My laptop is finally dead. And cutesy, romancey bullshit.

As predicted, my laptop finally pooped out on me.

The problem, which has been an ongoing problem of course, was the side of the laptop where the on-switch is. This is perfect example of how newer isn't always better. The on switch is embedded into the corner that attaches the laptop, and due to an accident that corner cracked and for the last couple months the wires have been exposed and finally the on switch just broke. So the computer is functioning fine, but I need an anternative way to turn it on.

But honestly, for an $800 computer, that thing has been pretty annoying. It lost its charge almost immediately, it overheated, and it made this horrible annoying beeping sound every time the power got unplugged. I am planning on buying a less fancy computer that is more durable. I would LIKE it to have a webcam but it's not a nessesity. I had that computer for two years. It probably could of lasted longer if I took better care of my stuff.

I kind of have a new crush, I guess you could say. Yet another one that I've never actually talked too before and I'm not entirely sure why I think he's cute. He's in my Japanese class... yeah, never spoke a word to him. I have sort of become that way with guys that I find attractive though, I'm really, really shy due to low self esteem. I feel like based on my horrendously bad taste, I am cursed to like guys that don't ever like me back and so I don't even bother. I figure he wouldn't like me because I'm too loud. He's sort of a video game nerd I think. He's a smart ass, which is probably why I find him attractive.

Or maybe, I don't have a crush at all, and this is just due to loneliness. I wish that the guy that I truly find amazing didn't live thousands of miles away. It's heartbreaking, really. Yes, the internet is convient, but there is only so close you can get to someone without knowing them in person.

I hate romancey bullshit like this because it's never happened to me.

The loneliness is not out of wanting a boyfriend as much as it is seeing everyone else all coupled up this time of year, it gets pretty obnoxious. But I just need to think that it's obnoxious for everyone that is in the same boat as me, like Josie, who said this today: "Couples in class are annoying. Idgaf if your boo likes his chocolates!" That is exactly how I feel. I appreciate her posting these things, it's made me feel a bit better about my own situation.

Because honestly, I know damn well I won't be finding anyone soon. It's my fault, really. The fact of the matter is, my taste is HORRIBLE. The men that spark me as being interesting are usually complete smart asses. I really wish I wasn't this way, but that's just how it is. I don't know what my taste is, though, but I've just found that the people that I am interested in aren't good.

I'm going to think, right now, what typically attracts me to a guy:

1. Being a complete smart ass.
Reason: Because I'm stubborn and it attracts me when someone challenges me.

2. Toughness.

Reason: I don't like feeling like the physically stronger one in the relationship for some reason. I think subconciously a lot of girls feel this way. Not many girls I know want a guy who is weak. This does NOT MEAN that I have to be with a guy who has a damn 6-pack and can bench 300 lbs. I'm not looking for steriod jersey shore guys, or meat heads.

3. Being a little bit dirty. This varies, a lot.

Reason: Immaculately clean guys are sort of not my thing. I find myself a little attracted to guys that like outdoors activities-- even if I don't particularily. Opposites attract type thing. I hope this appeal goes away, or I'll end up with a dumb hick (..no, hicks would never be attracted to me, haha).

4. Tallness.

Reason: This is shallow, but I like a guy who is a bit taller than me. The only guy I've ever been physically attracted to that is my height was Trevor Morrison.

5. A sense of humor.

Reason: Don't bore me. I have a sense of humor and crack weird comments continually, and if someone I'm with doesn't get it at all, it's a complete turn off.

6. Not emotional.

Reason: A guy can be emotional, but I don't want someone who has emotional PROBLEMS because I have those myself. You can't have two emotional people together.

And that's pretty much it.

I guess you can see now why I have problems. Though some of those are general, now that I've looked at my reasons for these things, I understand now why they aren't going to change. I'm always going to have emotional problems of some kind. I'm always going to be stubborn.

I guess I'm thinking about this  because it's valentines day. Me and a friend of mine, Michael, are gonna go celebrate with Froyo. I'm actually really hungry for real food right now because I've been eating japanese candy all day. I hope the Japanese club did good with their fundraiser. I know they made at least $15. I bought one, and my friend Nathan is going to buy two.

Well I better wrap this up.

yours,

Emily