There has to be a better future being created here.

Helllllloooo....

Today is the 12th of January, this month has been flying by already but I've been keeping on top of my schoolwork and stuff I need to do really well for the most part. Aside from applying for internships. However I didn't have much of a gameplan until now but I'm now thinking of goals to set in place to start the application process.

First of all, Katharine sent me a bunch of her old cover letters and applications. I'm going to use those as well as advice on Tenerelli's page to figure out how to write a good one. I'm also going to need to demonstrate my ability somehow, and I believe the best way to do this is make some spreadsheets using Excel and R.

I remember using R studio to a degree. My problem is going to be finding company data. Should I attempt to forecast stock value or future profits based on how much a company is taxed? I'm going to have to dig back into my assignments from Wassell's class and that website to remember how to do this. I think if I make a decent portfolio of my abilities I learned in economics and finance classes I'll have a good shot at something. Katharine is right when she says I need to apply for everything and here I've still applied for nothing. 

You guys will never believe how much more efficient my time has become since I stopped smoking like a fiend. I no longer have the anxiety to sit down and do things. The material I'm reading seems way more understandable and I'm able to comprehend it the FIRST time around, saving me hours of wasted time. I'm so glad I quit smoking, so glad. 

And I want this blog entry to be a reminder for myself in the future next time I want to pick up that habit. Part of me is afraid of the potential to fall back into it after I get my anti-anxiety medication but I think after all this positive re-enforcement and what is likely to come in the next couple weeks I won't ever be taking those horrible gravity hits again, especially not on a regular basis.

When I talked to my mom on the phone earlier I talked a lot about regretting the past. Regretting the time I could have spent really taking in the material. She just told me that I did the best I could, I'm definitely not the first person to have gone through college stoned,  and that I still have these next 6 months to make major change in my life to prepare for... well.... Life.

I'm 23. Do I know exactly what career I want to have? No. But am I confident about my intelligence and ability to work hard in the future? Yes.

I just keep thinking of how badly I want my anti-anxiety medication too. It sucks having had it for 18 days and then abruptly cut off when it was helping me quit but if they had never cut me off I might have never quit at all.


Okay this is all I've been talking about lately so I'm going to talk about something else. 

I watched Bob's Burgers this morning. I wish they'd upload the new season.

Since I've quit drugs I've stopped watching as many TV shows about hard drugs, the ones that were probably making me feel less guilty for the way I was living.

Marshall Marshall Marshall. He finally hit his breaking point of having to go outside last night. Luckily I had slept a great deal on Sunday because my ass was hungover so NOT sleeping last night was not detrimental. However annoying he can be at times. He was squeeling at me at around midnight and I tried to feed him, pet him, gave him some catnip, etc... but nothing was shutting him up. He would stop for like 15 minutes then start again.

At around 2 am I finally just got up, put on my sweats and a robe and took him outside. There was snow on the ground but he was more than happy to run around in circles and under the deck sniffing everything. I stood out there for about 10 min before I nervously got him back inside. Once he was back in he was meowing at the top of his lungs again so I just had to let him do his thing. Thankfully I was able to let him back in this morning safe and sound. He seems a lot more relaxed now that he's getting a chance to roam around more.

He still hasn't interacted much with my roommate's fluffy cat Kiki though. That'll be funny to see when they start playing.

Night guys.

peace.