Pretty open and shut obvious.

Well today was a really productive, relaxing day up until this evening when I checked my e-mail to see that Jake had gotten back to me.

As expected a couple invoices and warnings had been received through my electrictrictric email but because MSN is a b*tch and for some stupid reason is convinced that I am not really me and won't let me back in I did not receive any of these messages. I did get a call from Andrew a little over a week ago asking me to opt in to an automated payment system. I told my Mom about this and she said she couldn't do that right now and would pay him a little later. I didn't think about it and Jake hadn't mentioned it to me at the beginning of February so I figured we were going to pay him in the second week of February as usual. 

He attached the two warning emails he sent to my currently unusable email. He told me that because of this disruption we're going to discontinue lessons. This hurt me a lot because had I have known it was such an inconvenience of course I would have made more of an effort to get it paid at the first of the month. 

I feel really forsaken and sad. I was really starting to improve at Turkish March and was excited envisioning how incredible it would sound by the recital in May. Now that this has happened I feel even more determined to learn it but disappointed that I won't have a recital to perform it at. Now I guess it's up to me to sign up for open mic nights and things like that if I want to perform. 

Jake taught me so much... In a lot of ways he's helped me build the confidence to get where I am today. I can't thank him enough for how much I've improved on the guitar, time management, and coping with life. The thought of no longer having that mentor in my life was what broke me down today most of all. But maybe it's time. Maybe I've gotten all out of lessons with Jake that I can. 

Plus I still have of the material he's sent me over the passed couple years. Some of it I had no use for a year ago but I bet I could crack it now. I can continue to improve without taking lessons for awhile and eventually move on to a new teacher. 

I did send one final plea earlier to try to resolve this but I know deep down it's time to accept that it's over, not only because I know how Jake is when he makes up his mind about something but because I know that there's more to this than what's on the surface. I know it bothers his girlfriend that we talk at all-- I mean I can see why, I'm gorgeous, intelligent, talented musician and physically fit. And nice. Finding a girl that likes metal is cool but one that plays metal is like finding a f*cking unicorn. But I have zero interest in Jacob romantically and have never flirted or anything like that. I really wanted to befriend his girlfriend from day 1 because I wanted her to be able to see my character and that I would not go there. (But I think seeing my character somehow made her hate me more, ha ha ha... )

Whatever happens, happens. All I know is I'm going to sleep well tonight because I did a good job finishing my management assignment early and tomorrow I've got my favorite class. I think I should also try to meet up with Sipic if I can get up early enough. He said he's got a plan to squeeze in a business minor with my economics degree-- I think it means I've gotta take some supply chain in the Fall... easy!

"Back straight, eyes forward, shoulders back."
My mom told me this is how you walk with confidence and should do so all the time.
I've been reminding myself to do this all week to improve posture and hopefully after awhile it will be second nature.

peace. 

F**k it we don't have to be friends... Trust.

Hmm, that was quite a blogging hiatus. I'd mean to sit down and write a few times this week but would always have too much to do to really think about it.

Right now is my first real breath of fresh air after a five day, eight hour work streak.... That's forty hours... I am working full time at JCpenney this summer, what the Hell man. Ugh makes me excited for school to start. I'm hungry for new information and feel guilty that I was unable to read After the Music Stopped as much as I'd liked too this month.. With back to school season at work I've been working so much that it's difficult to find the discipline to sit down and read for recreation....

I've barely had the energy to adequately practice for my recital on the 31st. I've been using Jacob's practice methods this week where I have been taking quick rests in between practice increments and it seems to be working.... But will it be enough, in three days. I will work extremely hard on my days off to feel confident enough to play the entire piece by memory.

Katelynn and I are no longer friends. This time for good. The other night I went over to her friend Zach's apartment and I got a very cold vibe from her all night. I'll back up....

Right before guitar lessons I'd gotten a text from Katelynn asking what I was doing that night and I responded "nothing : )" and was just excited to spend time with her. I'd had a hell of a week, between my uncle Robert dying (his birthday is today), then Jay completely cutting contact which I had already somewhat anticipated from the beginning because of how he is.

**Note: I have no hard feelings for Jay. Now that this is said and done I realize this is the best thing he probably could have done because he's probably going to start working in Oregon. Ellensburg is further away from Oregon then the tri... He works hard enough as it is and probably just didn't see himself driving four hours to see me on the weekends when the school year starts and didn't know how to say it. 

We'll probably cross paths again down the road. Or not, that's life. It's clear that even someone that egotistical can have feelings for me, though being in a relationship with one is a different story.

When I'd brought up Zach to Katelynn she was like, "Oh that guy that's cute but says weird shit and kind of reminds me of Ron Weasley?"

Someone actually took interest in me out of the blue recently... His name is Zach H. and I work with him. I'd seen him around a few times but didn't really take notice because I thought he was like 18. We were texting eachother a lot that night because we were both drinking and wanted to see eachother. So though I feel like Katelynn was looking for a reason to be mad at me that night for something I said or did, it was very hard to pinpoint one because I was acting distant which probably made things even worse.

Anyway, didn't do anything in particular to make Katelynn mad at me, aside from being beautiful and getting attention from guys that she wanted. Hooking up was the LAST thing on my mind that night, which I did vocalize when I had a few drinks in me and I'm sure was a buzzkill for katelynn because I'm pretty sure she was thinking otherwise. Her and Alan are done for good and Alan is saying Katelynn basically needs to move her stuff out... which I honestly don't blame him for because she's only treated him like shit for the past few months-- I mean I witnessed it and it got to the point I didn't even like to hang out when Alan was there because it was awkward.

Anyway Katelynn found the thing that let her break the friendship off for good. I had left my bag in her car and she scowled at me when she lent it to me in the break room. Chad and I went out to find her car and once I got my bag I remember sticking the key in the libby bag. I then accidentally returned the libby back without giving the key back to her, which I then quickly found....

When I found her in the dress department with her key she stormed up to me and said "Give me my fucking key" and then marched off. There was a group of Hispanic girls that work in the dress department that were like "woah...." and chuckled kind of awkwardly. I'm sure I looked pretty confused, smiling there saying "Alrighty then have a good night..." Ha ha ha.

Yeah haven't seen or heard from her since then. Whatever I don't even care anymore, our friendship hasn't been the same since I lost trust in her on 4th of July and I can't stand her negativity and constant cursing anymore.

peace.

Look I'm Becky Katsopolis, hahaha

Check out my 90's Full House look today. 

Just kidding. I actually didn't intend to style my hair this way. Surprise surprise! It's actually due to barely straightening it this morning, then pulling my bangs out of my eyes continually while I work on homework.

All day I've been munching out. I'm planning on working out tonight because of it. Like literally there's no excuse for all the crap I ate. Belgian waffles, steak, mashed potatos, teddy grahams, cereal, a freaking bacon sandwich this morning... I don't eat as little as I might look. I try to eat as healthy as I can, but when I go grocery shopping and there's lots of accessible food a few steps away from my bedroom it's almost hard to resist. Right now I'm drinking a protein shake. It's been about four hours since I ate dinner and had a big sugar spike when I had those Belgian waffles for dessert. Those were a whopping 400 calories, not to mention the fact that I put peanut butter on top. I've unintentionally had a TON of protein today, I'm pumped to work out and burn some of this off once I finish this entry.

Uh let's see. Today was Monday. We're down to the last two weeks of classes, not counting finals week. That makes me giddy, I'm always excited for the quarter to be over. I feel like 4 more weeks of this I wouln't be able to maintain the grades I have. Or maybe I would... I would just be very, very burnt out to the point of no return. I love the quarter system.

I got an 8 on my finite math quiz. I'm very happy about this because I thought I'd done poorly. I think he might have cut me some slack because I came to his office and got help. That or the rest of the class did more poorly than I thought and mine was significantly better for getting the probability distributions what so ever. I was having an off day, too. The girl that sits next to me that's also one of the top students in class has been pretty entertaining to chit chat with every so often. She's very quiet but I can tell she gets sarcasm so I can joke around with her and not feel like she thinks I'm weird. 

I talked to Jessie briefly today when I mentioned how long until our next test in Econ. It's so weird, we don't talk at all anymore. I don't care, she's so normal, she's boring to me. 

I texted Abe last night after he didn't respond to one of my texts like, what is this? If you don't want to talk to me anymore just tell me. Something along those lines. He told me he's just not very proactive about checking or writing text messages. I'm not going to lie and say this hasn't been frustrating for me over the past two weeks because we practically never text anymore. We would only text a few messages back and forth in the past but now unless I instigate it we do not text. That is annoying. 

I think he got the memo though that it bothers me. He still wants to spend time together. When and if that will actually happen here in the next week or so I have no clue. 

Alrighty then, time to work out.

peace.