August is here, time to get to work.

"Put it to Rest machine"

Goodmorning to any of my readers.

Today is one of those slow type days, the type where I have nothing really planned, will usually sit around and play guitar all day, and probably not write unless I get it done early. I feel like writing so here goes, the rare morning blog.

I had to be up around 9 this morning because I had a dentist appointment at 10:30. It was my Dentist's 40th birthday today and he got my filling done painlessly in about 20 minutes. They put so much anesthesia in my mouth it moved up to my right nostril. Right now I'm making chicken with rice. My mom is talking on the phone in the next room and it pains me to see her this hurt.... I love her so much, she works so hard and she doesn't deserve to done wrong by anyone. I'm planning on staying close to home here today and tomorrow because I'm trying to be there for her and bring her up as much as I can.


I have been feeling really broke lately. I'm trying not to spend into my last $100 before my paycheck and that can be hard when temptation is everywhere obviously. Man I have somehow not done a great job saving this summer. If I'm lucky they'll be able to transfer my job up to Yakima and I can continue making some minor form of income while going to school. Ha ha livin' the dream, poor person college life. I don't even think I make enough money or have good enough credit to apply for a JCP credit card more than likely, ha ha ha. I think this is one of the many reasons people drop out of college to find better jobs. Of course a lot of people do work more than me during the summer, shh..

Jay was really surprised that my parents still help me out with money. He said his parents stopped giving him allowance when he was about 14 (although he says he's been working for his Dad since he was 8). Honestly I don't even earn allowance, I just help out around the house somewhat and my parents give me money if I ask for it for the most part. I'm pretty lucky to have this option once and awhile in order to save more of the money I earn but I'm pretty sure Jay thinks I'm spoiled.

It's now 1 and I've eaten. Today should be productive. Oh I thought of a new goal coming home last night. This has been hanging over my head for weeks on end... After the Music Stopped is a book about the financial crisis that I plan to read for Sipic's class assignment. Okay that makes me happy and excited that it's August because I need to move out soon. I need to get ahold of the school about finding a roommate.

From this day forward I plan to read at least 10 pages of After the Music stopped every day to have accomplished reading a book this summer. 

Alrighty well I'll ttyl!

peace. 

damn near perfect (and some work nonsense)

Hola.

Okay I am so happy that this blog entry is not going to be me saying "Jay flaked and we didn't end up going" (ha ha, nothing against him in particular but you guys know how things go). We actually went. I've finally been to the damn boat races. Ha ha, my family was never interested in that so I'd never went when it's like this big thing in the tri cities. The boat races themselves for me was nothing to write home about because there wasn't anywhere to sit and we basically just paced around and people watched for an hour and a half. BUT, on the bright side we did get there right on time to see the final race and got in free because it had barely turned 4' pm. Win-Win.

This is Jay. Lmfao this is exactly how he looked when he pulled up to my house. 

Jay got here on his bike at like 2'. I was like huhhh... I figured he'd be bringing his truck because he said that he'd be driving us. There was no way in Hell I was going to ride on the back of his bike all the way to kennewick when I'd never been on one before. So I ended up being driver initially which I could tell wasn't what he had planned but.... I was pretty adamant about that from the get go.

We stopped and got Mexican food which admittedly just okay. I was debating between tamales and a burrito and ended up getting the burrito and scarfing most of it because I was starving. He ended up getting the tamales and they were covered in melted cheese which was really unusual. Oh well, it's Mexican food, you really can't go wrong in most cases.

After the boat races we stopped at the liquor store over on G. Way... There's like the Wal Mart of Liquor stores over there, HUGE. We milled around for a little bit, I didn't really know what I was looking for. I always just get my favorite (Corona).

LMFAO... okay I was originally going to post a picture of some clique looking Corona model to spice up this blog so I looked up "Corona girl" and found this. Dude that's the REAL Corona girl right there, ha ha I might have met her in a bar once....

Anyway me and Jay came back to my place, watched The Wonderful Whites on Netflix (lol that's a test.....) and he thought it was funny!!!! yaaaay, ha ha ha. That's kind of one way I can tell if I'm going to relate to a guy or not. Play some bizarre ass show or documentary that I find hilarious or amusing and see how he reacts. Most guys fail this test because when they're with me they're too distracted to actually watch it.

So yeah such a nice day... I honestly can't remember the last time I went on an actual date and felt like I wanted that for awhile. Dating to me feels like it did when I was 15, I'm just going to have fun taking this really slow and see where it goes. He's such a well rounded guy, like he's intelligent and mechanical.

I think I've always liked guys that can fix things because I have a tendency to break things.

Okay enough about that. It would be pretty embarrassing if he found this . Luckily he's not the snoopy type... or the internet type, so I feel like this blog's pretty safe from him ever finding it and knowing more of my thoughts than I'd want him to know.

Work was lame and boring like always. Nothing interesting happened but I did get stuck up in kids which is always a blast and a half.... I got this lovely 80's perm lady at the beginning of my shift that came in wanting to buy a bunch of clearance clothes, so of course nothing was ringing up the right price and I'm standing here trying to change the prices, take things off the hangers, fold and make meaningless conversation simultaneously. Apparently I'd made some mistakes and I tried to correct them. Megan then stepped in, undermine me in front of the customer as she likes to do in a given opportunity, and basically told me to get lost to restart the transaction. Lol fine by me I didn't want to deal with this.

Of course afterward Megan had to hunt me down and pretty much "coach" me on what I did wrong. This is like the third time she's done this with me. She's like, "You were arguing with a customer. . . If a customer asks you to do something you just do it. Every one one of items were not priced right, I had to fix all of it."

This chick is my age, mind you, and not a manager. 

I could say some really nice things about her appearance to paint a picture for you guys but that's too low for my level. . . . 

Granted she has worked there longer so knows the system a little better than I do but I was definitely not acting rude to customers.  I'm just standing here while she lectured me like "uh-huh.." Big smile, pause. Stare straight into her eyes. "Alrighty then!" (ha ha ha ha....) I can read so much hatred from her toward me, it's fun. Like she obviously thinks I am completely inadequate at my job.

God there are so many reasons I'd much rather NOT work in kids. Dresses is so much better. Granted I did enjoy talking to Jasmine today. She's Afr. American and really pretty in my opinion. Plus she's funny and laid back, I enjoy working with her. 

peace. 

Sometimes I need to be alone . . .

Well initially today I thought Jay and I were going to the boat races in the "late morning" but he had to run some errands and has had to postpone that. We're going to have a hell of a time finding parking more than likely. 

My sister went to the boat races yesterday and got completely red... Her skin is so burnt. I'm wearing two layers of sunscreen, a layer of tanning lotion and a layer of makeup right now to protect myself, ha ha I think I'm set. But still, he's taken forever. Because he said late morning I was up at like 8 this morning getting ready.... I would have definitely slept in today otherwise because I was up last night reading Mein Kampf. 

....I know isn't that atrocious? But most educated people who can read something from an outside perspective should read the book that essentially leaded an entire nation to back something as corrupt as an all German empire. Hitler's writing is all in first person, so reading this book almost reminds me of reading Hitler's blog. Though I've only read the first 15 pages or so, I can already see a lot of similarities between the indoctrination of German children and the forced indoctrination of generations of North Koreans. In Mein Kampf Hitler paints a picture of what in his eyes would be the ideal Aryan world where he would of course be the leader.  

To be a well educated, intelligent person you have to make rational, well thought out decisions. To be a manipulative person you have to express these decisions confidently and with relaxed demeanor. Confidence creates trust. Trust and ability to manipulation is what makes powerful people. Sorry, these are just random thoughts that have been going through my head. 

Coffee is gone... I'm honestly getting tired. Lol I just took a picture that made me look like an anime character.

Wish me luck today to have a good one, kind of getting a late start

peace. 

plans fell through. nothing new today.

Yo, good afternoon...

I'm feeling pretty good regardless of the fact that I think I got flaked on today. Jay was texting me last night asking what I was up to today and said we should go check out the boat races tomorrow (today). But yeah, it's 3:30 and we haven't talked yet today. He told me that he was working at 6 am, which is crazy if he's still working.. Maybe he's just super tired, or working way overtime. Or he's actually not feeling up to doing this. lol

I'm not gonna let this stop my day. I just feel lame because I put on makeup and don't have anywhere to really go. 

I'm not going to text him first though, seriously. He made these plans with me last night and he needs to follow up on it one way or another. I'm not gonna be like "Uhh hello??" f*******^%....... 

I practiced invention for a solid 40 minutes but I should really be using guitar pro instead of watching netflix. I've been trying to be more cautious about picking patterns as well as counting. 

Grr, this is lame though I was stoked. I should just continue to be productive.. Maybe I'll read my book or something. 

peace.

nailed a few plywood boards over a burnt bridge

Evening everyone.

Today I've felt really intense because I've had a lot on my mind. Jake could actually read this on me at my lesson today. There was a lot that I would have talked about with him that had happened yesterday if I could but it was completely irrelevant and he doesn't need to know about my personal life. I'll talk about what happened on here for those few odd souls that read this blog (which, as I've always said, I appreciate because I know I ramble and don't edit these blogs grammatically as well as I should).

But yeah, my lesson today I had practiced about an hour beforehand but didn't play as well as I felt I should have. This was frustrating. But I don't know if my bad playing was what made me so mad. I kept on saying "shit" throughout the lesson and felt just... idk, not centered. This week my goal is to work on counting out loud. Something I've kind of dreaded because it's hard to do while you play if you don't know all the notes perfectly. Invention's note combinations are frustrating but Jake is continuing to show me tricks on how to get it down.

I've been doing a lot of practicing without counting or even using a metronome of any sort so even if I've learned the notes it doesn't sound nearly like it should and that is very frustrating. This week I need to work on it with guitar pro as well as better learn the notes on the second page.

Here's another incredible song by Puscifer that I've been listening too. What I've always loved about Tool's lead singer Maynard James Keenan is that his voice is so comprehensible that you have no problem understanding what he's saying but the challenge is figuring out what any of it means. 

Ha ha, I was going to post a picture of Keenan and I went to google image search and started typing "John Maynard Kaynes"... lmfao. Anyway I plan on learning a lot of Tool music after the recital. There is a lot of good guitar that needs to be learned how to play there.... 

Yesterday Katelynn and I went to the Parkade and met up with some of Ashleigh's friends like I have the last few wednesdays. Katelynn and I sort of found ourselves isolated in our own conversations. We don't mean to do that but it happens. Before we got there I had already had a few drinks so I had a decent buzz and didn't have to spend much money which was nice.

Katelynn and I walked down to Jack Didleys. There I saw Jessica S., Sarah V. and Celeste P. Jessica had actually noticed me before I had time to think about the situation. She gave me a hug and was like "Omg Emily you look so good!!  I love your hair, where have you been I haven't seen you in forever..." like that sort of thing. I was really shocked. She's one of these people that is pretty nice to everyone regardless of circumstances because she's never really had a reason to be jealous or have hard feelings toward anyone because things seem to have come relatively easy for her in her life. 

She was totally friendly and sweet and gorgeous like she's always been. The main reason why I carried so much anger toward her is that she used to easily get things in highschool that I thought I wanted: "cheer leading" team spot-- which would have been a complete nightmare for me if I had made it, playing time on the basketball team when I humiliatingly got none that year, and of course you know she was really popular within my own class and I never had that, she got some scholarships I didn't.... these things piled up over the years and by my senior year I pretty opennly didn't like her. We had Jone's class together and she would give some (usually somewhat "conservative") input and I'd usually be the first one to raise my hand and shoot down what she was saying. She'd come into class late and I'd roll her eyes at her. Stuff like that. It was funny I think she's somehow gotten my yearbook to sign and she wrote "Well I don't think you ever liked me that much but I hope you have a good summer!" or something like that. So obviously she knew that I didn't like her. So I brought it up to her last night.

I told her pretty straight out that I didn't like her because she was with Jack, which doesn't really explain why I'd hated her in highschool because she didn't actually date him until afterward. That's the only relevant thing to this date anyway. I told her we had a long history together though things never worked out. She was like, "Well he lives up at Central why don't you guys see eachother?" sigh.... ha ha ha. I'm like "We don't because he never seems to want to see me. Really the only time we ever saw eachother was when I wanted to show him up on guitar and that was it." Like I described that originally when I started playing I thought guitar would be the thing that would finally make him think I'm good enough to be with him and when that didn't work I finally just said fuck it, there's nothing I can do. 

Jessica told me that she and Jack got along great and they broke up because she went to school. At some point I'm sure he got ahold of me both before and after Jessica and him were together but again we never really executed any kind of plans and this was very painful each time. Jack finds girls relatively easily and he probably associated me with emotional baggage because I had told him time and time again that I f*cking hated him and wanted him out of my life. It was just a very horrifying situation for me and so much of me will always hate Jack for it. But he's dead to me now, he doesn't matter and for that reason I no longer have bad feelings for Jessica. She really is a nice person that didn't ever intentionally do anything to make me hate her. 

Alrighty well I'm gonna get going. My hands are kind of hurting so I think I'm going to relax with some sims tonight instead of practicing more. 

peace.

Changes come, Keep your dignity

I like that my work schedule is laid out in a way that I have multiple days in a row that I'm off because it lets me coordinate my schedule easier. Of course most of what takes up my schedule is practicing guitar and any other responsibilities that I happen to have going on that day.

Anyway today's been good. Found my debit card (I had almost thrown it away. I put it in a bag from work and almost trashed the bag) and have had the house to myself for the most part. I played an hour of guitar while I watched this documentary about the author of Atlas Shrugged that basically talks about how government control in the United States is going to take over like it did in Russia and that eventually they will try to control our lives by continuing to create new regulations and rules to benefit the system. It's really hard to explain and I'm sure that makes no sense the way I just wrote it but it's a really interesting theory.

This was a documentary that my Mom told me to watch so when I saw it come up on Netflix I was like, I should really watch this, just to learn something this evening rather than watch King of the hill because I haven't had a stressful day and didn't need to pacify my mind. I'm happy I watched it. My sister is making an awesome dinner right now and I think I'm going to munch on nutella and pretzels later. Should be a good evening.

Today I met Alan and Katelynn at Leslie Groves park. I'm not sure if I mentioned this earlier but Katelynn did cut off from that Devin guy that she was sort of digging for a little while. She was just over it quickly. She and Alan are still very cordial with eachother but it definitely no longer has an affectionate vibe. I don't know, maybe this is just a rough patch in their relationship and everything will be back to normalcy there.

I really liked laying out by the water today, it was nice. We went to Thai food afterward and I ended up accidentally ordering too much and getting a ton of leftovers. It's fine though, that'll be great for tomorrow. Emerald of Siam is delicious but MAN I spent the most on that meal then I have in awhile... lol watch out for appetizers.

Zach, Steven and Cheyanne are living downstairs from them now. I'm really interested in how that's been going. Zach and I haven't talked since the SOAD concert a couple years back and he took me off his friends list which is usually a pretty good indication that another person wants to stay strangers with you. I can respect that and understand because our lifestyles are different.

Well I'll talk to you guys later.

peace.

Here's a song I've really liked lately-- Momma Sed by Puscifer. It's got a really powerful message about not letting life circumstances cause you to lose your dignity. Society will have it's way on you, "Take it like a man." 

Nobody helps you. Changing your life is based on your own conscious decisions to make change. 

Guess who doesnt have to find a new job. Patience.

Evening everyone. Technically goodmorning because it's almost 2 am.

I had such a fun day at work with Angie in the dresses department today. I don't know if I've ever mentioned Angie before but she's this super pretty Mexican girl that lives with her husband and son. She moved up from Mexico a few years ago so an accent that makes her really entertaining for me to listen too. Having friends that I'm working with downstairs is super nice..

I got home from work at 11' and practiced guitar for an hour before calling it quits a little while ago. I browsed around facebook to see what people have been up too. Didn't find anything interesting really and have seen the news feed a number of times today because I was bored in the break room at work. I really shouldn't waste time but sometimes it's very relaxing to do so.


Working in Kids was difficult and made me prepared for anything honestly. I'm not saying working in Kids is harder because there are annoying ass, tedious tasks in every department... what makes kids more frustrating is the little pieces. Folding little teeny shirts and stacking them on short shelves. The racks are shorter too to cater to younger critiques.

Baby clothes are the worst because they have three pieces per set on special hangers. Luckily most people don't try to cart their baby into a dressing room and put clothes on it before purchase.

So I forgot to mention this. A couple days ago when I'd hung out with Josh H. and some of his buddies after work (Josh is rarely in town so I went over to Travis's house after work. This was the first time I'd talked to either of Josh's friends honestly.) at around 12:30 am. I hate late night phone calls but they're especially bad when they come from really creepy automated voices.

It was a "CWU Alert" calling to inform me of the following: "On July 20, 2013 at approximately 10:45 pm a male who appears to be in his early 20’s   was found lying in the O5 parking lot on the campus of Central Washington University. The male had what appears to be multiple stab type wounds and medical aid was notified. The male was transported to the hospital." 

That's exactly what the message said. These guys that I was sitting with were joking around like "Wow by the look on your face that looks like a call I'd want to get!" They were kind of drunk... I think they meant the other way around. Anyway after that disturbing phone call I'd decided to not think about it but later I opened my email to find it again and now I'm wondering what happened. It's actually really weird for something like this to happen in Ellensburg, and I'm sure scared the hell out of the lucky few that are living there this summer.

If I was communicating with Terry I could ask him if he'd heard much about it but we haven't talked since the night I texted him saying I'm done trying to see eachother. I know that he doesn't take me as seriously as I am but I meant it. I'm literally likely not going to talk to him the rest of the summer. That's Terry f*cking S. for you. And then we'll see eachother in the fall and act like that didn't happen and that not seeing eachother all summer should have been expected. I can't say it wasn't... But he still did get in touch with me off and on so I didn't know. He's so weird, I don't get him.

I've honestly really had my mind on someone else. It's never worked with us so I don't know why this time would be any different but I would just really like to spend time with him. But yeah I'm not going to contact him. He needs to show initial interest in me because the last time we'd tried going there he basically told me that doesn't like my personality. I could see why, at the time I'm sure I acted pretty crazy. I just really liked him and didn't know how to act right yet. But I was 18-- and so torn over the Jack thing at that time that I'm sure I was looking for someone to latch onto. The guy that I'm referring to is very laid back, independent and kind of a no-BS kind of guy and that's what I've always been super attracted to. 

We'll see.

peace.