My first party with booze (storytime everyone!)

Goodmorning everyone.

It's 9:00 am. A friend of mine texted me at 1 in the morning and I did not fall back asleep. I feel asleep at around 6 or 7. I really would have liked to of exercised but not having my computer has made it a little more difficult. Today is Wednesday which means I have two more days here before I intend to go back (on Friday).

I plan on seeing Kari H. tomorrow! We communicate a lot on facebook and I plan to swing by and talk with her before my guitar lesson. I'd like to get back into the routine if waking up early in the morning.

Life has been quite strange the past couple days. After Katelynn and I stopped being friends I had a hard time believing it was real. I've recapped the entire story of what happened in my head numerous times and as the days pass details are becoming cloudier. I will try to back up to the very beginning, which was the day before the party. It's story time people!

Spring Break Party-- My first party with booze,
Trying to find closure with Katelynn
and the Situation 3/13/2013. 

Prologue: Katelynn and I hung out the previous night and walked around Richland. Things seemed fine, just like any other regular night. I brought over the last of some brownies I had left in the freezer which we enjoyed. They were quite old, admittedly. 

Katelynn and I went to the drive through at McDonalds that night over by Leyte, which I remember Jacob M. worked at for quite awhile. Jacob and I were friends and I liked him for awhile my Sophomore year-- I think after I dated Chino and right before I got my license. Anyway, that's off topic. We went to THAT McDonalds.

I ate a chicken  sandwich and fries. I admitted that it tasted pretty good but when we took a walk that  evening I started to feel sick. Katelynn is applying for a job at McDonalds while she looks for work elsewhere. I understand in her circumstances looking for work in this difficult economy you have to take what you can while you look for work to maintain your lifestyle. 

I feel as though Katelynn might have gotten sick of my problems because they seem petty to her. I can understand that. I don't have to work and I still complain about being nervous about money. My parents have supported me while Katelynn's parents have caused her financial stress since she was 16. I've always respected Katelynn for being more independent than I am and I appreciate her for that.  

Ryan, a friend of Katelynn's who at one time dated Katelynn's other friend Toni. Toni and Katelynn had a falling out and Ryan lost touch with Katelynn somewhere around our Junior year of highschool. Ryan is a really cool guy and plays the drums. 

Behind him is Brandon. I can't remember how Katelynn met Brandon exactly, but I was very happy when they arrived pretty shortly after the RSVP time (8:00). 

 

Katelynn was excited to help me plan for the party the night before and I was really nervous to have the party at all. I guess I'm always like that-- I always think "Oh GAHD nobody's going to show up!!" but people eventually do and I'm a happy camper. Because tonight was my first party with alcohol I was especially nervous. What if people drink too much? What if Jacob shows up and I make an ass of myself?

Katelynn and I cleaned the house... well, predominantly Katelynn cleaned it. I'm not going to lie guys, I am a puss when it comes to being tired. It's really hard for me to wake up if I didn't sleep well the previous night, even if I have a party that day. I slept at Katelynn's house the last night on their couch and I wasn't able to sleep at all so I found I was rather bitchy that night without even trying to be. 

That is, completely unintentionally bitchy. I would never want to hurt Katelynn, ever. I feel like sometimes I just go on bantering about things but I'll end up saying something that could have offended her even if it had nothing to do with her necessarily. 

Katelynn wiped off the counters, vacuumed the living room and probably straightened up the living room while I was.... in my bedroom, with Miranda, trying to sleep so that I didn't act feel and unintentionally act like a moody, lathargic bitch all evening. At around 8:00 Katelynn's friend Ryan showed up, who is the bearded gentleman in the picture. We all had fun hanging out and chatting for about an hour and a half before anyone else showed up-- but needless to say I was a little nervous when 9:30 was rolling around and nobody else had showed up yet. 

One of the things I said that probably offendid Katelynn: "Why isn't anybody showing up!" I must have said this 3 or 4 times... It's not like I in any way meant that Katelynn and her friends aren't somebody to me. I was just as excited to have them there as everyone else. I was just thinking of how bad it would be if nobody that Jacob knew had showed up to my party and how lame it would be to say, "Err... yeah I tried to plan that buttttt...."

Brandon and Ricky were the next to arrive. I was sort of surprised they showed up, they brought a couple six packs too. That night I had bought a 28 can-box of Coors light, I believe-- I'm not that particular. 

 

Then Glenn and Adolfo showed up, and shortly after Rhiannon, Kevin and Sheldon M. When Jordan S. showed up with his girlfriend I was like, yay! This is officially a party. I felt there was a respectable amount of people to not be considered a "kickback"-- which is impressive to me because usually Benton City is such a far drive nobody wants to come out here.

Samantha and Shawn were invited but were unable to make it because Shawn had to work in the morning. Josie originally told me she wasn't going to make it because she had a final the next day but then showed up shortly after Joan and Jared. 

 There's me and Josie. As you can see we're wearing practically matching attire unintentionally, ha ha. Basics are the best clothes. Anyway she dropped in briefly, we talked about college and kind of joked around with Joan and Jarred before they left too. Joan must be on spring break too. He lives in Pullman. Josie is currently going to cbc and will graduate in good time. She didn't do running start in highschool so I'm pretty sure she's in her second year there. 

 

Anyway the night rolled on. We got more drunk. I tried to hang out and talk with everyone at one point or another so I didn't spend the whole time with Katelynn. I figured she was having a good time because she was hanging out with the friends that she'd brought. 

As people started to leave I started to move the party outside because my sister had class in the morning. As you can see I sat down next to Katelynn and asked her friend to take these pictures. Again, thought we were having a really good time. 

Fast forward to after the party. It's the day after and I'm exhausted hanging around the house all day. I get a text from Katelynn asking if I was busy-- and I wasn't, really. That morning I'd seen Rhiannon briefly and we walked around town for a little bit before she went to work. She had told me about a party she was going to and told me she would talk to Sheldon about me coming.

When Katelynn asked what I was doing I told her I might hit up Connor (granted I had tried but he didn't get back to me. I haven't seen him a pretty long time) but then later said I was planning to go to bed after all.

That day my Mom informed me that Katelynn had posted a status about like... 'so much for my friends being there for me' or something along those lines. I didn't see the post because my computer has been broken and I was using my cell phone which cut back my facebook contact reliability pretty significantly. 

The next day Katelynn texted me saying she didn't want to be friends anymore with no real explanation other than that she felt the only time I was listening to her was when we were talking about me. 

I would have to disagree but this is the way that she felt and she has every right to cut me out of her life. I just have a hard time believing it.

Forward: Messaged Sarah on facebook the day of the text messages. She told me that Katelynn does this unexpectedly, which I'm aware of, but I never thought it would be me. I thought I would continue to be the constant variable in her life. But times are changing, our lives are changing... And she wholeheartedly meant what she said and there's nothing I can do about it. 

I'm just trying to move forward. Without my best friend I feel rather empty. She was a person that I grew up with in many ways, our personalities developed together through adolescence. I'm going to miss her.

peace.

Just like that, my life takes a drastic turn.

I've been avoiding writing today because it makes me sick to even think about it. That, and typing on my Mom's computer is a huge pain. I lost a friend today.



I felt as though part of me had died this morning when Katelynn told me out of the blue that she didn't want to be friends anymore. She sent me a text at 9 am: "Take those pictures down." Initially confused, I thought it was for her job interview. She told me no, that she feels our friendship should be over, and that for a long time things have felt very "one sided" and she's tired of making an effort.

Taken last night at Sheldon's birthday party that Rhiannon had invited me too. I had also seen Rhiannon at my party two days ago and at the coffee shop yesterday. We've become better friends since RadCon recently but more than likely we'll end up losing touch until summer.

I started crying, embarrassingly enough because I was surrounded by practical strangers on my friend Sheldon M.'s living room couch. These guys are really nice, though. I was super shocked though, like my body felt sort of numb and my head ached from drinking the night before. I had gone into town to buy my Dad some Matrix hair gel but didn't find it at three places. I ended up buying a generic version at Sally's and he yelled at me for that tonight. I don't blame him, he gave me $100 and I spent all of it... $35 of which for my own stupidity.

I locked my keys in my car last night and had to call a tow guy to come open my car door. When he showed up I had been crying for about an hour. I told him not to come until 10:15 and I was even struggling going home.

A couple people that were at the party didn't know why I was making such a big deal about it because some friends get in fights and make up quickly. Katelynn and I have had our ups and downs. She's stopped being my friend for a period of time and then we've picked up again. Some of my most vivid memories have been spent with Katelynn-- from the System of a Down concert, the Coheed concert, the tons of nights hanging out watching Southpark and Netflix enjoying eachother's company... It's always loved being with Katelynn, she's one of the primary reasons I come home.

Of all the things in my life I never thought that would be threatened. I thought we were going to be "friends forever," and I know that sounds clique but I really did get my tattoo on the back of my neck to prove that. Like granted they're not the same tattoo, and now I'm really glad Katelynn and I did not get tattoos together.... I've come to realize that relationships change in life.

My heart still hurts. I find myself considering the things I've said and wondering if there were signs. Just the other day I told her I loved her. She posted a status about me. I actually texted her to apologize for not "liking" it within a day because my computer's been busted. Who would do that if they didn't care. I also brought her some clothes she'd left at my house the other day even if the trip was kind of out of my way. I try to put effort into our friendship, I always did to the best of my ability.

But the more I think about it the more I realize maybe things weren't quite perfect in our relationship even if I failed to realize it. Katelynn told me to take our pictures down on facebook but I refused because the photos are special to me.

We haven't necessarily talked with her any less since I've moved off to college. In fact I'd say I am home on average more than most people. I said this to Katelynn and she says she definitely understands being busy and it's the time we spend together that has bothered her lately. What's sad is that she hasn't told me anything. I always told Katelynn to tell me if something bothered her, but she said it's been a number of things. There's nothing in specific.

I've just felt crazy all day-- very tired, lightheaded, lazy and unproductive. I only practiced for 40 minutes... And I feel for the first time in years that I have nowhere to turn. Aside from my Mom that is, but I have always felt like I can tell Katelynn things that I can't tell my other friends and family. 

Which means this blog will need to become even more of an outlet for me. These entries will probably become more frequent and longer. If that's a problem for anyone that's too bad, without Katelynn to talk to it's inevitable that I will need this blog and the support of many to get through it. 

Thinking back to my party, I'm I've been trying to put together the pieces as to what broke the camel's back in our friendship, and some of the leading occurrences.... How about I just start out by telling you about my party. 

I will make a seperate entry for this.

peace.

Avery's graduation is on June 1st. Note to self, figure out school schedule.

The ups and downs of being home. And Goodbye Abe.

Hello everyone.

Wow, a lot has happened. I haven't had my computer because it broke down, and currently it's sitting fixed in the K Valley shop in Ellensburg. Right now I'm sitting at the kitchen table on my Mom's laptop eating microwaved peaches with sugar, it's delicious-- tastes just like a peach cobbler filling. I haven't eaten much good food since I got here, which is one of the major downsides of coming home. For dinner I had to practically beg my sister to give me some of the fried chicken and rice she was making. It was good, but extremely rich.

I did buy a loaf of black bread that I can make french toast with in the morning. I hate cooking anything here because cleanup is certainly NOT a breeze. The lack of organzation and abundance of dishes in our kitchen makes preparing food a challenge for me. I definately miss my kitchen in my apartment already as well as eating my normal diet.

I might be on break but I've still got a lot to think about. Tomorrow is Saturday and it's extremely important for me to get up early tomorrow to start doing laundry. I'm going to do laundry, play guitar and stay here in Benton city tomorrow unless Allie contacts me about partying. If so I will pack up my stuff again and go to Ellensburg.

I need to buy some stuff tomorrow, get stoked up for Spring quarter. My mom is going to buy me some of that Russian Rhodiolla stuff from Jimmy. I also got my prozac perscription renewed on  Wednesday.

So I had my party! I really want to talk all about it with you guys but I don't have a way of getting the pictures right now. I'm using my Mom's computer and I saved the pictures on my sister's harddrive.

 

Hey look!! It's 2011 Weeaboo Emily, hello!!

Finds on my Mom's computer....

Me and Eddie Schmann. Needless to say I did not upload his on facebook. Taken the weekend of Kuro Neko con at Golden Corral.

 

 

 

There's a lot of stuff on this computer that I've saved as far back as 2008 that I'd like to get rid of. Thanks to facebook there's about 6 of this same picture with slightly different smirks on my face. 

So I will talk about the party another time, maybe tomorrow, who knows. I don't have anything going on tonight and I'm sure there's raging parties all over Ellensburg. I bet Abe is having a GRANDDDD time. Blugh, so frustrating. We're done, he wants nothing to do with me. I probably did freak out on him a little bit after not seeing him for four weeks but all of my friends say it was reasonable.

I'm not looking back. I know that Abe is attracted to me physically but he doesn't want what I want.  He has other things on his mind being 20 years old than having a girlfriend. I wasn't expecting him to be my boyfriend but I like consistancy. My love life is very interesting because I don't seem to ever consistantly interact withone person. Guys tend to like me initially for one reason or another but the circumstances in our  lives are always wrong.

Maybe if I went after guys that had more similar backgrounds as I do I would have better luck. I don't really understand why my choice in men has always not gotten me very far dating wise. I am aware that I have a very strong personality that not many people can fully understand or cope with on a day to day basis, I believe. It's not that I turn people off, actually people tend to gravitate toward me because my problems with relationships are relateable and not many are willing to vocalize on it.

But my own relationships don't go very well. Granted, 2012 was much better than 2011, in every way shape and form and it all boils down to having a higher self esteem thanks to the guitar and having something to funnel my time and energy into. I'm now in my twelveth month playing and I will now be able to tell people I've been playing "1 year ___ months" etc instead of just "5 months" or whatever. I can say that my life has gotten a lot better over the past year, including in my dating life because I've stopped settling for garbage.

However not settling for what I'm not totally attracted to has left me sort of lonely this last year. Of course we're now coming to the end of the first quarter of 2013. 2012 ended hard with stress and anxiety but most of that has alleviated itself by now. That alone is all I can ask for. Prayer has helped me a lot over the past few months too. I've also been trying to meditate more often which can be very challenging.

I need to play more guitar. Jacob gave me an entire hour and a half lesson yesterday which was awesome because he was really able to help me with Invention. It's a brilliant piece, I'm super excited to have it learned. Jake told me that if I get this down my playing will improve immensely. He's such an incredible teacher I really hope give my own students the same quality Jake has given me.

peace.

Grades! Spring break, Stuck in the library.

"Sample Photo." I'll put this as my cover photo on facebook. Hey guys look how cool this picture is that you also all had on your windows computer when you bought it.

 

Why am I wasting my picture bandwidth on this. I've got to be getting to my maximum of available uploads on this site....

The f am I going to do with myself until Monday.

So did I tell you guys that my computer's busted? I'm in the library right now trying to get my fill and maybe print out some tabs before I go back. It's really hard to be in my room without the computer because it's so quiet and I do like youtube, netflix, etc while I play guitar. Guitar Pro is on that computer too, which is another thing I don't want to lose.

It's definately worth it to spend some money to get that computer fixed instead of trying to fix it myself and potentially making things worse. It's going to cost about $110.

I woke up today feeling really lazy. I was up late last night because I was thinking about Abe and how I really don't think I'm going to see him again. I just feel like he's avoiding me or something and I don't want to bother him but it's still a depressing thought. It's been 4 weeks, officially, since we've hung out together.

Right now I have $1,400 in my account that I live on. I feel like I've been depleating my funds at a relatively steady rate. I haven't been splurging on anything really, I pay my $80 a month for guitar lessons, money for gas, groceries, occasional makeup and other beauty stuff... I really need to buy some clothes, though. My clothes are lose fitting and funky now, it's like I've worn them all too many times. I honestly haven't bought any new clothes for myself at all since I've moved here. Like I'll get clothes when I go home. My clothes are starting to bother me and I'm just too damn lazy to do anything about it.

I'll try to get a few new things when I go home on Tuesday.

Anyway, woke up late today, got in the shower at about 7:15 for my class at 8'. Needless to say I didn't get out the door on time, intentionally, because I had realized that we were going to have to write a paper in class today for some diagnostic thing. It's not graded, my mind was so effing exausted from the days of studying finite math for hours on end.

I got a 7 on my last midterm, and a 90.5% overall in the class. Isn't that great? My goal this quarter was to get two A's and I think I did well enough in my English class to maybe make that grade as well. If not, it's because I did bad on a couple reading quizzes which is lame.

I got an 85% in Carbaugh's ecomonics class overall. That I was pretty happy about. That class wasn't the hardest class I've ever taken but business class material is sometimes so dry it's hard to stand. I learned so much in that class this quarter, though.

OH! And I got a new student. My student Hassan refered his friend Abdull to me. I might have already mentioned that but that is really exciting to me.

I really have learned a lot these past couple quarters and I feel accomplished enough that I'm trying to just enjoy it instead of worrying about whatever else is bothering me. Things are pretty damn close to ideal for me. I just wish I knew if Abe and I were going to see eachother again or if I'm just going to hang around here until Tuesday when I go home. I'm excited for my party on Wednesday, it's going to be really fun.

peace.

Last difficult steps.

Hi!

I am speaking to you from probably the pinnacle of difficulty in the quarter. The few days before my final tests that I'm like ugh, hang on to your grade for dear life. This quarter one of my finals has particular importance to me, and that's my finite quiz that is happening on Thursday. I'm planning on studying for it another solid hour tonight. I've already done one and made little progress on where I feel I should be, but every time I sit down and look at it I'm making improvements. Youtube videos help, too, if I'm not getting a concept. The last hour I basically spent just trying to figure out what the assigned section he's having us work on now is talking about. I missed class today because I felt I'd be better off just coming back and cramming than trying to sit through an hour of lecture where I have no idea where he's talking about.

Matthew is very sweet, he brought by the final midterm review which is basically an introduction to statistics and it is HARD you guys... I'm not gonna lie, I'm having a hell of a time with this and I know other kids in class must be too. The girl that I sit next to in class with the blonde hair got the same low score on the half-credit quiz last Friday so I know this isn't just really difficult for me. Actually I know it's not. The reason that I want to get a good grade on this last test is just to finish the quarter well, and bump my grade back up to an A-. Right now I have an 89.5% or something like that because of the last quiz, and my last grade will be this Friday's midterm so it's really that or B. I know that he does drop a couple of the lowest scores, but I'd assume his gradesheet that he passes around reflects that.

I've worked pretty hard in that class but I don't know if I deserve an A, ha ha ha. I really didn't get most of it. Statistics is going to be so hard. Spring quarter is going to be one of the hardest I've ever taken I think. Then I've heard that the management classes aren't that hard.

Still I'm excited because there's only two more days, really. I'm done with Finite and Econ on Thursday-- which means tomorrow is going to be another day of epic studying and the more I study tonight the easier I'll make it on myself tomorrow. I've also got my English research paper due on Friday, which I started the first two paragraphs of my final draft today.

Do you guys like my studying set up?

I dragged the ikea table in from the living room to be able to sit on the floor. My heels have been hurting because I've been sitting on the floor a lot lately. I've got my econ stuff on my bed so that I switch back and forth between putting strain on my lower back and thighs, ha ha ha. Blah, it's a lot of work. I'm doing good, though, it's only 7:45 and I've spent a total of four hours studying today, played on guitar pro for 20 minutes (It's sad to say that's all the practicing I can ask for on a day like this), did some crunches and a little exercise, cooked a good dinner... It's been a relatively good day.

Aside from the fact that I'm pretty sure I've f'ed everything up with Abe with my own wackiness. I don't really know. I haven't talked to him since I pretty much flipped out on him last night for having not hung out in three weeks. I really shouldn't have done that. I know he's just as busy with his classes that I am. But I guess my own needs more more important to me yesterday. I don't really know. I hope I get to spend time with him again but I don't know if it's happening. 

I'm honestly too tired to stress out too much about that now. Granted I miss him a bit, and I have for the few weeks that we haven't spent time together and I only see him for about 3 minutes between classes. I'll update you all on how that plays out later. 

And to be honest with you guys I don't know if I'm super excited to move back home in a little while. I'm excited to see Katelynn and take a guitar lesson from Jake but I might not spend my whole time there. I just realized that I didn't sign up for any scholarships and I know my mom is going to ask me about that. Maybe I'm ungrateful for not taking the time to do stuff like that. Or maybe I'm just very exhausted.

peace. 

I finally realize what I'd want.

Ha ha, okay there's a first for everything.

Jessie, the girl that I sit next to in my economics class, and I have have not talked for over a month. I don't think she particularly likes me. I deleted her from my friends on facebook. I don't think her and my personalities really click. I'm too nice to people, ha ha ha. I'm sorry but jeez, you should have seen these nasty looks her friend was giving me when I was at this party. Her friend Alan who's apparently competed in American idol with an accent and Jessie's roommate sat with us and spent most of their time talking smack about other girls. I really had nothing to say, and found myself quiet the majority of the time. I didn't imagine I'd be hanging out with them again from that point on and I didn't realize Jessie disliked me until the night of that party.

Actually I think she'd been sort of giving me the cold shoulder for a couple weeks prior to that. Ha ha, she discovered our personalities didn't click very well before I did. I decided after that night to stop talking to her. We haven't talked ever since.

Around the same time my roommate and I stopped talking. I'm not too worried about it.

I've been watching Daria a lot on Hulu. Did I tell you guys that I've got Hulu premium? For a month or so anyway. I plan to cancel it when I'm done watching all the episodes and get sick of it. Like king of the hill, this is best taken in little chunks here and there and not watch them all back to back because they can get boring. I find this show really humorous but a little less enjoyable for me than King of the Hill for some reasons.

There's something really nostalgic feeling about Daria because it used to be on in the background at times when I was a kid but I was too young to get the humor so it never caught my attention for very long. The first episode came out in 1997, when I was six. The dull, grungy colors are very 90's feeling.

This is Trent Lane from the show Daria. Want  to hear something kind of funny? The first thing I'd really recalled from the show when I was reminded that I wanted to watch it is that I thought Trent was hot. From the one or two times I probably watched it at Katharine's house when I was 9 or 10. My tastes in men have not changed what so ever, hahaha. Grungy musician types with dark hair.

No, I'm just kidding. To be honest I have no idea what my type is physically, an attractive guy is an attractive guy. I more go for good "Types." I'm not trying to stereotype  but there are definitely different "Types." Like I've been attracted to cowboy types (not my thing what-so-ever but I have liked a couple), skateboarders (in my younger years), musicians, snowboarders, artists,... Idk, just as long as a guy has something that he's up too so that he's not bugging me all the time. He's got to have something going on. I used to perceive types inaccurately when I was younger.

Creative abilities are always a plus but not necessarily guitarists I've found. As I've dealt with guitarists I've learned that I don't want to date one because it's a very competitive game, ha ha ha. Okay it doesn't HAVE to be but it's what really inspires us to progress. It does not bother me that Abe doesn't practice all the time like I do.

I don't think I could ever be with someone just like me, but there are some qualities in my personality that I like a guy to have. Like I like him to be able to not humiliate himself in a large group of people. It is very important that a guy has enough composure to be around other people and not make me feel awkward. Now I am much, much less picky about this with people in general. In fact I'm an extremely tolerant person. But when it comes to someone I'm dating, having composure is an absolute plus.

I think that's one of the reasons I liked Jed quite a bit initially (I swear to God I do not still like this guy. I just have few references of guys I've really liked since I've discovered that I am qualified as a person to not settle for someone I'm not attracted too). He told me that his appearance and how he acts around people is something worth paying attention too. I understand what he means completely. Even if I don't try to second guess what I say and do in my everyday life when I do say stupid things because that's pointless (and I used to do a lot of that when I was younger) I try to say what's appropriate for a given time/who I'm talking too. We all do it. And I'm not saying you're two faced. Or have multiple personalities. But you wouldn't talk to your best friend the same way you talk to your grandmother.

It really has taken me years to manage having any kind of confidence and composure. I can look back on my old blog entries from years ago on facebook and think of this. I think life is just what you make it. How you perceive it. It's unfortunate to say that some people are born into very, very hard circumstances and find it hard to live successful, fulfilling lives because they are immobilized by the obstacles of their upbringing. Though everyone is born with a certain nature (whether or not this is inherented from your parents in some way is questionable), the things that happen in your life sculpt who you are.

When I think of people that started out with a messed up life I often think of the stories of those on Intervention. This is one of the more memorable ones, Christy. 

It seems like almost all of these drug addicted women on Intervention were molested when they were younger. I would say this has a higher frequency of leading to drug dependancy than other disasters in a child's life.

peace.

Didn't want to just go to bed

This blog is going to be short. It's 1 am. The fact that I've only practiced my guitar for an hour today and it's a Saturday is a little bit tragic, but I had a good day today.

I've felt a little icky looking the past couple days. I'm going to go to the salon and get a bang trim tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to find one open early on a Sunday. Tomorrow I also have a quick English assignment to do. Maybe start looking at economics chapter 11. That's my last chapter and there will be a last test on Thursday. I've done very well in that class. I don't think I'm going to show up on Friday just so see how I did on the test and make sure I passed the class. I know I passed. My last finite test will also be on Thursday, which will be about the statistics stuff that I told you about yesterday. 

English... I have to write that research paper on exotic animal ownership. The english assignment that I'm doing tomorrow requires using the sources (that I already found in the quick lab day, mind you. There was a "seminar" by some librarians that actually proved to be very helpful. I was able to find some articles on Ebscohost that I'm going to read and use in my research paper. I asked my professor for clarity on everything. She just nodded her head, like yes, yes, that's all fine. It was kind of funny. 

I will also get this started tomorrow if I'm not already seeing Abe. Oh wait.. I already did start it! I've been working very hard this past three weeks. I haven't had much... I guess distraction. But I have had a sense of longing. I like Abe, and I've had to wait for him for 3 weeks now. Originally we made plans on Thursday. Reina wanted to have lunch with me on Thursday. 

Well, I thought to myself, going to lunch with Reina would be a better option because she's my friend and she's only going to be here for a little while longer. Even if I really badly wanted to see Abe, I held off. He said "tomorrow". I.e. Friday, yesterday. He told me he was getting off of work at 6. I was busy enough on Friday. I did get some practicing done, gave a guitar lesson to Hassan, etc.. But I didn't get a chance to see Abe like I'd anticipated. He texted me saying he had a bloody nose. That he got hit in the face or something and it was going to take him awhile to get out the door. I didn't hear from him for an hour and a half or so. By about 8:30 I was like okay, what's going on here... I need to get ready. 

This girl named Emily invited to go to with her to a party. Well, she actually needed a ride to this party. No problem, I never know where these things are at so I wasn't too worried about it. I picked Emily up after getting Allie and we drove to this party. Emily had convinced us that instead of going to the barbeque we should go this place because there are going to be "way more people" and "way cooler." I didn't really care either way. I liked the idea of the party in town because it used less gas. I pushed the idea on Allie a bit for said reason and she said she was cool with doing whatever. We went to this party and it was packed full of people. 

I mean packed wall to wall. I have no idea who any of them were. I don't think Emily knew either but I guess that's just how these shindigs are. People get dolled up and get drunk with college kids in these houses that are pretty much used exclusively for partying. Blegh, what a life. 

Neither Allie or I were feeling it. I was feeling depressed because I wanted to see Abe that evening. I took this picture because I had told Allie earlier that I was talking my camera. She told me that I'm not allowed to tag her in photos because she could get in trouble. Fair enough. I just laugh because nothing about this picture would make her look like she's doing anything too devious. We were totally sober in that picture. I just wanted to get out of there. 

Right now, I'm quite frustrated because I haven't seen Abe and he might be out partying tonight, who knows. It's 1 in the morning on a... technically Sunday now. Ugh, my makeup feels gross with this much eye product on. I put on my makeup and this is one of those icky nights where I have to take it all off because nothing happened. I thought for sure after this hospital nonsense Abe would want to see me but apparently he's doing his own thing. Goodnight. 

peace.