This week wore me out

Evening to anyone out there reading, it's Saturday June 7th. 

This is the first weekend I've had in awhile that I'm not doing anything and it sucks. But then again that's because the last few weekends I've spent hanging out with Joel so it's probably good that we have a break and he does his own thing tonight. 

Last Wednesday, Matt, Joel and I got together to study, originally having planned to work on forecasting in the library at 5. I went there and worked on the retail project for hours before they showed up. We had our econ midterm the next day and were all feeling the pressure so I was surprised when they weren't there until about 8:30. 

That evening Joel seemed really distant. When we saw eachother we didn't touch or kiss at all. In fact we didn't until he put his hand on my leg in the car and said I was going to do fine on the test I was so nervous about. We then kissed passionately when I dropped him off at home so I felt okay. 

Thursday was test day and that morning I went to Shaw an hour and a half early to finish up. I hadn't taken my Prozac in two days and was taking Wellbutrin instead until I got the refill so I was feeling really on-edge. I sat down with that guy Kyle F. that I thought was cute at the beginning of the quarter who I'd noticed was studying that morning too. 

When I'm desperately trying to cram information into my head I don't like chit chatting. Usually the morning before a test I'll be wearing earplugs just to fully focus on what I need to remember instead of getting distracted by ambient sound or other people's conversations. When we were sitting there Kyle kept on talking, like reading to himself and every so often going "Oooh! Did you know that [insert random fact from the questions he's working on while I have earplugs in and am trying to study my own shit]..?" And I'd pull my earplug and be like "What?...oh yeah sure, whatever.." I was in the zone, I didn't want to be bugged. 

Joel walked up and sat with us at about 8:30 and they started talking and talking. I felt myself having to re-read things over and over so at one point I pretty nervously said to Kyle: "Hey, I'm sorry I get distracted really easily, can you not like... read aloud to yourself?" and Joel turns and says, "Uhh translation shut the hell up.."

Kyle just grinned at me like "Well that's you, I'm going to do whatever the Hell I want. What you want me to leave?" I'm sure my eyes got really wide and I'm like, "No..? I didn't mean you had to stop talking entirely I just meant when you read to yourself it's kind of hard to focus..." and then there was this long, awkward silence. I felt like such a dork for saying anything.

I guess maybe to get my mind off them I reached into my backpack and grabbed a bag of popcorn, set it on the table and ate a couple pieces. Joel looks at me and says impersonating me, "Uhm Emily I get distracted really easily and when you're eating that popcorn it's making it really hard for me to focus." Kyle's like "Nice." Again making me feel like a complete dork. I ended up leaving early to go get coffee. 

So yeah it wasn't a great morning before the test but I did get a lot of studying done. I think I did alright on the test itself, it's really hard to tell because it was hard. We have the ETS exam next Thursday that I know I'll be doing a ton of studying for this week.

Yesterday aside from going to Carbaugh's class to get information about the test I didn't do much. I slept a lot, played guitar and worked out in the evening. Today I slept in really late and did a ton of art. I think my body is just trying to recharge from how hard I've had to work this last week.

Anyway this next week is the final stride. Just have to do my forecasting project and the ETS exam. I'm hoping Joel and I continue to spend time together regardless of acting kind of weird and distant from eachother in the past few days. 

peace.