Suicide girls (....and more Luke, lmfao)

Evening everyone.

Today's been pretty productive. Today I went to the library and printed out Ghosh's sort of insane looking 16-page handwritten notes meant to help us with an article we have to write about by the 15th. I originally went to the library to print Carbaugh's handouts for money and banking but wasn't able to log in because of a caps issue in the username. I feel like a moron because I sent him a message about it but then I figured out what I did wrong and I'm like, "uh duh..." ha ha.... third quarter of this professor's class, you think I'd be able to get this shit right.

Anyway, I plan on getting up earlier than usual tomorrow to go print out those handouts in the library before his class at 10.

Today I also read about half of Chapter 2 in my Managerial book, which for some reason I find the most difficult to read. It's funny, because all of my classes are economics I'm having difficulty distinguishing whether or not I'm unknowingly giving one class more time than another. The material is really fascinating though and I know my listening skills have improved a lot since last year.

Thinking back to this time last year, I was taking accounting with that kind of senile guy, pre-calculus and that law class with the New Yorker that called me "Miss Wilson." Ha ha ha, yeah I definitely remember feeling my eyelids feeling heavy in all three of those classes at one time or another.. I also remember doodling pointless stuff in the margins and counting down the minutes left in class. In these classes I couldn't imagine doing that because I feel like I need to remember as much as this stuff as possible for my own benefit in the future.


Oh!! weirdest a$$ thing happened today!! 

  

pictured: Kelsey R., Jake's girlfriend (left), who's also friends with Rachelle, my friend Samantha's sister in law (right). 
Because I've followed Rachelle's posts on facebook for a long time I've seen Kelsey's comments but we've never talked. 

Kelsey added me on facebook. Ha ha this was completely out of left field for me because from what I'd heard she didn't like me much. Yesterday was her 24th birthday and she posted a picture of a purse from Megan that I worked with at JCpennies. Finding out that they were friends didn't come as a surprise to me because I remember Megan telling me that she'd gone to a lot of local metal shows. Kelsey is also friends with Rachelle, as well as Brandon C. and a bunch of other music people Jake knows that have been in that scene. 

Anyway yeah she sent me a message saying that "Jacob said you wanted to be friends : )" and of course I was stoked because yes, I'd wanted to actually get in contact with her for awhile. I want her to form her own judgement of me but also see most importantly that even though Jacob means a lot to me-- and has made more impact on my life than anyone I've ever encountered, it is not a romantic or sexual attraction what so ever. Lol and I'm thankful I'm not into him that because theoretically if I was and would have made any passes at him he would have inevitably harshly rejected them, gotten angry at me for violating the professionalism of his business, and asked me to leave. Yeah not something that I have ever wanted at all. 

But yea it'd be pretty sick to actually get to know her as a person. From what I've seen we have a lot in common so I have never seen why not. 

In other news Luke's not mad. I think. 

He commented on a status I'd posted last night: "Why is it so hard for me to have people in my life here....... —" which is pretty much what was ringing through my head all night last night. He said "Join the club." because I'm pretty sure this is what he's feeling living in Seattle right now. Like he's considering moving to San Diego to continue his music career but is at a crossroads about it.  Probably not gonna send him any more messages directly though unless he gets ahold of me first because I still don't know what that "failed to send" shit was all about.. lol.

It's still awesome to me that we're communicating on facebook because I really look up to him as a musician. He's got hands like no other and is probably one of the greatest living guitarists in the world. 

So yeah that's it for my weekend. Just studying a lot, practicing, BSing with people on facebook, then studying more. Ha ha, lame. Looking forward to school this week though. My birthday is in two days and I don't have anything planned but maybe I'll try to figure out something for the upcoming weekend if I decide to make time for it.

peace.

Sometimes I need to be alone . . .

Well initially today I thought Jay and I were going to the boat races in the "late morning" but he had to run some errands and has had to postpone that. We're going to have a hell of a time finding parking more than likely. 

My sister went to the boat races yesterday and got completely red... Her skin is so burnt. I'm wearing two layers of sunscreen, a layer of tanning lotion and a layer of makeup right now to protect myself, ha ha I think I'm set. But still, he's taken forever. Because he said late morning I was up at like 8 this morning getting ready.... I would have definitely slept in today otherwise because I was up last night reading Mein Kampf. 

....I know isn't that atrocious? But most educated people who can read something from an outside perspective should read the book that essentially leaded an entire nation to back something as corrupt as an all German empire. Hitler's writing is all in first person, so reading this book almost reminds me of reading Hitler's blog. Though I've only read the first 15 pages or so, I can already see a lot of similarities between the indoctrination of German children and the forced indoctrination of generations of North Koreans. In Mein Kampf Hitler paints a picture of what in his eyes would be the ideal Aryan world where he would of course be the leader.  

To be a well educated, intelligent person you have to make rational, well thought out decisions. To be a manipulative person you have to express these decisions confidently and with relaxed demeanor. Confidence creates trust. Trust and ability to manipulation is what makes powerful people. Sorry, these are just random thoughts that have been going through my head. 

Coffee is gone... I'm honestly getting tired. Lol I just took a picture that made me look like an anime character.

Wish me luck today to have a good one, kind of getting a late start

peace. 

Just keep talking

My stats teacher picked out and lended me this book today out of his office.

I asked him if he'd give me some summer reading and he said I needed to read this to better understand our country's financial crisis. Hurrah. I'm totally going to read this sh*t cover to cover and  try to understand it by this August, I don't even care why the hell not I won't have anything better to do aside from mind numbing retail work. 

I was acting like such a dumbass in his office today. He's my advisor now, I'd think, because he laid out my entire schedule for me quarter by quarter and what to register for and when to anticipate graduating. Do you know how much of a favor that was? He seemed totally happy to do it too.

We did talk briefly, and we somehow got to talking about music. He said that being from Eastern Europe he knows a LOT of metal. He mentioned that he was a big fan of In Flames in college.

Ah! In Flames, okay yeah I've sort of heard of these guys. I know for sure Jacob has brought up some of their songs to me. In fact I'm sure he knows a couple. I don't know if that "Dia de los muertos" t-shirt that he's wearing signifies the band's image but I have seen Rachelle use covers on facebook with a similar style. 

I asked him if he's heard of Opeth... Swedish. Not even f**king close to Croatia (derp) but it was the only current metal band I could think of from outside the US on the tip of my tounge. He HAS listened to Dream Theater of course, but I also mentioned that I'm learning other genres like that I'm learning Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Definitely not a band I thought I'd like but they have great guitar melodies. 

So yeah, happy to have that all laid out. Today was a pretty overall good day.

Today in Stats we actually went to this thing called Source... it was a presentation where a bunch of students presented their research. There was a range of ages, like from highschool to the tutor in economics giving his final presentation. There were also some fashion design people and I asked about their amateur lines. It was fun, definitely a nice break instead of lecture. But I like lecture anyway so it doesn't matter, lolol so bad okay I'll stop I'll stop.

I am totally going to read that freaking book over the summer though. I'm excited to read whatever it is he's encouraging me to know about. When I listen to him and trying to comprehend everything that he says it reminds me of when I'm talking to Jake. I can listen to it for hours because I feel like so much of what he's saying is of use to me. I just love getting to know people that know what the hell they're talking about that I can learn from and trust what they're saying is not bullshit. 

This has been one of the reasons I've really liked coming to college. 

I am trying to be as optimistic about this summer as I can. I've been thinking a lot about someone. Not of Terry or Jack or anything, neither of which I've been talking too at all lately. I'm just so over it, I don't care. But I can't help but wonder what it is that continue makes men change their mind back and forth whether or not they want to communicate with me.

Does it matter at all? Nope. Really doesn't... I want more friends actually in my life right now. Like I just want to watch Netflix and eat junk food with a friend but instead I end up with guys in my life that are always seeking some ulterior motive and either A) They confess this to me, creep me out and I can't be their friend anymore or B) They never do but act increasingly passive aggressive toward me over time if they did initially have feelings for me. 

So obviously I'd want to hang out with girls right now. I don't know, I want to hang out with a mix. I want to see different people that I had at my party that one night, they were a total blast. Like Glenn, Ricky, etc. I'd like to spend a lot of time with my family, too. Maybe sitting around outside playing guitar with Miranda running up to me. It's nice to think about.

Time to go to bed.

peace. 

Let the Climax begin! ~6~

I had to post this picture that classicalgasemissions.com posted.

I swear to God whenever i'm in a crap mood (and just happen to be at home on my computer which is pretty often when I'm pissed about something if I'm not at work...) this site will make me laugh my ass off.

I didn't realize that his blog entries actually post MP3s too. I've been openning them with my zune software all night. Basically, the guy that runs this site lives up in Canada and finds the humor in tacky vintage shit. He goes to thrift stores and even finds old hard drives (like, Windows ME old) and upload the priceless stuff he finds on them. He's got two youtube channels: www.youtube.com/drbpony and www.youtube.com/classicalgasemission. His blog has a lot more variety than his Youtube. I'd really like to someday support his site by buying stuff from his "Crap" shop, but I still don't have $10 to blow on a Merna cup. Gasoline, gasoline, gasoline. . . I'm so tired of spending money on it.

Tomorrow is going to be nice, I don't have work practically at all this week except for Friday and Saturday. Granted, this paycheck that i'm getting this week is going to suck and the next one is going to be even worse, but I have spent about $150 in the last couple weeks and as long as I make more than that I'll be happy to be back up at $750-$800 again. That money that I made will be out of my hands in seconds with that damn tablet though. When I hinted that I'd be getting something she really needed, I wasn't aware of how many hours I'd be getting cut from the 28 a week when I said it.

My studying sort of alternates. I study Japanese on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and math on Mondays and Wednesdays. The problem with Japanese this quarter has been that I prodominantly work on Tuesdays and Thursdays so I haven't had nearly as much time to practice speaking. My speaking right now, ugh. Just awful when we start the new grammar. I just freeze when sensee is watching me speak, and it makes it worse. Today when I was in a really good mood things came at least a little more naturally, especially when I'm talking to other students. But with sensee, not so good. : / i'm not excited for the oral exam, but as always, I can do it! I just gotta beliiiiieve!

Day 6. Damn, already I'm getting a lot better at this. It's taking time to get used to this new relationship. It makes me happy every day that I'm commited to it. But nobody has to know about it. Probably better if they don't. People are just too damn competitive, and it's obnoxious.

Still haven't wrapped those presents. Dad's vest is sitting in a bag next to my clothes basket. Remind me to put away the rest of those clothes and wrap my dad's gift tomorrow.

OH! I had a math test today! Chapters 11 and 12 baby! You know what that means?! I've officially gotten through an ENTIRE math book. I don't think I've ever done that before. Chapters 1-12. And it's almost time for the exam and I'm not as nervous as I am excited. I've studied so hard for this freaking thing, with the help of a lot of tutors and a LOT of patience.

I think I did pretty good on the test. I only got stumped on one of them-- she had to make the interest problem with an interest rate that compounds "semi-annually." Granted, I had the formula memorized going into the test, but because I didn't know what semi-annually meant I didn't know how many times a year it compounded! Shit!! What a stupid thing to miss. God damn it, semi-annually means twice a year. I was thinking bi-annual meant twice so what did semi- mean? Three times? It made me mad and during the test I just needed to go forward so I just did the basic compounding interest formula. At least that'll get me partial credit I hope.

Kim made me sort of irritated today, though she didn't intend too.. I got to the classroom at about 2:45, which has become more of a study room for me because it's quiet and warm and nobody comes in until 4:45 when class starts. So usually I'll go to the S building to the tutoring center for an hour, then come to the W building at 3:30 or so and study more. Anyway, I decided to skip the tutoring center today because I was running a little later and didn't want to deal with all the schlepping, so I sat down and realized I didn't have my book. This is a big problem in math because my notes aren't very cleanly laid out and I very rarely refer to them-- I go straight to the book for reference and for problems.

I texted Kim, asking if she'd like to study with me early so I can get a chance to look at the Chapter 12.2 (I had no idea how to do some of the f o g (x) crap which turned out to be pretty simple). She told me that she wouldn't be able to until 4'. A little desperate, I asked her if she was using it and if I could walk there to meet up to use it while she's in class or whatever. But she wasn't in class, she was in the Hub studying math. She didn't invite me to come study with her or even offer to let me take a peek at the section. Idk, it just made me a little hurt when I've lent her my pink calculator twice when she forgot hers. It's okay though, I admit I can be really talkative and distracting, and I know the importance of studying alone.

Regardless, I ended up getting what I needed to get done. Pretty sure I did well. I look forward to seeing how I did on Wednesday and I hope it's good enough to give me a good feel for the final. I've been doing the packets too... they're lame. I'm lame. bah haha

Shit it's almost 12.

Night