This week wore me out

Evening to anyone out there reading, it's Saturday June 7th. 

This is the first weekend I've had in awhile that I'm not doing anything and it sucks. But then again that's because the last few weekends I've spent hanging out with Joel so it's probably good that we have a break and he does his own thing tonight. 

Last Wednesday, Matt, Joel and I got together to study, originally having planned to work on forecasting in the library at 5. I went there and worked on the retail project for hours before they showed up. We had our econ midterm the next day and were all feeling the pressure so I was surprised when they weren't there until about 8:30. 

That evening Joel seemed really distant. When we saw eachother we didn't touch or kiss at all. In fact we didn't until he put his hand on my leg in the car and said I was going to do fine on the test I was so nervous about. We then kissed passionately when I dropped him off at home so I felt okay. 

Thursday was test day and that morning I went to Shaw an hour and a half early to finish up. I hadn't taken my Prozac in two days and was taking Wellbutrin instead until I got the refill so I was feeling really on-edge. I sat down with that guy Kyle F. that I thought was cute at the beginning of the quarter who I'd noticed was studying that morning too. 

When I'm desperately trying to cram information into my head I don't like chit chatting. Usually the morning before a test I'll be wearing earplugs just to fully focus on what I need to remember instead of getting distracted by ambient sound or other people's conversations. When we were sitting there Kyle kept on talking, like reading to himself and every so often going "Oooh! Did you know that [insert random fact from the questions he's working on while I have earplugs in and am trying to study my own shit]..?" And I'd pull my earplug and be like "What?...oh yeah sure, whatever.." I was in the zone, I didn't want to be bugged. 

Joel walked up and sat with us at about 8:30 and they started talking and talking. I felt myself having to re-read things over and over so at one point I pretty nervously said to Kyle: "Hey, I'm sorry I get distracted really easily, can you not like... read aloud to yourself?" and Joel turns and says, "Uhh translation shut the hell up.."

Kyle just grinned at me like "Well that's you, I'm going to do whatever the Hell I want. What you want me to leave?" I'm sure my eyes got really wide and I'm like, "No..? I didn't mean you had to stop talking entirely I just meant when you read to yourself it's kind of hard to focus..." and then there was this long, awkward silence. I felt like such a dork for saying anything.

I guess maybe to get my mind off them I reached into my backpack and grabbed a bag of popcorn, set it on the table and ate a couple pieces. Joel looks at me and says impersonating me, "Uhm Emily I get distracted really easily and when you're eating that popcorn it's making it really hard for me to focus." Kyle's like "Nice." Again making me feel like a complete dork. I ended up leaving early to go get coffee. 

So yeah it wasn't a great morning before the test but I did get a lot of studying done. I think I did alright on the test itself, it's really hard to tell because it was hard. We have the ETS exam next Thursday that I know I'll be doing a ton of studying for this week.

Yesterday aside from going to Carbaugh's class to get information about the test I didn't do much. I slept a lot, played guitar and worked out in the evening. Today I slept in really late and did a ton of art. I think my body is just trying to recharge from how hard I've had to work this last week.

Anyway this next week is the final stride. Just have to do my forecasting project and the ETS exam. I'm hoping Joel and I continue to spend time together regardless of acting kind of weird and distant from eachother in the past few days. 

peace. 

A lot has gone down these past 8 days. I've been so busy I haven't had time to write but I have some interesting news.

First off, let me say that something in R clicked for me. After reviewing the chapter the previous day I was finally able to make progress plotting the datasets on my own. Without Michael spoonfeeding me the answers I was able to catch on to the program pretty quickly, he did me a huge favor cutting me off like that.

Anyway recap to the night of the 8th. I had been texting Ryan A. about how I needed people to work with in forecasting and he said his buddy Matt was in there and sent me his phone number. The next day in Carbaugh's class I introduced myself to Matt C. and his best friend who I'd noticed he's always with, Joel. Joel asked for my number and he said he would text me later when we planned to meet up.

Here's a picture of Matt that was taken this weekend at Starlight. I was there

We all met up around 7' and soon realized Joel and I would be the ones doing the assignment while Matt helped us do research for the 406 papers. Ryan A. was also studying with us and Colby showed up a little later. That night I was on FIRE getting that homework done. I was so relieved that it was finally making sense and I was actually able to help Joel get it too. 

That night we hung out at Matt's house and we smoked and joked around, bounced around questions to get to know them and visa-versa... Matt was an only child and Joel was the youngest of 6. Joel's parents seem a little older because he started living practically independently when he was 16. He dropped out of highschool because he was bored with it and decided to get his GED instead-- apparently *knowing* he wanted to go to college already all along which I think is crazy. I mean to drop out of school and travel around until he was 26 is basically what he did. 

This is Joel in Maui.  He's into surfing and has lived there for weeks at a time before. 

We just clicked really quickly on a lot of our interests. He and I like the same kinds of TV shows exactly-- cartoons and messed up people. We both like going out and dancing. Fitness is a big part of his life like it is mine and he works out almost every day. He plays the drums. 

So yeah this past week we've been spending a lot of time together and it's been fun.. Even if most of it was spent in the library on the mass amount of work and studying required of me when it's this close to the end. The time that we have spent at my house and out this weekend was great too. 

I'm trying to not let myself get too involved emotionally. Joel is graduating in 40 days and moving to Hawaii so it's sort of mutually understood and unspoken that this is temporary. 

peace. 

When your brain hits the frantic button

I had the most ridiculously difficult statistics test today. I studied nearly 6 hours for it total, if not more... I felt like half that time was spent just reading the concepts over and over to just try to wrap my head around what the hell they were talking about. 

I felt like I was doing great on the test until the Sipic said "10 minutes" when I was on problem 16 out of 32. Need I say more?

New approach to finishing stats tests, and math tests in the future..... 

LOOK at the problem, read it. Read it AGAIN. 

Figure out what kind of problem it is.

Don't really look at answers.

Apply equation.

Check algebra. 

Instead I was doing... (*when I realized I was running out of time that is)

Read problem

Look at answers

Try to draw some conclusion and feel a little overwhelmed when the answer didn't stick right out at me (obviously)

Rewrite the f'ing information in the question...

Then find the equation.

Feel pressed for time.

Try to apply equation.

Feel like I'm wasting too much time.

Sloppily apply arithmetic.

Circle closest answer.

It was miserable!! Ha ha, though on the bright side I know I DID get some right answers just from studying the hell out of the material these past few days. I'm hoping that works as a buffer from completely failing the test because that's embarrassing. 

I want an A in that class sooo bad. I want to do super well on that final so I'm going to spend these next couple weeks really solidifying the concepts we've been covering over and over and over again. That's why it's so frustrating is because I can see it coming together but with this kind of math you have to try it again and  again before you actually know it. 

The lame thing about today is that I skipped econ to study for stats but I ended up going back to sleep for an hour and a half after I studied for an hour. I feel like the better option would have been to take a rhodiolla and kept working. That probably would have gotten it to the level that I would have needed to do well on the last 5-6 problems that I pretty much threw away by guessing. 

So yeah sometimes even if I think I've fully prepared myself things can still throw me for a loop. 

Well I had the coolest thing happen today! 

After my friend Matt stopped by at around 6' I finally rallied enough to go grocery shopping. My Mom wrote me a check that I can't switch over to my account until the 25th but until then I am officially BROKE. Lol I had to use that cash today before I spent it on a slice of pizza or something at North because I've been eating away at my food surplus the past couple weeks. That's been a good experience for me in itself because I feel like I was too wasteful at the beginning of the year but that's because I made crappy choices on what I was buying.

$19.94.

When I saw that was the total I was so stoked, like I felt like I had just won the price is right. I had gone through at store in about a half hour. I'm not kidding, it was so fast because I didn't want to give myself time to look around. 

Oh, and I saw Sipic in the f*ing store, I'm not even kidding right now. I was just thinking "Good God I do not want to make small talk with you right now." Especially after I felt like a complete dork because I was the lasttttt one in class to finish that damn test and kind of took advantage of the time constraint. Again, why does this matter to me what so ever? I can't tell you.

Well Terry had no problem acting like a dick today, like always. We actually texted quite a bit today because I'm sure he was pissed off about the test as I was. Lol it's so funny any time we get done with tests one of us will text eachother like "How'd you do?" Next quarter we're going to be in two classes together, with two of the same professors that we had this quarter. I'm excited that I'll have no problem staying motivated in the fall if we can manage to keep this up. 

I think that's why we never get too close... is because neither of us want to lose this. It's like I'll try to be kind of flirtatious with him occasionally but his responses are usually kind of vague. I kind of like to think of Terry as more than someone I just study with and use as a tool of motivation because there is still some weird part of me that likes him. Or maybe I just like the overall outcome of being around him. It feels fantastic to have someone as competitive as I am to fuel my fire. 

The high point of my day was getting in contact with someone and getting their number completely unexpectedly. Well that and my friend Matt came over. Yeah it wasn't a terrible day. All I know is I wanted to write and I need to study econ.

peace.