Friday, July 29, 2011

Going to a luau party! And a rant about sexy versus unflattering one-piece swimsuits.



So, the lonnnnng awaited Luau party for Rhiannon is in about two hours, and I'm happy I have a plan for today other than going to the bank and getting some information for my job up at Burbank. I'm still intending on taking the job at Nuveau if I am offered, but I am probably going to arrange my hours at Burbank based on when Nuveau needs me, if they do. Neither job seems to have that many hours available, so I should be able to afford it.

Our dishwasher was just fixed and my dad made a complete ass of himself to the man that was here. He kept on leaving, so I kept on having to find him while this poor serviceman just stands there trying to be patient. I wish my dad would just be normal once and awhile about stuff like this. Like he was all yelling about how my mom "bailed." Uhm, she went to work... like you should probably be doing, but instead you're working on the shed outside. I think that shed has caused a lot of problems, and all because of stupid fucking Ty continually harrassing my dad to get off Grandma's property.

Recently my cousin Anthony was in the hospital, though I have no idea why because I'm not in contact with that side of my family anymore. I'm sort of assuming it has to do with his feet. He runs and walks on his tip-toes, which I've heard indicates some sort of physical disability, so maybe they're getting that taken care of so he can run properly. My aunt apparently posted a status about it and my mom read it, but I haven't heard any of the details. All I know is that my aunt Terry and my Grandma were in the hospital with my cousin, but that doesn't indicate that my cousin's mom was in the hospital as well. I haven't talked to Traci in ages either, regardless of the fact that I think she's the only one on that side of the family that doesn't hate me.

So, I thought today i'd do a rant on..
One Piece Swimsuits


I'm going to do a little rant on here about one piece swim suits. I honestly think they are the ugliest things ever on anyone over twelve years old if they look like the one pictured above. I know that for some girls that are a little bit bigger and want to cover up their midsection, one-pieces are a must, otherwise they'd feel like everyone is staring if they are wearing a two piece. But to be honest, I think that wearing a plain cut one piece is the most UNFLATTERING suit on ANYONE, big or small.
I remember being about in the 5th grade and being sort of chunky and wearing a lime green one piece like the one above. Not so flattering. I remember feeling fat wearing it.

There are other, much more flattering one pieces for bigger girls. For instance:


This black swimsuit is very flattering and slimming.


Halter tops are really flattering on practically everyone.



Again, really flattering halter dress.
Color is important too. Though this swimsuit is super vibrant, it's really gorgeous on tan skin.

That being said, I do not know why some bigger girls that choose to wear one pieces tend to settle for swimsuits that are plain cut and don't flatter anything! It doesn't matter what size you are, every woman can be sexy in a swimsuit.

And it's not just big girls too. The same goes for all body types. Personally, I'm curvy I have a booty so I tend to try to find bikini bottoms that are more boy short cut so I don't have my ass completely hanging out.

Then there are girls that are super-super skinny that shouldn't wear swimsuits like this that make them look even MORE flat chested and boyish.

Just thought I'd do a rant on this. Gotta go get ready.

yours,
Emily

Thursday, July 28, 2011

What a boring ass day.

Today has been boring as Hell.

I got up at about 10 AM, got ready to go meet up with Shawn and some of his friends at Howard amon, and waited patiently for my mom to get home from the hospital. Well, as time passed it got closer and closer to 12' and I realized that I was trapped because I didn't have a phone, nor did I have my car. Katelynn was going to meet up with me at some point today, and then we were going to go to this park meet up thing, but that didn't happen because I had no way to get ahold of anyone. Katelynn was over at Zach's all day getting her hair done, anyway, so I wouldn't be able to get together with her up until this point anyway. She's on her way here right now.

I got a new phone today. It's an Android, and it makes me mad because I can't figure out how to use it very well. I mean, I can tell why people get so hooked on these things. It has apps, internet, everything. It'll definately come in handy-- more so than my other phone. Unfortunately though this new phone is very complex and hard to figure out. But it does have a nice calorie tracker on there that i'm going to use. Haven't gotten a call back from Nuveou yet, and I really hope I do...

I keep on having nightmares. Like every night, my brain is clouded by these awful thoughts in my sleep. Like last night, I had this dream I drove out into the middle of nowhere and there was a blizzard all around me. I had no idea where I was and I was scared, and I was talking to my mom who told me that she needed to know where I was to come help me. I then realize I was at the Conoco in Benton City (it's a dream, I know it's weird), and go inside. All of the people in there suddenly turned and gave me a death glare-- sort of like the movie Inception when the girl from Juno is in Leonardo Dicaprio's dream and everyone is staring (lol)? That's how I felt. I remember running, and them chasing after me to come get me to... Idk, kill me or something, because when they found me I woke up.

Another very scary dream of being in danger and feeling very unwelcome in a situation happened this morning as well, and I remember it freaking me out to the point that I didn't want to go back to sleep. Because so many times i'll wake up, go to the bathroom, and it seems like the second I shut my eyes again i'm back in this creepy dream.

So overall today hasn't been a great day. I failed a math quiz, on top of it. It's only worth like 5 points, and even if I just got 2/5 it'll still drop the quiz that I missed. I hate math quizzes, they make me scared because you can see the timer ticking. Even if it's a sufficient amount of time, it makes me anxious and makes me go way, way slower.

I'm pretty lonely, to be honest with you guys. I hate that feeling. I haven't been able to see my friends as much as I'd like too because I have nothing to offer because i'm broke. It's a pain to be with a broke person... And it seems like everyone has been busy 24/7. I wish I was that busy, though I probably will be if I do get a job here soon plus the job in Burbank. Regardless, when I'm completely lonely it makes me not motivated.

Right now, I'm getting that yucky anxious feeling like I want to do exercise.... I think I'm gonna do 50 sit ups.

Yours,
Emily

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I can feel it in the way your blood and heart beats.. ~18~



Believer, you'll leave her, in leaving them all (No, but I don't buy it)
Like anything you do as anyone you are
(Ten speed if I must, then I must)
Believer, you'll leave her, in leaving them all (No, but I don't buy it)
Like anything you do as anyone you are


~10 Speed Gods Blood Burial~Coheed and Cambria
(one of the many songs this summer that I've listened to a lot)


Right now I'm sitting here in the living room, and it's silent in here because I turned off the TV that my sister had on, which of course woke her up. It makes me laugh, she can sleep when the TV is on but the second I turn it off it's as if I turned it up full blast and she makes this annoyed, whiny groaning sound like I just intentially woke her up.

Today I have my job interview at the spa, and it turned out really good. Though I can honestly say now that I am a little nervous about the job because it sounds like HARD work. Like, constant running around, constant cleaning, constant doing. This is fine, of course, and I'll get the hang of it if I do work there, but there is still a chance that I can get the tutoring job in Burbank if this doesn't work out. My mom needs some information from me though, like my drivers license number and some other stuff. I'll have to give the info to her tonight. This spa job is my first priority though because it seems like a great opportunity to get some work experience. If everything works out as planned, I should be very busy here soon and have money coming in... which is so important. More then likely, I'm going to have to postpone certain University plans-- again..
...But shit, you know, I'm 19 years old, I'm broke, and up to now i've been plowing through school so fast that I haven't gotten a chance to look at the big picture, and when I go up to Central I'll immediately have to choose my major. Is that really what I want though? My Mom even said that she doesn't think Central is that exciting and that I should look into other stuff, which I intend on doing. How great would it be to go to school up at UW? And if I do have a good nest egg in place, I will have time to get a job when I go up there and my parents won't have to pay for as many of my living expenses. I don't even KNOW what my major is yet.

That being said, I could be around the tri cities for longer than expected. I'm ashamed by this because of how many people I know have already left to a university but I'm more focussed on my own life and not what other people think of me or how they judge me.

You know what I hate? When a song comes on that reminds me of someone and then you want to talk to them again. Someone meaning someone that I haven't been talking to at all since he went down to Hermiston. I don't know if I nessasarily miss him, but I can't help but wonder what he's been doing. I can understand why things worked out the way they did though-- our worlds are completely different, and I don't think he's actually attracted to me in a way that he would want to be in a relationship anyway.

It's understandable-- I'm 19, he's 25. I'm going to college and will be leaving the tri cities sooner or later. He's... I don't know, he claimed he'd be going to CBC at some time, but I'm pretty sure he's going to end up getting settled in Hermiston with some job that his family is hooking him up with. He's looking for a wife, though he only admitted this once (after he claimed that I somehow make him think about how his life is going), he's looking for someone that he can start a family with. I can't provide that for him at all because I'm not looking for that for 4 years+. All I want right now is to date and have fun with someone, and have him be presentable enough to bring around my friends. Is that coming anytime soon? Probably not. I really don't have interest in anyone-- especially not sexually. Which is ALL guys that are my age are looking for, it seems. And I can honestly say, now, that it would just be a huge disappointment.

I need to clean the kitchen, eat some lunch, then I'm gonna chug a bunch of coffee and go to school. I've been really exausted today and haven't been able to shake it. I ended up falling asleep on the downstairs couch. No blankets or anything. That's such a rarity for me. I'm usually very picky about when and where I sleep.

yours,
Emily

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Heyy sexy girl ;)

Very rarely do I feel happy or sexy about the way that I look, but I can honestly say that right now I am feeling very good about the way that I look and feel about my body.

No, this isn't my body, but honestly my abs are getting pretty close. No, I'll never have thighs like that-- I'll always have curvy thighs but I accept it and I actually accept how my body looks.

Today I got a spray tan, and the women I went too did an excellent job. It was $30, but I'm planning on maintaining the tan by spending time outside. I feel very pretty. I have been doing pilates every single night and so my body is pretty well toned, and along with the tan now, I think my body looks bangin'. Like I feel like I could enter a bikini contest and not lose miserably! So maybe the tan look is good on me, and if I do get this job, I might want to keep up spray tanning. I don't know if this will benefit my chances of getting the job, but with my new found confidence it can't hurt anything. I also bought a new outfit for the interview and a new pair of slacks. Spending money to make money? Yep... I'm going to make it an early night tonight after I do some pilates. I'm already getting sort of tired from running around with Lindy tonight.

I have to do a lot of schoolwork tomorrow before my biology class. I've got a worksheet for math and have to get my biology labs proofed. And this is after the interview. I'll probably just go straight from the interview to CBC so I can get a chance to study for my math test next Tuesday as well as the biology test on monday that is going to be REALLY hard. Reason being, I really don't understand the biology material right now.. like it's all really new to me. We're talking about proteins, again, but this time using proteins from goats to help cure a disease.

Ugh, my eating habits still aren't as good as they should be, and I need to keep trying to improve. I am so hard on myself and even if I try hard to eat healthy I know it's not good enough. I need to make goals.

GOALS for 7/27:
-Drink water throughout the day.
-Eat one serving of dark leafy greens
-Eat a yogurt and a whole wheat bagel for breakfast.
-DON'T GET FOOD FROM THE VENDING MACHINE. Pack food from home for lunch!

All I can do is do my best, but today I didn't do my best. I ate a small piece of pizza, some pad thai from the mall, and even a small kids size ice cream cone from Dairy Queen (ended up throwing away most of it because of the guilt). That's BULLSHIT. That stuff will make me fat and it's not worth it! 

Yours,
Emily

Monday, July 25, 2011

Planning weeks ahead of time to keep on top of things.

I'm at school right now in the computer lab and I'm happy to say I've just completed two lab reports-- now I don't have to worry about it later, woohoo.



I'm starving! I packed a lunch of two onigiri and some salad, which is sitting out in my thermobag in the hallway. I packed this because I can avoid getting any food from the vending machine. Not that I could even if I wanted too, I'm bone broke. Hell, I'm concerned I've cut into the credit line already. And I'm not spending any damn money until I get my first paycheck from whatever job I end up getting-- which could be in weeks. It's going to take a lot of strength to not spend this money that I don't have. It's a humbling experience being broke... But my car is filled with gasoline that my mom got me me and I can survive on food at home. This will probably be healthier for me anyway, eating out is expensive and bad for ya.

Not saying that white rice is any good for you, but considering that I'm going to be starving by the time I eat it, it's got a pretty low calorie yield in comparison to a cheeseburger or something. The kitchen at home is still a wreck, even if I did most of the dishes and whiped up a bit. It's still pretty messed up... My mom isn't gonna be thrilled when she gets home. At least I made an attempt to clean before I left.



Tonight my plan is to get one of the two sections of my math homework done, and I'll get the other part done on Tuesday. I have a math chapter test coming up here on August 2nd, as well as a lot of homework that's due this upcoming saturday. I also cannot afford to miss Quiz 4 on Thursday so I need to have that at the back of my mind. I just wrote it down in my schedule, and I'm going to have to keep on top of this every day this week.

Luckily, without much money and partying, it is easy to stay focused on school because I'm trying to keep myself busy.

I have a job interview coming up and when they ask me about my availability I'll have to mention the test on Tuesday and how I occasionally have math tests (every couple weeks) as well as my Biology class hours. Apparently they are looking for people for nights and weekends. Weekends I can do no problem, but I'm busy on Monday and Wednesday night which might mess up my chances of getting the job. Ashlyn put in a good word for me to get the interview, and I am very thankful that she did.

I mean, even if I don't get this job, it's still really nice of Ashlyn to do. I really, REALLY do hope I get this job though and I'm going to get together with Katelynn to practice for the interview at some point. It'd be great to get some income. I'm tired of feeling like a homeless person begging my parents for money.. It's the pits, especially when my sister is earning money and I'm not.

yours,
Emily

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Kuro Neko Con 2011~ Day 3. More of a Halfday


Finally getting a chance to write about this. Unfortunately my memory of the event has faded slightly, but I'll do my best.
Kuro Neko Con Day 3~ Final Day
I woke up this morning feeling pretty good, having actually slept for the first time in the hotel on the floor. My alarm went off at 7 AM but I snoozed it a couple times because I figured I didn't have to run over to the maid cafe that morning to set up and also wasn't in any rush to bomb out of the hotel room. Metallica's "All Nightmare Long" alarm goes off AGAIN at about 8:20 AM. I was now getting hungry and a little crampt on the floor, so I got up and hopped in the shower.

When I got out, unlike the previous day when I brought my clothes into the bathroom with me, I'd realized I'd forgot. So I very, VERY sneakily tip toed through the room wearing my big towel and found some athletic clothes in my bag and tiptoed back. I got dressed and started brushing my hair out. Samantha got up, and asked me if breakfast was still downstairs. I said it was so we decided to go down there.

Breakfast was A MADHOUSE! Apparently middle class white American families get up at 8' AM, haha. Seriously, this hotel was all white people it seemed. When we went in the previous day it was all old people because it was super early. Why do elderly get up at the ass crack of dawn? We ended up sitting next to an older couple that looked pretty unamused by the amount of noise in the breakfast room.

When me and Samantha got back up to the room, everyone was still sleeping. I started doing my makeup and hair, and as I did so began getting packed up and organized. The previous night they were playing this crazy card game and in order to make room threw everyone's stuff up on Shawn and Samantha's bed. Therefore, everyone's stuff was everywhere. I remember every time I went around the room to go find something I would also look around to see if anything that was mine was laying on the floor. I'm happy I did, I didn't end up forgetting anything.

I started waking people up at 9:30 AM or so, knowing that the room was a disaster and everyone was going to take awhile to pack. A couple of the guys took a shower, so I ended up packing my shampoo and conditioner that I was sharing with everyone last. About half the bottle was gone at the end of the trip, which made me realize how much big families have to spend on things like that. Samantha didn't like my shampoo and conditioner because she said it made her hair greesy. I warned her that it was a professional product and that you can only use a tiny bit or it does that. It's a color protectant and doesn't really work for much else.

When people started packing I was practically done and so was Samantha, so she came with me to run a load of stuff down to my and Shawn's car. In the elevator, people were staring at us in full costume. A couple kids got really excited when they saw me and asked why I was dressed like that, and I told them I was going to an anime convention when the elevator door was closing. It was so cute, they were staring at me from the top window of the hotel. Then I noticed other kids were too.... I was dressed as Alice from Alice in Wonderland... well, a sexier version, haha, but they still liked it. It made me happy.


Before we left, we took this picture. We used the car as a tripod. I'm unsure where louie and Patrick were at this point. This was after we got all checked out in full costume. Rather embarrising, haha, but the chick at the front desk seemed rather entertained.


I drove to the con with Eddie on the second day, blasting Tech N9ne, which he seemed indifferent about. I just wanted to play fun music.. hadn't listened to much rock on the trip at all. He encouraged me to turn it down when giving directions but it wasn't even on that much louder than our voices. Like, all he'd have to do is speak up a little and I would turn it down to listen. I wasn't TOO excited for the actual con, so I wanted to get pumped up.

When we got there, I parked and we walked up to the school. I was talking to him about debating going to the cafe, texting Tyler and Dave, and wondering how today was going to play out with all of the math homework stress. When we got into the building, I was looking at the pamphlet at what was going on (or my little paper note with times on them) and decided that it'd be fun to go to improv. I look up, Eddie was gone.

Yes, this picture is effing horrible, which is why I didn't upload it. It was kind of a joke. But all day my hair was misbehaving. Probably fried from chlorine.

I met this kid who had a box on his head, and we went into the improv room. We watched these skits that made absolutely no sense at all, and I got sort of bored but didn't know where else to go. I couldn't go to the maid cafe because I was super late and didn't want to piss people off. I decided this was a good place to wait for Shawn and Samantha though.

Meanwhile, I was texting Dave who wanted me to go to some other panel, but then ended up meeting me there.


We sat in here for like an hour and a half. Look how sweaty and tired I look, haha. This is probably my best sex hair picture of the con. And, just to clarify, no I wasn't actually doing that. Just in case this is too convincing.

Dave did a really good job doing improv himself, though a lot of people in the room couldn't do it at all. Dave was trying to convince me to try it myself, but I was like NOOOO way, I suck at that, plus I curse too much and didn't want to unintentionally say shit and get in trouble. We left, and Dave tried to drag me to do flippin kareoke to the damn pokemon theme song. I was like NONONONONO. But then I thought to myself, do I really give a rats ass what any of these people think? Seriously.


So here I am, singing the pokemon theme song. The most embarrising thing I've done in a long time. It was pretty hilarious though and I kept on cracking up throughout the whole thing. I can't believe Dave manipulated me to do that. Damn him.

Dave ended up meeting up with his girlfriend and I got a text from Patrick and Louie saying they were heading home. This reminded me that I needed to leave soon, too. It was about 12' PM. I texted Dave to say thank you for completely humiliating me and to enjoy the rest of the con (in a friend sense of course because I didn't care that it was humiliating haha). I ended up finding Samantha, Shawn and Eddie and we walked around the vendor hall for awhile. Samantha was getting some custom art done, and I was standing there talking to the three Asian guys and this one guy that was dressed as.... as....

Idk he's the one on the right in the blue bathing suit. He actually seemed pretty normal, regardless of the unbelievably creeptastic costume.


He asked me if I was dressed up as Alice, and I had to ask Samantha what the name of the character I was again. Apparently, I look like someone from "American McGee's Alice," and Samantha seemed pretty annoyed that I asked her. I probably did look like a noob but I didn't care that much. I honestly told the guy it wasn't a cosplay at all and that I just got it at a sex shop. He was like, "OH, that's a leg avenue costume! Those are hot!!" And then they took pictures of me. I was rather satisfied that I managed to get away with not actually having a legit cosplay and people still taking pictures of me.

Me and Sam in the vendor hall.

The last thing I did at the con was go to this How to Draw Manga class, and realized that I really had no interest in drawing anime at all anymore. I sat there and drew a realistic face on the piece of paper they provided instead. Samantha didn't seem particularily interested either and drew a picture of mini moon for me on a tiny slip of paper, and I looked around and MOST of the people in the class were doing the same thing! Drawing on there own!

I think the reason being was that practically EVERYONE in the class had probably drawn anime extensively before, so they were in there to get advanced tips from a professional. Nope, it was only the basics, and that woman that was teaching it did a terrible drawing on  the board as a representation of how you are supposed to draw it and talked to us like she was a Kindergarden teacher. Eddie drew a skeletan.

I ended up leaving the con after the class, bidding farewell to some friends from last year.


We spent a lot of time with these guys last year, but me and Samantha don't talk to them as much as Nicole does. So more than likely we would of spent more time with them (and Patrick) if Nicole was with us. They're from over by Couer D'Alene.

I went out of to my car, changed clothes, and headed out all by my lonesome. Felt good though, felt good to be done with the trip. I was anime'd out. Suddenly in writing this blog entry I feel extremely nauseous from taking a prenatal pill on an empty stomach. I'm trying to eat an apple so it stops.

I was hungry and needed a coffee, badly.. But I wanted to get out of Spokane first. I took the Seattle exit home and made it until about Cheney before I wanted something to eat. Right outside of Cheney there is a town called Sprague, where on the highway sign is a restaurant called "The Viking." Shit, good enough for me. I got off the Sprague exit and went to this little tiny diner right off the highway.

Inside there were a couple tables with elderly people, one of which being all women eating hamburgers and french fries. There was also a Dad and his kids, and a biker sitting at a table drinking a cup of coffee. They all gave me sort of funny looks, even if I wasn't in costume it's almost like they could recognize that I wasn't from around there.

There was only ONE lady working, doing both the cooking and the serving. She asked if I wanted for here or to go, and I said for here because I was in no rush really. I sat down and realized that she was trying to crank out milkshakes, which meant it was going to take awhile for my food to get done. I didn't get my menu for about ten minutes, which was surprisingly extensive for the size of the place. I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and fries to go, as well as a nice big cup of coffee. She said she had just brewed up a fresh pot. Yay! Trying coffee at different places is a highlight of almost all of my trips.

I went into the bathroom while she was making it, and I noticed that the walls were COVERED in people's names from the past 20 years. Like it would say someone's initials carved in the wall, then a number. Most common was from like 82'-96'. Felt like a piece of history in there. I wanted to carve my initials in too, but I didn't have a pocket knife. I like how one said "YOU ALL SUCK" with up and down arrows around it.

The sandwich and fries was good, I ate it on my way home and then when I got sick of it double knotted the con bag around it because I didn't want to smell the greese. Ugh, still feeling nauseous, damn it!

I made it home safe, the house was a complete disaster, and I was happy to be home.

yours,
Emily

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Holding onto those berries for dear life.


My sister bought strawberries and I peeked in her back from Wal mart and she was like "THAT'S MY FOOD." She gave me a handful, but all I can say is food around here is very slim pickins. I ate campbells soup for dinner, and had taco bell for lunch.. That's the thing about not having food in the house, you tend to eat out more. And I hate that because I have no money... We're all gonna have a huge grocery haul on Monday when my mom gets paid.

I have good news though. I might be getting a job. I applied to another job today and turned in an application to a really nice place that Ashlyn refered me too. She said she'd put in a good word for me, so I'm very excited and hope I get a call from them. It'd be a great job for me. If I do get a job, and end up making good money I might stick around the tri cities for a quarter and just work full time and make a nest egg before going up to central. We'll see.

yours,
Emily