Tension you could cut with a knife

Damn it's been a long day.

10 hours driving to California is never fun but my Dad has just been on a roll since we left. With his continuous cursing and getting pissed off about the tiniest things it's put us all on eggshells. I've tried to just smoke and keep my mind preoccupied with my DS. Smoking on the road isn't an easy task though. It requires me to have to get creative about getting large amounts of water, then finding a windless, secluded location. Makes me feel like a damn druggy, but hey it's legal.

I mean I know I'm addicted, and being with family makes it even harder. I didn't pack enough ammunition for the trip so I'm going to try to hit up a relative to find a dealer.. I wish smoking wasn't such an inconvenience.

Last night I went out and had a pretty fun time. I'd met this guy named Jon on facebook when he asked me if I'd be interested in volunteering for radcon this year. We picked up his friend Laura (she was really sweet, I'm planning to add her on facebook and hope that wasn't just drunken friendliness) and met some other friends of his at the Uptown.

I'd drank a little at home and a shot of Vodka at Laura's so once I finished my beer at the Uptown I was feeling pretty good. I'm getting better at pool, and I'm starting to enjoy it! Ha ha probably not a very healthy hobby. Someday I want my own pool table for sure... Anyway. We played pool for awhile before a few of Jon's friends showed up, one of them was this asian guy named Michael that I ended up kissing at some point that night.... ha ha, alrighty Emily.

We went over to the Town Crier afterward which was a pretty damn good time too because the music was good and people were dancing around 12 so I got a little of that (last time I went out-- i.e. with Sheridan last week, there was no dancing where we went). The club scene just isn't there from what I've seen in the tri cities. But yeah, Town crier was fun, it's the first time I'd gone and they were pretty busy.

Whenever I'm at a Motel I half expect to see a hooker. Even if this has never occurred to me, it's always been an entertaining thought that somewhere in this Motel there's probably a John taking care of a client. 

Or not, it's pretty f*cking cold here in Weed California.

Right now I'm in a Motel 6 and it just hit 1 am. My sister and I got a separate room from our parents so we can get a much needed break from eachother and don't have to fight over the bathroom  tomorrow morning. It's a good idea. Had we gone to holiday inn we would have paid twice as much for one room and almost certainly had issues tomorrow morning...

Just gotta try and keep a positive outlook tomorrow. My Dad is always so negative.. whether he's talking about the news, talking about our lives, whatever. He just puts this horrible gray light on everything and quite frankly it makes me sick to be stuck with. It wears on my mom reallly bad too. She can barely say a word to him without him freaking out. When he acts rude it influences me to not bother being polite either. I have to be more cordial tomorrow or it's going to be a long day, a long trip......

peace. 

Made a boring day at home pretty productive, again.

People wonder why I exercise every single day. That right there.

Monday is now almost over.

I didn't really do much of anything all day. Got up around 10, read about forty or so pages of Memoirs of a Geisha (and I'll probably read more tonight), played my guitar for an hour and made some progress on both Inis Mona and cleaning up Schism.

My confidence in Japanese right now is so bad.... Chris posted some comment in Japanese and I couldn't read it at all. I mean I could read some words but it was just like my brain looked at it like it was the biggest annoyance imaginable. Like the characters looked like seeing something just hideously confusing. I've just lost all confidence in it. It's almost annoying to me now. Ever since I did shitty on that test, disappointed myself, FAILED. You guys understand what I'm dealing with now if I mess up on a test. I just feel like I can't even do it at all anymore and have no interest in continuing.

Todays been such a lonely ass day. I really haven't talked to anyone... Haven't texted anyone, so I guess it's sort of my fault I haven't talked to anyone. I just usually get texted first by people. I'll go days where I'm talking to people constantly and going out constantly, fun fun fun... then I have days where it's like, wow, nothing is happening. Well, I have tomorrow and wednesday for whatever I want to do because I'm not working, then I work on Thursday, and work during the weekend of course, then it's back to the old grind again and I'm not looking forward to my last quarter at CBC very much.

You know me, I'll make the most of it. I'm just SO done with that place. SO ready to move on...

I didn't even post on facebook that I've technically got my AA now. Reason being, I'm still gonna be going to that stupid ass school again next quarter. Secondly, it's like, wow, who cares, you've been there for three years, took you long enough. I mean my sister is probably going to have her AA when she graduates and she's only going to be 18. Her grades aren't as good as mine though, she's not as freaked out about it as I am.

I can't believe that it's only taken a few days of not being around my friends to feel like absolute crap. If I didn't have pot I'd probably be having an emotional breakdown, it's so stupid. I wish I didn't feel this way. I just try to relax and take things as they come.

I know! I'll exercise. That makes me feel better, every time. Take off this damn makeup, pull my hair up, and exercise for a good hour, then I'll play guitar for a good hour (making two hours today), and go to sleep. I'll feel awesome after that, guarenteed. : )

peace.

Numbers might make me feel more stable.

Today is just another day.

This is the first sober blog I've done in awhile. Actually I'm intending on being sober for the next week.. at least until Friday. I really need to focus or I'm going to be screwed. Katelynn came over last night so of course I had to introduce her to the new vaporizor, but of course I didn't get anything done last night either. Today is different though, I can't afford for it not to be.

I've got some stuff to get done. Gotta do all those Japanese Kanji worksheets, study the new grammar, do accounting homework, and last but not least make flashcards for my Visual Basic vocabulary. I can do that, right? Right. Plan. Lets go. No more facebook for the rest of the day, it just makes me more depressed. I want to kick this depression and maybe studying will help. Today is the third day I've felt this way. At least there's no work-work until Thursday.

peace.

I'm using this picture as my first cover on the stupid facebook timeline. I switched to it to try it out and now it's not letting me switch back. How sad.