When people are watching, I fuck up in nearly everything. 200 days

Good news, parents are gone for a few days, which means I get some time to not be yelled at by my dad. He was all yelling at me about a week ago about "not having parties." Please, like I've ever been the type to throw a party. Plus, I honestly wouldn't trust myself to throw a good party... my mom has always done that type of thing. He didn't yell at Avery about it, ironically, who has way more friends that would actually show up here. Dad also finally realized that his brownies aren't in the freezer... little does he know they haven't been in months. I just let him yell at me about it, but didn't really apologize or anything. What is there to apologize about, he was stupid to leave them out there. And why would he want some 2 month old, freezer burnt brownies? He called me a bogart numerous times and screamed about it to himself in the basement. I'm sure my mom isn't going to hear the end of it for the entire trip. Again, I don't care.

I have no respect for my dad. I lost that respect when he clearly lost his faith and respect in me. I know that he's one of the main reasons why I have so much stress, anxiety and anger in my life. So I'm NOT sorry I took your brownies. I AM sorry, however, that you would actually EXPECT me to have any respect for you after how you've treated me this summer. You fail.
So yeah, gone for three days. Maybe more, depending on how long my dad wants to stick around. I think they're going to Spokane or Portland, I don't really know.

Thank god my sister has a car now. It's such a blessing. She's hardly EVER home anymore, as we all predicted. This means that no longer is she continually borrowing me and mom's car and actually seems to be spending more time out with her friends than bringing them here. She seems to be very saturated in this group of kids from Richland, and I can't keep up with who she brings over. Bean isn't hanging out with avery anymore, so like she always does, Avery immediately found new friends. Don't ask me how she does it, I've been trying to make more girl friends for months now. Not saying that there's anything wrong with my old friends! Obviously. But because I didn't have a job and my friends did, I got really lonely. Not really a problem anymore though. ANYway, there's this new girl named Marisa who seems nice enough. She's not as loud as this other girl that Avery was hanging around with who I really couldn't stand. Avery keeps on talking about guys that neither me or my mom know at all, and it seems to be a new one every week. I think she had a boyfriend for a couple weeks there... never met him though. She recently got ditched for homecoming for some slutty freshman girl. This seems to happen a lot to my sister because she's incredibly prude, so guys go for what's easier. I respect her for that-- I obviously need to work on it, but good god, at least hold their hand on the second date, sheesh.

Work today went pretty good. I'm still having trouble with the loopholes of the cash register, but I know that my change counting was 100% accurate. I'm a pro at it. I however am VERY concerned that I didn't get the signatures of people that used credit cards on the "store copy" reciepts. That being said, if I did screw that up, today could of very well been my last day working there. My service is really good though, and i've gotten the hang of things almost immediately. It's funny, they sell at a lot of wine at Rite Aid-- that's one of the things that they apparently have the best prices on. Two big bottles for about $8... But old people get pissed when I have to ask for their date of birth because my computer isn't programmed with the option, "Person is obviously of age. Y/N" but just brings up a DOB window.

Some old people are not as sweet and delightful as others. In fact, some of them are just downright rude and talk down to me when I can't do things immediately. God forbid, you should have to stand there for longer than 30 seconds to get your purchase rung up. What exactly are you doing that's so important, anyway? Don't get me wrong though, most of the elderly that come through are nice. Claudia was still hovering over me extremely close today, which is when I make mistakes. I had been really good about giving every person their reciept except for this one time with this old man that didn't even want a bag. He just wanted his Bayer and his change and he wanted to get out. But god damn it, I gave him his change and took the Bayer out of the bag for him and forgot to give him his reciept but thought for sure I did. I said it was weird that the printer would print two reciepts when Claudia noticed it. Then she proceeds to pretty much RUN out to this guy's truck and tell him the situation about WHY he didn't get his reciept and make sure that he didn't get the WRONG reciept. I felt pretty stupid. I'm looking forward to having my own cashier login next week so Claudia can get off my back. She's been very helpful but it gets frustrating. I don't do well with people looking over my shoulder. When she went to lunch and another manager just pretty much let me alone, I did just fine. I just haven't fully gotten the hang of the many different beepy issues with that register.

I start work again on Sunday, the day before school starts. God damn, school is starting soon. This is gonna be a lot. It is what it is though. I need money. I've survived this entire summer being broke or practically broke and I'm REALLY looking forward to my first paycheck. I've already racked up about $100 in two days. Any amount of money at this point seems like the freaking holy grail. I'm concerned that my picnik account has charged my debit card even though i've had no money in there for a month or so. It concerns me that there might be a bounced withdrawl in there somewhere and my dad will get a $30 fee for it. Very, very scary. Hopefully he won't notice if it does happen.

Well I'm gonna go, it's 4:33 pm. I'm gonna play some guitar today and practice Japanese. Each day is a gift, better make the most of today's.

yours,
Emily