NYAN NYAN, NYAN NYAN NI HAO NIYAN. o_x

Jesus christ, this horrific song needs to get the hell out of my head. It's... killing me right now. Imagine a tune about as annoying as Feliz Navidad running through your head over and over and over again. That's how I feel right now, and it's sort of shadowing the happiness that I should be feeling otherwise. haha

I got 106% on my japanese test! Woohoo! This makes me happy, obviously. All that studying really paid off. Now, onto Te verbs. Bring it on. Well... I seem a little behind the rest of the class on it at this point but I'm going to get help on it. I'm happy there's a tutorer in the center every day to help me. : ) It's just a shame I'm nearly the only one who goes-- she's really good at helping people, I don't understand why other students don't take advantage of it.

I turned in my first resume to Amazon, after a lot of hard work this morning. I didn't do a cover letter, but I don't think it's required. I think my resume looks really nice and I hope they like it and consider hiring me. If not, back to the drawing board. A lot of people get hired there, and I think I stand a decent chance of scoring an interview? If not, at least I have the resume now to apply other places. Practically everyone I know has a job. I'm smart, and.. not socially inept, I should be able to get a job I think. The hardest part is finding places that are hiring.

I'm gonna go, I want time to eat my lunch.

yours,

emily



NEW HAIRCUT, black tea, and party updates.

Is this not just precious?

I took this picture to show off my new haircut and decided to take a silly face one because I have too many pouty pictures. Then I decided to mess with the lovely sticker feature on piknic. Mm, icecreambeerhotdogshishkabobs.

I really shouldn't be blogging right now because I need to get a move on with this huge assignment. Not only that but I'm on my mom's computer. Luckily, it's not due tomorrow and I'm assuming a lot of people in my class are intending on starting it tomorrow around 10ish in the computer lab, which I'll be doing too.. So just to attempt to stay ahead of the game, here I am, Sunday night, fiddle fucking around with an assignment that should be at least half way done by now. But I have resources. Tons of them. Shouldn't be terribly hard.

Today I tried legit England black tea at Andrew's house. It was interesting. Really woke me up more than green tea would, I think there's a lot more caffeine in it. Andrew added milk to his, making it look exactly like coffee. It was hot as hell, and we sat around watching the Office drinking it. What a couple of cool kids, haha. It was good though, but I am such a coffee person it's hard for me to like tea as much. I'm really starting to like green tea a lot though, considering that I drink it every night. 

At Andrew's I had pizza for the first time in about 2 months, and it made me feel really sick on my way home. I don't think there was anything wrong with the pizza, I just haven't had those pizzas that you cook from the freezer in a long time-- like since going to Shavonne's house over 6 months ago. I guess my body has somewhat adjusted to eating healthier.

So I finally made a lovely page for the party, and now I have 20 guests that are for sure coming-- including me, hehe. Link to my Party. Ashleigh marked "attending",which my Mom and sister were obviously peeved about. Needless to say, I'm not a fan of her coming after she's insulted me numerous times, blatantly, but I want to not exclude anyone-- even if I don't like them. But if she starts making insulting comments at me, I will tell her to leave.

Anyone who's reading this might be wondering WHY I don't just say she can't come.. Because that would cause a lot more drama because this party is for ALL people involved in the Japanese program, even if I don't know them. So it's almost more of a school event even if it's taking place at my house. Ashleigh's friend Erin might be attending as well. 

Tomorrow I'll be distributing paper invites to those that I did not have a chance to send invites too on the internet. Probably because they're not on my friends list. I don't know all the names of them, but I'm making a list...

These are the people that I need to make sure to get paper invites too:

1. Tyler Gonzalez, aka the guy with the hat that sits behind me: I don't think he goes on facebook much.

2. The long haired Hispanic guy that wears the beeny. Don't know his name.

3. The other Hispanic guy that I haven't gotten a chance to talk too, the one with the short hair.

4. Taylor, who never goes on his facebook.

5. Z san, the guy who sits next to me with the song hair, though I doubt he will want to go for some reason.

6. The Philipeno guy that sits next to Z.

7. Sara. I don't think she has a facebook.

8. Andrew

9. Whitney

Alright well better get started on this stupid assignment.

yours,

Emily

I've lost weight, & how I'm doing it...

I'm aware that this picture is sort of dark. My room only has my bedstand light right now. This is my stomach right now. I've lost about 10 lbs, and have really leaned out, so I thought I would do a blog entry on this. My mom noticed that I had been losing some weight about 3 or 4 weeks ago, and I said I hadn't noticed it. But now I DO notice it, and in all honesty couldn't tell you exactly how I've done it.

But then I got to thinking, how have things changed since I was last insecure about my body, before I'd lost those 10 lbs... I realized that some very simple changes in my life style have made it happen. Here they are...

1. I drink a ton of water. I probably drink a half a gallon or so a day. How I do it is I keep a water bottle close by at all times. Unfortunately, this means I have to do to the bathroom a lot more times during the day too, which can get annoying. But it's worth it, I think it's assisted in the weight loss overall.

2. I don't eat whole portions. I put stuff aside that I don't eat. This is because I get full faster it seems, so I stop eating when I'm satisfied. It seems like my body didn't used to get satisfied so quickly.

3. I eat at home, and cook my own lunches. I've stopped eating out and eating fast food almost entirely, and when I do eat food from the hub I make sure to get some fruit and never get their cooked meals-- they're overpriced and super unhealthy.

4. I take my medications at the same time every day. This makes a difference. I think I gain weight when I go off my medication... If you're taking a medication, especially birth control, take it at the same time every day.

5. I do pilates every night. This is my aunt's favorite exercise and I think it works pretty well. I learned that muscle and lifting weights actually makes me look BIGGER.

I think a lot of this weight loss has to do with, most of all, a combination of the fact that I'm not as hungry as I used to be, the fact that for some reason I get fuller faster, and the miles of walking I do around campus to get from class to class. There are a lot of factors... I think I look really good lately though, between the fact that my acne has cleared up almost entirely from Differin and that I've lost weight, I feel a lot more confident in myself.

Today we had a japanese test that I studied for for about 6 hours these past couple days. I'm hoping it paid off...

yours,

Emily

I'm having a party!! ...And I'm scared shitless! o___o lol

 

I'm going to throw an end of the quarter party for anyone that is currently enrolled in Japanese, has taken Japanese in the past or is in the Japanese club. I'm also letting people bring their bfs/gfs if they want too. I would let people "bring whoever they want", but because I'm going to be inviting a lot of people, I just want to keep it to whoever is in or was in the Japanese program. This is gonna be really fun, hopefully! I'm nervous and excited. I already wrote up the invites, and got an o-kay from my mom. Because it's going to be here though, allll the way in bum f*cked egypt-- aka 20 minutes away from where everyone else is, it's good to invite a good amount of people so I have a better chance of a good turn out. 

I'm going to have Katelynn help me set up and get things ready.. she knows parties better than I do, haha. We're gonna have Wii, rockband, a bunch of food, and a bonfire going outside. I'm scared, I've never thrown a party before and I don't want it to be lame. But the people in my class and in the japanese program are generally pretty nice, so it'll be fun. The more people that show up, the less awkward in my opinion. 

I'm not intending there to be alcohol just to avoid problems...

I am planning on having the party from 7-1 am or so. To anyone that's reading this, what do you think? Does this sound like a good idea? I'm always just nervous that nobody is going to show up. So I'm going to distribute invites really early and make a facebook page so everyone knows the info and might be able to call in to work and reschedule or something. Sean is funny, he's like "I can't cause I gotta work till 6..." Ha ha ha, a day party. XD

My mom is really good at hosting though, and she'll help me I'm sure. The invites are already super cute. <3 

That's all I had to say.

yours,

Emily

I MUST MUST GO.

Today is a very sad day. 

I heard about that System of a Down set it's tour dates for in the United States, which is incredible. As you guys probably already know, SOAD is my favorite band of all time and I've told people I'd do ANYTHING TO GO to that concert.And now that I know that tickets haven't gone on sale, I know I have time to save. I MUST go, you guys, I'm not even kidding. I also need to really stick to saving so that I can afford it.

Today I only spent $2 on a fruit cup that I felt obligated to buy because there was no fruit in my lunch, and it was worth it. I also had to ask for a fork from the lady that works in the cafeteria. 

First thing is first though, I gotta get some money, which means I need to start applying for jobs again.

I'm intending to apply to Amazon.com and hopefully can get a job here shortly. I really admire this one woman in my class, her name is Larissa, and she totally cool and laid back and said that I could use her as a reference for applying for a job at Amazon. I think this babysitting this is ending after this weekend, so I'm going to need a job of some kind. She said that they hire a lot of people, and I've already worked in retail.

I have a date on Thursday, this guy that I recently met named Andrew asked me to go out to dinner and see a movie, I'm excited. :) It's been awhile since i've been on a date.

yours,

Emily

Budget-- Week 2, How I intend to not spend any money this week.

I didn't do as well as I would of liked to this last week with my budget. I intended to spend as little money as possible, but with the con I spent $100 this week. I started this week with $450, but had to spend money at the con (the enter fee of $35, one meal there, and withdrew $20 which hasn't gone through yet that I used for a little spending money, plus some gas money). Yesterday, I got paid for my week for babysitting this weekend, and put away $60. According to Sterling's, I have $421 in my bank account, but this was before I spent $10 on a battery charger (this week's 'splurge').

Overall, I now have about $400, depending on if the ATM withdraw has gone through yet or not. 

 That is $50 less than I had last week! Obviously, the con was expensive, and it was totally worth the fees, but it's time to really crack down and try to spend as little money as possible.

This week's inevitable expenses:

-$20 on gas to get back and forth to school. Only twenty dollars because it is a three day week.

-Will probably spend about $5-6 on coffee, realistically.

I will make $70 babysitting this weekend, as I'm working 14 hours. If my parents pay for gas, which I'm sure they will be happy to do because I haven't asked them for ANY money for this con situation, next week's balance should be $450-$470. This is IF I don't spend any money. I need a plan to do so...

1. Make a bento box for myself for lunch every day. It's just three days, there should be enough food around the house to make some good lunches if I'm creative. All I really need is rice, chicken, and whatever side I feel like having and I'm good to go. 

2. Try to avoid driving random places. This means sort of putting my social life aside and hanging out with people at school instead of driving around places to hang out. Because really, I can't afford to be taking trips over to Leah's house all the way in Kennewick for awhile.

3. Avoid frivolous purchases! The cost of 5 hour energy and coffee adds up pretty fast. I need to be prepared and pack stuff from home, like fill up a reusable bottle of water instead of buying it from a vending machine.  

4. Ask parents money for gas earlier then when I'm just going out the door, it pisses them off and then I'll have to buy it myself.

That's pretty much it. It still pisses me off that my sister has a job now and I don't. What happened was, the guy from Daddy O's asked my Mom if she knew anyone that could be a backup cashier, and she told him that my SISTER could do it. I was like, wow, after I've been looking for a job for a couple months you recommended my stupid 16 year old sister who doesn't even NEED money for anything except for stupid Rockstar energy drinks. It makes me want to tear my hair out. I do have a job babysitting, but I'm still very available hours wise. I'm just annoyed that this would of been a perfect job opportunity for me and my mom recommended my sister. I don't want to talk about it anymore.

yours,

Emily

☆★RadCon Day 1 Experience: Raving, apologies, CANDY☆★

★★★FUN WEEKEND★★★

But I'm sorta happy it's over because it's had its off moments. The first day was definately the best. It's hard to really know where to begin in talking about this without being all over the place, but I'll try my best.

Day One:

The day started off a little slow, waiting in line for two hours. I talked to Collin, who was apparently going to get drunk tonight with his friends, which seemed pretty fun. I soon realized that THAT is why people got hotel rooms-- to get drunk and not have to go home afterward. So I'll make sure to have to go to Radcon again when I'm 21. Will I go next year? Ehh probably not, I'll be up at Central by then in my first quarter. So I'll probably have a lot going on, and not much money to throw away.

Briefly after getting my ticket, I'd lost my group (Leah, Michael, and Mark). I walked around with Collin and his friends for a bit, getting a little tour. It seemed like any other con-- lots of rooms of people playing card games or rpgs of some kind, and video game rooms with games that I'm not interested in playing. The fun part is the fact that there were going to be 1000+ people there, a lot of which I go or went to school with, so it was cool to catch up with people. I didn't even have a schedule on me, all I knew is that I wanted to go to the rave at 10 pm. I got there on Friday at about 5, and got my ticket at 7' pm.

I soon met up with Leah, Michael, Mark and Tomas. We walked around, rather aimlessly, checking out the shops in the hotel rooms as well as this big bizaar of shops that reminded me a bit of the sance fair. Mark bought a necklace with a frog on it for $8, and it's very adorable. He said he's just going to wear it for the con, but I think he should wear it to school because it's not feminine or anything.

This is me hiding from Samantha and Shawn because I was going to sneak up on them when they came around the corner. They didn't come close enough though so I decided to just talk to them without making Samantha scream, haha.

Samantha was wearing a beautiful kimono that actually comes from Thailand. I thought it was lovely. She was going to cosplay with Shawn, but apparently his costume didn't come in the mail. That sucked because they've been planning for like 2 months.
I sort of threw both of my "Costumes" together. The first day I wore the rainbow necklace, rainbow knee length socks, black converse, and green Sophie's shorts. I think it looked really cute, and looked hot at the Rave. The second day was a closet costume, where I wore a plaid skirt, one of my Mom's shirts that just happen to have ruffles, and my hair in two ponytails with the accessories that I got at Uwajimaya. I thought it was very cute on both days, even if the first day was a little skanky because the Sophie's showed off my donk a little too much. haha

At the Rave I danced with Rhiannon and her friend (can't remember her name, but she was really awesome and I wish I did!), along with Abby and her friend Nathan, Rhiannon's sister Gillian and whoever else came in and out of our group. We partied hard! We danced for like almost every song, except a few where we took a break and drank water. We all got really sweaty and yucky but it was amazing regardless. I also made this friend named Shelden who I saw in a slideshow in Japanese class. He was really funny, but doesn't go to cbc anymore and is working with Collin (Collin from Japanese class, not the one I partied with at Kinbri's way back when...)

I wish I had pictures from the Rave, but that would of been impossible to take in there. I was wearing a ton of glowsticks. Leah was pretty generous with them. I actually only saw Leah and my group once or twice at the con, and they didn't really want to dance with the group of friends from school that I was dancing with.

I apologized to Nikki Kearns for the terrible things I've said in the past. What inspired me to do this? Well, I've matured, and I now realize that the only reason that I hated her so much is because she was competition to me. It's funny, last night when I told my mom about this, I imagine if who I  was a couple years ago was sitting next to me was sitting there she would want to rip my head off for doing this. Because it was not all one sided. Nikki had power, and she used it to cry to the coaches and get me into trouble. And she knew what she was doing. BUT THAT is all behind both of us now. Last year she didn't play tennis. Yes, I probably would of done well anyway, but I might of not had an undefeated season because we would of been switching back and forth between first and second seat and it would of messed up my rankings. She, in a sense, did me a favor. She didn't want to play because she didn't want to deal with me, and now that i'm gone I wish her good luck-- seriously, I do.

She was at the Con because she is dating Austin, who was there with Ryan and Kelvin, who I sat talking too for about an hour. Originally I told Austin to tell Nikki, but then when I saw her I decided to tell her myself. I really thought I wouldn't be able to do it, but I think it reflects well back on me to be able to put the past highschool drama and sports behind me. It feels really good to get that off my chest, not only because of a clearer concious, but that I see her and her family all the time.

The only real downer about the con was that there wasn't much going on at any given time. Maybe there was more going on in the morning, but between the time that I got there and the rave, it seemed more or less people were just walking around. Fine with me though, I got to catch up with a lot of people that I haven't seen in a long time.

yours,

Emily

This situation with this crazy person has gone from entertaining to annoying.

Do you ever just wake up sometimes in the morning and feel like your brain is on low? That's how I feel. I just feel like not thinking of anything, and not really putting in the effort to do anything. I pretty much just wanna hang out with friends and enjoy myself. Last night I didn't have homework, so maybe I'm getting lazy.

I actually talked to Sean last night. Facebook is a lovely barrier breaker, isn't it? We're going to get some coffee today. Katelynn was over, and we had just gotten done talking about how I confronted Ashleigh about the messages she had been posting about me on her facebook. I then forwarded Sean what I posted on facebook, and he thought it was hilarious how self-contradictory she was.

Ashleigh is currently stalking my photo uploads on photobucket, as when this picture was posted she commented "I like this one".

This was posted quite awhile back, but this was one of about the five or six messages that she posted about me on her wall that I found pretty funny. She deleted me from her friends list, which needless to say I didn't care but I couldn't help but wonder if she had posted some status about the situation. I have an account for my cat (*waits for laughter to stop*). Silly, I know. But I made it to play Facebook apps. I went on this account to update my mall world, and saw that Ashleigh had posted about me, and the message above what what I found along with ones where she posted a picture of my Gaia account linking to her profile to see what I posted about the situation. Note that this is the SAME message that I posted to my facebook notes for everyone to see, which everyone approved of. Nobody ever comments any of her statuses, so I think I think it's funny that people from Ki-Be or anyone I know or care about gives a shit about what she's posting.

But I want to know what she meant by this. Is she going to seek revenge of some kind? Sort of makes me laugh, considering that her only friend is seems is Sarah who likes me and wouldn't hurt or go against anyone. And then.. Mary, who I think just humors her like I used to do.

I actually confronted Ashleigh about this message, but stupid people are very hard to get across too. The facebook statuses don't matter, though I think if she wants "Drama to stop", she should stop posting about me because it's going to make her look like an even bigger idiot. This is basically what happened.

Before Japanese class, I was sitting out in the hallway at a desk that Sarah usually sits at. I got there early, and had homework to do and decided to sit at the desk instead of the floor. Sarah showed up and sat next to me, then Leah and Michael. Then of course, here comes Ashleigh, who stood next to Sarah and said something completely assinine as always. I just ignored her, but then remembered the stupid facebook messages that I spotted the previous night.

Ashleigh got up to leave and I said...
Me: "Hey Ashleigh"

Ashleigh (grimacing): "What?"
Me: "Stop posting shit about me on your facebook"

Ashleigh: "I don't post anything about you!"

Me: "Yes you are, your statuses were on Miranda's updates last night"

Ashleigh: "Oh!! So you're stalking me now?!"

Me: "No, gross.." sort of laughing, "You've posted about me like six times though, what do you expect?"

Ashleigh: "Well you're just starting more drama again!! My family doesn't believe in what you're saying!!! Talk to the hand!!!"

The conversation pretty much ended there as she walked off and held her hand up or something.  Michael was like "Awkward...". It was awkward. I felt a little silly afterward for mentioning it, but when someone is posting garbage about me on their facebook I felt I had a right too. I'm sure she's posted more, but nobody I talk too is her friend on there (for obvious reasons) and so I can't look at them. It'd be one thing if it was someone who actually had friends that read her facebook statuses, and the only reason that one might read them is if they were interested in the situation based on the fact that it's hilarious how crazy she really is.

Michael made a great point though... "Emily, the troll would just love it if you punched her." I responded, "Pfft. No she wouldn't... it'd--" Then he said, "Yeah it'd hurt but then she'd have initiative to actually get you into trouble. She has nothing against you now but if you made physical contact she'd get the police involved." Needless to say, no I would never get in a fight with her physically. It'd be pointless. For one, I believe in a fair fight. I'm a lot taller and stronger than she is. Secondly, she's so lame and pathetic that she would not be worth the trouble I'd get into for it. The last person I wanted to get into a fight with was Nikki Kearns, because she actually had something on me. She was competition in tennis, and had the coaches support. She was a problem because of that. Ashleigh has nothing ON me, so it wouldn't be worth causing any damage.

I might make a seperate blog to post the saga of craziness, so you guys can read the messages back and forth and get the whole story. I've got it on my computer, and I'd rather not lose it just in case Ashleigh goes completely insane and people want to know what the story is. I would like to know what the threat meant though, "I will make this person aware not to mess with me again..." And the fact that she mentioned my mom is also laughable because my mom completely told her off in a message, essentially telling her that she thinks Ashleigh is as crazy and wrong as everyone else does. This has nothing to do with her stupid beliefs, blog entries or her now self-admitted Jew-hating sister anymore. And also, is she planning on doing something to Ashley and Jenee? I think they need to see this post.

No, this is about the crazy troll who is everywhere every time I, or any of my friends turn around. She has NO reason to be outside the Japanese classroom every day, absolutely none, besides maybe to hang out with Sarah. And she has no reason to be posting bullshit about me on her facebook. Because the situation is long over, and yet she continues to drag it on because of her overwhelming hatrid and jealousy of me, and the fact that she has no life.

I'm excited for later tonight, and also tomorrow because rad con is starting. I hope I can go this weekend without spending too much money. Hurray for presidents day though, 4 day weekend!

yours,

Emily

RadCon Plans, and EVERY HOTEL I'VE BEEN TOO...

RadCon is coming! YAY.
I'm excited because Leah, Mark, Michael and I are all going to hang out together there and I'm going to wear the school girl outfit on saturday.

This one. Isn't it cute? I'm borrowing Katharine's cheer skirt again, and if I'm lucky, maybe my arms have thinned out a bit since this picture was taken and it won't be so freakishly tight. Ehh, unlikely. This thing is really tight and it's sort of hard to move around because the fabric is tough. I should probably bring some backup clothes just in case. I'll also make sure to take a ton of pictures and video.

Leah is going to be wearing a plaid, red skirt. I fear that my costume might be a little bit more "Costume-y" then her's. I'm nervous about standing out as a dork-- but I'm pretty sure a lot of people there are going to be cosplaying, so it's not a big deal. I'm wondering how I should wear my hair, too. I'm thinking two low ponytails.We're gonna look really cute. : )

Today the guy who I'm kind of crushing on gave me a highfive and hit my hand really too hard and I walked off. I don't really think he's noticed me at all, but Mark said that he TOLD him that I think he's hot-- which is weird and I didn't tell him to do that but he did anyway. I really don't want to come off as a complete weirdo, but luckily he's pretty nerdy himself so he probably won't judge for me cosplaying if he's going on saturday.

People are going to be selling a lot of weird nik-naks and stuff there. I need to really avoid buying random junk if I want to avoid losing all my money. I can just imagine the cute stuff that's going to be there though. Why is saving so hard?

Michael and Leah are disappointed that we aren't going to a hotel. But I say why would we go to a hotel if the hotel that rad con is going to be at is right across the road from our school? Seems a little pointless. He said it's because the rave is at 2 am and it sucks driving home. For some reason though I am so anti the hotel idea, and then I realized why...

In the past two years, I've gotten sick THREE times at hotels! YES, THREE. Two summers ago on my family's way back from California with the stomach flu, dragging myself across the La Grande Best Western room floor to get to the toilet to puke my guts out. This was seriously the worst day of my life. Then at the end of this last summer when I had gone to that hotel party and drank taquila and barfing all morning, too embarrised to call my parents that I had to call Chad to pick me up. Then just a month ago when Michael was here when I got food poisoning in Seattle. I now HATE hotels. Apparently they make me sick. haha

yours,

Emily

My laptop is finally dead. And cutesy, romancey bullshit.

As predicted, my laptop finally pooped out on me.

The problem, which has been an ongoing problem of course, was the side of the laptop where the on-switch is. This is perfect example of how newer isn't always better. The on switch is embedded into the corner that attaches the laptop, and due to an accident that corner cracked and for the last couple months the wires have been exposed and finally the on switch just broke. So the computer is functioning fine, but I need an anternative way to turn it on.

But honestly, for an $800 computer, that thing has been pretty annoying. It lost its charge almost immediately, it overheated, and it made this horrible annoying beeping sound every time the power got unplugged. I am planning on buying a less fancy computer that is more durable. I would LIKE it to have a webcam but it's not a nessesity. I had that computer for two years. It probably could of lasted longer if I took better care of my stuff.

I kind of have a new crush, I guess you could say. Yet another one that I've never actually talked too before and I'm not entirely sure why I think he's cute. He's in my Japanese class... yeah, never spoke a word to him. I have sort of become that way with guys that I find attractive though, I'm really, really shy due to low self esteem. I feel like based on my horrendously bad taste, I am cursed to like guys that don't ever like me back and so I don't even bother. I figure he wouldn't like me because I'm too loud. He's sort of a video game nerd I think. He's a smart ass, which is probably why I find him attractive.

Or maybe, I don't have a crush at all, and this is just due to loneliness. I wish that the guy that I truly find amazing didn't live thousands of miles away. It's heartbreaking, really. Yes, the internet is convient, but there is only so close you can get to someone without knowing them in person.

I hate romancey bullshit like this because it's never happened to me.

The loneliness is not out of wanting a boyfriend as much as it is seeing everyone else all coupled up this time of year, it gets pretty obnoxious. But I just need to think that it's obnoxious for everyone that is in the same boat as me, like Josie, who said this today: "Couples in class are annoying. Idgaf if your boo likes his chocolates!" That is exactly how I feel. I appreciate her posting these things, it's made me feel a bit better about my own situation.

Because honestly, I know damn well I won't be finding anyone soon. It's my fault, really. The fact of the matter is, my taste is HORRIBLE. The men that spark me as being interesting are usually complete smart asses. I really wish I wasn't this way, but that's just how it is. I don't know what my taste is, though, but I've just found that the people that I am interested in aren't good.

I'm going to think, right now, what typically attracts me to a guy:

1. Being a complete smart ass.
Reason: Because I'm stubborn and it attracts me when someone challenges me.

2. Toughness.

Reason: I don't like feeling like the physically stronger one in the relationship for some reason. I think subconciously a lot of girls feel this way. Not many girls I know want a guy who is weak. This does NOT MEAN that I have to be with a guy who has a damn 6-pack and can bench 300 lbs. I'm not looking for steriod jersey shore guys, or meat heads.

3. Being a little bit dirty. This varies, a lot.

Reason: Immaculately clean guys are sort of not my thing. I find myself a little attracted to guys that like outdoors activities-- even if I don't particularily. Opposites attract type thing. I hope this appeal goes away, or I'll end up with a dumb hick (..no, hicks would never be attracted to me, haha).

4. Tallness.

Reason: This is shallow, but I like a guy who is a bit taller than me. The only guy I've ever been physically attracted to that is my height was Trevor Morrison.

5. A sense of humor.

Reason: Don't bore me. I have a sense of humor and crack weird comments continually, and if someone I'm with doesn't get it at all, it's a complete turn off.

6. Not emotional.

Reason: A guy can be emotional, but I don't want someone who has emotional PROBLEMS because I have those myself. You can't have two emotional people together.

And that's pretty much it.

I guess you can see now why I have problems. Though some of those are general, now that I've looked at my reasons for these things, I understand now why they aren't going to change. I'm always going to have emotional problems of some kind. I'm always going to be stubborn.

I guess I'm thinking about this  because it's valentines day. Me and a friend of mine, Michael, are gonna go celebrate with Froyo. I'm actually really hungry for real food right now because I've been eating japanese candy all day. I hope the Japanese club did good with their fundraiser. I know they made at least $15. I bought one, and my friend Nathan is going to buy two.

Well I better wrap this up.

yours,

Emily

お金 B U D G E T. Weekly Splurge.

I spent all weekend babysitting.

The writing in this entry might be kind of sloppy because my sister has the f'ing TV on in the background. I hate the TV so much, I can't even explain it. It's aimless noise. she's not even WATCHING it.

I got a job as a nanny for Chad and Carmin on a weekly basis, and I'll get paid about $5/h, so about $30 a day. That's good for me because it's not hard, it doesn't mess with my schooling, and it gives me a little bit of spending money. So yesterday from 7:45-3 PM I watched Tori, and then I went to a friend of Carmin's to babysit her kids right after. Then this morning I went back to Carmin's after taking a shower and watched Tori till 2'. So this was a back to back babysitting weekend, and I made $100. My mom owed me $80 for buying a router with my card, and paid me back today as well, so I finally got to put some money away.

I now have $450.00. At Wal Mart I did a weekly splurge after I put $160 away. This was a $30 splurge on things that I want, and this will keep me from buying other things this week. I've gotta stay strong and save my best.

You might be wondering what I'm saving for. I swore to myself that this year I'd get a real job, but going to school full time and having a job is difficult. School is my number on priority. I have to get good grades to feel successful, and in order to do so I need sleep and time to study. With a job, I could be potentially going straight from school to work and being too exausted to get a chance to study.

Therefore, I have to try to save as much money as I can with the money that I make from babysitting so that I have a fallback if I have as hard as a time as I do now making money as I do when I get up to Central. Because it is HARD for me to find a job, mainly out of my time constraints, as well as a bit of social anxiety.  This anxiety eliminates certain jobs such as working fast food immediately because I feel that people would judge me if they saw me working there. I also would not be around fatty foods all day because I try to avoid eating fast food as much as possible. I think it would literally make me sick to be in that environment every day. This anxiety also makes little things hard, like calling a business back after submitting a job application. I don't know why, but that makes me nervous.

People in general have been making me nervous lately. I feel like I'm continually disappointing people, and it's frustrating. I can't please everyone, but I make stupid mistakes. Like last night when I was babysitting for this woman Summer, she wanted to get ahold of me to ask how things were going. I left my phone off (silent) because I wanted to pay attention to the kids instead of text-- and honestly, I'm not a big cell phone person anyway. I didn't check my phone until 12 am. She came home at 2. I was freaking out because I thought she was going to come in and yell at me because I got a text from Carmin asking how everything was AND from Chad. They were all trying to get ahold of me, and I just felt awful that I didn't pick up my phone. In this situation, I should at least have my phone's ringer on, but I was dumb and had it on silent. Luckily, she said it was okay, thank God.

One more thing about Summer. She has probably the greatest tea stash I've ever seen. This woman has a big tuperwear box with Stash tea, raspberry tea, apple spice, calming tea, lemon zest... everything. Every time I go there I carefully search through the box to find one that looks amazing. Last night I had a raspberry one (making sure she had multiple packets in there), and when I put it in the hot water to steep the water literally looked like blood. o_o It tasted really good though, and I wish I knew what the brand was. It was the best tea I've ever had.

RASPBERRY ZINGER TEA. I messaged her and asked what kind it was, and she told me the brand. Now I can get some.

Anyway, here is what I bought today with my small weekly splurge:

-Bath sponge, $1. To go with..

-Softsoap Bodywash in Coconut, $3

-Gum, $1

-Cassette adapter for my car to plug in my MP3 player. My last one broke. $10

-Revlon Photo Ready Foundation, $9.98

So I spent about $30 of the money that I earned this weekend. I intend to not spend any money this week by packing lunches for myself and my parents are going to help me with gasoline. Lets see how this works. I really hope I can withstand the urge to spend money on food, 5 hour energy, coffee, etc.

Yours,

Emily

CALL 9-11, I WAS HARRASSED.

Funniest damn thing happened yesterday.
So as always, I came to class early, waiting outside my Technical Writing class. I noticed that today a lot more people were waiting outside in the halls, mainly the guys from my class. My friend* and I were sitting out in the hall, and he was talking about his girlfriend and I was eating my lunch. Around the time that the Lord of the Rings class got out, I look down the hall and people are coming through the halls getting out of class. There was a guy standing right in the middle of the hallway. I recognized him, he wears a yamika sometimes, has massive sideburns and told me he was in a tri-relationship with two lesbians. Anywho. He was clogging up the whole system. Here comes this really tall guy, who barely brushed against him. The Jewish guy goes, "EXCUSE ME", and then the tall guy comes up and barely pushes him and goes "What, you're a tough guy?" and slaps his notebook out of his hand.

I admit, this was rude, and the tall guy shouldn't of reacted the way he did. It was like.. 11 AM, what you have to get in your fight at this time every day? ..But it's how the Jewish guy reacted. He picks up his notebook and yells, "Call 9-11! I've been assaulted!!" He fucking runs into a classroom of people, yelling "Call 9-11", as if there's been a fire. Of course the jockiest teacher comes down the hallway (I think he's physical ed and health), saying "What the hell is going on? That's my classroom.." Then other teachers start coming out, thinking there is someone with a gun in the school.

Meanwhile, we're all laughing our asses off. We were trying not to because we knew this guy was crazy, so we kept quiet for the most part. This one guy who's clever as hell goes, "Someone had a little too much starch in their panties", hahaha.

Anyway, just thought I'd share that with you guys.

I got a lot of homework done yesterday. Like I studied and did homework for about 3 hours in the library. I got home at 4, took a nap, and my mom claimed I slept all day. I'm mad and offendid by this.

In other news..

I want to Till Lindemann's body.

yours,
Emily


*I can never remember his name, yet we talk on a daily basis. He's about 28, is tired of working manual labor jobs, and came back to school... but he's still working manual labor jobs and talks about how much it sucks.

Differences with my sister that make life easier. New friends. わたしのクラス~S P R I N G

It's funny. It's barely even midterms and everyone's already registered for Spring quarter. Well, not everyone, but people that are on top of it and want to make sure they aren't going to take a shitty professor.
This spring is going to be the one I am dreading-- the Math quarter. If I do this right, I'll be good to go for math for my AA. If I fail, I'm going to be set back at least two quarters and I'd undoubtably have to transfer without having my AA. I really, really want to accomplish my goal and get my AA before I get out of here. It's been a struggle, seeing everyone leave and I'm still here living with my parents. I feel like it's the smart move though because I am going to be going into Central as a Junior and I'll be saving a lot of money this way. I'll only be twenty when I go. I really don't know what the huge rush is. I'm not going to be in a huge rush when I get up there, but here I'd really like to get done because living with my family gets harder and harder.

Can we get any more opposite? Really.... It was even more so when I used to wear band shirts everyday, but I've sort of decided to be more of a girl now. Regardless, our style is totally different. That's alright with me though.

And it's not that me and my parents have a bad relationship. The relationship with my sister can get pretty bad, considering that I chucked her cell phone at her chest the other day and made her cry, but she was egging me on. Regardless, me and my sister sometimes get along. Basically, our relationship is like this: About 75% of the time we don't make contact what so ever, she does her thing, I do mine. We stay away from eachother. 10% of the time we're actually making contact, and talking to eachother-- talking, not screaming. Getting along well. The other 5% of the time we're pissed as fuck at eachother and I want to kick her ass and she wants to make my life miserable by telling my parents exagerated stories about what I've done. So our relationship isn't perfect, but I'd much rather mind my own business and have us live in the same household without really minding eachother's existance most of the time then fighting. We can do this because we don't have many similar interests. My sister doesn't want any of my stuff-- she's not going to come into my room and steal my bento box accessories, clay, nintendo DS, etc.... And I don't want to steal any of her stuff. I mean I don't know whats in there but I assume it's nothing I'd want. So everything is okay for the most part.

Me and my parent's relationship has gradually gotten worse though, prodominantly with my Dad. I just feel like he thinks I'm using him or something because I ask him for gas money, but what he doesn't realize is that I very rarely spend any money on anything except for gas, and the money is just used for getting to school and back... and then he doesn't realize why I am broke all the time. Because ALL the money I get from anything goes straight to my stupid gas tank! But I don't want to talk to my dad about it because any time that I try to talk to him he just yells at me or goes "What? What? What?" like I'm interogating him. My dad is impossible to have a conversation with, typically, unless you catch him while he's giving you a ride somewhere, and even then it's pretty hard.

My relationship with my mom is good, though she's not thrilled with my music taste. I'm sorry that I don't like stupid, happy shit like "Hey Soul Sister"-- which I swear to God I hear once a day in my house. Or Glee. Fucking Glee. And this is what makes my mom mad, is because I'm so negative to her and my sister's music and hobby interest. But I can't help it. You guys know me, I'm stubborn as a mule. I'm so set on my own taste. Therefore, I have really been trying to keep my mouth shut when my mom and sister are listening to their preppy, melodic, happy music and talking about cheerleading. Because I think of it this way-- God I would hate it even MORE if they liked what I liked! I would just DIE if my mom was like, "Omg Mein Tiel I love this song!! Omg Don't Tread on Me is my favorite song EVER Emily turn up your music!!" Or if my sister was like, "Lets listen to J-pop Emily!! oo kawaii desu desu" (oh god oh god... thank the LORD Avery's not a japanese culture fan. There's only room enough in my house for one of us).

Yeah, you guys get the point. The only thing that I wish my sister would do that I do (or did, I should say.. haven't played in awhile) is tennis. I think she'd be good at it because she's calm and collected with good hand-eye coordination from cheer, and it'd be funny to scare the shit out of Nikki Kearns. I mean, not that Avery would be first seat singles sophomore year like I was (even if I lost nearly everything hahahaha) when she's never played... Buuuuut she should still try it. I mean she's not doing anything else in the spring.

Let's change the subject right quick, because I have to go.

I had a quiz today in Japanese, and sensee choose words that I didn't know. For the first time, I'm possitive I did not get an A on this test. I got a 60%... at best, because she chose words that we literally have not used in class at all. They were on the vocab list, but I didn't study them. I was totally screwed. But not as screwed as other people... I mean the kid next to me had like nothing on his paper for 15 minutes, but he never shows up to class. He has amazing long hair, just thought I'd throw that out there.

I also want to say that I'm so happy because I have a new friend. I don't know if I mentioned her earlier, but her name is Leah. We started talking in Japanese and we've become pretty much instant friends. We have a ton of the same interests and she's loud and spontanious like me. She likes a game called Dokapon that is supposed to destroy friendships, haha, and we played it for like 2 hours the other day. I had to stop because I was getting peeved at it. That game is... so hard. I mean it looks like a kid game, but it's really difficult and the game continually trolls you.

Honestly, I can say now that having a new friend-- especially a girl, is much more exciting to me then having a new boyfriend. The reason being, I don't have to worry about drama (because we're old enough now that drama should be a minimal...), and I don't have to worry about a girl falling for me. Not saying that there is anything wrong with someone falling for me, but it's nice to hang out with someone and not have to feel awkward about it. I've been friends with guys in the past, and the only one that has really remained my good friend that isn't gay is Robert (who has been there for me for an incredible amount of shit). And when I say friend I don't just mean someone I've recently met or someone I rarely see but still consider my friend.

I love Katharine and Katelynn with all my heart, and nobody is going to ever replace them. They are my best friends, and have been there for me when others haven't and I've had insanely fun times with both of them. But you can't have too many friends, and when one friend is living a few hours away and the other is a slave to wal mart, it's nice to have someone to hang out with and meet new people that are going to school with me.

Wow. This blog entry is getting long as Hell. All I really wanted to say in this is that I'm registered for spring quarter. I'm taking Jogging, Drugs in Health, Math 95 and Japanese III. Yaay. Ha ha.

yours,
Emily

I need a place to channel my anger.



I wish I had a replica of myself. One that I could pull out whenever I needed, and we could beat the shit out of eachother whenever we want. She would be my scapegoat. I would yell at her whenever I did anything wrong. I would blame her for my own insecurities and problems. Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I wonder if I am my own scapegoat. I am just continually blaming myself for everything possible, and I'm so hard on myself. That isn't the current problem, though, that I want to bring to the table.

I'm pent up. I feel the need to fight. I feel like something is aching inside of me to beat something. It's been really getting bad in the past week or so. I tried to explain this to Katelynn last night, and she seemed to understand, but I felt barbaric when I described what happened the previous night where I'd chucked my sister's phone at her as hard as I could in the chest and it flung and hit her friend Bean. I seriously had no remorse for doing it at the time because of the incedent that had started the fight, but once I explained it I realized I have a problem. It's almost like last year I had sports to channel my aggression, but now that I am balancing my life with school, friends, and pilates for excersize, there is no place to channel my anger. The question is, why do I feel so much anger? Is it the stress with school?

Maybe it's the music I listen too? I mean I listen to some angry music, but it seems to speak to me more then anything else. I hate sappy, acoustic happy songs about love. I hate all English pop music. I can't stand rap or hip hop. Rock music, especially metal, is the music that hits home with me. But maybe it's one of the main reasons why I feel as much aggression as I do.

Oftentimes, the anger will be directed at a specific person instead of a situation (bad grades typically lead to depression, not anger), which leads me to want to fight them. I would never want them to be physically harmed outside of bruises. I would not want to beat someone up without a fight back. So then I decided that once I get a job and some steady income, I will join kickboxing or martial arts.

Honestly though, I can say that things are going pretty good in my life right now, which is why this is such a mystery to me. I look at the good things... My skin is clearing up nicely, I am losing weight from pilates, I am eating healthier, I am making new friends, my grades are good. But then there's something totally thrown off balance and that is strangely more and more frequent desire to fight. It makes no sense to me. I want it to go away, I really do. Because my sister cried when her phone hit her in the chest the other day, and tonight she is going through emotional pain and her own problems. I don't want to be anyone's problem, or cause anyone more stress then they have to be under. Because we've all got problems. I'm selfish to be so focused on my own.

Maybe the solution is to start running again when it gets warmer... yes, that sounds like a good solution, and it fits my budget of nothing.

yours,
Emily

鬼は外! 福は内!

Today we did the funniest thing in Japanese class today. We learned about this ritual in Japan that they do today where one person dresses like an ogre and little kids throw soybeans at them yelling "鬼は外", or Ogre stay out! And then they pick up the soybeans, and throw them back in the house saying " 福は内" or "luck stay in". We did this in class, throwing peanuts at sensee, picking them up, and then throwing the peanuts back in the classroom. It was the most hilarious and fulfilling thing I've done in awhile, haha. This is why Japanese class is fun though, it's not bland and scary like Spanish class was in highschool.

I'm so hungry. And it does not help that we just watched something on convience store onigiri which sounds soooo good. I don't think the Vietnamese store in town would have it, but I'm thinking about going there to get a snack of some kind because I'm starving. I really need to get home though because I don't know how much money is in my bank account and I don't want to accidently overdraw it. My parents gave me $50 for when they're gone, and of course I left it home. I think I just need to go home, make myself some onigiri there, and not spend any money. That is the right thing to do.

My internet is down at home, and will be until saturday. I have no way of knowing if my mom turned my phone back on, so I'm very very isolated at home. Me and leah are planning on getting together this weekend-- leah being a new friend of mine from my Japanese class. I am scared that we are going to not be able to make plans if I go home because nobody can call me or get ahold of me on facebook. This. Sucks. Big time. My mom said that she wants my phone on while they're away though, and promissed that she'd turn it back on "in the next 24 hours" (*she said this yesterday). No luck yet though. I hope she does.

Yours,

emily

How have I changed? And douchebag, player guys rant.

Here's a picture of me my Junior year. My mom thought this should be my senior picture. Notice the shirt tags in the back, haha. This was taken in the spaceneedle.. on the ground floor because there's no way in Hell I'm going up in that giant phallus.

Much more recent picture of me... from this last month, to be exact. I like how I look now much more then how I did back then.

This struck me as interesting today. My critical writing teacher, Mr. Commeree, had an example on one of his assignments stating that "women change more than men during college". This was completely unrelated to what we were talking about in class, but sent me right off into day dreaming veinly about myself and how I've changed since last September. Obviously, with the transition to highschool life to community college life with still living at home to then being in the REAL world, I'm going to change a lot. But personality wise, since last September, what has changed?
Things that have changed. This is what I came up with....

• I am way, way more of a perfectionist. I think this is both a good and a bad thing. I realize that though I have always looked at the glass half empty and had higher expectations for myself then most people, I now realize that it is almost impossible for me to be satisfied with my work and feel caught up in what I'm doing. I always feel like something needs to be changed, perfected, made better.. I feel like I never know enough, that I'm behind, and need to study more. I'm pretty sure this mentality is what has led me to get such good grades, but I'm pretty sure my behavior towards the way things look irritates people if they try to work with me.
• I'm quieter. I know it might be hard to believe for some of my friends that only see me alone. I pretty much keep to myself in class. I ask questions, but I rarely make opinionated comments anymore-- which I used to do too much, especially in classes that ASKED for opinions. I've learned that nobody really cares about what others think for the most part, and that if I have something to rant about I should do it on here or to someone that cares.
• I'm less of a procrastinator. I tend to not let things distract me as much as they used too. I've dropped a lot of things that are time consuming but are only for enjoyment to spend time doing things that are more productive. This is DEFINATELY a good thing, but I find myself slipping back into procrastination as loads of work become larger. That's why I have to keep on top of it.
• I'm less active. As much as I hate to admit it, I don't work out for two hours a day five days a week like I used to. I expected this would happen. Now, I just do pilates in my living room every night, and I haven't been happier with my body for a long time.
• I'm more interested in what other people are doing. I think it's the fact that people my age are doing interesting things in their lives, going in seperate directions: getting married, having kids, taking weird classes, and things coming out about people that nobody knew about now that they aren't judged by highschool. I find myself listening a lot more in conversations now because it's weird  to me that not everyone chooses to just go to school right after highschool-- not that that's a bad thing. It just is.
• I'm more artistic, and interested in creating things then I was before. Probably because I now have more spare time to do it.
• I'm way more openly nerdy. Once again, this is because I'm no longer in highschool. I'm not trying to be like anyone. I have my own nerdy interests, and if anyone wants to judge me they can go fuck themselves. Because honestly, I felt like I was judged almost all of my life at fucking Ki-Be and now I can finally be myself and I'll be damned if I let anyone tell me otherwise.

And how I haven't changed....

• I'm still witty, opinionated, and stubborn. This'll never change.
• My room is still messy, and I'm still bad at keeping up with keeping it clean. I thought this would change but it hasn't. I'm still really lazy about this.
• I still adore Japanese culture, though it's probably more of a part of my life now because I am learning the language.
• I keep to myself for the most part. I'm still not the type to always have someone with me, whether it be a boyfriend or friends. I still enjoy my alone time and always will.

Just thought I'd dedicate a blog entry on my thoughts on this. I thought it was interesting because I think it's very true. Guys don't seem to change much, aside from the fact that SOME of them go from just wanting to have sex with as many girls as possible to actually wanting to be with a certain girl. I'm really tired of nasty, perverted guys.. There is this one guy in my writing class that is such a huge douchebag. Commeree mentioned that appearance matters in everything, whether it be an appearance of a document, or a product, or even people. That is true, we make initial judgements based on appearance.
Then this kid Jojo, a 20 year old guy that sits in the back that has continually told me how much pussy he gets and how he loves to party and get fucked up says to his friend Stan: "Yeah if she's hot man she's okay with me but if she's not hot I'll call her a slut if she says shit to me". What the Hell? What kind of a puke is this kid? A woman who sits in front of me kind of turned around with a grimace and me and my friend Margaret laughed because NONE of us would ever want to TOUCH this guy. She said that most girls wouldn't, but apparently this guy gets a TON of pussy so we must be mistaken somehow.
But seriously, any girl that goes for douchebag, player, partier, I-live-with-7-guys-in-a-three-bedroom-apartment-and-we-get-drunk-at-3-pm-on-tuesdays guys need to get their head checked.

yours,
Emily