Adderall.

I need to make this quick because I have an hour and eighteen minutes to write this. My mom's computer is going to die, and because I'm timed I feel a little rushed.

Yesterday was incredible. Fantastic. Amazing. I really can't begin to describe how it felt to finally have a day like this, and I think it contributes to adderall. What happened was, when me and Corey were driving home from school, we started talking about ADHD and how he has it and how it's effected him. He told me that it makes it really hard for him to focus in school, which I can relate too.. Sometimes, when I'm studying my Japanese, I'll write the vocab words over and over and over and while doing so while space off and think of something else, then come back and realize that I hadn't absorbed the word that i'm writing. Anyway, this was just one of many examples that we were running off.

He told me that he takes an ADHD medicine called Adderall that has dramatically improved his life because it has helped his grades, helped him study, and his confidence. I explained to him that I take an anti-depressent called Paxil, and I am currently looking to find another anti-depressent because Paxil does not help me at all anymore. This last week when I was almost chronically depressed, I was still taking Paxil, and I got the feeling that it does not help me at all anymore. He told me that Adderall can work as an anti depressent as well. He offered me one, and I took it. I was convinced. ***note: He did not PUSH it on me, but after talking to me about it and explaining my distaste with Paxil, I thought I'd give it a trial shot. This was all me.***

At first, I felt nothing. We got back to my house and I made us some corn dogs from the freezer, which he apparently likes-- ick. Suddenly, about forty-five minutes after we got home, I felt an incredible wave of calm. All of my negative thoughts suddenly melted. I felt calm, content, NORMAL. We spent most of the rest of the time we spent together talking and watching south park, then we had to go pick up my broken down car out in Kennewick.

After Corey (who is a lifesaver for driving me not only to and from school but out to get my car) left, I laid down for a bit and read for awhile until Katharine came over. Me, my mom, and Katharine all sat around and talked and my mom said she noticed a significant improvement in my attitude. At first I said that this all had to do with the fact that I felt like the weight of finals had been off my shoulders, but then I admitted to them that I had taken Adderall. They said that though I was a lot sweeter, I didn't act out of the ordinary. Katharine said that her brother was taking adderall again for his ADHD and he has lost a sufficient amount of weight and his confidence is up.

Honestly, I don't know if I have or don't have ADHD, and if I started taking Adderall it would be for an anti-depressent and a way to get off of paxil. I've done some research and there are some obvious pros and cons to it:

Pros:
-Today they kicked my depression's ASS. I can't even describe how calmed down and happy I felt. I felt like a ton of weight was off my shoulders.

-It does help you focus. Corey said that it is used as a "study-drug" because people take it to help them study for tests. I get pretty good grades already, but it'd be nice to be able to retain information better without having to cram so hard with little success because of the amount of distractions.

-If it's as good as it seems, could dramatically improve my life overall.

Cons:

-It's 3 f'ing AM and I'm wide awake. I've been awake all day, and yet I can't sleep now. That's a little scary but I think if I got a tolerancy to the drug and took a lower dosage this wouldn't be a problem (the one I took was 25 mg, and I took it in the afternoon).

-Decreased appetite. This is sort of a good thing and a bad thing but I do not crave food at all, yet all I've had to eat all day is two small bowls of cereal. This is very unusual for me.

-Some people on a "Adderall Side Effects" page are saying that while using it, it led to dependence and continually increasing their doseage until they were having hallucinations and such. I think honestly anybody could do this with any drug. I mean, I could of gone to the doctor and asked for higher doses of Paxil when I got depressed.

That's all the information I've discovered on it so far. A lot of the stories on the Adderall reviews page are contradictory, and people keep asking questions if the drug can lead to random side effects like joint pain and hair loss. I don't know, I'm going to talk to my doctor about it. I'd really like to get off of Paxil, especially with Spring break here and all.

yours,

Emily