Why should I care, really.. People.

You know what I hate about facebook?

When you realize someone's deleted you. And I mean someone that you were in contact with over the past year and thought you were at least decent friends... Found out earlier tonight that Jason T. deleted me as a friend, one of the first people I met at Central. I realized this when I was showing his profile to my friend Michael when he mentioned he rock climbed and I'm like "Oh do you know Jason T..?" and looked up his profile and I was like "Oh wow, he deleted me, well this is him...." Ha ha. Yeah it happens. So that'll be the last time you guys'll ever hear about Jason! ha ha, like any of you are keeping track of the people that come in and out of my life...

I had a fun evening. My friend Michael came over to help me with some math from a macro assignment and we ended up just chillin for awhile and studying. He's really smart and enjoyable to talk too. We were drinking and BSing (no class tomorrow) and he mentioned his girlfriend being a computer science and engineering major which I thought was pretty sick so I'm hoping to meet her at some point too. Michael was in my public finance class and lives in the same complex so it was nice to have someone to hang out with instead of studying alone.

Aww, Marshee's sleeping on the ground waiting for Mama to come to bed.... My baby. :-3 Tomorrow I have no classes and I've gotten the majority of my homework done so most of my day will be spent practicing more than likely. I've also gotta start looking for a job... seriously. I stuck all my eggs in one basket with that office assistant job and that's not going to pan out. Back to the drawing board!

peace.

I can feel the changes

Man, so many changes over the past day I really should write.

I now live in my own apartment, though from the inside it appears more as a house. My room and bathroom is upstairs when my kitchen and living room is downstairs. I spend most of my time in the hallway where my desk is placed which is admittedly sort of cramped but it keeps me from slouching. My knees are usually up against the drawers and the back of my seat against the wall. Time to get a smaller desk if the opportunity arises-- though I do like this spot.

My neighbors are an interesting bunch... When they say Brooklane is an apartment complex that has families they meant it.. Actually most of the people I've seen here are either couples or couples with children. One of my neighbors is a single Mom with three kids. She was super forthcoming and friendly, though straight up told me that she's loud. Considering that this apartment was one of the last one-bedroom assigned here, I'm wondering if the previous neighbors had an issue....

I am going to give this woman the benefit of the doubt as much as possible that she will not be a pain in my ass. Having neighbors that aren't perfectly quiet is nice because I'm very quiet and sometimes the silence of last year got to me. Though I did witness my first yelling match between her and her son today that was pretty intense.... Apparently her son was goofing off today at school and doesn't want to do his homework and she's frustrated because she has her own work to do. Understandable. But there was some pretty colorful language that I never had to deal with growing up... I am fortunate.


Anyway!! First day of school. No "new" professors today-- I just had a class with Carbaugh and Sipic. Carbaugh's Money and Banking class was pretty boring for me because he went over the syllabus and how to pass the class and this is the third time I've heard it, lol... (btw I'm sitting by Terry again and he's not in my public finance class... good no distractions). Money and Banking itself is "Carbaugh's favorite subject to teach" so I'm looking forward to it being more in depth than micro and macro economics.

Sipic's public finance class on the other hand was actually really interesting because A)  He did an introduction to private finance and B)..... I was *kind of* excited to see him, ha ha ha-- creepy student status. He looked really nice today, it looks like he really got in shape over the summer and his hair is short...... He always has a way of making his lecture productive and relevant yet interesting enough that I don't want to miss anything.... Even if we're talking about the damn syllabus which is a day when most people don't pay attention everyone was. His presence and confidence demands attention and respect.

I was one of the two girls in the entire class, the other one being about 40 years old.

Didn't wear the adventure time shirt as much as the kid in me wanted too. Gotta at least give people a chance to take me seriously. But yeah, one of these days I'll post a picture of my awesome Hot Topic find.... dur hur hur lol I'm a DORK....

So yeah, really excited for what's to come this year. I plan on working harder than ever because I have no reason not too. I'm here, I need to take full advantage of every day to make it worth the incredible debt it creates.

peace. 

YES, YES, total happiness is an UNDERSTATEMENT right now...

I finally figured it out... the solution to my problems.

It was right in front of me all along. Why the Hell don't I just live alone? I called the housing office first thing this morning and will be able to get switched immediately. I know living alone might not sound exciting to some but for a creative introvert like me there's nothing better.

I'm just imagining the possibilities:

-I'll have my OWN kitchen-- cooking videos on youtube with no worry of interruptions.

-My OWN bathroom-- shower and bathe whenever I want without worrying about my roommate needing to use it.

-Use my AMP!

Absolute privacy. 

..And the best part is that I've got it, even this late in the game. The only studio apartment left is a "remodeled apartment in Brooklane." For some reason when she said this it made me think of the most ghetto place in the world-- like the "apartment-that-was-just-messed-up-and-we-just-had-to-fix-it" and thus hadn't been rented out yet. Regardless I do not care what so ever, I am very happy with my circumstances.

Now I know exactly what I'm bringing and can look forward to styling the apartment any way I want. I need to get some stuff out of Dad's shed to figure out what I have and what I want to bring.

And don't tell anyone you guys but I might be bringing a certain someone... 

I'm not that nervous about moving Miranda to the new environment. She absolutely loves me and she's a really smart cat so I couldn't imagine her just running off. She's probably not going to like the harness training but I'm going to do it as a way to get her outside. I'm sure I'm not allowed to have pets at student village but I know that other people have pushed the rule as long as everything is kept clean. If anyone gives me any lip about it I will gladly say I have a history of anxiety and need my pet there to help alleviate it. It's the truth.

Alright now I need to get to work. I do have a guitar lesson later so I need to practice too and somehow get a copy of "In Keeping Secrets Silent Earth." I've been working on that for about a week but I've already got most of it done. Now Jake can't give me shit for not focusing on one song. He's gonna want to play master of puppets today more than likely so I need to get shred ready.

peace. 

Hmm tonight will be interesting.

I have some news. It's 2:00 pm and I still haven't been able to play guitar because a lot has been on my mind.

Katelynn broke up with Alan recently, for good this time. They got back together for like a day but then she found out about an incident that occurred during the time they were broken up and cut it off for good. She's been hanging out with her friend Zach lately, which is totally cool with me because she's probably less stressed out with him than in her apartment with Alan. 

I'm happy that I've never had to have the experience of living with a boyfriend before and then breaking up with him. It would just feel like being married too early in life to me. Of course Katelynn and I had entirely different circumstances growing up. She's been kind of forced to grow up faster from having to clean Jeff's house all the time and taking care of the horses to working at 16 then having to pretty much take care of her Mom when she got divorced when she was 18. There was a lot of reasons that she wanted to get out of her house early.

Anyway Katelynn met someone new and I'm going to meet her at one of the bars tonight. I work a closing shift tonight so I plan to bring a change of clothes with me. I hope this bar that we're going to is a dance place... lol probably not. I've actually been looking up some of the clubs in Seattle that I'd like to make the drive up to next year when I'm living in Ellensburg (*closer to Seattle). I'm also going to try to juggle having a job and going to school next year so that's going to be a challenge but I'm excited for it. 

I've actually started to enjoy dancing a lot now that I've found some rhythm with the guitar. I recently found out that my lack of rhythm initially comes from my father who has no rhythm, lolol. I had to work hard to overcome that but luckily my Jewish side helped me grow out of it. 

So yeah I guess I can dance pretty well now, I mean in comparison to the next white girl shaking her ass. It's nothing to write home about. But yeah dancing is fun! 

Anyway I'm gonna practice while I still can. Work at 7. I no longer dread work. I try to just get 1 credit app a day so that my managers won't bug me about it. It's like once I get one I can chill and clean up the merchandise the rest of the day which is actually not bad.

peace. 

Why me living in a house with two other girls is a bad idea

It's only 11:30 am and I've already had a lot to think about today....

I haven't eaten breakfast aside from an apple. It's almost lunch time... ugh, there's no cereal. There's enough stuff on hand to keep me going for the next few days, I'm just going to gradually start getting creative again because I don't want to spend the last of my cash on food.. especially when realistically there's so much around here. I think of people from poorer countries that have to make due with next to nothing.

Allie contacted me this morning about whether or not I'd like to live in a house with her friend next year. I don't know, as fun as that sounds I don't think that could be the right choice for me. Here's the pros versus cons of living off campus for me:

Pros:

-Live with someone that I sort of know that will talk to me versus potentially get the situation like I did with Kristin this year.... 

-Probably be forced to do more social things

Cons:

-Obvious fees and bills versus hidden fees at school.Have to pay $425 out of pocket each month. Granted my parents would probably still help me with this but because this is a monthly thing versus a lump sum on a loan it's much more obvious of a fee that I'd have to deal with my Dad on. As it is I hate asking for the money for my guitar lessons-- which would pretty much be guaranteed out the window if I'm already asking for rent. 

-It would be FURTHER... It would be on this road that is down the road from student village... which would mean an even further ride to Shaw. All of my classes, all year are likely to be in that same building. I go back and forth between my apartment between classes to munch, smoke, etc... Do what I need to do to unwind and prepare myself for the upcoming class. It would be too much of a bikeride for me to go back and forth to a house. 

-More to clean. When you live with one other person you are forced to clean up after yourself because your roommate can easily point a finger at you. If you're living with two other people and one of them leaves a mess then you're pretty much stuck cleaning it up to cook for yourself. A house is just more of a burden to clean up than an apartment in general. 

This is what I liked to escape when I moved out from my family's house, I'm always having to clean up after my Dad and sister's food messes that don't bother them as much as it bothers me. 

-I prefer being alone most of the time. Which kind of made the fact that Kristin hated me nice. I've realized that there's a time for friends/family and a time to be alone... and most of my time is spent alone and that's how I like it. The amount that I study and practice guitar is absurd and if it's too loud or messy for me to do that there's nothing quicker to set me off. 

Damn I'm experiencing a sugar crash from eating a waffle... I need to go make some food.

peace. 

-

So I met Jed. : )

Stoked is probably an understatement. Yes that's Jed, in my room, with my guitar. Score.

A couple days ago Burnadette, her roommate and I went to Fred Meyers and they helped me pick out some groceries. Burnadette has been excellent in offering me advice concerning being overwhelmed with school and my poor eating habits...

Anyway when we got back to my apartment complex with the groceries there was some "block party" thing going on. There were a few stands, 88.1 was there playing music and there were some clubs advertising. I spotted Jed and we made eye contact, but of course I was really nervous to talk to him even though I knew that this was my chance. He was standing with the filipeno club at a stand, it was really cold out. 

I had walked back and forth between my apartment and my car a couple times to get the groceries out of my car and stood in my living room for a minute wondering if I should go out there and talk to him. I figured now was a better time than ever because it's a public event so I went back out and started checking out each of the booths. All of the booths were for ethnic clubs, none of which was particularly interested in but hey... free candy. 

When I got to Jed's booth he asked, "So are you just white or what?" I sort of cracked up, asking him some random questions about the club but not really listening to his responses on it, I was more concerned with how I was going to get his number. I told him I'd just moved into Central and didn't know very many people so he offered to swap numbers with me. Score. 

We were texting that evening for about an hour before he asked what I was up to that night. I didn't really have other plans, a friend of mine had sort of flaked out so I didn't mind putting that off. He told me he played the guitar too and I told him I had a guitar he could use. 

He busted in; he didn't even knock, like suddenly I turned around and he was in my room. We hit it off pretty quickly, he seems to have the same sort of sense of humor that I do. I showed him the Hollywood Complex and he thought was brilliant so that was an immediate plus. 

He was also of course very impressed by my guitar skills. He plays well but he's self taught so of course he was very interested in my methods. I found it very difficult to explain anything to him, his eyes are beautiful. 

His friend came over around 10:30 PM. Jed had been getting a ton of texts/calls since he'd got to my place so you can tell he's got a lot of friends; I like that.. But obviously unlike Jack he'd actually be willing to get away from his friends for two seconds to spend time with me, which is another plus. Anyway, Jed's friend (shown right in the picture above) showed up and we left to get some taco bell and--  I didn't really know what else the plan was, I was just along for the ride. We ended up just coming back to my apartment after getting food. I ordered a Cantina bowl, ate about three bites of it and tossed it. Taco Bell just wasn't good that night for some reason. 

After his friend left Jed and I hit it off pretty well, I got to know him a little bit better as the night went on. I'll write some of what he told me here so I can keep the details straight. 

Jed's 22, gonna turn 23 in January. He was just in a 1 year 2 month relationship that he just ended a couple months ago with some girl that he didn't really like so he's telling me that he wants to bh e single for awhile. He's full filipeno, his Mom moved over here to be with his Dad when he was ten (technically stepdad). He didn't know any English. He's an electrical engineering major, he's in his last year at Central. I don't know if he has any siblings. I also know that he's taking linear algebra this quarter and I'm wondering if he's taking it with Jason T. 

Ha ha, he came over this morning too and crashed on my couch...

I try not to get too excited about these sort of things. I've really learned to just go with the flow and not expect anything from this aspect of my life but even if that was the last time I see him (which I doubt, but you just never know..) I'm still stoked I got to meet him and hang out a couple times. It's a start. I definitely like him so I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes, if anywhere. 

What's really funny about all this is that he's actually had his eye on me for awhile too, so during that time that I was crushing on "a complete stranger" he was doing the same back-- that's never happened to me before. 

In other news I went to lunch with Reina on Friday. We went to Kiku-chan for sushi and Reina laughed at me because I dumped a bunch of sugar in my green tea. She's like "What are you doing?!" I guess Japanese people don't do that! Strange, I always thought green tea was too bitter without it. 

I gotta get some study done... I've been breaking my accounting study sessions in 45 minute periods which has been helping me retain the information a little better. I'm in Benton city right now, I came back to see Katelynn but also got a chance to see my sister go off to homecoming with Jimmy, Denae, Cora M., and their dates. Denae's younger sister was with them too but she didn't seem too happy to be there. 

My sister of course looked fabulous but she was being a complete brat. She always acts humiliated by me and it pisses me off at times but what's new. 

peace. 

Everything has changed....

..But at the same time nothing's changed.

Here's my right side of the room, as you can see this will be where I spend a great amount of time.

I'm still sitting here at a desk, on the computer. Played guitar for 90 minutes and it's only 7:42 PM, got all my scales, arpeggios, picking and chords done which means it's time to PLAY! I'm only going to play 40 more minutes though unless I get some paperwork done for my business. I think the first thing I should get done is my flyers. Get some students lined up. Maybe I should post an internet ad first. 

Before I do that though I need to figure out what times I'm going to schedule students.. there's still a lot of work that needs to be done before I can get this off the ground but I just need to buckle down and get it done. I'm also going to need to find a place that has a copier. I figure if I make one general starting packet then I can make copies of the pages for each student that I book. 

I just have keep telling myself that I AM good enough for this. Neilsen might've had a broader spectrum then me but he was a terrible teacher and still managed to get students. I'm going to put way more effort into my lessons than Neilsen, Aaron or Brian ever did... Jacob has just created very high expectations in myself. I want to give lessons that are as thorough as those that were given to me but this won't happen overnight. I can only try my best and realize that I'm going to make mistakes.

Same goes with my business degree here at Central. I've just gotta study hard, if I study every day it doesn't matter how difficult the material is, I can do this if I set small goals and milestones to get there. During my previous lesson with Jacob he actually sat down with me and wrote down a goal setting process where you can write down your long term, short term, 90 day and 30 day goals and then the small steps you're going to take today to get there. When you look at this goal sheet before bed, these long term goals stick in your mind at night and your brain focuses in on them subconsciously. The next day you feel that much more inspired to set new goals to accomplish your overall goals. 

My whiteboard on the side wall describes my daily goals. Every day when I get up in the morning I will write down my goals for the day and it will serve as a constant reminder of what I need to get done and how to really live for each day to my full advantage. 

I know that all this goal setting seems crazy, but it's really my way of holding together right now. This transition has been a lot for me already. Yesterday the move in was easy enough, aside from the fact that we're on the third floor and had to haul tons of stuff up three flights of stairs. I'm very happy with my living situation, though!

My room is BIG! I'd say it's a third bigger than my room at home in all directions. It's even tall, the slanted ceiling makes me feel like I'm in a ski lodge. This room has excellent feng shui, I was able to set up everything with ease with my immense amount of storage space. My parents were so smart about getting me set up to live on my own. There are so many things that I didn't even realize I use from a day to day basis that my Mom remembered to buy. My parents have done so much for me these past 20 years and I look forward to an incredible 20 more but it really was time for me to leave the nest. 

We were all really sad initially, my Mom called and talked about the emptiness in the house and that it's really strange not having me there. I agree, I feel strange not being there. Everything is quiet. My roommate and I are just roommates. I'm not really interested in creating a super close friendship with her because I think that would just create problems and co-dependency in the long run. I also think we already have a very good mutual respect for eachother's space, privacy and stuff. Things really couldn't get better on that end but obviously I want to meet some new friends and have people over soon. 

I feel comfortable here, I'm not really nervous about my classes or anything. I do feel lonely at the moment because I don't really know anybody yet nor have I made a huge effort to meet people. Reason being hardly anyone's here yet, the official move in day is tomorrow so people are going to be hauling all there crap in every direction. This seems like a good day to do my laundry, there's going to be a lot of people around versus this afternoon where it was very desolate everywhere you turn. 

I'm sure I'll have more to say tomorrow! I did get my parking permit today so that's taken care of. My parents are coming up on Saturday to deliver some stuff I need and figure out the deal with financial aid. I sort of screwed up because I told Housing that I'll be paying for my apartment with my student loans but my parents don't want to do that, they'd rather just pay it out of pocket and avoid that expense later. Obviously I like the second option better but I already messed up my files and it's probably going to be a huge pain to change it back later in the week. 

I've spent a lot of money since I got here.. I'm sure I'm down to $140 by now from my payday last Thursday. My parents are going to help me out though. I'm hoping that I'll hardly have to ask once I get the ball rolling with lessons.

peace.