Nature of the beast.

My left hand has been cramping like a son of a bitch. Sometimes it will suddenly go tingly out of the blue when I'm driving. It makes me nervous, I baby my left hand the best I can so I don't get horrible carpel tunnel. If I get carpel tunnel I wouldn't be able to play and that would suck. I'm going to research the signs of developing carpel tunnel. Or maybe the cramping is just from working my wrists hard and they're building more resilience.  My goal at the end of the week is to get good enough at Tame a Land to post a video of it on Youtube. It's a nerve wrecking thing for me, still, because it would require me to actually hear myself play. When I play, I feel like I can't hear myself and that it probably still sounds like shit.

A band I discovered recently called Kamelot that I really like already. 

Jacob told me we are going to start getting more into songs, and that the mad picking exercises (though they're not going to be completely retired) won't be the main focus anymore. I'm excited to really get into songs because we really haven't focused on my random choice of pieces yet. He helped me pick out Erodomania. Cemetery Gates was my idea, as was Under a Glass Moon.. I never actually stressed Unforgiven as being important but it's one of the more recognizable songs I now know almost all the way through aside from the solo. All of the System of a Down music is completely obsolete because I wouldn't be able to get my new guitar down to that horrendously low tuning.

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My friend John Regan recently told me about a band called Portal. They're sort of under the radar but I immediately really liked them.

So I'm trying to find a really good song for next Wednesday to really plow through and focus on the next couple weeks. I have all week to think about this I guess.

I finally told Jessika off for good yesterday morning; my Dad overheard from downstairs and laughed at how much of a skilled debater I can be. She called after I sent her my long rebuttal to her manic message she left on my phone. I had planned everything and shooting down all of her false accusations was easy because she said nearly everything I predicted her too. It was almost too easy and there's no use explaining it further, what's done is done.

Because I know exactly what this was. Jessika feels insecure about herself because she no longer feels she has some kind of control over me because I now have a self esteem. She's angry that I've done well in school, have my own hobbies, and don't need to seek the satisfaction of others approval of me when clearly she does.

Well, I suppose that's a lie. As humans we all look for approval from our peers, it's how we establish ourselves as members in society. I currently seek approval from the following people: Katelynn because she's my best friend and I want her to be satisfied in me as I would expect in her, Jacob because he's my teacher and I don't want to disappoint him or myself, my parents, my sister, Katharine... and that's pretty much it. Granted, I want people to think of me as a nice person, I want to have a good reputation.

Jessika on the other hand, her reputation is so bad that I can't stand being around her anymore. Someone like this would only bring me down, I need to start associating myself with more and more musicians so I can learn more. That's really all I want to do lately is play and bite my time, hang out with whoever I want too and stay safe. I've been learning so much random, probably useless information on Netflix.

Like I've been watching this TV series called Coal. It's about these guys that work underground getting out coal in the West Virginia mountains. It's really interesting to see how much pride men can take in their jobs, especially when it's known for being one of the most dangerous jobs in the country.

These two guys are actually the two of the best coal miners in West Virginia. Granted, society might see people like this and call them white trash but they're actually geniuses in what they do. Everyone has their thing that they take pride in and these guys are the greatest miners in the state of West Virginia, maybe even the whole country. It's sad to think, though, that in a job in the coal mines you could literally die in a split second at any point in the day. All it would take is a lose piece of sheet rock if the bolt faciners didn't do their job correctly and you'd be dead almost instantaneously.

Both of them are extremely relaxed in the situation they're in, even if they're in extremely flammable, unhealthy conditions. On top of that it's freezing cold, almost pitch black, you could get electrocuted at any time from the overly sensitive machinery used for excavating the coal.

The spirit and fearlessness of man is incredible. 

I think the West Virginia coal miners are f*cking nuts for going down there, but they're so determined to get a job done that they don't let the fear of death deter them.It's kind of hopeless, but if that gives them a purpose in life that's great.

peace.