josie in a long time, and at the same time I'm really trying to better memorize the pentatonic A minor scale by Thursday so I haven't hardly texted Brendan. He told me he was hanging out with his friend all day today anyway, figured we'd give the texting with him a little rest and see what Josie's been up too.
She's working at Best Buy. I could see that, I'm sure she's having fun there. There's always a lot of cool yet sort of snobby electronics people in that store. It's sort of like when you go into a music store or a car dealership. You're kind of at the will of the dealer because they specialize in the product that you're searching for. Of course, any intelligent person that's making a major purchase should really put a little extra time and effort into researching about the large purchase they're making.
Personally I've trusted the judgement of Best Buy people in the past and haven't had too much grief with it... except for that laptop that I treated quite badly and had overheating problems. I'm pretty sure all the dropping of the machine was what caused it to have that damage. That was back in about 2008, that laptop served it's purpose.
We had an insane wind storm last night that actually caused school delays this morning. Isn't that crazy, a delay for the wind! I can honestly say I slept through most of it last night, I'd gotten home at 12' and I was pretty swamped after that long day. Today's been a lot less eventful because I've felt a need to rest to avoid getting sick.
Christmas eve is in a week! Woohoo how fun! You know what would really make me EXTRA happy this holiday?!
If I won this flying V neck guitar, autographed by Phil Demmel lead guitarist of MACHINE HEAD. I entered this today, lol.
It would be sick as hell to have this baby in my collection. I love my Ibanez and I don't necessarily need another metal guitar but if I won this contest I would be quite excited. You can't ever have too many guitars. Every 1,000 hours I plan to purchase a new guitar, I'm sure one of them will be Jackson down the line.. I probably can't imagine how I will evolve as a player in the next 9,500 hours to mastery.
Caleb O. is going to be Dad. I just got done working out and pulled up facebook and this was the first picture that came on. There are a lot of people that I know that are deciding to become parents. I hope the best for them.
I haven't seen or spoken to Caleb in a long time. We were pretty good friends during my sophomore year of highschool back when he was pretty into the "scene" and dating Arwen M. Arwen used to hang around our tennis practices at times. I think she now has a child as well. Again, I just wish them the best. I just thought that was interesting because I really enjoyed talking to Caleb back in the day.
I worked out after I drank some wine. Counterproductive, I know. But it can't hurt to work out some energy. My skin has cleared up a lot since I got home, probably because of this great dry weather. I had an excellent guitar lesson with Jacob today even if I was really shy because it was the first time I'd seen him in person in awhile. It's actually easier for me to play well via skype then in person... In person I feel my hands tense up and feel rigid in my playing even if I've been practicing something all week.
Like the pentatonic scale in A minor!! I have been working SO hard at getting it all week... played almost two hours prior to lessons... Still couldn't play very well in front of him today. I know he knows I can play and that I've been working at it. He wrote up an entire packet for me just to learn these scales. Based on how large this packet is, it looks like he put a great deal of time and effort into it so I'm going to really, really work hard on that this week. I'm sure he'll use the packet for future students as well.
I'm going to get to bed here shortly. I did everything I wanted to do today. Tomorrow, well... Hmm, depends on if my Mom pays me for the organizing or not. If she does I intend to go into town, pick up Samantha and maybe do a little Christmas shopping. I'd like to get something for my sister. My parents told me not to get them anything but if I find a couple little things that they might like I'm going to get them. Even if it's something silly and inexpensive I'll make sure to make it thoughtful.
The rest of the money will probably go right back into my gas tank. Gas is an important luxury when I'm visiting home because I want to go see my friends as much as possible but it can take so much driving living out here.
Today was a good day, got a lot of work done.. Definitely more than what I would anticipate on a Monday but that's what I have to do in order to validate skipping my legal class.
Wow, suddenly I feel panicked in writing this. I hope I do not associate blogging with panic, now, the purpose of this blog is to get me AWAY from panic. But maybe the feeling of being very inside my own head is what's scaring me. I'll turn on some happy music.
Anyway let's see, what I got done:
-Called the post office. Then ran down there.... 9:30 am. They jacked my mail so I called them and they told me they had my mail on hold. So I drove down there, and... somehow there was no mail there for me. I'm like, okay then why did you call me down here?
Okay, I shouldn't say "jacked my mail." In all honesty, I hadn't checked my damn mail box in two weeks, but don't tell my Mom that. Especially when I am expecting a somewhat important piece of mail. Tomorrow I'm going to make sure to check it. I need to start checking it at least once a week or I could miss out on some important things... My roommate never checks the mail so it's my responsibility. All of the mail that's come has been for me anyway.
-Finished accounting assignment. Sort of. . . I was feeling facebook-y after my math class, ate a bunch of food, and it wasn't until about 11:00 that I actually started on what I needed to get done. One of the problems was ridiculously long, but luckily Holtfreter didn't notice at all.
I'm happy to say I got full homework credit in that class, perfect attendance too. The same can't be said about my legal class, but unless he changes it tonight I've got 100% participation.
-Studied accounting flashcards for a solid 40 minutes. Tomorrow I go into the process of trying to better understand Chapter 12, do a few of those assignments, then probably re-do some assignments in Chapter 15 as well. That's going to take 2-3 hours but I'm going to divide it out throughout the day like today so that it's less overwhelming.
-STARTING to make a little progress on my math... I am still having a hard time getting my calculator to do what I want it to do, and apparently I have to get it set up properly for this thing called "vars" that makes no sense to me. I'm just trying to master these kind of problems right now.
I will probably need to seek outside help on Thursday. This will probably be the first and only time I'll go to the math tutoring center. I keep on talking about going there but usually by that point I understand the material to the point that I don't need it. I always hate this part of the math quarter where there's two back to back tests, it's a pain. At least I don't have to do that in accounting.
-Practiced for 70 minutes. I've gotten a lot better on Wherever I May Roam, but I'm probably not working on pentatonics as much as I should. I'm really not in the mood to do it tonight but tomorrow I'm planning on doing a solid 40 minutes of just pentatonics and working with the backing tracks.
So it's almost 10 and I've just been chilling now, drinking my tea. I only took one lorazapam today and one half Bronkaid instead of the two that I had to take the past couple days to deal with the anxiety. I talked to Seth F. today and he told me that he used to have hour long panic attacks and told me he could offer some suggestions with dealing with them. I hope that when we hang out when I come back into town for Christmas break we can talk about that so I can gain even more methods in dealing with it.
I'd like to say it's almost completely under control now. I described to Katelynn and my Mom that my mind is too fickle to stay focused on something as natural as breathing. I'll be breathing until the day I die, so why focus on it? But it seems labored breathing is the first symptom to feeling the panic attacks come on, and when I let them get out of hand my limbs tingle, my heart beats faster and faster and I believe there's something sincerely wrong. Almost like there is a lump in my throat and it becomes to easy to believe that it could get out of hand...
This is Kristin, she has schizophrenia which she she openly discusses on her channel, including some of the common misconceptions people have about schizophrenic people. This video in particular is about school anxiety, and I used to really like to listen to it because her voice is pleasant but now I feel I can actually relate to it. Panic is by far one of the worst things I've experienced (well, maybe not as bad as the years of depression I faced but it's pretty tough) but I'm lucky there's a vast amount of people that have gone through it as well that are willing to share their thoughts on it.
I can happily say I did not have any panic attacks today, though I did notice feeling the breathing sensation during my accounting class and wanting to get out of there quickly. Once the Lorazapam kicked in I was able to overcome this anxiousness and feel peaceful as I quickly jotted down all the answers to today's homework. That's what it's there for.
I'm pretty sure one of my first highschool crushes is now addicted to meth. Out of curiosity I looked up his profile on facebook and he looks quite... famished. I can't explain it, meth heads evolve into zombies over time, it's quite sad.
It's about time for me to go to bed now. Goodnight everyone, I'm hoping by this time on Wednesday I'll be writing to you about how I did well on the accounting final and have nothing to worry about but I've still got some major studying to do before I'm ready for 10:00.
