Biggest party of the year.... ((Radcon 2014))

Damn, it's been a week. I've certainly got a lot to say. *That being said this could be quite long.

That being said I'll start with today and go backwards. Radcon was good, as was valentines day and I'd like to leave on a good note. I've got a few pictures from the con that didn't make the cut on my facebook but I'll show you here as well.

Today has been pretty crappy for a number of reasons. When I came back from home in B.C. I brought a bottle of Monarch vodka (really cheap, shitty stuff.. and I'm not even a vodka fan), you know, for the occasional boring night. Yesterday happened to be one of those days after completing an econ exam and having no homework. I took a couple shots of it while I snacked around the house and then I biked to the gym. There I worked out for a couple hours before returning to cook dinner (because of course I was starving after working out) and went over to my neighbors house around 9. There I hung out and drank a little more, apparently enough to make me pretty hungover this morning.

It's funny I thought for a minute I was impervious to hangovers but obviously cheap liquor and I don't mix. Also I know it probably doesn't look great for me to be drinking on a wednesday night, but for those of you that don't know I don't have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays this quarter which is giving me way too much spare time. I've just gotta keep applying to jobs. I checked a Subway that my friend Kate told me she knew the manager of and said she thinks they'd be hiring. The manager said they weren't and didn't know Kate so I'm wondering if she meant a different one in town.

Another reason today was hard was that Jacob wasn't online for our lesson again. Last week I figured he was having problems with Skype, but I've seen him online throughout this week so now I'm wondering if something else is going on. Last week I posted a status that said: "Here's to another f*ck valentines day!" and Jake's girlfriend immediately commented "I love valentines day : )" (like "I have a boyfriend on valentines day and you don't, ha ha") I kind of cracked up because my friend Brad "liked" it,  it was so snide and obvious. Anyway I ignored it and didn't think anything of it really. Come to find out today she deleted me on facebook (fine, whatever I don't really know you anyway)..... but then Jake doesn't show up for my lesson? I'm hoping to God the two events have nothing to do with eachother, and knowing Jake there is a reasonable explanation.

Okay let's move onto a happier subject, shall we? Radcon. Sunday and Monday aren't really worth talking about much because they were mainly spent recovering from this event. Luckily Monday was presidents day so I didn't have class. Sh*t this quarter has enabled me to have too much fun. Partying this weekend did come with a price, though.. I didn't do well on a recent management assignment because I slept in too late on Monday and I'm starting to wonder what I'm getting in that class. I need to buckle down and finish strong so I don't end up with some "C" on my report card.

I tried calling Johnathan when I got to the con but he wasn't picking up his phone. I was running sort of late (got there at around 5:30 pm when I'd originally planned to be there at 2... ha ha that day I'd slept in at Connor's house until 1) but my mom helped me get ready and looking pretty fabulous. My Batgirl costume was a hit and I was getting compliments from strangers immediately. 

My evening at the con started out at the Grizzly Bar (being 22 and old enough to drink at the con for the first time that's a big shocker, right..?). I hadn't planned on spending almost all of my money within the first couple hours but the entry pass was $40 and I had to put $20 in my tank. With $40 for the rest of the event I figured it'd be a bad idea to blow the better half of $10 on a fancy mixed drink so I ordered a beer on tap. It wasn't long before a guy dressed as darth vador walked up and started talking to me. 

He turned out to be a friend of Kate R. so I joined their table and had a great time catching up with her. Kate is a really sweet, positive person in my life. She's one of the few girls I can say really trust and has been chill with me since day 1 back in highschool. Her friend bought us a couple rounds of beers, that was really nice! 

Shortly after leaving the bar I saw my regular radcon crew. I say this because we usually hang out and dance together every year. Rhiannon and I would always do a lot of mingling with people and I was always keeping an eye out for Jay. Jay wasn't there this year but I did see his friend Griffin and a lot of the other people I knew from CBC back in 2010. Jay wasn't on my mind at all this year, that time we spent together this summer was a dud and that was the end of it for us. 

Rhiannon and I didn't hang out this year as much as previous years, I was more all over the place and didn't stick with one group of people for long. We did all dance together at the rave though, that was a good time. The DJ didn't many radio songs, it was more techno remixes. I danced and twerked my ass off, I was there to have fun and had a good buzz going. Dancing for a few hours kind of took that buzz away though and around 1:45 am I was ready for a shower and lay down. 

I got to the room and there was a TON of people in there... I was like wooah and was looking for a place to change. I moved my stuff under the sink and started pulling a change of clothes out when Zach's brother and a tramp push passed me to have sex in the bathroom. I ending up changing clothes in the closet. You know me, I hate wet, yucky clothes and I didn't want to change where anyone could see me. Afterward I began the difficult process of removing my eyemakeup that was practically glued on while I overheard the chaos in the bathroom continue. 

I went back into the main room where there was still drinking and a couple guys doing tabs. I'm like uhh, is this a smoking room? They were asked to leave pretty shortly after. There was another guy that stayed in our room not pictured here that was really pissed off about the people  that came to our room and kept on cursing and going on about it over and over so finally I'm like "Shut up dude, who cares they're gone!" He had this sort of "wiseguy" attitude about him and I thought he was a complete idiot. 

I was lucky I came in when I did and didn't stay until the end of the rave because I was able to claim a bed. At this point John and Andrew's brother were completely drunk, passed out on the next bed. I claimed the spot on the bed next to John's friend Zach and I'm so glad I did because of course nobody brought extra bedding. Poor Andrew did not have a comfortable night. Red Lions beds are fabulous, they're like sleeping on a marshmallow. 

Before bed some of us that were still up went downstairs to get pie at 3:14 am (3.14, pie, get it..? hehe...). I love cherry pie, it was delish. Great ending to a great night. 

Sunday morning I was able to pick out a neat snake necklace from my favorite jewelry vendor-- I think Black Cat Jewelry and Crafts is the name of the vendor. Anyway they have a load of cool necklaces to pick from and I've made it a tradition to buy one every year. Last year I got that celtic cross which I realized was way too masculine and pagan looking after wearing it out a few times. This year I got this beautiful, elegant snake. I'll have to get a picture wearing it one of these days. 

And last but not least how I spent valentines day. Hot tubbing and watching the Matrix with one of my  best buddies. I wouldn't want it any other way, bah haha....

peace. 

Wtf is the point of calculus for a business major, can someone please explain that?

I feel pretty satisfied because I got 14 hours last week, that was my goal upon moving here that I'll cut down my regular three hours a day to just two, that way I still get an adequate amount of practice time but don't completely cut myself off from the outside world. There's a lot going on here so I need to be careful to not let my guitar be the only important thing in my life besides school.

Today I had to come home because I was frustrated. Math class itself went well but when I sat down to do my pencil-paper homework I found myself really unsure about my answers. I'm going to make sure to try and do the online math assignment if I can get into the system to be able to check my answers, but if that doesn't work I'm just going to have to cross my fingers that I can still do some of this stuff. I had a pretty hard  time with it this afternoon, and this is the review material... makes me wonder how in the Hell I'm supposed to dive into this new stuff.

That's why I've really got to buckle down.... Hypothetically if I were to fail this math class I would lose all sense of hope, drop out of school and kill myself. Not really, of course, but this really is going to be one of my main hurdles here that could destroy my life very quickly if I don't keep on top of it. Once I get into my major itself I'm not as scared but this stupid pre-calc class, finite math and statistics are probably going to fuck me up pretty hard this next year. That's why I just have to take it day by day, work my ass off and hope to God that's enough.

Usbank would actually be my LAST choice in banks. If I had to switch from Sterling I'd probably use Gesa. At least it's better than like, Wells Fargo or something... But still, not a fun decision to make today. I would have liked it to smoothly.

I had to get my new debit card today, which is an uneasy decision for me to make anyway because I really don't like that my money is now in two separate accounts. It was the smart decision to make because every time I would take out money they would charge me $6 so I'd be spending a fortune if I continued to use my Sterling card everywhere. When the bank teller was filling out the paperwork for the new card, she needed my student ID. She didn't give it back to me and I ended up leaving without it.

I went allllll the way to the library to do my math homework (big mistake, I think I'll study somewhere else next time, it's way too hot in there) and when I tried to log into a computer I reached into my wallet and realized the ID card wasn't there. Pissed off, I trudged all the way back to the student union building and asked her if she had my ID card. The bimbo didn't have it, I left her my number and told me to call me when she found it.

She will never find it. I'm going to have to go to the office and get a new card tomorrow, even if I really liked my old one. Hopefully they've got that picture stored on file so they can just use it. I absolutely refuse to pay for a new one, a card is something I NEVER lose-- it was 100% the bank teller's fault. This might seem like a minor thing but with me it's a huge inconvenience.

I'm going to meditate and play guitar. I feel so angry today I could just scream. There must be other reasons for it... other reasons for my frustration. I don't think it's loneliness because I don't feel that sense of longing. Come to think of it I wouldn't want anybody here either way. I think I'm MORE angry that math is going to be such an issue this quarter; the review page just didn't click to me today and that scares me. Algebra has never been my strongest subject, it's always just been something I've scraped by with and always wish that it'd be my last. This quarter FOR SURE is my last ALGEBRA class, but then I've still got finite math.


peace. 

I really didn't let half this drama bother me that much. [Project timeline, age 16]

Jessika is back on the scene.

I saw that she updated her profile picture today, which was the first update I'd seen from her since June 5th (around the time we had the falling out). Back then I figured she'd blocked me but I later realized that she temporarily shut down her facebook. I had actually wondered in the bath today what she'd been doing. I had more assumed she'd moved away, like to Idaho or something to help take care of her friend's baby.

Nope, she's still here.. I have no idea where she's living or what she's doing but I have no intention of asking or clearing the air between her and I. I'd rather put that to bed for good. However, I will not delete her from my friends list. Seeing her occasional updates might be interesting. I love facebook for that reason, you can see what people are up too while keeping your distance.

 Last night I spent the night at Katelynn's house and slept on her mom's mattress that she's going to sell soon. I actually really like that mattress, or maybe it's just that I like the sheet on top. I have been noticeably more sore lately but I think that's from all my working out with the whey protein. That stuff lets you work out for longer periods of time but it has a tendency to let you over-do it if you're not careful. My abs are really starting to get definition, it's strange.

Onto my project timeline again. Going back further I have to dig into my old myspace, back even further I'll have to go into my old photobucket account... I don't think I have any pictures of me when I was a child on my facebook, we'll have to wing it with snapshots from my phone. Until then...!

Project Year Timeline, 

Age 16, 2007-2008

Year of blissfully surviving social nightmares.

At 16 I was sort of starting to find my identity. I knew I didn't fit in that great with the mainstream popular leadership kids after getting shut out by them the previous year, and I was ready to find a more accepting crowd and move on. 

Unfortunately this was hard to do, because the way I saw it I had two choices: Either find some freshmans to hang out with or try finding friends two classes above me. Katharine's class was off limits because I knew pretty much all of them from being friends with Katharine, and none of them seemed like they'd want to hang out with me. Maybe someone would have if I tried, but I didn't, they were an extremely tight class and had very defined groups of friends that I didn't fit into. 

The previous year had been really rough for Katharine and I, which I will explain when I talk about 15. During soccer Katharine would snap at me for one reason or another, like this one time she was at the front of the line when we were running tied hand to hand with the rope and I asked a question to the girl in front of me (probably Alex S.) and Katharine yelled out the answer, sarcastically, as if it was a stupid question. Caitlin D. yelled that we needed to stop fighting immediately. 

Soccer season was rough especially because I hardly got any playing time. Lindy played defensive center mid too and scored a couple goals with her enormous kick and put me out of the job. I was a solid varsity player though, never had to play on JV. There was actually enough of us to have a jv team that year. 

Katharine was going to CBC but she was still in yearbook with me. We had soccer sports awards and I apparently didn't get the memo on when they'd be held. I had forgot about it and NOBODY called me to tell me it was going on. It pissed me off so bad that I started cursing and crying in Mrs. Tyrell's room, and Katharine just shrugged like I should have known. She could have easily called. Soccer season ended badly on that note and I didn't know if I wanted to play again. 

On top of that I was dealing with absolutely crazy shit with Tony L. and Genisis, the younger sister of my ex boyfriend Chino. Genesis printed a bunch of flyers saying I'm a "hoe" and left them all over the football stadium. She was never punished for it. 

You see I'd made some other friends, a much larger group consisting of a lot of foriegn exchanged kids. Austy C. was a really well liked person and she seemed to like me after I'd become friends with Heather E. the previous year. 

They were a really good group of girls, definitely involved in the school and super spirited (note that I was NOT. I was actually anti-school spirit after my previous year...).. Austy and Chelsea L. really were the group leaders and we'd all sit together at lunch. 

I was really envious of this girl in my group named Alice (pronounced "Aliche"). Well, I'm pretty sure almost girl in the school was. She was drop dead gorgeous, I mean tall, rich, beautiful, tan, from Milan. At the beginning of the year I was pissed about it, I was like, okay now my chances of dating anyone in highschool are probably even worse. Ha ha little did I know Chino wouldn't have let me date anyone regardless. Once I got to know Alice, though, I really enjoyed her company and stopped caring. She ended up dating Tony L. (Chino's cousin) who at the time absolutely despised me. 

Jack and I started talking on the phone this year at some point. During one of our long phone conversations Jack asked me where he should take Aliche on a date. 

Not far from Austy's group sat Kandyce's group. Kandyce and her minions were sort of the power in numbers clique that were SUPER school spirited and supportive of our football team that was doing really well that year. Kandyce was a friend of Chino's (well, Chino didn't care that much about her I don't think but Kandyce would hold parties and Chino would probably be there...) and after an atrocious experience at Warped Tour her whole group wanted to make my highschool experience a nightmare.

I guess they failed at that. Because in all of this, all these people gunning for me, I somehow stayed pretty in my own world. I think at the time I was playing a lot of video games and hanging out with Katelynn when I could. 

Academics weren't great this year. I really excelled in English with Tyrell but I had to deal with an elective nightmare. Stupid Minkler put me in Welding the first half of the year... Oh my God, Welding, THAT was an experience...

I'm pretty sure I had a crush on every guy in my welding class, namely Levi D. At the time I had just broken up with Chino, who all these guys partied with. No way in HELL they wanted to date me at this point. I was totally off limits. I don't think me and Chino were talking at the time so I didn't understand. Jessica S. was in my welding class, did much better than me, was a favorite of the teacher and got flirted with all the time. Obviously I'd be jealous for this reason. I was really happy when this half of the year was over. 

I was then placed in a weight training class, which was completely full of guys aside from Katharine, Emily B., and Jessica S. Katharine at the time was more than happy to just be partners with Miguel, who she'd started dating recently. Jessica and Emily would work out together and wouldn't really include me so I was stuck without a partner. I didn't have a partner that whole half of the year, I was really fortunate this group of hispanic girls let me in. They'd talk in Spanish together and take turns getting stuck with me. 

Things didn't get much better in the Spring. Tennis was rough because I had started acting like a complete bitch toward Haley in order to regain my friendship with Katharine. This didn't really work; actually when I'd talk bad about Haley toward Katharine to try to impress her she'd say "Haley isn't that bad, actually!" This completely drove me up the wall because HALEY was the whole reason Katharine was mad at me the previous year; of course it was clear that this wasn't the only reason once it that "problem" was taken care of. 

Me and Haley got in a number of arguments, including one on the tennis bus over some headphones. She would take falls during challenges so she could be in the 2nd seat because I seemed to WANT to play first seat. Actually my sophomore year I didn't want to play first seat, I wanted to beat Haley because I didn't like her and she didn't want to give me the satisfaction. What better way than to put a 16 year old against girls that completely whiped the floor with my face? I probably deserved it, honestly. Haley ended up quitting and I was stuck playing monsters the rest of the season. I think I won a couple matches, it was good practice however for the next year.

Overall:

Looks: I was still sort of dressing/dying my hair how my mom told me it would look the best. I did the blonde thing most of the year and didn't feel that comfortable with it for the most part. I dressed in plain, sort of preppy clothes from Pac Sun, JCPennies or the new Fuego. 

Work: This was the height of babysitting for Chad and Carmin, I'd be over there multiple times a week pulling practically all nighters. I had just started driving and would get pulled over by cops for violating curfew.

Skills: Developing tennis skills, I wasn't that good but I still loved it. 

Love:

I guess one of the best things about my sophomore year WAS Connor. I had talked to Audrey, his best friend, and ended up meeting up with her to go to Ray's. I met Connor and we clicked almost immediately. We'd cuddle in Audrey's basement in this spare bedroom downstairs. There was a lot of crazy shinanigans going on that I wasn't used too.

Connor was a huge smoker, and I'd never been around that before nor did I really know what it was. It didn't bother me though because I liked Connor so much I was willing to put up with whatever. It really drove his day to day life back then, though, and it bothered me that he cared more about it than he did me. Overall, though, my relationship with Connor was good. 

The timing really was perfect (around tennis season my Sophomore year). I was never really attracted to Chino and after our relationship was over I was looking for another guy that resembled Toren-- long hair, skater type, etc... and Connor fit the mold of what I was looking for even better because he was tall. I really liked this one and it took a long time to get over him after we were through around July. it's funny, in the times we've spent together he said the same thing even if he acted as though he didn't give a f*ck either way at the time.

I've never really had a relationship like Connor's since we broke up in 2008.. It  really has been that long. Regardless of Connor's lifestyle's contrast to mine (I was still pretty goody two-shoes back then, Hell I still am in a lot of ways) he still really liked me for me and I think that was the last time I really had faith in love. 

Granted I can't say I really loved Connor, but I'm sure I wouldn't have broken up with him and it could have gone there. It's probably for the best that it didn't, he didn't like how caught up I was with school and sports and discouraged it. Sports kept me out of trouble.

Music: I had a Zune with a huge amount of memory so I started buying CDs from all sorts of rock genres. One of the CDs that I bought was Trivium; I originally got it for Katharine (not realizing at the time that Katharine didn't like metal at all) but she didn't really want it so I kept it myself. This was really my first exposure to metal. 

I mainly listened to Coheed and Cambria. Katelynn got me really into them when we started talking again and she burnt me a couple CDs such as Junesong Provision. 

Confidence: 

Like I said before I really didn't let half this drama bother me that much. I wrote a lot in my blog to get it off my chest but I was able to escape by playing video games, namely Bully for the PS2 that we'd finally purchased that year. My mom was always really stressed about my drama but I put a lot of it behind me. Needless to say I didn't really like Ki-Be, but I dealt with it and figured it was just part of being an underclassman. If I had to do it all over again I probably would abandon sports and transfer to Kamiakin because I had a long road ahead. 

Alright that's it for now. Tomorrow I'll talk about 15, my year of being CRAAAAAAAAZY.

peace.