I wasn't used to it. Being happy for the first time. [Project life timeline, 14]

Stare straight ahead, stare straight ahead, make awkward small talk, 

sigh, it's over... I can go home.

10 days

My arm hurts sort of badly and I'm getting a tiny bit nauseous from a flu shot that I got at work today. It was a flee immunization that I got for working at Rite Aid, so that was a major plus. Diane reminded me about it. She's our sort of dark, no bullshit pharmacist. Almost all of our pharmacists like me for the amount of hard work I do and what I put up with.

I feel weird talking to anyone at work, so I get nervous when I talk to the pharmacists or anyone else. I'm really just trying to hold my good reputation and not have any problems with anyone; even if tensions get higher at times. 

Today I worked 7-3 (I usually work from 7:45-3) because we had a huge amount of ad. I usually cashier and do front end ad but now they want me out on the floor doing actual tedious work, I love it. Traci was head cashier for the whole shift, I was so grateful that Jodi let me work the floor today. I did a great job and hope I can again for my last Sunday shift. 

Onto my project timeline! I've thought a bit about what I'm going to say in this one.

Project Timeline, Age 14

2005-2006

I remember REALLY liking this picture, haha. Back at the beginning of standing in the bathroom taking pictures of yourself.

The reason for this of course being MySpace, which was really big at the time. I remember the scene kid look was just getting big, too, but I could never afford to complete an entire look even if I wanted too. I never really stuck to a trend for this reason, I always had a really random assortment of clothes; they were okay though I mean my mom had a better sense of style than I did. 

I recall 8th grade being one of the biggest transitional years of my life for a lot of reasons. 

I was taking my second class with Zorn, my homeroom was full of the same
"smart kids" (I'm sorry to say most, if not all, of them were white, and they went from class to class for the most part) that I hung on the tail end of. 

I mean I was smart, definitely above average emotional intelligence in comparison to other students and I would occasionally pop a good computer standardized test grade... But because my grades hadn't been fantastic I had classes with most of the students at ki-be from one time or another. 

I was in my fourth year of band, still playing the trumpet and starting to lose interest in it... I'm pretty sure at this point it was just Scott and I, and Thomas. There were quite a few of us to begin with but over the years more and more kids dropped and band became a little embarrassing. I took a lot of pride in having the opportunity to play the trumpet and really worked hard at it until I quit after Freshman year.

What was unfortunate about 8th grade Band is that Parks had retired and we were stuck with Neilson. Neilson had no enthusiasm what-so-ever and we would chop through songs. Parks was a little weird but he was still an incredible band teacher and I still appreciate what he taught me. Learning that guitar probably would have been a lot harder otherwise... 

I'm going to be honest, I was never really friends with any of these girls-- especially not in middle school. Hailey and I had a fight just a few weeks after this photo was taken, I'd assume. Don't get me wrong, Chelsea and Emily were both on my sports teams for years and I respect them. Emily B. and I actually talked at Katharine's college graduation party and got along a lot better now that we're away from the highschool environment... but back then, meh, I'm pretty sure I probably annoyed them both.

When I was 13 I was a HUGE NEGATIVE NANCY. This got a lot better my 8th grade year once I got a little more confidence but even more so when I started taking Paxil. 

Paxil was after a long string of problems, though. 

Hailey H.... I have not talked about this person in a long time. I don't feel any anger toward her, it's just weird to think she's the only person I've ever been in a physical fight with. It's extremely out of character for me. Hailey is pictured with the yellow sweater over her shoulder.

At the time the fight was about Wiley. I guess I sort of dated Wiley for like a week when I was 13; probably freaked him out a bit. ANYway, I'd gotten wind that Hailey was telling people the reason Wiley and I dated is because she had told him to go talk to me. I don't know why this would piss me off, but I think I interpreted it as 'she was in control of that situation' and I used it as ammunition to go for it.  

I remember talking to Jake H. about my dislike for Hailey, just talking a bunch of smack about her the week prior planting seeds of tension between us. Jake did NOT like me back then, AT all. In fact he told me this just recently when we were hanging out during christmas break. He told Hailey shortly after the note and boom, before you know it we were catfighting in the back of the school with a bunch of people watching.

It was a pretty wimpy and brief fight I'm sure, I have no recollection of it. I do however remember going to Mr. Wing's office and cursing up a storm and then crying to Katharine on the phone. I got suspended, obviously, for one day...

The fight itself really had nothing to do with Wiley, even if at the time I didn't know... The fight was really about breaking away from Hailey. When I was that age I used to hang out with her as a "Safety blanket" because I felt I was more attractive than she was even if I had zero confidence at the time and she had all the confidence in the world. She seemed to accept me for who I was for the most part. That and she was an open and pretty intelligent person so I felt I could open up to her more.

She caused a lot of drama in my life, somehow. Though I do think I made a lot of that myself, too, just from being a big mouth myself. I don't know, I'm sure wherever Hailey is now she's being quirky, loud and opinionated and I'm sure she had a better time at Hanford than she would have at Ki-Be. I'm happy she wasn't part of my highschool experience, honestly. 

I never had to face Hailey again, though I know she's probably seen me around CBC. Reason being I didn't come back to school after that suspension 8th grade year. That day of suspension was that day before spring break, and I went camping with Katharine's family that week. I had a head injury and almost died. I'd rather not go into great detail about that experience. 

I didn't have to go back to school for the remainder of the school year because of my throbbing migraines. Let's say that I was never addicted to oxys but I was a little sad when my big bottle was gone. Just in time, too. 

Bahh okay side note I'm in absolute heaven right now. Tater tot casserole, weekend shifts are over and I have the night to myself to just practice and practice. Bliss, complete satisfaction at this moment. 

This was taken on Jeff's camera at his house. We practically stole the thing.

Katelynn and I had a falling out around soccer season my 8th grade year. That previous summer at Benton City Daze Katelynn had come with me to hang out with people. Well, me being still pretty funky, zitty, insecure and awkward and Katelynn with her long hair and large boobs... You can kind of imagine how this went. 

If you can't imagine, Katelynn got a lot of attention from guys and I felt jealous and couldn't take it. 

I remember the one day Katelynn and I hung out that went south. I had always loved going to Katelynn's and we'd spend a lot of time together staying up all night and talking, being imaginative, whatever. As we grew up we became more and more competitive, predominantly from my end because even if Katelynn's home life with Jeff wasn't perfect I thought it was so neat that she was able to go to the huge Desert Hills middle school when I was stuck at stupid Ki-Be where I couldn't find any friends...

As Katelynn got prettier, skinnier and seemed to have lots of friends at Desert Hills, I began to feel more intimidated and started bragging like CRAZY about sports and other stupid shit that didn't matter to Katelynn at all. This bothered Katelynn and she finally called me out about it at her house one day that fall in 2005. She couldn't take it and I didn't blame her.

Later that night I sent her some horrible bashing messages that she pretty much responded, "Okay? Lol." I was CERTAINLY put in my place. You see, this situation has taught me a lot. First of all, I now know how girls act when they're jealous. Second, I now know how to handle myself if I have crazy girls come at me like this... and I have, just in the last year. I'm happy that I learned this lesson when I was 14 and it was more excusable. 

Katelynn and I made up again in May. That picture was taken a time that we had hung out again after a long hiatus. 

I never liked this cut out, I wish I would have just left it as is in the store. This is genuine, though, Katharine and I loved cutting people's heads off in photos and sticking them on things. I came up with some really funny, weird ones too and I wish I could show them too you. 

Eighth grade really was a big year for Katharine and I because for the most part she was my only real friend at the time. Jordan G. had moved the previous year and that group that we had formed dispersed because Jordan was the glue that held us together. It's not like Valerie or Cheyenne would have wanted to hang out with me at the time. 

So I sort of just floated around.. I remember the popular kids hung out over by the backstops. 

Back then the really popular girls were Jessica, Haeli Z., Hannah E., Lisa B. and Genee M. (previously in the Jordan group mentioned earlier). Kayla S. really was the Queen Bee in middle school, she was so beautiful, confident and everybody loved her. She moved after middle school to Kamiakin and there was never really another Queen Bee from our class again.  There was a handful of popular guys, but when Peter Z. and Tyler F. after 7th it was easy to say that Sheldon B. was the King of popularity (bahaha). 

Having popularity in middle school was really all about confidence. I didn't have much until I started taking Paxil when I was finally diagnosed with depression. 

Once paxil kicked in, all my problems in middle school seemed to fall off my shoulders! I wasn't used to it. Being happy for the first time. I'd spend most of my spare time with Katharine and we'd come up with the most crazy, hilarious stuff-- songs, pictures, anecdotes, impressions.. whatever. We had an incredible amount of fun that Spring and Summer, regardless of the head injury situation. 

I just remember sitting in Zorn's class and he called on me to read the super boring, bland Social Studies textbook. I just started taking Paxil that week and I started reading the text in a weird accent and laughing my ass off. I didn't even care if nobody else was laughing, nobody was even really paying attention to the text and it was the end of the year.. Nobody else wanted to read, so I just kept reading because he kept telling me to read and I really remember it being the first time I ever felt happy. 

..but I think..

..At that very moment...

I stopped caring so much what my class thought of me, and I'd sort of given up. I was ready for highschool and something new. 

Overall: 

Sports:

Ha ha, I talk about bragging about sports earlier but I wasn't really a star athlete. I kicked a kid in the balls once, I was so embarrassed and kept on saying "I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!!" about 40 times. I look back on it and laugh though, I was a pretty wreckless sweeper but I wasn't bad. Mr. C (Scott's Dad) had played me quite a bit. 

Love:

I had a big crush on Scott for years and years and probably drove him completely apeshit. I used to give him notes and crap, it's really humiliating to think about that too. See, these are all LEARNING experiences. I also liked Matt M. who has always been really rude to everyone, don't really see what the point of that was. He's always been really pretty though; kind of like Tyler F. or a lot of other half Mexican guys that I've seen. 

Clothes/Looks:

I had really cared what people thought of me in middle school. I'd try to impress people by wearing tanning lotion and stupid polo shirts and other preppy garb my mom would tell me looks cute (it probably WAS cute clothes, but when you're slumping and having a bad attitude I probably would have been better off dressing dark, would have made more sense at least and I wouldn't have looked and felt like as much of a poser) 

I did start experimenting with eye makeup my 8th grade year though, and a lot of it was horrifically smudgey but hey, I was trying. Also started the side part bangs look this year instead of the straight across look that didn't do my face any favors as much as I had wanted it too.

Academics: 

I have never been fantastic at math, it never came easy to me or made much sense until I had it with Dickman my 7th grade year. He taught me so much and helped me get the confidence that I'd lost after taking it with Thomas in 6th with all the kids that are GOOD at math. Anyway, 8th grade I had math with the average kids in Harris's math class. 

Harris was known for being a ridiculous grader but he had to follow a strict government protocol for 8th grade that made him out to be the bad guy a lot. Though I think I only got a C- or so in his class, I worked my ass off and respect him a lot as a teacher and he helped me more than a lot of math teachers have as well.

I learned a LOT in Price's 8th grade science class because we had to do really boring book-and-worksheet activities IN class. That was Price's last year after some shit hit the fan and I never saw him again. I don't think he DISliked me necessarily but he did report me to the office a lot for my bad outfit choices. At the time low rider jeans and short cut shirts were in so I had a really hard time with my butt crack or underwear sticking out, super lowriders is NOT a good cut for any girl with a booty. 

I think my BEST class in 8th grade was Mrs. Hartill, then "Valdez" after she got married during our school year. She's was a very cute, sweet, YOUNG teacher at the time. I mean fresh out of college, probably only 23. She taught us so well, even if she was a little nutty at the time with her very intense lesson plans.

For instance, we had this enormous creative writing portfolio that we were doing at the end of the year. I wrote a 60 page book about this kid on the Titanic, it was intense. I can't really remember what happened but I used this BIG, thick Non-fiction book I'd found in the library and read it cover to cover recapping the events of the titanic before I wrote the story for historical accuracy. 

I got a D- in Herman's 7th grade because I f*cking hated Ray Bradbury and Sci-fi but here I am writing a book the next year using REAL information and getting a total A, who would have thought. That Titanic book paved the way for many years of non-fiction reading about other miserably depressing but fascinating events, crimes and cold cases. 

Alright that's all for now! Doing 13 tomorrow, oh jeez into the awkward stage. I'm going to have to stop at 12 though, it would be nearly impossible for me to clearly and accurately recap my childhood... I suppose I could try. My mind such a vault for all these memories that probably don't mean much but the least I can do is write them down if I ever want to reflect later while I still can. 

peace. 

I really didn't let half this drama bother me that much. [Project timeline, age 16]

Jessika is back on the scene.

I saw that she updated her profile picture today, which was the first update I'd seen from her since June 5th (around the time we had the falling out). Back then I figured she'd blocked me but I later realized that she temporarily shut down her facebook. I had actually wondered in the bath today what she'd been doing. I had more assumed she'd moved away, like to Idaho or something to help take care of her friend's baby.

Nope, she's still here.. I have no idea where she's living or what she's doing but I have no intention of asking or clearing the air between her and I. I'd rather put that to bed for good. However, I will not delete her from my friends list. Seeing her occasional updates might be interesting. I love facebook for that reason, you can see what people are up too while keeping your distance.

 Last night I spent the night at Katelynn's house and slept on her mom's mattress that she's going to sell soon. I actually really like that mattress, or maybe it's just that I like the sheet on top. I have been noticeably more sore lately but I think that's from all my working out with the whey protein. That stuff lets you work out for longer periods of time but it has a tendency to let you over-do it if you're not careful. My abs are really starting to get definition, it's strange.

Onto my project timeline again. Going back further I have to dig into my old myspace, back even further I'll have to go into my old photobucket account... I don't think I have any pictures of me when I was a child on my facebook, we'll have to wing it with snapshots from my phone. Until then...!

Project Year Timeline, 

Age 16, 2007-2008

Year of blissfully surviving social nightmares.

At 16 I was sort of starting to find my identity. I knew I didn't fit in that great with the mainstream popular leadership kids after getting shut out by them the previous year, and I was ready to find a more accepting crowd and move on. 

Unfortunately this was hard to do, because the way I saw it I had two choices: Either find some freshmans to hang out with or try finding friends two classes above me. Katharine's class was off limits because I knew pretty much all of them from being friends with Katharine, and none of them seemed like they'd want to hang out with me. Maybe someone would have if I tried, but I didn't, they were an extremely tight class and had very defined groups of friends that I didn't fit into. 

The previous year had been really rough for Katharine and I, which I will explain when I talk about 15. During soccer Katharine would snap at me for one reason or another, like this one time she was at the front of the line when we were running tied hand to hand with the rope and I asked a question to the girl in front of me (probably Alex S.) and Katharine yelled out the answer, sarcastically, as if it was a stupid question. Caitlin D. yelled that we needed to stop fighting immediately. 

Soccer season was rough especially because I hardly got any playing time. Lindy played defensive center mid too and scored a couple goals with her enormous kick and put me out of the job. I was a solid varsity player though, never had to play on JV. There was actually enough of us to have a jv team that year. 

Katharine was going to CBC but she was still in yearbook with me. We had soccer sports awards and I apparently didn't get the memo on when they'd be held. I had forgot about it and NOBODY called me to tell me it was going on. It pissed me off so bad that I started cursing and crying in Mrs. Tyrell's room, and Katharine just shrugged like I should have known. She could have easily called. Soccer season ended badly on that note and I didn't know if I wanted to play again. 

On top of that I was dealing with absolutely crazy shit with Tony L. and Genisis, the younger sister of my ex boyfriend Chino. Genesis printed a bunch of flyers saying I'm a "hoe" and left them all over the football stadium. She was never punished for it. 

You see I'd made some other friends, a much larger group consisting of a lot of foriegn exchanged kids. Austy C. was a really well liked person and she seemed to like me after I'd become friends with Heather E. the previous year. 

They were a really good group of girls, definitely involved in the school and super spirited (note that I was NOT. I was actually anti-school spirit after my previous year...).. Austy and Chelsea L. really were the group leaders and we'd all sit together at lunch. 

I was really envious of this girl in my group named Alice (pronounced "Aliche"). Well, I'm pretty sure almost girl in the school was. She was drop dead gorgeous, I mean tall, rich, beautiful, tan, from Milan. At the beginning of the year I was pissed about it, I was like, okay now my chances of dating anyone in highschool are probably even worse. Ha ha little did I know Chino wouldn't have let me date anyone regardless. Once I got to know Alice, though, I really enjoyed her company and stopped caring. She ended up dating Tony L. (Chino's cousin) who at the time absolutely despised me. 

Jack and I started talking on the phone this year at some point. During one of our long phone conversations Jack asked me where he should take Aliche on a date. 

Not far from Austy's group sat Kandyce's group. Kandyce and her minions were sort of the power in numbers clique that were SUPER school spirited and supportive of our football team that was doing really well that year. Kandyce was a friend of Chino's (well, Chino didn't care that much about her I don't think but Kandyce would hold parties and Chino would probably be there...) and after an atrocious experience at Warped Tour her whole group wanted to make my highschool experience a nightmare.

I guess they failed at that. Because in all of this, all these people gunning for me, I somehow stayed pretty in my own world. I think at the time I was playing a lot of video games and hanging out with Katelynn when I could. 

Academics weren't great this year. I really excelled in English with Tyrell but I had to deal with an elective nightmare. Stupid Minkler put me in Welding the first half of the year... Oh my God, Welding, THAT was an experience...

I'm pretty sure I had a crush on every guy in my welding class, namely Levi D. At the time I had just broken up with Chino, who all these guys partied with. No way in HELL they wanted to date me at this point. I was totally off limits. I don't think me and Chino were talking at the time so I didn't understand. Jessica S. was in my welding class, did much better than me, was a favorite of the teacher and got flirted with all the time. Obviously I'd be jealous for this reason. I was really happy when this half of the year was over. 

I was then placed in a weight training class, which was completely full of guys aside from Katharine, Emily B., and Jessica S. Katharine at the time was more than happy to just be partners with Miguel, who she'd started dating recently. Jessica and Emily would work out together and wouldn't really include me so I was stuck without a partner. I didn't have a partner that whole half of the year, I was really fortunate this group of hispanic girls let me in. They'd talk in Spanish together and take turns getting stuck with me. 

Things didn't get much better in the Spring. Tennis was rough because I had started acting like a complete bitch toward Haley in order to regain my friendship with Katharine. This didn't really work; actually when I'd talk bad about Haley toward Katharine to try to impress her she'd say "Haley isn't that bad, actually!" This completely drove me up the wall because HALEY was the whole reason Katharine was mad at me the previous year; of course it was clear that this wasn't the only reason once it that "problem" was taken care of. 

Me and Haley got in a number of arguments, including one on the tennis bus over some headphones. She would take falls during challenges so she could be in the 2nd seat because I seemed to WANT to play first seat. Actually my sophomore year I didn't want to play first seat, I wanted to beat Haley because I didn't like her and she didn't want to give me the satisfaction. What better way than to put a 16 year old against girls that completely whiped the floor with my face? I probably deserved it, honestly. Haley ended up quitting and I was stuck playing monsters the rest of the season. I think I won a couple matches, it was good practice however for the next year.

Overall:

Looks: I was still sort of dressing/dying my hair how my mom told me it would look the best. I did the blonde thing most of the year and didn't feel that comfortable with it for the most part. I dressed in plain, sort of preppy clothes from Pac Sun, JCPennies or the new Fuego. 

Work: This was the height of babysitting for Chad and Carmin, I'd be over there multiple times a week pulling practically all nighters. I had just started driving and would get pulled over by cops for violating curfew.

Skills: Developing tennis skills, I wasn't that good but I still loved it. 

Love:

I guess one of the best things about my sophomore year WAS Connor. I had talked to Audrey, his best friend, and ended up meeting up with her to go to Ray's. I met Connor and we clicked almost immediately. We'd cuddle in Audrey's basement in this spare bedroom downstairs. There was a lot of crazy shinanigans going on that I wasn't used too.

Connor was a huge smoker, and I'd never been around that before nor did I really know what it was. It didn't bother me though because I liked Connor so much I was willing to put up with whatever. It really drove his day to day life back then, though, and it bothered me that he cared more about it than he did me. Overall, though, my relationship with Connor was good. 

The timing really was perfect (around tennis season my Sophomore year). I was never really attracted to Chino and after our relationship was over I was looking for another guy that resembled Toren-- long hair, skater type, etc... and Connor fit the mold of what I was looking for even better because he was tall. I really liked this one and it took a long time to get over him after we were through around July. it's funny, in the times we've spent together he said the same thing even if he acted as though he didn't give a f*ck either way at the time.

I've never really had a relationship like Connor's since we broke up in 2008.. It  really has been that long. Regardless of Connor's lifestyle's contrast to mine (I was still pretty goody two-shoes back then, Hell I still am in a lot of ways) he still really liked me for me and I think that was the last time I really had faith in love. 

Granted I can't say I really loved Connor, but I'm sure I wouldn't have broken up with him and it could have gone there. It's probably for the best that it didn't, he didn't like how caught up I was with school and sports and discouraged it. Sports kept me out of trouble.

Music: I had a Zune with a huge amount of memory so I started buying CDs from all sorts of rock genres. One of the CDs that I bought was Trivium; I originally got it for Katharine (not realizing at the time that Katharine didn't like metal at all) but she didn't really want it so I kept it myself. This was really my first exposure to metal. 

I mainly listened to Coheed and Cambria. Katelynn got me really into them when we started talking again and she burnt me a couple CDs such as Junesong Provision. 

Confidence: 

Like I said before I really didn't let half this drama bother me that much. I wrote a lot in my blog to get it off my chest but I was able to escape by playing video games, namely Bully for the PS2 that we'd finally purchased that year. My mom was always really stressed about my drama but I put a lot of it behind me. Needless to say I didn't really like Ki-Be, but I dealt with it and figured it was just part of being an underclassman. If I had to do it all over again I probably would abandon sports and transfer to Kamiakin because I had a long road ahead. 

Alright that's it for now. Tomorrow I'll talk about 15, my year of being CRAAAAAAAAZY.

peace. 

It's still pretty early so I figure I'll do my blog before my practice session. [Life timeline, age 18.]

I'm  sort of sore today, probably because of the exercise that I've been doing. I know that I probably drank too much of that protein stuff the last couple days and my body is indicating that I didn't burn all of it off. I need to only do the whey protein once every other day, though I do plan to still work out every day. Maybe I'll cut the half scoop down to a quarter scoop one day, then half scoop the next and see how my body reacts. Too much protein is not good for you, and I'm not used to much because I typically eat hardly any red meat.

It's still pretty early so I figure I'll do my blog before my practice session. I've got my second to last lesson today.

15 Days!!

yahoo.

I'm going to continue my project from yesterday. It still seems pretty nerdy to recap your life thus far on your blog, but I don't really mind. 

Age 18, 2009-2010

Year of limbo between highschool and college, and kicking major ass.

This was a big year because it was my senior year and I was juggling taking classes at Ki-Be and CBC, but at the time I couldn't have been more ready. I had my last real year of the "highschool life" my Junior year, and I felt like I'd outgrown it. Sports were still a big part of my senior year, I finished out soccer pretty strong (We finally went to state, then of course lost, but whatever it was a good run) and had an incredible tennis season. 

I still did a little of the highschool shit, like here's me and Robert before homecoming or some other formal, I can't remember. I didn't go to prom my senior year because I was way too wrapped up in tennis and figuring out graduation. 

I babysat Tori for the little money that I made. I was of course driving back and forth to CBC every day, but because gas prices were lower back then it was a little bit easier to not have a job. It was getting a little awkward for Chad and Carmin as I got older to have me babysit because I was becoming an adult and needed to get an actual job.

Overall:

Looks: I was still wearing Metal T-shirts. Throughout the year as I discovered magibon and cutesy Japanese culture I started incorporating more cute things into my wardrobe, but would usually just wear them to CBC and change into something more dull/comfortable for ki-be. My makeup was still a little cakey and my acne was pretty bad at times but I was getting better. 

Work: Babysitting, but more and more rarely. Chad and Carmin weren't working night shifts anymore because Carmin was a manager at a Starbucks. She didn't need me there anymore at night and would only have me when they went on dates. Those were only $10-12 nights and I was getting too old for it when I'd have a test the night morning. I didn't try that hard to find a new job, though. 

I did end up getting a really good babysitting job during the summer where I was getting paid hundreds each week to watch these two girls from 8-5 pm. They were little manacle bitches though and I had a hard time taking them. That summer I was trying to teach myself guitar with crappy lessons with Neilson and ended up giving up. I thought I'd never learn how to play the guitar. 

Friends: Pretty all over the place. This is the year I really started becoming solid friends with Samantha. At first she seemed a little scared/intimidated by me because A) I was two years older than her and B) she saw a picture of me and her boyfriend together from the previous year--which pissed her off. But eventually she came around and we became really close friends.

Katelynn was wrapped up with Zach W. at Hanford, so I rarely saw her. We really only started hanging out once she got back in her Mom's house. We haven't had a hiatus since we started hanging out again back then. At the time that me and Katelynn DID start talking again she was dating Jon A., who I remember taking senior pictures for holding his clarinet. I was just happy she was away from Zach because he has a destructive personality, regardless of being really sweet to people. 

Once me and Katelynn started spending more time together we were much closer than we'd ever been as friends. We really started to get eachother more than we ever had.

Katharine and I had become close friends again during the tennis season of my senior year. Katharine took a lot of good pictures of me playing during my first round of state. I gave those girls a hell of a run. 

Skills: I ended up setting a record for most consecutive wins at Ki-Be. I felt accomplished with that and never wanted to play tennis again... It's been two years since then and I still don't feel like I'd want to play it. Sports were great but blegh they got old.

Love: Dated that guy James R. for a little while during the winter. This is a guy that Marco M. was best friends with and introduced me too after me and Marco had a falling out. Don't ask how this happened, I'm not sure myself but all I know is that Marco was spending a lot of time with Josie (Josie and I seem to have the same taste in men) and that led me to not talking to him. 

James was not like Marco though. Marco was really spontaneous, kind of a chameleon with people, really flirtatious, and a little slow. James was a serious military guy, he REALLY knew what he wanted and completely fell for me immediately. Unfortunately we didn't have the same sense of humor and I got bored quickly, so I had to tell him I couldn't take that he was leaving.

Honestly though, if we HAD grown attached that would have been difficult. I was attracted to James at the time but not as attracted as I was too....

JackJackJackJackJack... Seriously he had me immediately. At the time I had no idea what I was getting myself into emotionally, had I known the amount of time I would end up spending waiting for this person to come around I wouldn't have come over to his brother in law's house that night.  

That winter Jack and I started something, we'd hang out at his place or mine at these weird hours and do quirky things like make sushi or... Oh God, that same night he had this idea that we'd go to the Toyota Arena and build snowmen out the snow shavings from the zamboni, it was such a typical "outside the box" Jack idea that was a miserable fail but it was so  funny. 

This only lasted a couple months; it stopped when he transferred to Central. He'd start talking to me spontaneously over the next couple years but it would all be misleading garbage that confused the shit out of me until I confronted him about it (which was just this summer, actually). 

I did date Lane Hammitt for a little while after the second falling out with Chad. They were friends. Lane was sort of dumb, though, we didn't click and I just think I wanted to have a boyfriend to hang around with. It lasted a few weeks. I also dated a Chinese guy for two weeks that Michael Z. introduced me too. It didn't work out, he didn't have anything to say. 

Confidence: Not bad, actually I was sort of cocky because I got good grades at CBC and got sort of self important. Little did I know I still had A LOT to learn before I'd knew how to handle myself in college classes. I was so annoying because I'd ask too many irrelevant questions because I thought college classes were like highschool classes where professors WANT student input. Thank God I've changed. Tennis gave me some confidence too, I was just really ready to be out of highschool. 

Here's some videos from 2010 when I was that age. 

One of the really exciting experiences of 2010 was going to my first GOOD anime convention, Otaku Con 2010.

There's me in the costume was horrendously constricting and uncomfortable. I had a really fun time at the con though and met a lot of good people. This gave me more inspiration to study Japanese the next year at CBC. 

Kuro neko con was really fun, I cosplayed on both days and my Grandma made me a really nice lucky star costume. I might even sell that dress on ebay, it's THAT well made and realistic. I remember we spent the night at that nasty hotel and had to SWITCH hotels because we couldn't take anymore. I remember having a lot of extra money that summer. Probably, again, because gas prices were lower and all the extra money.

(well that about wraps up 18, tomorrow I'll do 17 so stay tuned, haha)

My party! A quick overview.

Now that a day has passed and I feel more relaxed and restored, I can talktalktalktalk about everything that's happened. This blog might be broken up into a few entries, but I'll start with writing about my party.

The party had an incredible turnout. Throughout the night I'm pretty sure I got at least 30 people, and only a few people that RSVP'd as coming flaked out. All the people that I really wanted to come showed up though, including Robert, Tyler and Logan which was amazing considering the crowd that was there. Tyler doesn't like crowds much and has never really followed through with plans that I make, but times have changed I suppose!

Speaking of those guys, I got the incredible news that Chelsea and Robert are engaged. It was so funny when they announced it to us because Tyler, Logan and I already knew but we played it off like we didn't. I admit that Chelsea and I weren't necessarily besties in highschool, and I'm sure I said some things about her that weren't favorable to Robert a long time ago, but my opinions of her have changed a lot. She was totally cool at my party, she's really made Robert happy, they love eachother so much and I'm really excited for their wedding next May.

The party started at 8' PM, which means it was pretty light out when people started showing up. I had picked up Taylor M. because she didn't have a ride, then Katelynn and Alan showed up. There wasn't much setting up to do because my Mom had it covered, and my head was still sort of on backwards like it was at graduation. 

On the left is Tim. Jessika had showed up with him, having told him I was interested in a relationship and he came to hang out with me apparently. Jessika and Tim were being very reclusive. Tim had been excited to hang out with Katelynn and Alan as well, but that was cut short when Jessika decided to leave about 20 minutes after getting here to go smoke weed with Tim. She was angry at me and acting really rude to all of my guests and I had no idea why. I ended up texting her about it and she flipped out on me but that story is for another entry.

A picture of me, Logan and Tyler. Robert was originally in this I thought but he ducked out with Chelsea. He probably felt a little awkward and didn't want Chelsea to feel excluded. Chelsea would of been fine in the picture too, though! 

The ki-be drama kids started coming in around 9:30 pm. They certainly made it a party! They all had such a good energy because they were ready to have a good time. I set up the movie in the yard but everyone pretty much talked, hung out and munched the whole time. I was sort of unprepared for food because I was slightly broke. 

Here's me and Taylor. I unexpectedly jumped on his lap to take a picture. Every person that was there I made sure to make a point to tell them that I was glad they were there and made sure to give them a hug at some point in the night. Reason being, I have no idea when I will see any of these people again in my life. Not saying I don't guarantee I'll see Samantha, Shawn and those guys again.. haha I'm going to Sam's house tomorrow more than likely. But people like those in my Japanese class that I never really had much of a close relationship with outside of class, I really don't know. I'm sure I will go to other meet ups and such if there are some, but if not I hope they all have successful and happy lives. 

The Japanese club kids were the first ones to show up at 8:10-8:30 or so. I was happy they were so timely because I always get so worried about if people will show up or not. They hung out on the benches and chit chat for most of the time, so I was concerned they were bored but there was really nothing to worry about. A couple of them messaged me telling how much of a good time they had.

So yup, everything worked out as it should! Can't say I'm going to be having any more parties anytime soon because it's nearly impossible to have a great time at your own party without stressing out and over planning, but it was still an excellent closure to my time at CBC. 

peace.