Spending the weekend at home. Needed to get away.

Hey all.

Well the end of the month is already here and I've done three whole blog entries. This'll make four. This month has definitely had its ups and downs. Part of me really thought by this point I'd have a job. Nope. I've been applying around Ellensburg and nothing's materialized yet. I did have an interview at Safeway but haven't heard back from them. It'd be awesome if they did offer me the position but it's almost been a week since the interview and I'm guessing they've already made their decision so I need to keep looking.

This quarter is almost over. Two more regular weeks before finals. I'm gonna have one more quarter and maybe this summer to find a good job after graduation if I want to avoid moving back home. Ugh I don't want that to happen at all. It's gonna take a lot of work and research to find something good. I need to make it like part of my homework next month.

Here's a drawing I completed this weekend. I have another family picture I want to do but honestly would rather do it with a bigger canvas. This drawing I wanted to include Amie's boyfriend but ran out of room. As you might have noticed I did shade the skin in this drawing. Amie's looks a little blotchy so I'm undecided if I want to continue doing this. Regardless I hope she likes the completed product, it kept my mind busy today.

Tomorrow I'm probably just going to do a lot of reading for school and my Dad and I are going into town. I should also pick up my prescription that I was finally able to pee clean for, lol. I decided not to pick it up until school starts again because that's really the only time that I need it and wanted to avoid wasting them. I'm hoping not dealing with as much depression and anxiety from this medication will help me continue moving in the right direction.

Midterms went well. I got a 90% on my marketing test and I think I also did good on my finance midterm. Can't say for sure how I did until class tomorrow (or Wednesday, because I know an athlete in class didn't take it yet so for quality control we have to wait). I'll let you know how that went. 

This last couple weeks did have somewhat of an emotional tole on me because I mistakenly crushed on someone that got the completely wrong impression of me and it pissed me off. I definitely had fun hanging out with him a couple times and didn't think it was going anywhere until Valentines day when he posted this picture of a girl he was spending it with. That night he texted me at 1:30 am wanting to see me and of course the next day I was like "Dafuq? Seriously?" and kind of chewed him out. Since that night I noticed he was acting distant so I figured it was over. To make matters more confusing we actually did end up hanging out once after that and it went from being super flirtatious with eachother to us both acting strictly platonic. 

I honestly just figured it was because he was into this other girl. But instead of being honest with me he gave me this shpeel about how "we don't mesh well because you seem like the type of girl that would poke holes in condoms and you also seem racist which is a huge turnoff. Sorry." I'm like oh my god, are you f*cking shitting me? 

He said I seemed that way because I said I didn't agree with abortion with consensual sex which is why if we ever did anything to be cautious. He said I seemed racist because when we were watching some crazy gangland show I said something he apparently took as derogatory toward black people and right after he insulted Mexicans. He's got big giant anti-religious insignia down his calf, and he has the nerve to call me a hateful person??

...I'm just like yeah don't fucking flatter yourself, I'm graduating in three months, you think I want some screaming baby from a SHORT 25 year old with ugly tattoos and doesn't even have his shit together? F*ck you!! 

Sorry I had to get that off my chest. The fact that he sits diagonally across from me and lives a road over makes me happy this damn quarter is going to be over soon because I'm sick of seeing his face. We've been avoiding even making eye contact. He's such a puke, definitely did not deserve an iota of my time or feelings. We literally and hung out a few days before I broke up with Travis and I thought he was such a badass because he liked the same kind of music as me and played the bass.

Once again, I've learned the lesson that men that like the exact same kind of music as me are generally messed up in the head and should be avoided. 

peace. 

I can feel it in the way your blood and heart beats.. ~18~

Believer, you'll leave her, in leaving them all (No, but I don't buy it)
Like anything you do as anyone you are
(Ten speed if I must, then I must)
Believer, you'll leave her, in leaving them all (No, but I don't buy it)
Like anything you do as anyone you are

~10 Speed Gods Blood Burial~Coheed and Cambria
(one of the many songs this summer that I've listened to a lot)

Right now I'm sitting here in the living room, and it's silent in here because I turned off the TV that my sister had on, which of course woke her up. It makes me laugh, she can sleep when the TV is on but the second I turn it off it's as if I turned it up full blast and she makes this annoyed, whiny groaning sound like I just intentially woke her up.

Today I have my job interview at the spa, and it turned out really good. Though I can honestly say now that I am a little nervous about the job because it sounds like HARD work. Like, constant running around, constant cleaning, constant doing. This is fine, of course, and I'll get the hang of it if I do work there, but there is still a chance that I can get the tutoring job in Burbank if this doesn't work out. My mom needs some information from me though, like my drivers license number and some other stuff. I'll have to give the info to her tonight. This spa job is my first priority though because it seems like a great opportunity to get some work experience. If everything works out as planned, I should be very busy here soon and have money coming in... which is so important. More then likely, I'm going to have to postpone certain University plans-- again..
...But shit, you know, I'm 19 years old, I'm broke, and up to now i've been plowing through school so fast that I haven't gotten a chance to look at the big picture, and when I go up to Central I'll immediately have to choose my major. Is that really what I want though? My Mom even said that she doesn't think Central is that exciting and that I should look into other stuff, which I intend on doing. How great would it be to go to school up at UW? And if I do have a good nest egg in place, I will have time to get a job when I go up there and my parents won't have to pay for as many of my living expenses. I don't even KNOW what my major is yet.

That being said, I could be around the tri cities for longer than expected. I'm ashamed by this because of how many people I know have already left to a university but I'm more focussed on my own life and not what other people think of me or how they judge me.

You know what I hate? When a song comes on that reminds me of someone and then you want to talk to them again. Someone meaning someone that I haven't been talking to at all since he went down to Hermiston. I don't know if I nessasarily miss him, but I can't help but wonder what he's been doing. I can understand why things worked out the way they did though-- our worlds are completely different, and I don't think he's actually attracted to me in a way that he would want to be in a relationship anyway.

It's understandable-- I'm 19, he's 25. I'm going to college and will be leaving the tri cities sooner or later. He's... I don't know, he claimed he'd be going to CBC at some time, but I'm pretty sure he's going to end up getting settled in Hermiston with some job that his family is hooking him up with. He's looking for a wife, though he only admitted this once (after he claimed that I somehow make him think about how his life is going), he's looking for someone that he can start a family with. I can't provide that for him at all because I'm not looking for that for 4 years+. All I want right now is to date and have fun with someone, and have him be presentable enough to bring around my friends. Is that coming anytime soon? Probably not. I really don't have interest in anyone-- especially not sexually. Which is ALL guys that are my age are looking for, it seems. And I can honestly say, now, that it would just be a huge disappointment.

I need to clean the kitchen, eat some lunch, then I'm gonna chug a bunch of coffee and go to school. I've been really exausted today and haven't been able to shake it. I ended up falling asleep on the downstairs couch. No blankets or anything. That's such a rarity for me. I'm usually very picky about when and where I sleep.

yours,
Emily

Heyy sexy girl ;)

Very rarely do I feel happy or sexy about the way that I look, but I can honestly say that right now I am feeling very good about the way that I look and feel about my body.

No, this isn't my body, but honestly my abs are getting pretty close. No, I'll never have thighs like that-- I'll always have curvy thighs but I accept it and I actually accept how my body looks.



Today I got a spray tan, and the women I went too did an excellent job. It was $30, but I'm planning on maintaining the tan by spending time outside. I feel very pretty. I have been doing pilates every single night and so my body is pretty well toned, and along with the tan now, I think my body looks bangin'. Like I feel like I could enter a bikini contest and not lose miserably! So maybe the tan look is good on me, and if I do get this job, I might want to keep up spray tanning. I don't know if this will benefit my chances of getting the job, but with my new found confidence it can't hurt anything. I also bought a new outfit for the interview and a new pair of slacks. Spending money to make money? Yep... I'm going to make it an early night tonight after I do some pilates. I'm already getting sort of tired from running around with Lindy tonight.

I have to do a lot of schoolwork tomorrow before my biology class. I've got a worksheet for math and have to get my biology labs proofed. And this is after the interview. I'll probably just go straight from the interview to CBC so I can get a chance to study for my math test next Tuesday as well as the biology test on monday that is going to be REALLY hard. Reason being, I really don't understand the biology material right now.. like it's all really new to me. We're talking about proteins, again, but this time using proteins from goats to help cure a disease.

Ugh, my eating habits still aren't as good as they should be, and I need to keep trying to improve. I am so hard on myself and even if I try hard to eat healthy I know it's not good enough. I need to make goals.

GOALS for 7/27:

-Drink water throughout the day.

-Eat one serving of dark leafy greens

-Eat a yogurt and a whole wheat bagel for breakfast.

-DON'T GET FOOD FROM THE VENDING MACHINE. Pack food from home for lunch!

All I can do is do my best, but today I didn't do my best. I ate a small piece of pizza, some pad thai from the mall, and even a small kids size ice cream cone from Dairy Queen (ended up throwing away most of it because of the guilt). That's BULLSHIT. That stuff will make me fat and it's not worth it! 

Yours,

Emily

Planning weeks ahead of time to keep on top of things.

I'm at school right now in the computer lab and I'm happy to say I've just completed two lab reports-- now I don't have to worry about it later, woohoo.



I'm starving! I packed a lunch of two onigiri and some salad, which is sitting out in my thermobag in the hallway. I packed this because I can avoid getting any food from the vending machine. Not that I could even if I wanted too, I'm bone broke. Hell, I'm concerned I've cut into the credit line already. And I'm not spending any damn money until I get my first paycheck from whatever job I end up getting-- which could be in weeks. It's going to take a lot of strength to not spend this money that I don't have. It's a humbling experience being broke... But my car is filled with gasoline that my mom got me me and I can survive on food at home. This will probably be healthier for me anyway, eating out is expensive and bad for ya.

Not saying that white rice is any good for you, but considering that I'm going to be starving by the time I eat it, it's got a pretty low calorie yield in comparison to a cheeseburger or something. The kitchen at home is still a wreck, even if I did most of the dishes and whiped up a bit. It's still pretty messed up... My mom isn't gonna be thrilled when she gets home. At least I made an attempt to clean before I left.

Tonight my plan is to get one of the two sections of my math homework done, and I'll get the other part done on Tuesday. I have a math chapter test coming up here on August 2nd, as well as a lot of homework that's due this upcoming saturday. I also cannot afford to miss Quiz 4 on Thursday so I need to have that at the back of my mind. I just wrote it down in my schedule, and I'm going to have to keep on top of this every day this week.

Luckily, without much money and partying, it is easy to stay focused on school because I'm trying to keep myself busy.

I have a job interview coming up and when they ask me about my availability I'll have to mention the test on Tuesday and how I occasionally have math tests (every couple weeks) as well as my Biology class hours. Apparently they are looking for people for nights and weekends. Weekends I can do no problem, but I'm busy on Monday and Wednesday night which might mess up my chances of getting the job. Ashlyn put in a good word for me to get the interview, and I am very thankful that she did.

I mean, even if I don't get this job, it's still really nice of Ashlyn to do. I really, REALLY do hope I get this job though and I'm going to get together with Katelynn to practice for the interview at some point. It'd be great to get some income. I'm tired of feeling like a homeless person begging my parents for money.. It's the pits, especially when my sister is earning money and I'm not.

yours,
Emily