How have I changed? And douchebag, player guys rant.

Here's a picture of me my Junior year. My mom thought this should be my senior picture. Notice the shirt tags in the back, haha. This was taken in the spaceneedle.. on the ground floor because there's no way in Hell I'm going up in that giant phallus.

Much more recent picture of me... from this last month, to be exact. I like how I look now much more then how I did back then.

This struck me as interesting today. My critical writing teacher, Mr. Commeree, had an example on one of his assignments stating that "women change more than men during college". This was completely unrelated to what we were talking about in class, but sent me right off into day dreaming veinly about myself and how I've changed since last September. Obviously, with the transition to highschool life to community college life with still living at home to then being in the REAL world, I'm going to change a lot. But personality wise, since last September, what has changed?
Things that have changed. This is what I came up with....

• I am way, way more of a perfectionist. I think this is both a good and a bad thing. I realize that though I have always looked at the glass half empty and had higher expectations for myself then most people, I now realize that it is almost impossible for me to be satisfied with my work and feel caught up in what I'm doing. I always feel like something needs to be changed, perfected, made better.. I feel like I never know enough, that I'm behind, and need to study more. I'm pretty sure this mentality is what has led me to get such good grades, but I'm pretty sure my behavior towards the way things look irritates people if they try to work with me.
• I'm quieter. I know it might be hard to believe for some of my friends that only see me alone. I pretty much keep to myself in class. I ask questions, but I rarely make opinionated comments anymore-- which I used to do too much, especially in classes that ASKED for opinions. I've learned that nobody really cares about what others think for the most part, and that if I have something to rant about I should do it on here or to someone that cares.
• I'm less of a procrastinator. I tend to not let things distract me as much as they used too. I've dropped a lot of things that are time consuming but are only for enjoyment to spend time doing things that are more productive. This is DEFINATELY a good thing, but I find myself slipping back into procrastination as loads of work become larger. That's why I have to keep on top of it.
• I'm less active. As much as I hate to admit it, I don't work out for two hours a day five days a week like I used to. I expected this would happen. Now, I just do pilates in my living room every night, and I haven't been happier with my body for a long time.
• I'm more interested in what other people are doing. I think it's the fact that people my age are doing interesting things in their lives, going in seperate directions: getting married, having kids, taking weird classes, and things coming out about people that nobody knew about now that they aren't judged by highschool. I find myself listening a lot more in conversations now because it's weird  to me that not everyone chooses to just go to school right after highschool-- not that that's a bad thing. It just is.
• I'm more artistic, and interested in creating things then I was before. Probably because I now have more spare time to do it.
• I'm way more openly nerdy. Once again, this is because I'm no longer in highschool. I'm not trying to be like anyone. I have my own nerdy interests, and if anyone wants to judge me they can go fuck themselves. Because honestly, I felt like I was judged almost all of my life at fucking Ki-Be and now I can finally be myself and I'll be damned if I let anyone tell me otherwise.

And how I haven't changed....

• I'm still witty, opinionated, and stubborn. This'll never change.
• My room is still messy, and I'm still bad at keeping up with keeping it clean. I thought this would change but it hasn't. I'm still really lazy about this.
• I still adore Japanese culture, though it's probably more of a part of my life now because I am learning the language.
• I keep to myself for the most part. I'm still not the type to always have someone with me, whether it be a boyfriend or friends. I still enjoy my alone time and always will.

Just thought I'd dedicate a blog entry on my thoughts on this. I thought it was interesting because I think it's very true. Guys don't seem to change much, aside from the fact that SOME of them go from just wanting to have sex with as many girls as possible to actually wanting to be with a certain girl. I'm really tired of nasty, perverted guys.. There is this one guy in my writing class that is such a huge douchebag. Commeree mentioned that appearance matters in everything, whether it be an appearance of a document, or a product, or even people. That is true, we make initial judgements based on appearance.
Then this kid Jojo, a 20 year old guy that sits in the back that has continually told me how much pussy he gets and how he loves to party and get fucked up says to his friend Stan: "Yeah if she's hot man she's okay with me but if she's not hot I'll call her a slut if she says shit to me". What the Hell? What kind of a puke is this kid? A woman who sits in front of me kind of turned around with a grimace and me and my friend Margaret laughed because NONE of us would ever want to TOUCH this guy. She said that most girls wouldn't, but apparently this guy gets a TON of pussy so we must be mistaken somehow.
But seriously, any girl that goes for douchebag, player, partier, I-live-with-7-guys-in-a-three-bedroom-apartment-and-we-get-drunk-at-3-pm-on-tuesdays guys need to get their head checked.

yours,
Emily