Vivid dreams and their symbolism. 206.

206 more days.

I had a lot of dreams last night, and I'm going to try to decifer them.

First off, these are all of the people that were in the dream:

-Katharine, one of my best friends. Usually she doesn't show up in my dreams because they're usually about more random people.

-Guy, had a thing with him this summer. We haven't talked in about a month when I cut things off completely because we stopped talking and I got some random event invite from him. Someone I stressed out about all summer, but at the same time I'm happy that I was with him because it gave me something to do.

-Corey B.- He started talking to me randomly recently. We had a bit of a thing for about three days.... then I was like, uhmm nooo this isn't working out.

-Trista N.- This one blonde chick that I think is my sister's age and I think dated Nick S. I was randomly looking around facebook and it says on her profile that she's into girls, which is weird to me because she's a conservative redneck. You like, never see that, at least publically. I imagine she gets a lot of shit for it.

~Dream~

It starts out in Guy's house in Hermiston. We're cuddling with eachother and messing around a little bit. Suddenly he's like, "Shit, I gotta go to school. You driving me?" And for some reason I said "Yes" like this was some regular thing. Note that Guy does not go to school. We start heading toward the front door and he pushes me down again and we start messing around, this time he takes his shirt off. I'm like "Uhmm. You have school in like 15 minutes and it's the first day... you should probably go to class." And he's like, "No, summer's not over yet."

Suddenly I look up, and there's freakin Corey Brundridge and a couple other guys like, sitting there on the bed, and they're like "Guy are we going to party tonight?" When me and Corey saw eachother I was somewhat humiliated and thought I looked slutty. I introduced Corey to Guy as "another guy I was with." Guy seemed to accept this. I get up, and sit by the side of the bed to figure out what the Hell was going to happen next. Guy comes up behind me and puts his head on my shoulder and his legs around me. Then suddenly, this chick Trista comes in and starts talking to me like we're friends and then fucking.. like, gets on top of me and starts giving me a lap dance. I was extremely confused. I remember thinking to myself, "Oh God Guy is going to want a three way..."

This part of the dream stops.

The next part of the dream happens like when we were driving to Lincoln city. Me, Katharine and my Mom were in the van heading to Disney Land, and Katharine was wearing the same exact thing and was wearing glasses like she was when we went to Lincoln city. I remember being happy that my mom offered to drive us all the way there.

We were at this waterpark part of Disney Land-- if there actually is one, I don't know. We were hanging out and suddenly I realized that I had to go to the bathroom. I told my mom that I was going to go find one and my mom is like, "Oh my god you know that the nearest one is like 18 miles away right? Unless you want to use the porta potty... " My mind isn't good with distances, apparently. Very, very far away. And I was thinking, oh god those things are my worst nightmare. So gross.

I look over and there's like 20 people standing in line to use these two stupid porta potties that were like, Island style. Like Disney decorated but still, nasty porta potties. I stood in line behind some middle eastern man. I remember waiting for a long time, then when it was finally my turn walked in and realized there was no toilet. No, it was just a freaking hole in the ground, like when you take out a toilet from the bathroom and there's that hole where the pipe is. I walked away, and walked into this sort office where a young receptionist asked what I was there for. I said, "Do you guys have a bathroom in here? I really have to go and the porta potties are gross.." He said that there was a special celebrity bathroom around the corner. I walk around the corner and walk into this tiny, plain bathroom. I went, and left. I began to think it's going to be funny to tell Katharine that I was in this special celebrity bathroom and how it'd also be a good lie to say that I saw John Travolta in there.

So I came up to Katharine and told her that I saw John Travolta when he was banging on the bathroom door wanting to go when I was in there. Katharine looked skeptical and asked, "Well, where did he go..?" And I'm like.. "I don't know?"

The dream ends.

Alright soo. I think the second part of the dream is pretty obvious, so we'll start there.

Katharine is still in college, but she's probably going to move to LA when she's done. Actually, I think she might be in LA visiting Brian now, or somewhere with him. I know she was going to spend two weeks with him and then wouldn't see him again until Thanksgiving break. Annnnyway. . .

I think the John Travolta thing represents me not having much to say about my life lately when she's doing exciting things because she's enjoying her life at the university+taking trips to LA when I'm still stuck living in Benton City going to CBC. Granted, in the next couple years my life is going to be very exciting too, but I feel like it's just come to us at different times. I don't lie to Katharine, and I haven't lied to her about anything recently about what I've been doing or even really exaggerated on things. But I think that's a pretty accurate representation of what lying about the celebrity meant.

The first part of my dream is a little harder to figure out.

Guy isn't really much on my mind at all lately. I'm happy he's out of my life because I like Japanese stuff again (for some reason, being around him made me overthink my reasoning for liking Japanese culture so much and I temporarily lost interest), and I don't have any anxiety over men. Actually, it's been very nice being single. I don't need any man. Which is why this dream was somewhat odd to me because I really don't miss him. The only time that I DO have dreams about exes or guys that I've been with is when I miss them. Maybe I just miss the sex part.

OH!! I get it now! Okay, so.. he was saying to me in the dream that he needed to go to school, but then was willing to skip when we started messing around and I was just fine with that. I think by him just mentioning school in this, it represents that men and sex can potentially distract me from school and what is actually important. It's clear now, even if I wasn't the one asking for a ride to school and then later not caring, I feel that it symbolizes how destructive a relationship with someone that doesn't have the same goals as I do could be in my life right now.

I know why Corey and those other guys showed up in the dream and what it symbolizes. Guilt. Which is a pointless emotion, but it seems that something inside me is guilty about guys that I've dated. Nothing I can do about it now, though.

And lastly, the Trista thing. Note, I don't know Trista at all, and I don't particularily find her appealing in that sense. I just think she showed up in the dream because something in my mind seems to be thinking about sexuality and if I'm bi or if I'm not. I think that the more shitty relationships and how many times I've been fucked over by men, the more likely I feel it is that I'd be willing to try the other direction. But I know that deep down, I only like men in feeling whole.

There's only one girl that I can think of that I'd love to be with and wouldn't feel like anything was missing if I was with her. And it's impossible that we'd ever get together. I had this realization about her the other day, and maybe that's what's making my subconcious think about this. But it's one girl. There's tons of guys that i've been attracted too, and only one girl. I don't think that makes me bi. Metaphorically, it's like... a bunch of cells of the same kind and one mutation.

That's my dream. damn, I'm getting hungry. There's milk in the house now so I can make cereal, yayy.

yours,

Emily

Goals for Today:

-Get Samantha the katana that it sitting out in the hallway. I need to get rid of it.

-Listen to the vocab that I said on the voice recorder over and over again. Something tells me this will be a good way to learn because it's worked before.



-Study Japanese for an hour (yesterday I studied for two!)

-Do pilates.

-Keep myself busy because I have no money. Maybe make a youtube video?