Throwing up SUCKS.

There is an anxiety that I have that has been haunting me for awhile now, and started about this last December.

In many situations this year, when I find myself spending the night at somebody's house, I end up spending the entire night puking, or feeling nauseous and unable to sleep and then puking the next morning. This happened, AGAIN, last night, in a completely comfortable situation.. and I had to leave because of it. Luckily, they didn't see how sick I was. I ended up drinking pepto out of their fridge. Lovely.

Here are the situations where it has occured...



1. The first known situation of it, where there were no diseases such as the stomach flu (California trip home in La Grande) or hangover involved (happened once on one shot of tequila mixed with my meds), was when I was with Michael Kaminski in Seattle. Upon meeting him, I knew my parents wouldn't like him so it made me very, VERY stressed out to the point that I could not sleep at all and was over the toilet all night. The next morning it got the worst, and Katelynn went to a gas station to buy me gatorade and anti-nausea. She's a great friend.. that was incredible.
   
   Since this has happened, every time that I've had to stay overnight in a hotel I've gotten sick. Except for the night when Michael went home and we stayed in an airport hotel.

2. The second main situation was Chris's anime party. I got stuck here overnight because my car broke down, and when I called my parents about it they yelled at me and I felt extremely guilty about it. The problem was my starter, or an electrical problem, as always. There was really nothing I could do. It started the next morning, anyway. Regardless, it made me so stressed that I found myself puking all night... at his house. It was an embarrising mess.

3. The third situation was at Zac Weery's house after the System of a Down concert. Zach's mom was convinced I had drank something laced with a drug but now that I look back on it, it was probably just a panic attack like the previous situations. Regardless, she did help me calm down a lot. Didn't sleep at all that night. Was dry heaving because there was no food in me and I couldn't even hold down water. It was a mess, especially because this girl that we were staying with's parents didn't know me and Katelynn were there so I could of caused major problems. I completely destroyed their plans to enjoy the night....

And now, last night, which kept me throwing up all morning and I still haven't really eaten today. It's 5 PM. Plans fell through today that I thought were going to be really fun, but as always there has to be some flaky ass situation and now i'm not sure what my plans are exactly. I should really fill out that college application. I think I'll also play the bass.

One of Jack's friends messaged me today and it was really weird. He's lived next door for about three years and we have never said shit to eachother, haha. It's funny how their mentalities work. Even if I do talk to Jesse or any other of Jack's friends, I probably won't ever hang out with them as a group because of how we've known eachother since we were kids and we never liked eachother back then, hahaha.

I really hope whatever anxiety this is passes, and i'll be able to move out and now be puking all night where ever I start to live. oi vey.

yours,

Emily