My promiss to God. and all these preggo people.

I told God when I was sitting in the parking lot after getting my drug test in the hot heat that I would not smoke pot again if I got this job.

Well great news, I GOT THE JOB! Bad news now though, is I have to keep this promiss. What I said is what I said though, and now I sort of feel like something very unfortunate will happen if I do smoke pot again. Pot is how I used to celebrate, usually with one of my good friends. Can't do that now, though, but what's done is done. I feel like in a sense I've been blessed that the THC wasn't in my pee. Did it have anything to do with God? I don't know. Did it have anything to do with me drinking four big bottles of water and peeing my brains out prior to taking the test? Maybe. From Black Mask? MAYBE, but probably not. We'll never know, but I'm still thrilled as Hell that I got the job.

However.... I'm nervous about one thing. It's slightly in my mom's hands right now. They haven't gotten the background check so they are going to check later this afternoon to see they recieved it. Because my cell phone is shut off because of the bill, they're going to call my mom's phone. I told my dad this to put pressure on my mom to pay it, even though she wanted to hold off to put a downpayment on Avery's car. Well, that'll have to wait a few days for my mom's travel reemburcements (I can't spell that, sound it out) to come in and pay my bill today. Reason being I HAVE to have it. When the Nuveou day spa probably called me after my interview with their decision about hiring me or not, they called my mom's phone and guess what-- she didn't ever answer and never checks her voicemail!! That is why I told my dad. I don't trust her with this responsibility. I basically begged her to keep her phone on her today. A lot rides on this. I fucking HATE that my phone turns off first.

There's a lot of pregnent people right now.

Just off the top of my head from the people I know, there's Katie Harrington, Courtney Cagle, Amanda Searles, Amber Lee, Kim Summers, Kami Strunk, Mellisa Gilliland, and Amber James. That to me is CRAZY. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with pregnancy if you are ready to drink the baby into the world. Most of the girls that I listed, if not all, are in very stable relationships.

Regardless, I could not see myself having a baby at this point in my life. I look around my room, it's a mess. I've barely gotten a job-- which isn't a for sure thing. I am studying Japanese every day for a couple hours and like to play the guitar an hour a day. I like spending lots of time fiddle fucking around on facebook. I can barely cook for myself; for breakfast I'm probably going to have a microwave burrito. I was up until 2 am last night messing around with my Android. ...NOT ready for a baby yet. My life revolves around my own hobbies and interests. My life, right now, is 100% for me. I have no relationship or ties with anyone that dictates my decisions, aside from my parents who have a say in things and provide financial support.

My interest in japanese culture and language is back. I'm still planning to go to Japan. Can't do that with a baby. Granted, I'd still like to have one (more than likely adopted) by the time I'm 26 or so. But that gives me time to get to know myself better before my life becomes enveloped in the needs of someone else. For some young women around my age though, the child itself and starting a family is what makes them completely satisfied with their lives, and they've already gotten to know themselves and are ready to be a parent. Not. Me.

anyway, better get started with my day

yours,

emily