$85 wasted, damn it.

Nothing has really gone as planned today.

Maybe I'm just lazy but I had this intention that I was going to get a chance to clean my room today, and then hopefully have Guy over later because my parents are going out of town. Unfortunately though, neither of those things are going to happen tonight, so I'm going to make other plans. Maybe play some guitar, get my mind off of things. I should really go running but I just got my hair dyed and I don't want to go out in the sun when it's this sensitive.

I'm not crazy about the color that I got. It was supposed to be a dark brown, but it turned out more of a light-medium brown. It was pretty disappointing to see this... He mixed a color that was one shade darker than my hair with another color that is two shades darker. It turned out almost the exact same color as I had before, and it was $85. That took up most of my day, and I would of liked to clean my room up.

It's so messy in here. There's just so much shit in here that I've used and will probably never use again. There's cords... EVERYWHERE. Cords to this stupid computer from downstairs that doesn't work, cords for the battery, cords that connect my computer to my zune. It makes me anxious and pisses me off how messy it is in here, even if it's not the worst it's ever been. One of the reasons why I have so much clutter is because my dad just LOVES to buy random shit and bring it into my room like, "Do you want this?" And even if I say no he'll just leave it in here.

I don't want any more useless nick-naks. Almost all of my money now goes to makeup and hair products. Not really clothes because I have so much of it I can't seem to keep up. Even if a lot of my clothes don't fit me right and I rarely ever wear.

So tonight, I'm going to get some stuff done and keep myself busy. Hopefully... I just can't laze around and do nothing. School is in TWO days! I'm excited to go back to the old grind. It feels nice to have school, even if it's boring. It gives me purpose and makes me feel good about myself because I generally do pretty good. I got an overall 3.95 GPA this last quarter. I got a 3.6 in math 96!! :) Hopefully I will be able to do well in Math 95. God I pray I can....

Guy just called and asked what I was doing tonight, and I told him the honest truth that I'm probably not going to be doing much of anything. He told me I *could* go this dubstep thing over at Ray's but it doesn't really sound like my scene at all. He said it's going to be a bunch of "high kids." I would consider going, but for some reason I think i'd stick out as not belonging. I just have a feeling that it'd be.. not so fun for me. the only way I would is if Katelynn went with me.

I don't know if I've told Guy yet that I don't dance. Period. I fucking hate dancing because I'm terrible at it. One of these days I should probably give him a heads up. Maybe just let him find out on his own.. I don't know. I hate that I can't dance. What I don't understand is, if I have rhythm when I play instruments why don't I when I try to dance? Ever since my sister called me a "Spaz" I just will never do it again. I know I can't. The only time that I ever did in the last year was at Radcon surrounded by complete nerds (like me haha), and Rhiannon made me really comfortable so I was cool with it. I also danced at Celeste's bachelorette party with a group of girls and got asked to dance a bunch of times but turned them down because it was a girl group thing. I think I can dance okay depending on the situation I'm in.. but this situation seems REALLY uncomfortable.
yours
Emily