Warning, another pissed off blog entry. You don't have to read it. It'll turn around a bit towards the end, I promiss.

Today I'm planning on getting my hair colored. With what money, I have no clue. Me and my mom were on the couch talking about potential colors, and I was actually thinking about getting brown with pink streaks in it. My mom said that would look like shit and would be too expensive, so I put out the idea of getting anything "rebelious" or interesting, so I'm going with a chocolate brown... again. My mom found this picture:

She thinks I should get little lighter streaks in it to give it some volume or something. I don't really like this picture because you can't really even see the colors. I know that if I went to go get it done and my mom came with, Nathan would be asking me questions like "So do you want the lighter brown streaks?" And I'd be like, "No" but my mom would cut in and say that there HAS TO BE.

My dad thinks I want to dye it BLACK. Yes, I typically do go with a dark brown, but I have never dyed it black, ever. Have I wanted too? Yes. Would I like it if my hair was black? Probably. But I won't do it because my parents would harrass me about it. The last few times that I've gotten my hair dyed close to black was after a horrific haircut, so I didn't like how THAT looked and the combination of the two made me hate it. I think I would actually like black hair if my hair was long. Granted, I'd rather not people think I'm trying to look asian, so I'm going to avoid that. I want dark brown, as always.

My dad came up and was yelling at me about how I look like shit when I have dark hair, and that I look "angry." I know that they both think I would look better blonde. I know this because my mom has manipulated me to dye my hair blonde before. How the FUCK can they think I look good blonde? For one thing, having that color hair makes me insecure because I think it looks ugly. It makes the redness in my face come out.

She literally said, when I was suggesting I get an all over dark brown..

"You think you're EVER going to get a job or a boyfriend with that dark hair?"

Now that I understand where her mind set is, her opinion's credibility means absolutely nothing to me. I'm tired of her telling me what looks good and what doesn't look good because now I feel that my own opinion isn't valid and it's not fair.

Forget it, I'm not even going to do this today... my blog entries are so depressing lately because the only time I come on here is when I want to rant about something because I'm pissed off practically all the time.

It's gotten to the point where I don't ever even post these to my facebook wall anymore because I'm slightly humiliated by the stuff that I write because I know my anger and insecurities are pathetic. I'm NOT always angry, but it comes out when I'm at home. I'm typically happy when I'm on the go, with my friends, or at school.

Anyway....

Last night was really fun. Me and Katelynn got pretty drunk with this drink called Joose. I wasn't originally going to drink it but I wanted to get my mind off some things so I didn't mind.

Yesterday originally me and Guy were going to go down to Hermiston but plans didn't end up working out. Of course, they weren't really plans. I just think Guy got the idea when I was leaving and he didn't want me too-- but it was just an idea, and it turned out he was going to spend some time with his mom yesterday instead. Apparently Cory and him are going to some rave thing today, and I was invited to go but I don't really want too. Reason being, I don't really know them enough to be able to travel with them. As much as I like spontanious things, I've been out the last couple nights, and really just should chillax today. Plus I need to save gas money...

Shavonne invited me over for dinner tonight but it's another lonnnnng drive to kennewick and I don't want to have to pay gas money to go out there. Seems like I'm constantly in kennewick lately.

Honestly the perfect way to spend the rest of my day today, in my opinion, is to go out on a run in this nice rainy weather, come home and play the bass, start on my college applications, and maybe take a little nap. Really nothing exciting, but still a good way to spend my saturday. We'll see if anything comes up.

yours,

emily