Today was a good day, one of those solid Sundays where I got what I needed too done.
Last night I took the time to write out everything I would ideally like to get done this week. I say ideally because I rarely complete every goal that I set for myself but when I make a solid effort to stick to these goals throughout the week the rewards I reap are always greater than expected. Things materialize-- grades improve, songs clean up.. I might also be getting healthier from going to the gym too. I've been going 3-4 times a week lately because I really like the endorphins.
A couple days ago I'd misplaced my connection card and was thoroughly disappointed when I couldn't go to the gym that night. I realize I like working out because it helps me not think about people.. I can just zone out and not worry, and be happy that I'm spending this time to benefit my body and clarity of mind.
If I continue to enjoy working out this much in life I won't have to worry about body image again. I'll be able to eat and drink more of what I want without guilt. Sweet.
Because the important thing of course is not to overdo it. I don't want to be rail thin. I weigh 140 right now and this is a really good weight for me. If I continue to workout at the gym I could potentially gain some muscle mass but I can't imagine going over 145... well unless I started really powerlifting and eating more steak which is not likely. On the other hand going to the gym could cause me to lose weight if I'm stressed out and not eating enough but again I couldn't imagine it dropping more than 5 pounds unless I had a really decreased appetite which is not likely either.
Speaking of food it's 2 am and I'm gonna make myself a grilled cheese.... Then I'm going to bed! And I realize I don't give a sh*t because it won't make a difference tomorrow.
Last night ended up being fantastic. I went over to Heather's after dealing with Lindy's lack of knowing what the plan was for three hours+. I was done with it and Heather said it didn't seem like there were any actual plans, so we hung out there instead. We made some really tasty rice pilaf from rice they purchased in Jamaica.
It's unfortunate that it's already 2:30 because I have a lot of work to get done, but if I play my cards right this will be a very productive Sunday and I will be very ready for the following week. I have an idea, I'm gonna try to plan this exactly down to the hour and see if I'm more likely to get it all done.
Everything on this list MUST be done in order to do this:
1. One SOLID hour of studying Japanese. This means no half assed, doing something else in the background shit. 3:00-4:00 PM. I will get this done and out of the way to warm up for other studying.
2. Guitar for an hour. By the time I'm done with studying Japanese I might want a little break so this will give me that time. I've been improving a lot because the past couple days I've "removed the training wheels," so to speak. Originally I was playing with my hands positioned TOTALLY WRONG. I realized this after reading an article about it, and how the position of your thumb can greatly dictate the amount of space your fingers can make. It's incredible. Anyway that helps, still needs a lot of work, still kind of hurts to play in the proper position, but I'm working on it. 4:10-5:10.
3. Accounting homework from 5:15-6. Get done with what I can, then start getting dinner ready. Make something small for myself, maybe take some caffiene, and keep going.
4. Do something for exercise. I'm intending on doing some pilates right now before 3' but do some other exercise during this hour.
5. Visual Basic project after 7' PM. Read over Chapters 1 and 2 one more time to try to get a better idea of the material. I feel myself slipping behind in there and I can't let myself. This should take until 8:30 or so.
I wonder if planning a day to this degree will make it unenjoyable, or super productive. We will see right now.
I saw this last night on family guy and thought this was sooo funny and true.
Yo.
This morning I have work at 12. This means that I'm gonna have to eat lunch in about a half hour so that I'm not starving around 4'. I had special K this morning for breakfast... I'm telling you, anyone that actually goes on the Special K diet is probably starving all the time. Seriously, every time I eat that cereal I feel sort of unsatisfied, and then I feel REALLY unsatisfied in two hours or so.
Speaking of hunger, Wellbutrin really does it's job with making me eat less. I've lost some weight already from taking it, combined with doing pilates. I dropped weight really fast last time I was on it, but that was because it was a combination of the anxiety and lack of eating when I was with Guy with the meds. Now, I actually do eat, but a lot less than I used too. It's not about lack of hunger, because I'm hungry at about the same times every day, but it's more about lack of appetite. Food just... doesn't look as appealing anymore, partially because it doesn't taste as good. Wellbutrin dulls your pleasure sensors, both sexually and when you eat. For some people, they get a LOT of pleasure out of eating, and that's why they have such ravenous appetites. I could be wrong, but I think this is why a lot of obese people seek out magical weight loss pills that will automatically "melt the fat away" without having to change their daily lives of bad eating habits.
I'm a little nervous for work today, I guess because every day i'm expected to ask less questions. Granted, I don't ask too many questions, but now that I haven't worked for a few days I'm going to need a refresher on how to do stuff on the cash register.
"OMG! THERE'S THE CUTEST GUY IN MY SPANISH CLASS EVEREVEREVEREVER!! OWW!!"-My sister. Wow! I guess she's magically healed! She's been sick for days now... and she hogs the TV in the living room with her Kim Kardashian and her food network. Granted, yeah, she's been really sick, but now that she's gotten better I know that the tension is going to come back in the house. I just hope the new meds I'm on can keep me from having angry flare ups at my family. Things have been going good lately, and i'd like to keep it that way. Ugh knock on wood.
So, school is tomorrow. I'm wondering what this year will hold, and who will be in my math 98 class. I wonder this because in my last math class at school (math 96), I met a bunch of people and it set the stage for the craziness that happened this summer. Makes me sort of happy that I am taking math 98, not 97, because there would be a good chance that I'd be with almost the exact same group. Granted, they're fun, but Josh Fischer made it really hard to pay attention (on the days that he WAS there). He's so cute. Probably best that I stay away from him, he has a very serious girlfriend that loves him-- and I'm not a complete bitch. I sort of doubt he's going to be moving on to math 97... I remember how much he was playing catch up at the end of the quarter this last spring.
I'm wondering mainly what people I'm going to meet this year. I met a LOT of people last year in my classes, some of which i'm not in contact with at all. I know that some of my friends that I have now i'll probably lose contact with. I'm sad that Brad isn't going to be in my Japanese class this upcoming quarter. Neither is:
-Mike F., That is unless Leah pulled him into another quarter. I wouldn't be surprised if I did see him in class tomorrow, but he seemed pretty set on not taking it when I talked to him last, prodominantly because he says he doesn't need the credits and that it'd be pointless.
-Marisa M., She is at a university now, and had to take a Japanese placement exam. She was really nice, and it's going to be sad having her gone.
-Chris S. Because he's actually IN Japan right now in the JET program. Very lucky.
-Brad P. Because of the time slot, and wanting to spend time with his kids. I could imagine having it right in the middle of te day would be inconvient for him.
-David Garcia. I don't know why he's not. He seems like he wants too, and said he may or may not be taking it.
-Gladys. She's going to a university too.
So that narrows our class down to the three fangirls, Ashley, Geoff, Leah, the three gamers that sit in the back, Andrew, Hannah, Chris with the guages, Nathanael, Mark, Zach, Jon, Ken, and... I'm pretty sure that's it. I feel like I'm missing a couple people but maybe not. It's going to be a pretty small class, but I'm almost sure that THIS group is going to pretty much stay consistant until the end of the year, except for Hannah who's leaving at the end of fall and me (I'm leaving after Winter, of course). I already have an idea of who's going to be in the Year 1 classes too. Well, i know a few people that are taking it.
Anyway, I'm gonna get going. Gonna eat lunch and go to work.
Very rarely do I feel happy or sexy about the way that I look, but I can honestly say that right now I am feeling very good about the way that I look and feel about my body.
No, this isn't my body, but honestly my abs are getting pretty close. No, I'll never have thighs like that-- I'll always have curvy thighs but I accept it and I actually accept how my body looks.
Today I got a spray tan, and the women I went too did an excellent job. It was $30, but I'm planning on maintaining the tan by spending time outside. I feel very pretty. I have been doing pilates every single night and so my body is pretty well toned, and along with the tan now, I think my body looks bangin'. Like I feel like I could enter a bikini contest and not lose miserably! So maybe the tan look is good on me, and if I do get this job, I might want to keep up spray tanning. I don't know if this will benefit my chances of getting the job, but with my new found confidence it can't hurt anything. I also bought a new outfit for the interview and a new pair of slacks. Spending money to make money? Yep... I'm going to make it an early night tonight after I do some pilates. I'm already getting sort of tired from running around with Lindy tonight.
I have to do a lot of schoolwork tomorrow before my biology class. I've got a worksheet for math and have to get my biology labs proofed. And this is after the interview. I'll probably just go straight from the interview to CBC so I can get a chance to study for my math test next Tuesday as well as the biology test on monday that is going to be REALLY hard. Reason being, I really don't understand the biology material right now.. like it's all really new to me. We're talking about proteins, again, but this time using proteins from goats to help cure a disease.
Ugh, my eating habits still aren't as good as they should be, and I need to keep trying to improve. I am so hard on myself and even if I try hard to eat healthy I know it's not good enough. I need to make goals.
GOALS for 7/27:
-Drink water throughout the day.
-Eat one serving of dark leafy greens
-Eat a yogurt and a whole wheat bagel for breakfast.
-DON'T GET FOOD FROM THE VENDING MACHINE. Pack food from home for lunch!
All I can do is do my best, but today I didn't do my best. I ate a small piece of pizza, some pad thai from the mall, and even a small kids size ice cream cone from Dairy Queen (ended up throwing away most of it because of the guilt). That's BULLSHIT. That stuff will make me fat and it's not worth it!
I'm aware that this picture is sort of dark. My room only has my bedstand light right now. This is my stomach right now. I've lost about 10 lbs, and have really leaned out, so I thought I would do a blog entry on this. My mom noticed that I had been losing some weight about 3 or 4 weeks ago, and I said I hadn't noticed it. But now I DO notice it, and in all honesty couldn't tell you exactly how I've done it.
But then I got to thinking, how have things changed since I was last insecure about my body, before I'd lost those 10 lbs... I realized that some very simple changes in my life style have made it happen. Here they are...
1. I drink a ton of water. I probably drink a half a gallon or so a day. How I do it is I keep a water bottle close by at all times. Unfortunately, this means I have to do to the bathroom a lot more times during the day too, which can get annoying. But it's worth it, I think it's assisted in the weight loss overall.
2. I don't eat whole portions. I put stuff aside that I don't eat. This is because I get full faster it seems, so I stop eating when I'm satisfied. It seems like my body didn't used to get satisfied so quickly.
3. I eat at home, and cook my own lunches. I've stopped eating out and eating fast food almost entirely, and when I do eat food from the hub I make sure to get some fruit and never get their cooked meals-- they're overpriced and super unhealthy.
4. I take my medications at the same time every day. This makes a difference. I think I gain weight when I go off my medication... If you're taking a medication, especially birth control, take it at the same time every day.
5. I do pilates every night. This is my aunt's favorite exercise and I think it works pretty well. I learned that muscle and lifting weights actually makes me look BIGGER.
I think a lot of this weight loss has to do with, most of all, a combination of the fact that I'm not as hungry as I used to be, the fact that for some reason I get fuller faster, and the miles of walking I do around campus to get from class to class. There are a lot of factors... I think I look really good lately though, between the fact that my acne has cleared up almost entirely from Differin and that I've lost weight, I feel a lot more confident in myself.
Today we had a japanese test that I studied for for about 6 hours these past couple days. I'm hoping it paid off...
