Last night run turned nightmare.

Evening.

Today's September 1st, the Monday of labor day weekend. Every year of school I recall this being the 3 day weekend to follow the first week of school or the last day of summer.. In both cases it was usually kind of a melancholy feeling knowing I was about to enter another arduous year of having to spend 8 hours a day at Ki-Be surrounded mostly by people I never felt comfortable around.

Luckily now that I'm in college I look forward to Fall, it's my favorite season. This fall is going to be unlike any other in the past 18 years of my life because I'm not going to be going to school full time but instead working and keeping my brain active by taking an online accounting class. The fact that it's not going to be frying hot out anymore is more than welcome, especially now that I'm not going to take any more night runs.

Okay what you're looking at is actually a picture of a picture on my phone of my leg after an accident while out running last night.
 ...because I am too lazy to log-out of this account to log into my gmail.. stupid Google accounts. 

This is what happened:

I was up by Maeleena's house and there was a creepy car parked idling on my side of the street. I didn't want to run passed either side of the car on the sidewalk and decided to just run on the other side of the street. On the other side there is no sidewalk and not wanting to ride on the side of the road I decided to run on the land by the curb, assuming it was part of someone's yard.

I'm sure it was because my leg suddenly dropped into a 2 foot deep hole full of goathead plants. Shocked, I quickly pulled my leg out of the hole, feeling my other knee dragging against the ground. I got up and looked down and not only saw my leg bleeding but also some little bundles of bristles stuck to my shoes and other knee.

How this looks now, after cleaning and adding Neosporin to reduce the pain this morning. 

You can clearly see how my other knee was used to pull myself out of the hole because it also shows having been irritated by the poison in the thorns of the goatheads. 

For those of you that aren't from the desert, these are what these nasty little bastards look like. They grow in green weeds that grow in bunches on the ground and require very little water to thrive. So just imagine a 2 foot hole full of these plants and that's what I fell in last night. It was not a pleasant experience. 

My mom said it was bound to happen because running in the dark I'm just asking for problems. I know she's right but all August I was doing it anyway because it would always be too hot and muggy during the day-- that and it was always the last thing I wanted to do before bed to avoid late night calories. Unfortunately the exercising itself caused me to be so hungry when I arrived home that I'd normally eat too much anyway! 

This fall I'm going to really work on having a healthier lifestyle and getting in better shape instead of just trying to maintain my current shape. Jared and I got together the other night and he actually managed to make me feel like shit about my body because he's obviously into girls that are obsessed with their physique. Like he always "likes" female bodybuilding models on facebook and never even compliments my looks or body. That and he's so obsessed with his own physique and fitness that he makes me feel lazy or that I'm not doing enough even if I run 3 miles a day 5 days a week. 

I wish I could afford a damn gym membership but I can't right now so I'm just doing what I can. But seeing him reminded me that I should be doing more. The more he talked about working out and showing me pictures of girls with perfect bodies (like not just perfect washboard abs and muscles but ALSO big butt and/or boobs... like how do you know those aren't just implants?) the more insecure I felt and wondered if he was even attracted to me at all or if I'm secondary in his eyes to these girls? 

Another thing that bothered me is that he acted like I was somehow hindering on his time. Like he made it very clear to me numerous times that I had to leave early in the morning because he had to buy military gear and that was the main reason he was here. Not that he was happy to see me after 2 weeks of zero communication, but more that he was doing me a favor by seeing me. 

Yeah if that's the case don't do me any f*cking favors, lol. I realize if I continue to pursue this it will only lead to pain and disappointment because he doesn't seem to care about me at all. In fact after the vibe I got during our last visit I almost doubt we'll even talk again. As a little experiment to see if I'm right and he'd welcome the chance to no longer talk to me I will not text him from this day forward unless he sends me a text or Snapchat first. If he does my perception might have been distorted by my own insecurities during this last visit. 

I just don't know or really care right now, whatever happens happens. I've gotten to know myself well enough to not let some guy's standards modify who I think I should be.

peace. 

It's still pretty early so I figure I'll do my blog before my practice session. [Life timeline, age 18.]

I'm  sort of sore today, probably because of the exercise that I've been doing. I know that I probably drank too much of that protein stuff the last couple days and my body is indicating that I didn't burn all of it off. I need to only do the whey protein once every other day, though I do plan to still work out every day. Maybe I'll cut the half scoop down to a quarter scoop one day, then half scoop the next and see how my body reacts. Too much protein is not good for you, and I'm not used to much because I typically eat hardly any red meat.

It's still pretty early so I figure I'll do my blog before my practice session. I've got my second to last lesson today.

15 Days!!

yahoo.

I'm going to continue my project from yesterday. It still seems pretty nerdy to recap your life thus far on your blog, but I don't really mind. 

Age 18, 2009-2010

Year of limbo between highschool and college, and kicking major ass.

This was a big year because it was my senior year and I was juggling taking classes at Ki-Be and CBC, but at the time I couldn't have been more ready. I had my last real year of the "highschool life" my Junior year, and I felt like I'd outgrown it. Sports were still a big part of my senior year, I finished out soccer pretty strong (We finally went to state, then of course lost, but whatever it was a good run) and had an incredible tennis season. 

I still did a little of the highschool shit, like here's me and Robert before homecoming or some other formal, I can't remember. I didn't go to prom my senior year because I was way too wrapped up in tennis and figuring out graduation. 

I babysat Tori for the little money that I made. I was of course driving back and forth to CBC every day, but because gas prices were lower back then it was a little bit easier to not have a job. It was getting a little awkward for Chad and Carmin as I got older to have me babysit because I was becoming an adult and needed to get an actual job.

Overall:

Looks: I was still wearing Metal T-shirts. Throughout the year as I discovered magibon and cutesy Japanese culture I started incorporating more cute things into my wardrobe, but would usually just wear them to CBC and change into something more dull/comfortable for ki-be. My makeup was still a little cakey and my acne was pretty bad at times but I was getting better. 

Work: Babysitting, but more and more rarely. Chad and Carmin weren't working night shifts anymore because Carmin was a manager at a Starbucks. She didn't need me there anymore at night and would only have me when they went on dates. Those were only $10-12 nights and I was getting too old for it when I'd have a test the night morning. I didn't try that hard to find a new job, though. 

I did end up getting a really good babysitting job during the summer where I was getting paid hundreds each week to watch these two girls from 8-5 pm. They were little manacle bitches though and I had a hard time taking them. That summer I was trying to teach myself guitar with crappy lessons with Neilson and ended up giving up. I thought I'd never learn how to play the guitar. 

Friends: Pretty all over the place. This is the year I really started becoming solid friends with Samantha. At first she seemed a little scared/intimidated by me because A) I was two years older than her and B) she saw a picture of me and her boyfriend together from the previous year--which pissed her off. But eventually she came around and we became really close friends.

Katelynn was wrapped up with Zach W. at Hanford, so I rarely saw her. We really only started hanging out once she got back in her Mom's house. We haven't had a hiatus since we started hanging out again back then. At the time that me and Katelynn DID start talking again she was dating Jon A., who I remember taking senior pictures for holding his clarinet. I was just happy she was away from Zach because he has a destructive personality, regardless of being really sweet to people. 

Once me and Katelynn started spending more time together we were much closer than we'd ever been as friends. We really started to get eachother more than we ever had.

Katharine and I had become close friends again during the tennis season of my senior year. Katharine took a lot of good pictures of me playing during my first round of state. I gave those girls a hell of a run. 

Skills: I ended up setting a record for most consecutive wins at Ki-Be. I felt accomplished with that and never wanted to play tennis again... It's been two years since then and I still don't feel like I'd want to play it. Sports were great but blegh they got old.

Love: Dated that guy James R. for a little while during the winter. This is a guy that Marco M. was best friends with and introduced me too after me and Marco had a falling out. Don't ask how this happened, I'm not sure myself but all I know is that Marco was spending a lot of time with Josie (Josie and I seem to have the same taste in men) and that led me to not talking to him. 

James was not like Marco though. Marco was really spontaneous, kind of a chameleon with people, really flirtatious, and a little slow. James was a serious military guy, he REALLY knew what he wanted and completely fell for me immediately. Unfortunately we didn't have the same sense of humor and I got bored quickly, so I had to tell him I couldn't take that he was leaving.

Honestly though, if we HAD grown attached that would have been difficult. I was attracted to James at the time but not as attracted as I was too....

JackJackJackJackJack... Seriously he had me immediately. At the time I had no idea what I was getting myself into emotionally, had I known the amount of time I would end up spending waiting for this person to come around I wouldn't have come over to his brother in law's house that night.  

That winter Jack and I started something, we'd hang out at his place or mine at these weird hours and do quirky things like make sushi or... Oh God, that same night he had this idea that we'd go to the Toyota Arena and build snowmen out the snow shavings from the zamboni, it was such a typical "outside the box" Jack idea that was a miserable fail but it was so  funny. 

This only lasted a couple months; it stopped when he transferred to Central. He'd start talking to me spontaneously over the next couple years but it would all be misleading garbage that confused the shit out of me until I confronted him about it (which was just this summer, actually). 

I did date Lane Hammitt for a little while after the second falling out with Chad. They were friends. Lane was sort of dumb, though, we didn't click and I just think I wanted to have a boyfriend to hang around with. It lasted a few weeks. I also dated a Chinese guy for two weeks that Michael Z. introduced me too. It didn't work out, he didn't have anything to say. 

Confidence: Not bad, actually I was sort of cocky because I got good grades at CBC and got sort of self important. Little did I know I still had A LOT to learn before I'd knew how to handle myself in college classes. I was so annoying because I'd ask too many irrelevant questions because I thought college classes were like highschool classes where professors WANT student input. Thank God I've changed. Tennis gave me some confidence too, I was just really ready to be out of highschool. 

Here's some videos from 2010 when I was that age. 

One of the really exciting experiences of 2010 was going to my first GOOD anime convention, Otaku Con 2010.

There's me in the costume was horrendously constricting and uncomfortable. I had a really fun time at the con though and met a lot of good people. This gave me more inspiration to study Japanese the next year at CBC. 

Kuro neko con was really fun, I cosplayed on both days and my Grandma made me a really nice lucky star costume. I might even sell that dress on ebay, it's THAT well made and realistic. I remember we spent the night at that nasty hotel and had to SWITCH hotels because we couldn't take anymore. I remember having a lot of extra money that summer. Probably, again, because gas prices were lower and all the extra money.

(well that about wraps up 18, tomorrow I'll do 17 so stay tuned, haha)