You gotta get off your ass and work, b.....

Today was alright.

I was super amped when I came to class this morning. Terry, Kevin and I discussed what classes we are all taking and we're going to be together in two. They are taking Public finance next quarter which I already took with Sipic. They're taking it with Ghosh. Taking that class with Sipic was super beneficial because it required us to write a professional paper that could be uploaded on LinkedIn. I've been able to improve my profile on there and it's made applying for jobs easier.

One of the North Korean women sent to stage a picnic date for the Danish performers. 

She looks about my age though has undoubtedly experienced tragedy, fear and starvation like I could never imagine. Because this documentary was made fairly recently (2009) I'd assume she's still alive, but things have gotten so much worse over in the DPRK they're sending practically anyone to the gulags so you don't know. 

After class I spent my afternoon watching Netflix documentaries, one of which being the North Korean documentary "The Red Chapel" that I hadn't seen in awhile (yes, I've seen it on numerous occasions...). It's about two Danish-Korean comedians that team up with a journalist and enter North Korea to learn more about the forbidden state. Like any other foreigner to enter the DPRK they were taken on an over the top tour of the showcase capital city and met with a number of North Koreans in staged situations, one of them being a picnic in the park with about 25 "beautiful ladies" (okay I'm not saying they're not pretty, I'm just saying that's how the North Koreans staged it to the tourists..). 

And that barely even scratches the surface of what bizarre things occur in this country. It's again, a complete tragedy and I still pray for democracy and justice in North Korea. 

Anyway.... 

I just need to stop thinking about my own issues and think about finding a way to make money. 

I applied for a few jobs around campus and plan to do more tomorrow. I couldn't find much on Craigslist or monster.com aside from caregiving jobs, which I did apply for but I'm assuming they'd prefer someone with a CNA certification. I'm a caring, patient person that could handle an assistant living job. Plus Hell my aunt Traci's been doing it for years. 

Tomorrow's thursday which means no class.. I'm planning to play a lot of guitar, study, go the gym, guitar lesson, clean bathroom, apply for more jobs....

Night.

peace. 

Weeding through garbage to find the right match, etc..

Hello friends, enemies, whoever is reading this.

I am excited for work today. Why? Because today marks 20 more days! This is my third to last Thursday shift. To make things more interesting, I will really try to work to my fullest extent the next nine days to really leave with a bang so it's good if I need to use them as a reference. Eh, it probably won't make a difference in the long run anyway, I've just got to keep the next nine shifts interesting or the next twenty days will feel longer then it already is.

I just need to think of the Tea Girl, and my Noh mask, and all my other strange symbols that have helped me get through the last few months of being extremely burnt out with my job.

Hard to believe it's been a year! The country fair is in town and lots of people are going to be at the rodeo tonight. I just remember that this time last year I was hanging out with Lindy, Mitch, Tyler and occasionally Samantha and Shawn. We went to the fair on a double date type deal, when really it felt a little silly for me to be walking around with Tyler. I mean don't get me wrong, Tyler is a nice guy, but he's younger than me and he's really not what I was looking for in a boyfriend. At that time, though, there was really nobody that I had met... my circumstances were the same as they are now, but at least now the end is in sight and there will be more opportunities to meet people once I get out of here.

Because really here my efforts on meeting anyone have been futile. I really did give up about six months ago and since then I've had random little flames here and there-- like I'll find someone attractive but I'll never actually commit to a relationship with them unless they meet my real standards. I don't hold too high of standards, I'd really like a guy to be intelligent, attractive, presentable, funny. Those are the four standards that I hold highest. A guy with no sense of humor is no fun to be around at all. I can't be with someone that's stupid or very unattractive. But if they're somewhat different looking the other three traits can easily make up for it and make someone more attractive to me.

It just never happened here. I feel like I've never really been close with anyone. The longest relationship I ever had was with Chino which was back when I was 15 (six months), it's been so long that it almost seems silly to talk about it. Ever since then the amount of time my relationships lasted got shorter and shorter until they evaporated into dealing with guys that only want to hook up and you basically have to wait and wait until it's convenient for them to talk to you.

On the New Year I decided I wasn't going to put up with any more shit and pledged that I wouldn't get close to any guy until I was out of the Tri cities. This actually lasted awhile until me and Connor A. started talking again (Connor being my ex boyfriend from when I was 16). I didn't want to be in a relationship with Connor again but it was really comfortable to be around him because I didn't feel like he was going to use or hurt me in any way so I openned up to him a little bit.

We had a few good visits together and he's really the only one I recall having any feelings toward in 2012. My feelings for him are sort of like "Love," but not in a "I love you" way, but more of a reminiscent connection that I will always have with him. When me and Connor spent time together it made me more forgiving of that time in my life, being 16 and a bit of an emotional rollarcoaster. Me and Connor always clicked really well, and I look back on our relationship as one of my fondest memories from my teens.

I doubt we'll ever spend time together again, he's very wrapped up in his own business as I am with mine. No way of telling if we'll cross paths but I'll always consider him a friend to me.

Things have changed a lot since that time, I'm sure when that guy does come around that I'll know. I'm going to have to weed through more garbage before that time comes, I'm sure, but with the amount of knowledge that I've gained from being emotionally isolated this long there's not much that can penetrate my shield that I've  built unless it really is the right person for me. I'm no longer going to put up with guys that want to hook up with as many girls as they can and still talk to a girl they're interested in emotionally on the side. It's a huge red flag and it's everywhere lately.

Alright I need to play more guitar. Wish me luck at work, hope it goes fast.

peace.

Tea girl, you inspire me.

Evening everyone. 

I got a toaster. It's red, $7 at Wal Mart. I bought a bunch of stuff today. Useful stuff that I look forward to using such as some moisturizer for combination skin, Neutrogena grapefruit wash, some boring bodywash that took FOREVER to pick out.

This is what I ended up picking. It smells okay, I'm kind of wishing I would have gone with something sweeter though. I really wanted the smell of pine. It sucks, they don't make pine smelling bodywash! I really love that smell, my mom has this handsoap in the kitchen that smells like it and I adore the smell it leaves on my hands so I decided while walking around in Wal Mart today... "HEY! I want to wear pine body wash. Wait, there is none." 

I was probably meandering around those aisles for 40 minutes before I found all the random junk I realized I needed. Happy I did though. I also got a few school supplies, whatever. I've been picking up things at Rite Aid lately, remembering things I'd need. It's funny, Wal Mart is a lot better about product placement, they really remind you of all the things you'll need versus the little dinky, overpriced sections at Rite Aid. Usually I'll just shop their out of convenience. I'm sooo happy my sister is getting groceries, I'll be able to pack a lunch tomorrow morning. 

10 More Shifts

I think I need to start packing a lunch from now on in general. The food that I buy at Rite Aid isn't good for me at all, typically. Sometimes I'll buy disgusting bags of spanish rice that you cook in the microwave. Everything is too high in sodium and long shelf life like that. God, I need to stop buying stuff, today was the last day I swear to God. Usually I'll also buy fruit or something but today I was in a rush because I'd bought shampoo and conditioner and wanted to get to the break room to text. Texting after dealing with all these people at Rite Aid is nice... 

My job gets old but as I've said before I'm making the most of it. Sometimes at work I think about the "Tea Girl." 

In North Korea one of the highest job titles is to be a tour guide to foreigners that come into the hermit country. The "Tea Girl" is a very pretty North Korean girl that works in a tea shop under the communist regime. The economy in Korea is dead, and goes there to work every day for one visitor every 10 months. You'd have to watch the documentary to understand this, I really encourage you to. 

This is the "Tea Girl" from the documentary by Vice that has caused a lot of comment "thumb ups" on youtube. She's struck a lot of people as both enchanting and well... sad, we all feel extremely sad for her circumstances, and all these other poor, innocent people under the communist regime in North Korea.

I could go on about the regime all day. That's not my point. 

Why she inspires me.

Because my job is extremely tedious. You're stuck all day doing and saying the same damn things under the corporate eye. Nobody is really in charge. This is sort of like North Korea. The Rite Aid (and Wal Mart, for that matter) corporate machine is parallel to the North Korean communist regime when you're working for them. You have to follow a certain protocol, act a certain way, wear a certain thing... it's all atrociously boring. 

So when I'm at my boring job and feel my knees ache or my stomach growl, I think of the tea girl, stand a little straighter, put on my Noh mask, and deal with these people as professionally as I possibly can. Of course she doesn't even get the luxury of customers. It is complete pointless boredom. 

S'okay. Not gonna have to do this again, 10 more shifts. 

4 sunday shifts, 6 hours each.

3 saturday shifts, 6 hours each. 

3 thursday shifts, 6 hours each. 

I'm not going to add up those numbers because it'll distort the truth, I've only got three weeks left! Three weeks until I move! Yahoo, things are getting really interesting. I texted Kristin today about buying the toaster and she said she's got a futon and end table that she's bringing for the front room. I feel like I should provide a chair of some kind then. I'm going to need chairs for my business. 

Deal with it later.

peace.