23rd year picked me up like a whirlw....

Hi. Wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it?

Of my handful of dedicated readers, I'm sure at least one of you felt concerned about my absence and an explanation is deserved. I guess I felt rather concerned about the direction things one area of my life was going and wanted some time to just focus on that and let time pass. I was hoping that by now I'd be telling you: Hey! Guess who's getting 30 hours a week as a poker dealer now, whatwhat?!

Nope, I didn't quite correctly gauge the time it would take to master picking winning poker hands with no prior experience. However I do plan to seek employment at Lucky Bridge and hope to God they put me on somewhere so I can A. Continue to learn poker and be in that environment and B. ..Be with Travis, who you guys don't know about right now. . . will go into that later.

I'm putting on my makeup to meet Travis's boss at the Casino this afternoon. I plan to deliver two resumes: One for a server position and one as a cashier. Being a cashier paying out winnings would be totally awesome but I'd be great as a server as well and it earns tips.

I'm getting ready back and forth as I write this so I will post the transformation here.

Here's me with hair half blow dried and only liquid foundation. I look pasty and kinda greasy from the moisturizer I'd put on.

I'm of course more determined than ever to get the ball rolling with this because by this upcoming Friday I will technically be *un*employed again! (gasp!!) I know right?! It's okay, it was more than over for me at Little Caesers by now. I think the fact that I could no longer stand my job kept me from writing too, because oftentimes after shifts I'd come home, drink and.... might not have much nice to say on a blog at the moment.

When I turned 23 on the first of this month I almost couldn't believe it. I felt I'd done my best with my 22nd year but also thought about how much I am going to need to learn and strive for this year. I'm getting older. People around me that are my age are getting married or having children. I'm really only interested in making money and learning every God damn thing I can squeeze out of my classes at Central to prepare me for the real world that has a tendency to either kick people's ass or make it the greatest time of your life in early adulthood depending on your preparedness.

Makeup brushes out in the car. Oh well, get it later. Hair blow-dried, foundation matted but no color.... 

I started hating my job at Little C's for a number of reasons. One, I was constantly being reprimanded, about anything you can think of, by the female managers and a handful of people I worked with.. It put me on eggshells big time because I felt like I couldn't do anything right there. But at the same time I know a lot of the things they were critiquing me on were either extremely minor in regards to the final product (like stacking the sheet outs the "wrong direction" for the person next to me to stretch them, or not turning on the faucet a certain way while I was doing the dishes-- just an accumulation of stupid shit like that) or weren't even my fault in the first place (like someone made a stack of bad sheet-outs and I get blamed for not being able to stretch them right.

And no, I'm not saying I didn't make mistakes there. I made a pretty good amount of them, especially when I was trying my hardest at dressline because I rarely gave myself a chance to work there. Like I went to work thinking if I did just sheet outs and dishes it'd be cool, but it got super redundant and I started to hate it really quick. This last month I did make a little more effort to work at other stations but would always hate it because I would forget and screw up at little things on dressline like which cup to use for a certain meat on a certain pizza..... and get caught. And feel stupid because yes I've been working there for a few months now.

Anyway, my last straw there was my Friday shift. For me and the management (and the management with me, lol). I had driven from Travis's house to Benton City and back to get ready after dealing poker at the Tin hat the previous night. It was a good night but I was exhausted. I came into work about ten minutes late, and I can't say that was the first time in the last week considering how stretched I felt on time lately with accounting and trying to learn poker with Travis. Rita pulled me outside and gave me a 20 minute rant about how I'm too slow, have a "snarky" attitude, and that she had "people complaining" about me.

 I'm like wow, I'm shocked to hear that you think I have an attitude... I try to rarely talk to anyone and usually wore earplugs at work to avoid hearing other people's conversations because I found it annoying when 90% of it was in loud Spanish. Of course I did always say it was because of my anxiety which was also true. The "people complaining" was identified as "other management" so it no longer concerned me. I always knew my male manager thought I was cool so I knew my suspicions that my other manager didn't like me were then identified. Not surprising what-so-ever.


So here I am sitting with all this new insight and wondering whether or not to go back into work or fold my hand and get the hell out of there. Rita told me she was going to "put the ball in my court" and I agreed to try harder but was admittedly pretty shook by it. I was nervous of what the consequences would be, however, if I came home at 2:45 pm saying I quit my job on a Saturday when my Dad was home. I stuck it out.

My final decision to quit there was made the next day when I saw the schedule and noticed I was scheduled for a whopping 5 hours this week. Okay, you've successfully pushed me out the door, I was more than ready to go anyway. Thanks for the paychecks.

The face I made at work a lot because I was so bored I could rip my hair out by the end. 

So it's very nice to say I'm now out of that place and am feeling more determined than ever to facilitate a comfortable transition to employment elsewhere.

peace.

Do I look like someone else

I'm feeling too restless to practice guitar right now... which means I have to write and hopefully shake this out because to be honest with you guys I'm exhausted and can't imagine I'm going anywhere tonight.

I texted Jay today. I was unable to wait until this evening. I asked him how his trip was going and he didn't reply. Damn it's been like 3 days... I'm kind of wondering if we're not going to talk anymore or what. That's been on my mind more than I'd like to admit today.

Check it out, tonight I unintentionally made myself look like a different person. Ha ha I've changed my look from Emily the no bullshit guitarist to Emily that draws manga and watches Ponies.*

I had work at 11 am this morning. My shift was 11-7 pm, and that's final. The reason I say that is because my coworkers were asking me continually how long I was going to work tonight. My managers actually didn't ask me to stay later, as they're intelligent enough to know that I would politely refuse. Lol. No credit apps or "findmore" things again today. My mom was like "Can they fire you for not doing those?" and I responded, "Don't think so..."

Lol I know that you can't but you're continually pressured about it. The corporation uses competition as one of it's tactics to motivate their employees. I kind of hate that about my job, it makes me miss my lazy days at Rite Aid....

When I move up to Ellensburg I plan on looking for a new job very quickly. Working at the Yakima JCpenny on the weekends could be a good temporary fix until then. Jeez that reminds me I have to talk to one of my managers about that. I should write a memo and leave it on one of their desks tomorrow. Good plan. Tomorrow's basically my Friday. I've got nothing planned. Will probably just do the usual because I'm gonna owe Jake $40 on Thurs so I shouldn't blow my money at the bar on Wednesday.

Alright... I guess that's sufficient writing for tonight. Need to practice for the first time today (it's 9:25 pm. God I'd be miserable if I was still at work, ha ha I was done at 7...)

I'm actually feeling a lot better about relaxing and enjoying the rest of my night. I told my mom that jay hadn't texted me back and she's like "You're being silly, it's Sunday night and that's when his job gets over. He probably doesn't even have reception." Both are really good points. I will sit with that.

peace.

*.... note that I do neither of those things. Not that there is anything wrong with people that do. But I think I look so much different with glasses and no bangs... I'm honestly not used to seeing myself like this. 

plans fell through. nothing new today.

Yo, good afternoon...

I'm feeling pretty good regardless of the fact that I think I got flaked on today. Jay was texting me last night asking what I was up to today and said we should go check out the boat races tomorrow (today). But yeah, it's 3:30 and we haven't talked yet today. He told me that he was working at 6 am, which is crazy if he's still working.. Maybe he's just super tired, or working way overtime. Or he's actually not feeling up to doing this. lol

I'm not gonna let this stop my day. I just feel lame because I put on makeup and don't have anywhere to really go. 

I'm not going to text him first though, seriously. He made these plans with me last night and he needs to follow up on it one way or another. I'm not gonna be like "Uhh hello??" f*******^%....... 

I practiced invention for a solid 40 minutes but I should really be using guitar pro instead of watching netflix. I've been trying to be more cautious about picking patterns as well as counting. 

Grr, this is lame though I was stoked. I should just continue to be productive.. Maybe I'll read my book or something. 

peace.

Seeing things more optimistically

I try anyway.

Well right now I'm in the process of probably killing my poor computer again by downloading the Sims 2. I just got a new hard drive with higher capacity so I have noticed that it is running faster now then it did before.  That could be kind of short lived if I start in with the Sims junk, but whatever I'm going to enjoy my computer. This game is from what, 2006? It should be easy to download and play without problems. I'm in the process of creating a whole new town with new residents (which are always quite accurate if I do say so myself). I've got to be careful with the downloading custom content because that's what always leads to problems. Trusted sources only.

Today's been a pretty productive day, but there is no telling how this will turn out.... I went to rite aid this morning to talk to my manager and she got me set up in the computer. I can't remember her name, but I do know she's from Toronto, Canada and likes math. I already like her more than I initially liked Dana to be honest with you. Dana was always kind of feisty but I never had any real issues with her. Anyway, got into Rite Aid, met up with her.. She told me that I needed my drivers license and social security card to scan in the computer before going to get my drug test. Alright, no problems, those two things are always in my wallet, right...? NOPE. Had to run home and get the card, I knew exactly where it was too because I had just applied to JCPennies yesterday. Dad's office. If it would have been on my bedroom counter I would have spotted it this morning and wouldn't of had to make the extra trip but hey, whatevvvvver.

Coming home did give me a chance to deliver my Mom's cell phone back to her office and give my sister the debit card to go grocery shopping. I'd told her this morning that I was planning to go even though I didn't want to and my sister was like "No I'M going grocery shopping, I always do." I'm like Hey, no problems!! ha ha, sooner I could get done with my drug test the sooner I could get home and practice my guitar and enjoy a little relaxation.



Yesterday I played tennis with this guy named Lois that I've never mentioned. My mom has says numerous times that he's chill and I had heard that he was really athletic so I invited him to play tennis with me yesterday. This was of course after some brief conversation about guitar and some other things. He just graduated but he's 19. Anyway it was chill hanging out with him and like I expected he picked up tennis immediately. Some people are just good at sports in general and I was dying to get out and play yesterday.

My a** hurts... and my calves. Tennis is pretty strenuous on the body but I had a blast playing yesterday. Lois and I played a few games but didn't even finish a whole match because we both got tired. But yeah I'd never even met him before, I mean obviously because he was in my sister's graduating class and that seemed a lot younger than me but as I've gotten older I've stopped worrying about it. I'm very non-discriminatory about who I talk to and hang out with as long as they're not dangerous or very stupid.

That's all I have to say, really. Hopefully the test went well... I really do enjoy my job and what I do in my personal time should not dictate my position in the working world. I am a very hard working, honest, responsible person that gets shit done and that's what employers want. If this doesn't go well I'll have to keep looking.

peace.