Annnnd all the more reason I hate my job and want to go back to eburg

Tonight sucked.

I have never experienced anything like it. My shift was from 4 pm-12 am, long shift and I worked especially hard today because I knew that "corporate" was coming in tomorrow so I wanted to make everything look really nice. I tried sooo hard today.. We were trying to make the store absolutely "perfect" which is why they're going to be up working on it all night.

I'm sorry, I'm not that much of a perfectionist.... When it came to 12 am and J. is telling me I need to finish this huge project before I'm allowed to go I started to feel kind of paranoid. I mean I'd barely eaten anything for dinner which was hours before. So I'm sitting here folding clothes, sizing clothes, folding clothes, sizing clothes..... I ask him again at 12:30 or so to come check it out. He finds something wrong, essentially doesn't say anything and walks off.

He did this to me three times because apparently my work wasn't adequate to these absurd standards... like everything was folded and sized but the stupid plastic tags had to line up evenly. I was getting light headed and very paranoid.

My coworkers were released before me for doing such a "fantastic" job on some wall. I'm just thinking to myself, excuse me after all I did organizing that girls section today you're going to hold me hostage here like I haven't done my work? When they were released I'd asked one of them, "What's the deal can we leave?" And this J. and this chick was like "Oh no you're staying."

12:55 am. Two of my managers come upstairs to inspect everything. They meet up with J. and start inspecting everything. One of them looked at one of the shelves that I did and was like "Oh who did this? There shouldn't be jeans there..." I thought for sure someone was gonna start pointing fingers at me and I almost broke down.

One of my older managers saw me and she's like "Are you okay?" And I'm sure my eyes were probably watery at this point, I said "No I'm exhausted and starving and want to go home..." I had worked for 4 and a half hours straight without a break or a snack and I had just had it. She's kindly said "Go home then..." Thank God, I'd felt rescued.

I know it probably sounds petty to most of you but for me that was just such a horrible experience tonight... You guys know how hard I work. This job has just made my summer a drag. I hate night shifts, I hate dealing with the tiny clothes, I hate being stuck dealing with a handful of annoying people when I have good friends working downstairs (*granted I have started to like most of my coworkers upstairs so that's been nice)....

I'm so excited to be back in Ellensburg honestly. And with Jay, who I did get a text from this morning so that made me feel pretty giddy most of the day. Poor thing, he slept all day long... I'm just really hoping he gets some time to hang out the next couple days. Working the past four days has been such a drag.

peace.

Do I look like someone else

I'm feeling too restless to practice guitar right now... which means I have to write and hopefully shake this out because to be honest with you guys I'm exhausted and can't imagine I'm going anywhere tonight.

I texted Jay today. I was unable to wait until this evening. I asked him how his trip was going and he didn't reply. Damn it's been like 3 days... I'm kind of wondering if we're not going to talk anymore or what. That's been on my mind more than I'd like to admit today.

Check it out, tonight I unintentionally made myself look like a different person. Ha ha I've changed my look from Emily the no bullshit guitarist to Emily that draws manga and watches Ponies.*

I had work at 11 am this morning. My shift was 11-7 pm, and that's final. The reason I say that is because my coworkers were asking me continually how long I was going to work tonight. My managers actually didn't ask me to stay later, as they're intelligent enough to know that I would politely refuse. Lol. No credit apps or "findmore" things again today. My mom was like "Can they fire you for not doing those?" and I responded, "Don't think so..."

Lol I know that you can't but you're continually pressured about it. The corporation uses competition as one of it's tactics to motivate their employees. I kind of hate that about my job, it makes me miss my lazy days at Rite Aid....

When I move up to Ellensburg I plan on looking for a new job very quickly. Working at the Yakima JCpenny on the weekends could be a good temporary fix until then. Jeez that reminds me I have to talk to one of my managers about that. I should write a memo and leave it on one of their desks tomorrow. Good plan. Tomorrow's basically my Friday. I've got nothing planned. Will probably just do the usual because I'm gonna owe Jake $40 on Thurs so I shouldn't blow my money at the bar on Wednesday.

Alright... I guess that's sufficient writing for tonight. Need to practice for the first time today (it's 9:25 pm. God I'd be miserable if I was still at work, ha ha I was done at 7...)

I'm actually feeling a lot better about relaxing and enjoying the rest of my night. I told my mom that jay hadn't texted me back and she's like "You're being silly, it's Sunday night and that's when his job gets over. He probably doesn't even have reception." Both are really good points. I will sit with that.

peace.

*.... note that I do neither of those things. Not that there is anything wrong with people that do. But I think I look so much different with glasses and no bangs... I'm honestly not used to seeing myself like this. 

Fried brain salad

Hey, it's 1 am and here I am again.... coming down from work, fried.

Tomorrow I have to work from 11 am-7 pm, then Monday I've got another closing shift. These closing shifts in kids are a hassle because the store becomes super busy and hard to keep up with. I've told you guys this before. Tonight was a typical night at JCP... I enjoy closing with Jasmine because she's a hard worker like I am, we get shit done because we know it needs to get done... It's frustrating when you're working with people that constantly whine. Jasmine doesn't whine. Neither does this other girl that I worked with tonight... I can't remember her name. She seems intelligent and I like her though, and she gets things done. She asks me questions that I can't answer occasionally and I feel kind of bad because I'll be like ummm.... 

Anyway yeah, just another shift done... I actually got a decent amount of guitar practicing in because my shift didn't start until 5 pm. I left home around 3:30 because I had to run a couple errand-y things.

No word from Jay for 2 days now. He gets home tomorrow night so maybe I'll hear from him, dunno. I intend to text him tomorrow evening because I know he's coming back into town and I'll just ask how his trip went or something.

I need to read.... There's a lot of things I'd want to do if I had more time but I know I need to sleep because if I stay up much later waking up will be a pain tomorrow. I've already done a really crappy job at maintaining my original goal of reading 10 pages a day of my finance book... I've been stuck in this same section because every time I sit down and try to read it there's some distraction or I don't have time.

peace. 

damn near perfect (and some work nonsense)

Hola.

Okay I am so happy that this blog entry is not going to be me saying "Jay flaked and we didn't end up going" (ha ha, nothing against him in particular but you guys know how things go). We actually went. I've finally been to the damn boat races. Ha ha, my family was never interested in that so I'd never went when it's like this big thing in the tri cities. The boat races themselves for me was nothing to write home about because there wasn't anywhere to sit and we basically just paced around and people watched for an hour and a half. BUT, on the bright side we did get there right on time to see the final race and got in free because it had barely turned 4' pm. Win-Win.

This is Jay. Lmfao this is exactly how he looked when he pulled up to my house. 

Jay got here on his bike at like 2'. I was like huhhh... I figured he'd be bringing his truck because he said that he'd be driving us. There was no way in Hell I was going to ride on the back of his bike all the way to kennewick when I'd never been on one before. So I ended up being driver initially which I could tell wasn't what he had planned but.... I was pretty adamant about that from the get go.

We stopped and got Mexican food which admittedly just okay. I was debating between tamales and a burrito and ended up getting the burrito and scarfing most of it because I was starving. He ended up getting the tamales and they were covered in melted cheese which was really unusual. Oh well, it's Mexican food, you really can't go wrong in most cases.

After the boat races we stopped at the liquor store over on G. Way... There's like the Wal Mart of Liquor stores over there, HUGE. We milled around for a little bit, I didn't really know what I was looking for. I always just get my favorite (Corona).

LMFAO... okay I was originally going to post a picture of some clique looking Corona model to spice up this blog so I looked up "Corona girl" and found this. Dude that's the REAL Corona girl right there, ha ha I might have met her in a bar once....

Anyway me and Jay came back to my place, watched The Wonderful Whites on Netflix (lol that's a test.....) and he thought it was funny!!!! yaaaay, ha ha ha. That's kind of one way I can tell if I'm going to relate to a guy or not. Play some bizarre ass show or documentary that I find hilarious or amusing and see how he reacts. Most guys fail this test because when they're with me they're too distracted to actually watch it.

So yeah such a nice day... I honestly can't remember the last time I went on an actual date and felt like I wanted that for awhile. Dating to me feels like it did when I was 15, I'm just going to have fun taking this really slow and see where it goes. He's such a well rounded guy, like he's intelligent and mechanical.

I think I've always liked guys that can fix things because I have a tendency to break things.

Okay enough about that. It would be pretty embarrassing if he found this . Luckily he's not the snoopy type... or the internet type, so I feel like this blog's pretty safe from him ever finding it and knowing more of my thoughts than I'd want him to know.

Work was lame and boring like always. Nothing interesting happened but I did get stuck up in kids which is always a blast and a half.... I got this lovely 80's perm lady at the beginning of my shift that came in wanting to buy a bunch of clearance clothes, so of course nothing was ringing up the right price and I'm standing here trying to change the prices, take things off the hangers, fold and make meaningless conversation simultaneously. Apparently I'd made some mistakes and I tried to correct them. Megan then stepped in, undermine me in front of the customer as she likes to do in a given opportunity, and basically told me to get lost to restart the transaction. Lol fine by me I didn't want to deal with this.

Of course afterward Megan had to hunt me down and pretty much "coach" me on what I did wrong. This is like the third time she's done this with me. She's like, "You were arguing with a customer. . . If a customer asks you to do something you just do it. Every one one of items were not priced right, I had to fix all of it."

This chick is my age, mind you, and not a manager. 

I could say some really nice things about her appearance to paint a picture for you guys but that's too low for my level. . . . 

Granted she has worked there longer so knows the system a little better than I do but I was definitely not acting rude to customers.  I'm just standing here while she lectured me like "uh-huh.." Big smile, pause. Stare straight into her eyes. "Alrighty then!" (ha ha ha ha....) I can read so much hatred from her toward me, it's fun. Like she obviously thinks I am completely inadequate at my job.

God there are so many reasons I'd much rather NOT work in kids. Dresses is so much better. Granted I did enjoy talking to Jasmine today. She's Afr. American and really pretty in my opinion. Plus she's funny and laid back, I enjoy working with her. 

peace. 

Who cares

Yo.

Let's see it's almost 1:30. Actually got up at 12:30 because I was too tired to stay awake after breakfast. Miranda was laying there so cutely, how could I resist. Uhm let's see I've got work, AGAIN, at 4... That's the forth day in a row. I know, nobody cares because everyone has to work-- most people have more stressful jobs than I do. I actually really like that this job lets me do a lot of walking around because I felt kind of stuck at the register at Rite Aid. That sucked and was quite boring.

Some shower thoughts:

I realize now that in my life I've always expected instant manifestation of my wants because that's what I've always demanded. I feel this is one of the reasons I never had luck with men growing up, is because deep down I thought so highly of myself and was so spoiled that I wanted to get "all attention right now right this second" which would throw guys off. Like that's the only way I can explain it. I just wanted the instant gratification of having someone there when in actuality that's something that has to be worked for. 

In the past year I have learned to be much more patient in school, work and life and try to live as independently as possible in the present. I do what I have to do and if I'm busy being alone no longer bothers me at all. 

I've been feeling pretty emotionally stable lately. Work has gotten a lot easier and they actually put me on the schedule in dresses yesterday so we'll see if that's permanent. Kids is annoying to work in but the people that I work with have been pretty nice so it doesn't matter. Shoot I just realized I don't have much time to write, I'll write again later after work maybe I've gotta eat lunch right now though... I've had a lot on my mind lately that I want to remember later... I'll write for sure tomorrow.

peace.

Been letting myself have a little fun this summer

Hello everrryone.

Today's Thursday, which means tomorrow's one of my favorite days (payday!!!). I'm planning to go get my paycheck before work, deposit the check, then maybe do a little shopping while the prices are still super low. Apparently we're getting 25% off on top of the clearance so I really want to take advantage of that. It'll be nice to spoil myself a little tomorrow.

Today was pretty much a recharge day. I did play guitar a little and have my lesson at 5:30 but I slept in until about 2:30 this afternoon and then slept again in the evening... I must have been super tired after last night.

I worked a pretty easy Wednesday closing shift (I say this because the sections weren't that disorganized, not too many customers, etc...) and afterward I was driving all over town to  try to get to the bar to meet up with some friends of mine. My phone was dying and for some reason my car charger was not working so I was pretty much screwed and actually decided to drive home before Katelynn said her and Devin could meet me at a Texaco. Got back on the highway and we got to the bar around 11:55 pm.

I'm not going to lie to you guys, I drank fast. I drank a long island, a rum and coke and a spider bite in an hour and a half... A bunch of Ashleigh's friends were there. It's like people are getting more aware of this wednesday karaoke night thing. I met a couple of new friends that Ashleigh is working with at Amazon currently. She's going to do well there I think.

Katelynn had a guy with her named Devin last night and I enjoyed his company. He seems like a pretty responsible, down to earth guy. He kind of reminds me of Rachelle's boyfriend Levi because of his red hair. Anyway Katelynn seems to really like him so that's all that's good. Everyone has to weed through different people to find the right match and it doesn't bother me that she and Alan just broke up. Lol if only I was so lucky to find guys in dating. 

Though lately I've grown even more content being single. Deleting and blocking Jack was the first step in the right direction I'd made this summer, followed by telling Terry I'm done trying to communicate this summer because I'm tired of him texting me acting like he wants me to come there and then not talking. Texting is so f*cking annoying when you're trying to communicate with a guy that you like when *they're* still on the fence about you. It's selfish and I'm done with it. I seriously don't like anyone and I've been totally fine with that. I just spend most of my time and money on myself and my own improvement without distractions. 

So I had a guitar lesson today that went extremely well because Jake was able to get me that picking dvd that he originally paid hundreds for. This whole DVD is just about picking technique and it's going to help me a great deal I'd imagine. Anyway hopefully I can get it to run on my computer.

peace.

Oh, here's some random 90's goth metal that I've been listening to by a band called Type O Negative. Great vocal quality unlike many other bands that I've heard. Sends shivers down your spine. Warning the lyrics to this could be considered offensive or sacrilegious. Like most metal it should be taken for the work of art that it is rather than read into what it's trying to say. 

Drinking wastes time and makes people sick

I was thinking a little earlier about how long I wanted to play guitar before I was able to fully dedicate myself and how happy I am that I've gotten to this point. I had my lesson today and had a really stressful week and so I was really happy to see Jake. He is so intelligent, direct and usually knows the correct logical perspective on all of my problems that I've ever told him about.

Like don't get me wrong, 99% of our lesson is just spent working. Any time that is not spent working is because I'm the one that's wasting time blabbing on about something because I want to get his advice on something. Lol he's not getting paid to listen to my problems or give me advice on anything.

But I really am going to take his advice on alcohol. He used to drink when he was in his earlier 20's and had a bunch of crazy shit happen like most people. Anyway he doesn't drink now because he says that it's just something that hinders progress and I think he's totally right. Like I could only play guitar for 40 minutes today, and the past few days I've been feeling better so there's no reason that I shouldn't be making 2 hours at least.

I need to know Master of Puppets like the back of my hand in 6 weeks and I've been making progress but seeing the speed that I need to have it at intimidates me. God, why did I decide to do such a difficult song? I'm going to put myself through boot camp practice the next week not only to escape some negative thinking that has dwelled on me this last week but also kind of recenter.

I took my probably one and only excusable day off work today. Last night I went out and felt so sick all night I couldn't move this morning. I've decided to never drink on a day before a work shift ever again. I know it's something that people just have to learn but with the medication that I'm on (Prozac) I feel that the alcohol has more sedative effects than the average person... like I get realllly tired when I drink. I have a good time and I'm usually quite attentive to what people are telling me but alcohol doesn't make me more talkative or confident in that sense.

Tomorrow I work at like 2. Jcpenny is becoming less stressful for me the more that I work there but it still blows working in kids. At least on the weekends they're more busy so it'll be more interaction with people versus mindless folding and sorting. Blegh, that's no fun for me. I've found that the task of dealing with clothes itself is much more obnoxious to me than other aspects like the fact that I'm not around any of the people I'd made friends with at work earlier. That's fine, though, it's a job and I shouldn't be able to make demands like what department I should be working in. But the second I get a new job I'm getting the hell out.

I feel really awkward asking people if they need help finding things because honestly my guess is as good as theres-- most people are just browsing around and don't have a set thing in mind. I have had a really hard time memorizing where stuff is because again, attention to detail.... It's probably just for the best that I look like I know what I'm doing, smile at people a lot, etc and everything will be fine. At least I hope so.

Today I was able to get a much needed errand done and reaped the reward of my paycheck. I'm caught up with guitar lesson payments until the end of the month. I get paid on the 19th. Alrighty then, good! I just need to focus on guitar... I feel like drinking once a week this past few weeks has made me very disoriented and lose focus on what's really important.


peace. 

Metallica is in my soul

Hello.

Well it's 10:25. I had a pretty good day at work and came home and got in some really solid practice time. My practice sessions have become more structured like they were last summer and I am able to fully focus on what I'm working on. Unfortunately there are a lot of songs that I want to play around with but
I should really be focusing on Master of Puppets. I don't know when that recital is but I hope not any time too soon... It's been super fun to learn so far.

Today work was rather tedious and slow paced but it gave me a better chance to get a hang of the register. I got two credit card apps today so I'm pumped. There's incentive for me to do well because it gets me more hours. More hours = more money. My Dad likes to buy his t-shirts at jcpenny anyways so I'm going to have him do a "Findmore" and have it shipped to the store... lol so silly. The way I see it the company doesn't care who's buying the stuff and he'd buy the damn things anyway.

Here's me looking goofy this morning before work. dur dur dur... 

Anyway went into work this morning at like 11'. There's nothing up saying where I need to be so I went to Kids because that's where I was hired originally. I met a couple of the ladies that also worked in kids who honestly weren't as talkative to me as my previous coworkers I've met which is kind of nice. 

No hating though, seriously!! I want to go back to working downstairs in Women's dresses. But being upstairs has let me get used to the register. So that was a good choice today I feel even if I did miss working with my buddy Kevin, ha ha ha.

Lmfao, I need to tell you guys about Kevin.

He's this kid that got hired at the same time that I did. I added him on facebook and this is the picture that stood out to me the most... ha ha ha. Yeah he was a male cheerleader back in the day. That's intense though, that's a real sport. I mean check that girl out on top, that takes major athleticism. Anyway he's 17 and just graduated highschool. Very sweet person and apparently really smart. He's kind of goofy though and we crack eachother up.

ANYWAY. We both showed up to work kind of early so we were just chatting about whatever for about 20 minutes. I told him a little about myself and my hobby and tried to guess what he was into. He told me that he Didn't really have any hobbies because he was always sort of shadowed. I was like seriously? Idk, I guess I was sort of in the same boat. I immediately told him that he should take up an instrument with A sharp and went on about a schpeel about how it's helped everything in my life and yadda yadda yadda...

Seriously when I'm talking about where I get guitar lessons I think people might get the impression I'm trying to get them to join a cult. I'm just so serious about what people like Jake have openned my eyes too. I feel like musicians like Luke Jaeger, John Petrucci, Kirk Hammitt, chimp spanner, John Satriani, Michael Romeo, etc etc the list goes on and on.. All these guitarists have metal running through their blood and it brings together souls that know real pain. And even if it's not metal-- I mean most great guitarists play loads of genres just for the Hell of it.... guitar is just something magical. It's complete euphoria for me to be able to just be able to practice all day lately.

Luke actually lives in Seattle, so there could be a possibility of getting in touch with him.

I don't actually know him aside from through Jake. He's an outrageous guitar player. like Insanely blow your f*cking head off good. I want to know all about his story and how he got to this point and eventually would like to get some lessons from him if I move up that direction. It's not likely that he's going to stick around Seattle for that long though. He gives Skype lessons like Jake but he probably charges higher because I'm sure he doesn't even like teaching.

No, okay lemme back up... I'm not saying he wouldn't be a crazy good teacher. I'm just saying a lot of guitar players actually don't like teaching the basics. I've only been playing for two years and Jake has taught me a ton and still has a lot to teach me. Like before I stop taking lessons with Jake I need to know all the notes on the fretboard like the back of my hand, know way more scales, go back to working on arpeggios, different types of chords... There's still a ton of stuff that we haven't covered that I know Luke would probably be bored with. Luke teaches only other professionals. Jake enjoys teaching students that are more experienced as well. 

I've just been consumed by guitar and work lately. That's it guys. 

peace.