Pinky pie swear~

Some typical first year kanji. I can read a little more than half of these.

Cbc library again.. messing around when I probably should be studying, but because I have the entire huge thanksgiving break to do so I have little motivation.

This morning I had a Japanese kanji test, which I waaaay overdid it on the studying and did about 1000+ squares of grid paper full of them, yet still forgot the kanji compound for "to travel" and "tonight." So I probably got a B on it, after all that work and copying over and over again. I honestly didn't look over which compounds we had to memorize until a couple minutes before the test because Hannah just happened to have the packet. Note to self, look over that packet next time.

I have work at five. Maybe I'll work on my drawing for my drawing challenge thingy. I am going to draw my favorite place, which in this case is my Grandma's house in Atascadero. I've had some of the greatest times of my life there. Granted, things sort of went downhill a bit when my Grandpa died but I've still enjoyed the last times I've been there. I miss my Grandma, and everyone else down there-- with the exception of Zoe, admittedly with all the drama she causes. Well, everyone down there has a tendency to be frustrating at times, but they're the only family I've got.  I still no longer consider anyone on my Dad's side my family anymore, and never will for the rest of my life. I hope all of them have just a fantastic Thanksgiving this Thursday, and they can talk a bunch of shit about us while they're at it.

It's sad, ever since that Zoe situation where I told Danae thank you for standing up for my sister when Zoe's trashy friend was laughing at her, my mom and I haven't been in contact with my Aunt or Adam what so ever. It's going to be really awkward now when I do see them, because they probably think I still holding a grudge against them or something. Ugh, I have no idea why my family has become so excluded from everyone. I don't think we did anything to deserve this... it's very saddening how alone we are. It's funny though, Haley (Wilson, I met her at Jessika's party recently) told me that her family is in the same boat and that they're not in contact with their mom's side of the family at all and her Dad just talks to his brother Dustin, and that's it.

The main reason that my immediate family was cut out from my Dad's side is obvious-- it's a combination of the fact that we're not mormons, and greed. The fact that we're not mormons has always made us outcasted in the first place, so I think that made it easier for them to just shut us out. I don't understand the mormon faith and why it's so damn exclusive.

Jack Didleys needs to stop freaking messaging me. I have no interest in going to their stupid club and I've replied multiple times saying "STOP" and I'll get a response that says they're going to stop sending messages but they don't.

I get like, no texts lately. Maybe because I posted that I'm fed up with texting? Or maybe because I'm bad about replys, I don't know. I'm just not really talking to anyone right now aside from who I see at school. Katelynn's been working these night shifts and I never going early enough to hang out with her on the weekends. She works from like, 4-12 AM or something like that, then she goes home and sleeps in sort of late. I only typically like to hang out with people in the evenings. I mean I'll get up early and do stuff but I don't really like going out that before 1 pm.

I need to go to wal mart and stock up on Broncaid. It's become my new Wellbutrin, but it doesn't give me the anxiety side effects. It also really helps with my ADHD. I've been taking it twice-three times daily since me and Ryan started hanging out, and I don't intend to stop taking it even if I'm not diagnosed with any sort of asthema. So, in a sense I'm abusing an over the counter drug. But because it's benefitting me a lot more than it's damaging me (sometimes I get runny noses because it loosens the moucus membranes), I'm not going to stop unless they stop me from buying it. And if it does become perscription, I really don't know what I'm going to do... Maybe try another anti-depressent, but that's scary. After my previous panic-anxiety attack from Wellbutrin, I don't want to ever go there again. It makes everything so scary. I'm still getting over it today, and sometimes have to carefully keep myself in check by breathing deeply or focusing on something else. Anxiety tends to sneak up on me at work worse than anywhere else.

Well, I think I'm gonna go draw. I have no idea what I'm gonna do this weekend, honestly. I'm going to try my best to get a lot of work done.

yours,
Emily

Finally!! My CBC Halloween event video!

This is probably going to be a quick entry because I should really be studying for my kanji quiz tomorrow. This one is going to be hard, chapters 11 in the genki book and chapter 9 in the K L&L. The problem is that, well, I suck at kanji and I haven't studied these at all until this point aside from the little we do in class. So it's gonna be a long night for me. I need to print out some kanji squares or get grid paper or something.

At the moment, I'm publishing a lonnnng late video for CBC Japanese club's halloween event. I have to say, there's a lot of, well, me in it. My face starts the movie, my face ends it, rambling on. I put all the costume entries into little clips and had a long clip of me and Hannah playing ping pong-- it's pretty cute, but I'm having a feeling people might be a little annoyed with how much of me there is in it? But honestly, if I'm uploading it to my youtube channel it has to have a bit of a format, it's a vlog channel so it's gotta have my little introductions and explaining of things. I tried pretty hard on this video, I'm not getting paid for it, and if anyone has a problem with it I might be a little saddened.


Today was a very productive math day, as mondays tend to be. I finished an ENTIRE practice final that was 50 problems long! That's 3 hours of studying, again. You know how hard I'm working at this? I cannot fail that damn final! And you know what I'm gonna do the day of? I'm gonna do what I always do on final days-- I'm gonna show up at 8 in the morning and study until my final at 5. Well, with breaks in between, definately.. but still! I'm gonna dedicate as much time as a possibly can to learning absolutely every little detail I have to know so that there are no surprises on that test. It might of defeated practically everyone else once, but it won't get me. : )

This weekend is going to be a lot of studying. I'm not getting drunk this weekend and I'm not intending on having a lot of fun. If possible, it'd be cool to see *someone* but I really don't want to push it. I haven't got many work hours this week, either. Tomorrow I work from 5-closing and then from 5-closing on saturday. That gives me a lot of free time to study for the oral exam, Japanese final and the math final. The Japanese final is scaring me, as always... I really don't understand this grammar very well because I haven't studied nearly as hard as I have in other quarters, probably because this math is so important to me. But I can do it. Having the patience I do and the endless fear of failure, I can continue to cram.

Man, what was I taking this time last year? Japanese I, uhhmmm... wow, I can't remember anything else I was taking last fall. I think maybe that stupid Speech essentials class? That sounds about right. Last winter was way, way more memorable than last fall. It's hard to believe how far I've come in Japanese and how hard I've worked in the past year. I feel like I am ready for university level classes.

That makes me think though, the people that leave to a university right out of highschool without taking any community college credits... I bet so many people have RUDE awakenings when they figure out how hard college level classes are in comparison to highschool, and on top of the stress of moving out on their own. . . I really couldn't imagine and I'm glad I didn't take that road, even though I guess I never really had the option too.

I need to dye my hair. I haven't dyed it in ages and it's starting to look this sort of orangey brown. Like, I look like a total redhead in certain lights. I don't particularily like how I look redhead, it makes imperfections come out. I am thinking dark brown with blonde streaks. A lot of people are saying all over blonde, but I don't want to damage my hair to that extent. I've already got split ends, and they're just bound to fry if I do blonde. I need a trim pretty bad, too. I just can't spend too much money because of the holidays and the fact that my hours at rite aid are awful; I'm not gonna be making too much money. I'm gonna get a box dye at Sally's and have my mom do it, works like a charm every time. My mom is fantastic at dying hair. Cutting though, ehh no I leave that to the professionals. But I dread going to the salon because I'm always afraid they're going to say all of my hair is split ends and they need to cut almost all of it off for it to look any good. The back of my hair is always sort of a rats nest, and I avoid looking at it...
PEOPLE LIKE MY VIDEO! woohoo.

yours,
emily